Frankie Goes to the Hofburg, or Napoléon II, Regent of Austria?
its one thing I've come to realize over the last bit: namely that while everyone gives Bismarck credit for "founding" Germany, they really should give it to Metternich, because it was his pretty much his disastrous foreign policy over the reign of Emperor Goodinand that led to Austria's "withdrawal" from German affairs. Such as not being able to find whether Austria was present/represented at the Munzvertrag or that Kolowrat was forced to cut the army budget as he did that left the field to Prussia. When Schwarzenberg took over in 1848 he had to first clear out all the shit that Metternich had let build up before he could do anything else. And the country he took over was pretty financially backward, she had an army that was overstretched putting out fires that Metternich had set, so she had to agree to Russia doing what she did in Hungary in '48 which really did her no favours (since Russia put the rebellion down then pleaded for clemency for the rebels - clearly intending to use it as an excuse for involvement in future), since it made her look weak to the rest of the Europe.
TBH, Metternich's son summed his father up perfectly: "my father traded for thirty years on the reputation of being the man who beat Napoléon. And it suited him ego for the rest of Europe to believe that." When, in any other business, if you had failed like that you would've been sacked.
That's not to say that by 1848, Austria was doomed to come second place to Prussia, since Schwarzenberg definitely tried to play catch up. But he died before anything could bear fruit.
On Sebastianism [1]
Soundtrack: Francisco Antonio de Almeida: Te Deum - Te Dominum
*exterior shot of Lisbon* *various shots of the city first showing famous landmarks such as the Praço de Comércio, the Torre de Bélem, the Jeronimos Monastery, finally it stops at the Palaçio de Bemposta* *however, these pictures of landmarks are increasingly interspersed with images of the poor, the homeless, the destitute crouching in front of many of these shots* *followed by shots of opulent parties and grand fêtes that contrast starkly*
*interior of a small carriage* *D. Sebastião II [1] and D. Maria, the king and queen of Portugal, both simply dressed ride past many of these people* *we see her looking increasingly distressed at the sight of these people* *we also see that she is pregnant* *Sebastião says something to her* *she just looks even sadder*
*we realize that at those opulent parties the royal couple were conspicuously absent*
*interior shot of Sebastião seated across a table from several gentlemen* *including the one-armed Prime Minister, the Baron de Sà Bandeira* *the contrast between Sebastião's sober attire and their gleaming orders and military uniforms is even starker*
Sebastião: gentlemen, the queen and I have looked over your proposed constitution for our kingdom. And we find it most admirable.
*several nods and murmurs of approval*
Sebastião: we *its clear this isn't the royal "we" but rather he and Maria* are most grateful that you have included our suggestion about the abolition of slavery, Baron
Sà Bandeira: *smiles* of course, your Majesty
Sebastião: but there is a part that troubles us.
Sà Bandeira: which part is that your Majesty?
Sebastião: in the first chapter of your constitutition *opens copy in front of him*, Article 4, you declare that the government of Portugal is to be *reads* monarchical, hereditary and representative.
Sà de Bandeira: of course, sir
Sebastião: but then *pages onwards* but then, in Article 53, you declare that your upper house, the Senate, will be elected
Sà de Bandeira: yes, your Majesty?
Sebastião: so the House of Lords in England is hereditary. The Chamber of Peers in France - where I suspect you may have plagiarized whole portions from this - is hereditary. Why do we suddenly feel the need to remove such ancient families as those from assisting in the governing of the state?
Sà de Bandeira: *not missing a beat* it was decided, your Majesty, that since the number of seats is to be restricted, rather than causing ill-will from one family towards another and being the ultimate cause of such strife, that the Senators should be elected instead. It wouldn't do to have the Baron of Boã Vista [2] in the government were he to have no interest in the government.
Sebastião: *considers this* and were he to have an interest in the government?
Sà de Bandeira:It is simply to...liberate those nobles who do not wish to have a role in government from those concerns
Sebastião: to free the nobles from such concerns? Or to simply exclude them outright to alleviate your own?
Sà de Bandeira: should the baron of Boã Vista wish to participate in government, then by all means he would be allowed to do so, we hve detailed the grounds quite thoroughly, your Majesty.
Sebastião: that was our second concern, gentlemen.
Sà de Bandeira: what is, Majesty?
Sebastião: the grounds. They are...very vague. One might even say deliberately so.
Sà de Bandeira: how so, your Majesty?
