French Revolution Mini TL

Will someone put me out of my misery and shoot this one down, please? Me and my friend came up with it in lesson (she's really into French history)...

French Royal Family escapes the revolution, and seek refuge in Italy. The British and Spanish are both alarmed by the new Republic, and help the royals to escape to Louisiana, which is set up as a British dominated Kingdom of France in exile, in order to counterbalance the united states. Queen Marie Antoinette falls ill on the way, and dies in Naples, where her daughter Marie Therese stays with her aunt, Queen Maria Carolina of Sicily. Meanwhile, in Lousiana, Louis XVI arrives at New Orleans, and establishes a rough constitutional monarchy, similar to the current British one.

Meanwhile, Napoleon heads off on his Egyptian expedition as OTL, but stops off in Sicily to murder the 20 year old Marie Therese. However, the general is captivated by the daughter of the king, and they become lovers (let's butterfly off Josephine sometime between 1789 and 1795). With Sicily now acting as a base for his ambitions, the Egyptian expedition ends in a stunning success for Napoleon, who sets up a puppet regime. He returns to France, is proclaimed Emperor, and marries Marie Therese, gaining an alliance with the Austrians and Sicily.

The British start to become uncomfortable about the whole situation, and strengthen their garrisons on Minorca. However, they are cautiously optimistic about the new Emperor, having already achieved a solid alliance with Spain and Louisiana, and brought the young United States to heel. Around 1803, Napoleon sets off a-conquering, swallowing all land up to the Rhine, as well as large parts of Italy, which are partitioned between France, Naples, and Austria. In a departure from OTL, he claims the title Holy Roman Emperor, instead of abolishing it.

The British are now seriously alarmed, and with good cause. In 1808, Napoleon invades Spain, but becomes bogged down in a brilliant guerilla campaign led by the Duke of Wellington. Meanwhile, Louis XVI dies in New Orleans, and his succeeded by his son Louis XVII who attempts to return to France to restore the kingdom. Empress Marie Therese chooses her husband over her brother however, and defeats Louis, forcing him and the British to retreat. Nonetheless, the Treaty of Nice in 1810 constraints Napoleonic Europe; France keeps its gains in Italy and the Rhineland, but is forced to cede all claims on lands in the New World, and give up all Spanish conquests, as well as permenantly reduce the size of its navy compared to that of Britain and Spain. Prussia also joins the anti-French alliance, and begins to absorb smaller German states.

In 1813, Napoleon and his Austrian allies make another attack on the moribund Ottomans, managing to "liberate" the Balkans- in practise annexe most of the area to Austria and set up an independent (Hapsburg) Empire of Greece (should that be Rhomania I wonder?) in Constantinople. The Ottomans are defeated, and resettle in disarray in Konya. There, with British support, the Ottoman Empire begins a slow march back to glory, but this is not apparent in 1815, when the Treaty of Iznik confirms Napoleonic triumph.

In the campaign, the Emperor is gravely wounded, and, though he recovers, never campaigns again. He eventually passes away in 1823, leaving the French Empire to his son, who becomes Emperor Philip I. France dominates southern Europe, but Europe is divided into two power blocs. Roughly, these are.

FRANCE-AUSTRIA-SICILY-GREECE
BRITAIN-PORTUGAL-SPAIN-PRUSSIA-TURKEY

With Russia and the Scandinavian states liable to jump either way.

So, shoot me down. I'd be interested in doing something in this period, so if someone can find a way to make my probably ridiculously ASB musings vaguelly plausible, I'd be very impressed! :D
 
Well, for a start, you've entirely forgotten the position of Russia in the entire timeline. They were largely anti-Napoleon, at least at first, and should end up getting involved somewhere. In particular, they are not going to be happy at all with Austria grabbing the Balkans. No sirree...

Also, you've forgotten why Napoleon campaigned in Egypt in the first place. He went there to force a land passage through to British India, with the intent of overrunning it. This is precisely why the British sent both Nelson and a force of 12,000 men to Egypt after him. If he succeeds in Egypt, he's going to get huge stars in his eyes. This is perhaps the one thing which would stop him from choosing to return to Paris to take the throne (when he is in the right position: more on this is the next paragraph): because he was fully aware of how important India was to England, and how profitable it would be as a French colony. Would he succeed in overrunning it? I'm not sure, but there's a chance. The British do have the Maratha to worry about, and they were French-allied. But it's a toss up. However, if Napoleon succeeds here, he's the new French Clive - the man personally responsible for giving France their greatest possession. If he returns to France then, he'd be a huge hero.

However, as per the Emperor thing: you've skipped the whole Consul thing. Napoleon didn't just enter Paris to applause and declare that he wanted France to make him Emperor. He first had to become a political figure, then manoeuvre his fellow Consuls out of the way (which he did relatively easily, but whatever) before he can do it. If he's in India, then he's a French legend but can't politick. So his take-over of France takes longer, and consequently there's more time for other things to go astray for France. It all builds up.

You say the British have "brought the US to heel". What do you mean? Where have they done that? Remember that Louisiana had a tiny population in this era, and having it's own King doesn't change that. The USA was almost perversely crazed with westward expansion, and Britain allying Louisiana is likely to just make this worse. There is much evidence to suggest that, before Napoleon sold Louisiana, the Americans were readying themselves to simply invade. Now the Americans can't buy it, so they're just going to mass troops. This wouldn't be a fantastic time for the UK to fight another war with the Americans - I'm not saying that they would lose such a war, but Louisiana would be hard to salvage.

I also think you're being a bit light on France suggesting that Britain wouldn't get involved until 1808. Considering that they were pretty much in a constant state of war with France during the entire Napoleonic Wars, and they organised most of the (ten) coalitions, and funded Austria repeatedly to make war on France, I think you need to factor in more opposition to France.

While France can invade and mix it up with Germany, I'm not sure Prussia can. Saying that they'd grab territories as they fought France is pretty wide of the mark. You have to remember that Prussia here is fighting against France, that evil invader. Most of the territories it wants are essentially the ones which need it's protection. If it annexes them, it's a serious breach of trust, and it would destroy their foreign policy. The only state they really can bite into is Saxony, and that deserves a story of its own.

There's a few ideas to be going on with.
 
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