Sebastião: Articles 7 and 8, that defines that the rights of a citizen - like our hypothetical baron - would be considered forfeited were he to *pages back to beginning of book* is condemned in their forfeiture by sentence (failing to specify what that sentence is) , becomes naturalized in a foreign country, by condemning to a sentence of imprisonment or foreign exile, accepts any lucrative or honourable favour from a foreign government. And *half chuckles* due to low moral character [3]
Sà de Bandeira: how are any of those vague, sir?
Sebastião: well, for a start, then the late King Pedro - of blessed memory - should have been excluded from being a Portuguese citizen. My wife, your queen, is currently in labour, and she would be regarded as being "physically" incapable of being a citizen due to her...condition at the moment. I myself was a naturalized citizen of the kingdom of Spain thanks to being driven from a country I loved and served devotedly, if for a cause that was unjust. I was also then obliged to accept a "lucrative and honourable favour" from a foreign government - namely the kindness and charity of first the king of Spain, then the duke of Modena - due to the fact that my sentence of foreign exile confiscated all lands and incomes belonging to me or my mother. So...in short...this legislation - her Majesty and I both commented on it - seems frightfully geared towards me. To prevent me from playing any role in the business of government.
Sà de Bandeira: we *motions to rest of colleagues* assure your Majesty that that was not the case when we drafted it at all.
Sebastião: I am glad to hear that. Clearly this *motions to the constitution* is intended to ensure the freedoms of all of Portugal's citizens, both here and abroad, since it includes a portion on deputies from Africa or Asia...however...it indicates in chapter 4 that none of these three branches of government - the Executive, Legislative and Judicial - may arrogate the powers of the other.
Sà de Bandeira: we have tried to be as balanced as possible your Majesty.
Sebastião: *nods profoundly* then why in Article 37, point 4 do you talk of electing a regent for the heir to the throne? Is that not the legislative arrogating the powers of the executive?
Sà de Bandeira: your M-
Sebastião: *holds up finger* point 5 stipulates that the heir to the throne can only be recognized should you gentlemen deem it fit at the first meeting after his or her birth. Your meeting is also to determine the education plan for the heir. That comes dangerously close to treason, sirs, since you seem to be implying that either my daughter is ineligible for the throne due to you regarding her as unfit...or illegitimate...pick your poison. But it also seems to indicate that you deem either the queen or I unfit to arrange for the education of our own child?
Ministers: *start shuffling nervously*
Sebastião: Point the sixth stipulates that you will appoint a regent for my daughter should I not be named in the will, despite the queen declaring before the house, at her first Cortes after D. Leopoldina's birth, that were anything to happen to her, I was to remain as regent. The Cortes approved such a motion. Yet..if her Majesty's will does not explicitly name me as regent, then you, Baron, would arrogate the rights of a father over his daughter-
*silence as a messenger enters, with the announcement of "From the Queen"* *he heads straight for Sebastião* *whispers in his ear*
Sebastião: *nods, then dismisses the messenger* now, gentlemen, while I would love to stay here all day and debate the points of this matter further *rises to his feet* *the men stay seated as a mark of their disapproval* I shall be sure to inform her Majesty of what has been discussed when I go to greet my son, D. Pedro Diogo, and successor as your king. *walks out of the room*
*ministers don't seem to know whether to celebrate or shit themselves*
*fade to black*
[1] Portuguese messianic myth, based on the belief that King Sebastian of Portugal, who disappeared in the battle of Alcácer Quibir, would reappear and return to Portugal at some, critical, point in the future
[2] I figure her OTL husband was numbered with the reigning kings of Portugal, as was Maria I's so why not*
[3] fictional title, just used as shorthand
[4] article 8 of the 1838 Constitution actually calls it "physical or moral incapacity"
@The_Most_Happy @isabella @VVD0D95 @Jan Olbracht @Tarabas @LordKalvan @Ramontxo @HortenseMancini @Anarch King of Dipsodes @Dragonboy @Fehérvári @kaiidth @SavoyTruffle @Wendell @RedAquilla
*exterior shot of Lisbon* *various shots of the city first showing famous landmarks such as the Praço de Comércio, the Torre de Bélem, the Jeronimos Monastery, finally it stops at the Palaçio de Bemposta* *however, these pictures of landmarks are increasingly interspersed with images of the poor, the homeless, the destitute crouching in front of many of these shots* *followed by shots of opulent parties and grand fêtes that contrast starkly*
*interior of a small carriage* *D. Sebastião II [1] and D. Maria, the king and queen of Portugal, both simply dressed ride past many of these people* *we see her looking increasingly distressed at the sight of these people* *we also see that she is pregnant* *Sebastião says something to her* *she just looks even sadder*
*we realize that at those opulent parties the royal couple were conspicuously absent*
*interior shot of Sebastião seated across a table from several gentlemen* *including the one-armed Prime Minister, the Baron de Sà Bandeira* *the contrast between Sebastião's sober attire and their gleaming orders and military uniforms is even starker*
Sebastião: gentlemen, the queen and I have looked over your proposed constitution for our kingdom. And we find it most admirable.
*several nods and murmurs of approval*
Sebastião: we *its clear this isn't the royal "we" but rather he and Maria* are most grateful that you have included our suggestion about the abolition of slavery, Baron
Sà Bandeira: *smiles* of course, your Majesty
Sebastião: but there is a part that troubles us.
Sà Bandeira: which part is that your Majesty?
Sebastião: in the first chapter of your constitutition *opens copy in front of him*, Article 4, you declare that the government of Portugal is to be *reads* monarchical, hereditary and representative.
Sà de Bandeira: of course, sir
Sebastião: but then *pages onwards* but then, in Article 53, you declare that your upper house, the Senate, will be elected
Sà de Bandeira: yes, your Majesty?
Sebastião: so the House of Lords in England is hereditary. The Chamber of Peers in France - where I suspect you may have plagiarized whole portions from this - is hereditary. Why do we suddenly feel the need to remove such ancient families as those from assisting in the governing of the state?
Sà de Bandeira: *not missing a beat* it was decided, your Majesty, that since the number of seats is to be restricted, rather than causing ill-will from one family towards another and being the ultimate cause of such strife, that the Senators should be elected instead. It wouldn't do to have the Baron of Boã Vista [2] in the government were he to have no interest in the government.
Sebastião: *considers this* and were he to have an interest in the government?
Sà de Bandeira:It is simply to...liberate those nobles who do not wish to have a role in government from those concerns
Sebastião: to free the nobles from such concerns? Or to simply exclude them outright to alleviate your own?
Sà de Bandeira: should the baron of Boã Vista wish to participate in government, then by all means he would be allowed to do so, we hve detailed the grounds quite thoroughly, your Majesty.
Sebastião: that was our second concern, gentlemen.
Sà de Bandeira: what is, Majesty?
Sebastião: the grounds. They are...very vague. One might even say deliberately so.
Sà de Bandeira: how so, your Majesty?
Sebastião: Articles 7 and 8, that defines that the rights of a citizen - like our hypothetical baron - would be considered forfeited were he to *pages back to beginning of book* is condemned in their forfeiture by sentence (failing to specify what that sentence is) , becomes naturalized in a foreign country, by condemning to a sentence of imprisonment or foreign exile, accepts any lucrative or honourable favour from a foreign government. And *half chuckles* due to low moral character [3]
Sà de Bandeira: how are any of those vague, sir?
Sebastião: well, for a start, then the late King Pedro - of blessed memory - should have been excluded from being a Portuguese citizen. My wife, your queen, is currently in labour, and she would be regarded as being "physically" incapable of being a citizen due to her...condition at the moment. I myself was a naturalized citizen of the kingdom of Spain thanks to being driven from a country I loved and served devotedly, if for a cause that was unjust. I was also then obliged to accept a "lucrative and honourable favour" from a foreign government - namely the kindness and charity of first the king of Spain, then the duke of Modena - due to the fact that my sentence of foreign exile confiscated all lands and incomes belonging to me or my mother. So...in short...this legislation - her Majesty and I both commented on it - seems frightfully geared towards me. To prevent me from playing any role in the business of government.
Sà de Bandeira: we *motions to rest of colleagues* assure your Majesty that that was not the case when we drafted it at all.
Sebastião: I am glad to hear that. Clearly this *motions to the constitution* is intended to ensure the freedoms of all of Portugal's citizens, both here and abroad, since it includes a portion on deputies from Africa or Asia...however...it indicates in chapter 4 that none of these three branches of government - the Executive, Legislative and Judicial - may arrogate the powers of the other.
Sà de Bandeira: we have tried to be as balanced as possible your Majesty.
Sebastião: *nods profoundly* then why in Article 37, point 4 do you talk of electing a regent for the heir to the throne? Is that not the legislative arrogating the powers of the executive?
Sà de Bandeira: your M-
Sebastião: *holds up finger* point 5 stipulates that the heir to the throne can only be recognized should you gentlemen deem it fit at the first meeting after his or her birth. Your meeting is also to determine the education plan for the heir. That comes dangerously close to treason, sirs, since you seem to be implying that either my daughter is ineligible for the throne due to you regarding her as unfit...or illegitimate...pick your poison. But it also seems to indicate that you deem either the queen or I unfit to arrange for the education of our own child?
Ministers: *start shuffling nervously*
Sebastião: Point the sixth stipulates that you will appoint a regent for my daughter should I not be named in the will, despite the queen declaring before the house, at her first Cortes after D. Leopoldina's birth, that were anything to happen to her, I was to remain as regent. The Cortes approved such a motion. Yet..if her Majesty's will does not explicitly name me as regent, then you, Baron, would arrogate the rights of a father over his daughter-
*silence as a messenger enters, with the announcement of "From the Queen"* *he heads straight for Sebastião* *whispers in his ear*
Sebastião: *nods, then dismisses the messenger* now, gentlemen, while I would love to stay here all day and debate the points of this matter further *rises to his feet* *the men stay seated as a mark of their disapproval* I shall be sure to inform her Majesty of what has been discussed when I go to greet my son, D. Pedro Diogo, and successor as your king. *walks out of the room*
*ministers don't seem to know whether to celebrate or shit themselves*
*fade to black*
[1] Portuguese messianic myth, based on the belief that King Sebastian of Portugal, who disappeared in the battle of Alcácer Quibir, would reappear and return to Portugal at some, critical, point in the future
[2] I figure her OTL husband was numbered with the reigning kings of Portugal, as was Maria I's so why not*
[3] fictional title, just used as shorthand
[4] article 8 of the 1838 Constitution actually calls it "physical or moral incapacity"
@The_Most_Happy @isabella @VVD0D95 @Jan Olbracht @Tarabas @LordKalvan @Ramontxo @HortenseMancini @Anarch King of Dipsodes @Dragonboy @Fehérvári @kaiidth @SavoyTruffle @Wendell @RedAquilla
figure Bash has probably got himself a nice following among the more conservative politicians (why there are various limits - such as an elected senate rather than a hereditary house of Lords - on such things likely to skew in their favour). Bash also isn't Fernando - an imported foreigner - although unlike a jumped up Coburg he probably refrains from micromanaging his wife by keeping her in a constant state of pregnancy. He's got a vested interest in Portugal, and while he probably does stay out of politics in general (he keeps himself busy with the army, the navy, the hospitals) here's an illustration of a case in point why the government would be very happy to keep him out of politics altogether. He actually reads the stuff you give him to sign. He actually has ideas - OTL he was yet another royal socialist like Prince Albert, Henri de Chambord and Juan de Montizon - and the worst part for the government is that those ideas aren't necessarily ones you can say are absolutist or even just outright bad. He's on the anti-slavery train like Sà de Bandeira, and he probably has more than a few projects he shares with the queen, such as an interest in public education and healthcare. That a liberal government is going to find extremely difficult to refuse to support. Nor is he going to politely retire to build a Portuguese Neuschwanstein while he lets appoint tutors and exclude him from the traditional prerogatives of being a father.
was actually talking about what Fernando did to Maria (keeping her pregnant and thus unable to exercise her powers to prevent a "liberal" takeover of government) that he sort of just aided and abetted due to it. Even the 1838 constitution was heavily inspired by the Belgian model of 1830. So essentially, the king of Portugal went from a sort of England/France level of power constitutional monarchy to a king of the Belgians level of power constitutional monarchy. Even if the 1838 Constitution was later overturned in a countercoup in the 1840s
Probably less Frankie and more his own ideas. After all, while I'm sure Frankie does maintain a rather voluminous correspondence with his protègès, i think aside from "editing" D. Miguel's instructions before Bash left Italy, he's been very circumspect in what he's discussed with Bash by letters. Bash had some pretty strong ideas OTL as well - including apparently, that women should be allowed to vote, something which set him at odds with his Carlist and Miguelist relatives who already looked down their noses at Juan de Montizon's liberal ideas - so I think it could be a two-way-street. I don't see Frankie agreeing with that "votes for women" idea but I definitely think he's sure as hell not the misogynist his dad was.
what happens when a king who normally leaves his wife to run things (and probably the government insists on it) gets the ultimate trump card: a son and heir.
Anyone else think it'd be weird that Frankie would (naturally) chosen to be the godfather?
Wo sein den heint die Schafersbuam[1]
Soundtrack: Beethoven: Symphony no. 7, A Maj - Allegretto
*exterior* *dramatic imagery of the Alps* *showing the vast expanses of snow as one comes over the mountains and fields towards Innsbruck* *several shots of Innsbruck*
*interior* *we are shown the interior of a church where Empress Karoline, Queen Maria Anna, Archduchess Sophie, Madame Royal, the Duchesse de Berri and Maria Theresia of Teschen, the new Queen of Bavaria, are dressed in black and receiving a long line of the city's poor and providing them each with a Christmas package of food [2]*
*we see Sophie's children - Franz, Maxi, 5yo Ludwig [3] and 3yo Ännchen - happily "romping" around* *we see Franz, Ferdinand and the duc d'Angoulême sitting in what seems to be a church pew happily watching the kids playing* *they're clearly not talking about anything serious, since they all look rather amused* *Franz and/or Ferdinand all offer a kind word to each person as they pause on their way past*
*looking more bat-like than ever, Metternich watches this with a faint sneer stamped on his face*
Metternich: no need to skulk so in the shadows, Monsieur Gouboud.
Innocent Louis Gouboud: your Excellency, the man you tasked me to find is...here.
Metternich: *surprised* you found him?
Gouboud: I did, sir. Granted, I am not sure why you or Graf Bombelles wished me to find him when you have the duke of Reichstadt in your custody?
Metternich: *leads the way out of the church after making a polite bow to the emperor* *once in his carriage* do you think anyone has custody of the duke of Reichstadt? The way he rushes helter-skelter. Surely your master must find the frenetic pace somewhat... Bothering. The way the boy so clearly illustrates his contempt for his father's legacy?
Gouboud: naturellement, Éxcellence. But unfortunately his Majesty, King Joseph is not in a position to do much. He has sent letters to the duke, that in many cases are returned unopened. In fact, if it weren't for your Excellency's kindness, the king would surely have no knowledge of his nephew's doings.
Metternich: and what does he have to say of them?
Gouboud: that he shares your Excellency's concerns that the boy seems to be... Gaming to become emperor once his Majesty dies. That is, after all, the only conclusion that can be reached of why he is so devoted to building up Austria and likewise so disinterested in reclaiming his birthright in France. That he is simply expanding his network using Habsburg cousins as proxies as to do so rather than Bonapartes
Metternich: *sighs* *his tone is practically paternal, a father lamenting a wayward son* had I known what headaches the lad would cause for me, I should've agreed to his Majesty's offer to restore the boy in France in 1830. Washed my hands of this whole business. Allowed the French to deal with it. They would not care that they cannot touch him without causing censure from his grandfather.
Gouboud: can his mother offer no assistance?
Metternich: Graf Bombelles and I have tried that means already. Unfortunately, the girl is as stupid now as she was in nearly 30 years ago. *rubs eyes* God, it feels like yesterday that she was a teenager crying at being sent to France. -and even more unfortunate is that the same qualities which made her so suitable for the father renders her entirely useless in dealing with the son. He arranges her daughter's marriage to Count Mensdorff's son-
Gouboud: who, Excellency?
Metternich: some Bohemian cousin of the queen of England. - and the mother smiles and nods like an automaton. It's not the only worrying match he's arranged. *hands sheet of paper to Gouboud*
Gouboud: *looks at names then hands it back* I'm afraid the names mean little to me, Éxcellence, I'm a painter and a drawing teacher by trade. Not a politician. If you'd offered me a sheet of names like Titian, Watteau Poussin, David, Gérard and Ingres, I would be able to understand it. But to me, that makes no difference.
Metternich: then I shall phrase it in a way that I suspect will hopefully make my point: *puts on spectacles to read* the Archduchess Maria Beatrice of Modena to the prince of Piemonte, The Archduchess Augusta of Tuscany to be betrothed to her stepmother's brother, the Count of Trapani, to shore up an alliance between the north and south in Italy. His cousin, Mademoiselle Théodelinde, married to the duke of Modena's heir, to ensure he has a set of eyes and ears there. Same reason for him offering the Empress of Brasil's daughter to the grand duke of Tuscany's eldest son. Then he has paired the son of Baron Tascher de la Pagerie - the late Empress Josephine's cousin - with Helene Festetics [4], another cousin has been paired with Prince Eszterhazy's daughter, his half-brother is being paired with the Princess of Nidda's granddaughter [5], who stands to inherit both her grandfather's estates in Slovakia and her paternal grandmother's estates in Hungary. He is attempting to pair the Archduke Stephan with Princess Viktoria of Kohary *scoffs* which means that by the end of next year, he will have tightened his hold on Hungary considerably. Then...moving onto Germany, he is offering the archduke' s twin sister, that poor bunchbacked little creature, to the duke of Nassau's son. The Archduke Albrecht is to marry the poor little Princess Elisabeth of Homburg - God knows what the game is there. Although since she is niece of both the governors of Frankfurt and Mainz and the cousin to Prince Adalbert of Prussia, I'm sure I can only guess. Princess Elisabeth's cousin, the Princess Marie of Prussia, is to be married to Ernst the Younger of Coburg. We're seeing two more archduchesses wasted by being bestowed on Wilhelm of Brunswick [6] and a third on the Archduke Ferdinand, Governor of Galicia, some Tascher de la Pagerie cousin gets a Rohan in Zagan. That solves the problems of Bohemia and Poland for him. Naturally, the king of Prussia is furious at what he sees as Reichstadt's disrespecting of him. And I cannot say that I blame him, after all, everywhere from Sicily to Silesia is starting to look like an enormous Bonaparte blob.
Gouboud: *as carriage stops in front of a restaurant* I can see why your Excellency would be concerned. *he really doesn't*
Metternich: not just the Prussians are worried. The Czar is growing increasingly concerned. Do you know that Reichstadt offered the queen of Greece's sister to the prince of Piedmont? Tried to sell it to King Carlo Alberto as a Russian alliance. Thank God the king didn't bite and neither did the Czar.
Gouboud: *as Metternich gets out* of course, sir.
Metternich: *pauses* aren't you coming?
Gouboud: I wasn't aware I was supposed to.
Metternich: well how am I supposed to even know who this man is? I've never met him!
Gouboud: oh, trust me, Éxcellence, *reluctantly climbs out of carriage* you'll know him when you see him.
*Metternich walks into private room, followed closely by Goudoud* *he's talking* *he stops short when he sees the man sitting there*
Metternich: *clutching chest* dear God. For a moment I thought it was-
Goudoud: your Éxcellence sees why I said you'll know when you see him. May I present Comte Léon-
Metternich: that is how a Bonaparte looks. *starts circling Léon prospectively* Not that...mini Habsburg that is the duke of Reichstadt.
Léon: I do have a measure of popularity in Paris for my resemblance to my father
Metternich: *inspects Léon as though buying a horse* resemblance? You are the very image of it. *to Goudoud* wherever did you find him?
Goudoud: a homeless shelter in Heidelberg, Éxcellence-
Metternich: *horrified* is that true?
Léon: I have fallen on hard times, Excellency.
Metternich: since you were unjustly accused of killing Captain Hesse?
Goudoud: *before Léon can reply* since he became a hardened gambler. He has spent at least twice in the debtor's jails for it-
Léon: *furious* *storms across room and strikes Goudoud to the floor* *then proceeds to kick the man* shut up you piece of filth
Metternich: *quietly to himself* oh yes, that's the Bonaparte I recognize. *loudly* Count Léon?
Léon: *turns to see Metternich is motioning for him to be seated in the opposite armchair in front of the fireplace*
Metternich: *once the waiter sets down coffee and cake* *watches as Léon starts shovelling it in his mouth* *while catching the Chancellor up on what he's been up to since he "accidentally" killed Hesse [8]* *and how he got to living in a homeless shelter in Heidelberg*
Léon: and then that rat, Goudoud, found me at my uncle's behest. *poisonously while looking at Goudoud who's sitting at the next table with the 1830s equivalent of an icepack to his face* My uncle who could barely be bothered about me when I've asked him for money in the past.
Metternich: but your father provided for you, did he not? I seem to recall Doctors O'Meara [9] and Antommarchi both confirming that the emperor left you a...sizeable inheritance in his will.
Léon: *snorts* I never saw a centime of that. Because my father supposed that them that fripponnes that had the most reason to be grateful to him would be only willing to turn over the money to his son.
Metternich: your uncle, the king of Spain?
Léon: that bitch he married- pardon me calling her that, Éxcellence, but it's true - and that fucker Beauharnais.
Metternich: which one, there are several.
Léon: the king of Italy.
Metternich: *innocently* do you see much of your brother at all? *picks up tea-cup*
Léon: *snarls around mouth full of food* half-brother. *motions for waiter that he'd like some more*
Metternich: I'll take that as a no?
Léon: it's why I ended up in the homeless shelter. I went all the way to England to see him when I heard he was there. Used the last of my money. Had to work my way from town to town to get there. Anyhow...took these rooms off St. James' Square. I called at the Austrian Embassy where he was staying. He wouldn't even come downstairs to see me. He sent some lackey...named Alpo, Alban, Alfred-
Metternich: Albert?
Léon: right ponce is what he was. Came down and said His High and Mightiness my half-brother was "much too busy" to see me. Next morning, I get a note delivered from him to my lodgings. I think it's him telling me to come around, see him, and we'll talk. You know...how everybody makes him sound like some sort of hero. Instead, it's the selfish bastard telling me that if I call again, he will have me arrested [10]. And that if I'm not out of England by nightfall, he'll do the same. Sure enough, I'm getting ready to go out later, and there's this big brute waiting at my door to rough me up. Courtesy of my brother. With a warning that if he came back the next night and I was still there, we'd do that whole dance again
Metternich: to be so ill-treated by a brother.
Léon: *makes a "you're telling me" face*
Metternich: were you able to receive any sort of your inheritance from the Empress?
Léon: *scoffs* bitch told me she didn't have the money for it. Apparently her lands didn't produce anywhere near the amount that my father had requested. She's got whole duchy. Six actually from what Goudoud tells me. What have I got?
Metternich: and the Beauharnais?
Léon: don't make me laugh. I went to go see the Widow Beauharnais and she gave me a bag of coins like "take it and be grateful". The queen of Holland didn't even do that. The whore. And when I tried to take it to the French court. her bastard, Morny had the case closed before it even got started.
Metternich: *nods sadly* truly, Monsieur le Comte, you have been horribly and indecently treated by your family. *pats hand sympathetically* I only wish to see that set to rights. Unfortunately, the Empress did lie to you...her lands are far more productive...in fact, she would be able to pay out considerably more than three hundred thousand francs and not even feel it. And if she refuses, then continue onto Venice, to go see your brother...this is Austrian territory, he cannot behave as such a savage as he did in London. Even the emperor will not be able to protect him from that...And I believe you have a right to the inheritance your father willed you.
Léon: *nods with all the sincerity of someone finally feeling vindicated*
Metternich: and...should both of them fail you, then I would go to Naples...to demand what is owed to you from the queen of Sicily-
Léon: why would she owe me anything?
Metternich: because she is the one wearing the diamonds your father gave to the empress. The same diamonds your brother stole from his mother. One of those necklaces should be worth far more than three hundred thousand francs.
*fade out*
[1] Shepherds also feature in this cheery Christmas carol. It tells the story of three shepherds, Steffl, Veitl and Riapl-Klaus (Stevie, Guido and Bobby-Claus) who would rather sleep than tend to their flocks. All of a sudden, the trio are woken from their sleep by the dazzling light of the angels appearing in the sky. Whether or not this vision has anything to do with the "brandy" drunk by the three men the night before, is not clear.
[2] Frances Trollope visiting Vienna in 1836 describes how Karoline and Maria Anna did something similar. Actually, the traditional practice was similar to how on Maundy Thursdays royals would wait on the poor at table, until Karoline pointed out one year that their presence made many of these people so uncomfortable they could scarce finish more than a bite before the plate was cleared, so she resolved that it would be "better" to provide them with the food that they could take home to share with their families, usually being able to make the food that would otherwise be wasted, last more than a week in some instances. The black is because it's Advent rather than mourning
[3] OTL Karl Ludwig, he has the duc d'Angoulême as his godfather so his name order just got swapped around
[4] OTL Helene/Ilona married Alexander of Württemberg-Urach (brother-in-law to Théodelinde OTL)
[5] not the OTL granddaughter, although same parents
[6] since Wilhelm also inherited the duchy of Oels (as well as Brunswick) in Silesia, so the match isn't so odd.
[7] both OTL
[8] it's open to interpretation whether it was an accident or not. Hesse fired first without warning, but the shot went wide (it's unknown if this is because he deliberately aimed to miss, after all, getting the money Léon owed him wasn't going to be paid if he was dead; or if the wind just interfered). Léon then took his turn and shot Hesse square in the chest. The jury acquitted Léon of manslaughter, but it's commonly believed that many were "disconcerted" by his resemblance to Napoléon
[9] Barry O'Meara was the ship's surgeon on board the Bellerophon when Napoléon went to St. Helena. He remained on as a sort of attending physician, and is the one who brought the charges against Sir Hudson Lowe for "mistreating" the former emperor
[10] not sure if this was at all possible, but I figure even before Sir Robert Peel gets Scotland Yard underway there must've been some sort of police presence in London that could be able to do this (I know there were the Red Robins in the 18th century)
@The_Most_Happy @isabella @VVD0D95 @Jan Olbracht @Tarabas @LordKalvan @Ramontxo @HortenseMancini @Anarch King of Dipsodes @Dragonboy @Fehérvári @kaiidth @SavoyTruffle @Wendell @RedAquilla
*exterior* *dramatic imagery of the Alps* *showing the vast expanses of snow as one comes over the mountains and fields towards Innsbruck* *several shots of Innsbruck*
*interior* *we are shown the interior of a church where Empress Karoline, Queen Maria Anna, Archduchess Sophie, Madame Royal, the Duchesse de Berri and Maria Theresia of Teschen, the new Queen of Bavaria, are dressed in black and receiving a long line of the city's poor and providing them each with a Christmas package of food [2]*
*we see Sophie's children - Franz, Maxi, 5yo Ludwig [3] and 3yo Ännchen - happily "romping" around* *we see Franz, Ferdinand and the duc d'Angoulême sitting in what seems to be a church pew happily watching the kids playing* *they're clearly not talking about anything serious, since they all look rather amused* *Franz and/or Ferdinand all offer a kind word to each person as they pause on their way past*
*looking more bat-like than ever, Metternich watches this with a faint sneer stamped on his face*
Metternich: no need to skulk so in the shadows, Monsieur Gouboud.
Innocent Louis Gouboud: your Excellency, the man you tasked me to find is...here.
Metternich: *surprised* you found him?
Gouboud: I did, sir. Granted, I am not sure why you or Graf Bombelles wished me to find him when you have the duke of Reichstadt in your custody?
Metternich: *leads the way out of the church after making a polite bow to the emperor* *once in his carriage* do you think anyone has custody of the duke of Reichstadt? The way he rushes helter-skelter. Surely your master must find the frenetic pace somewhat... Bothering. The way the boy so clearly illustrates his contempt for his father's legacy?
Gouboud: naturellement, Éxcellence. But unfortunately his Majesty, King Joseph is not in a position to do much. He has sent letters to the duke, that in many cases are returned unopened. In fact, if it weren't for your Excellency's kindness, the king would surely have no knowledge of his nephew's doings.
Metternich: and what does he have to say of them?
Gouboud: that he shares your Excellency's concerns that the boy seems to be... Gaming to become emperor once his Majesty dies. That is, after all, the only conclusion that can be reached of why he is so devoted to building up Austria and likewise so disinterested in reclaiming his birthright in France. That he is simply expanding his network using Habsburg cousins as proxies as to do so rather than Bonapartes
Metternich: *sighs* *his tone is practically paternal, a father lamenting a wayward son* had I known what headaches the lad would cause for me, I should've agreed to his Majesty's offer to restore the boy in France in 1830. Washed my hands of this whole business. Allowed the French to deal with it. They would not care that they cannot touch him without causing censure from his grandfather.
Gouboud: can his mother offer no assistance?
Metternich: Graf Bombelles and I have tried that means already. Unfortunately, the girl is as stupid now as she was in nearly 30 years ago. *rubs eyes* God, it feels like yesterday that she was a teenager crying at being sent to France. -and even more unfortunate is that the same qualities which made her so suitable for the father renders her entirely useless in dealing with the son. He arranges her daughter's marriage to Count Mensdorff's son-
Gouboud: who, Excellency?
Metternich: some Bohemian cousin of the queen of England. - and the mother smiles and nods like an automaton. It's not the only worrying match he's arranged. *hands sheet of paper to Gouboud*
Gouboud: *looks at names then hands it back* I'm afraid the names mean little to me, Éxcellence, I'm a painter and a drawing teacher by trade. Not a politician. If you'd offered me a sheet of names like Titian, Watteau Poussin, David, Gérard and Ingres, I would be able to understand it. But to me, that makes no difference.
Metternich: then I shall phrase it in a way that I suspect will hopefully make my point: *puts on spectacles to read* the Archduchess Maria Beatrice of Modena to the prince of Piemonte, The Archduchess Augusta of Tuscany to be betrothed to her stepmother's brother, the Count of Trapani, to shore up an alliance between the north and south in Italy. His cousin, Mademoiselle Théodelinde, married to the duke of Modena's heir, to ensure he has a set of eyes and ears there. Same reason for him offering the Empress of Brasil's daughter to the grand duke of Tuscany's eldest son. Then he has paired the son of Baron Tascher de la Pagerie - the late Empress Josephine's cousin - with Helene Festetics [4], another cousin has been paired with Prince Eszterhazy's daughter, his half-brother is being paired with the Princess of Nidda's granddaughter [5], who stands to inherit both her grandfather's estates in Slovakia and her paternal grandmother's estates in Hungary. He is attempting to pair the Archduke Stephan with Princess Viktoria of Kohary *scoffs* which means that by the end of next year, he will have tightened his hold on Hungary considerably. Then...moving onto Germany, he is offering the archduke' s twin sister, that poor bunchbacked little creature, to the duke of Nassau's son. The Archduke Albrecht is to marry the poor little Princess Elisabeth of Homburg - God knows what the game is there. Although since she is niece of both the governors of Frankfurt and Mainz and the cousin to Prince Adalbert of Prussia, I'm sure I can only guess. Princess Elisabeth's cousin, the Princess Marie of Prussia, is to be married to Ernst the Younger of Coburg. We're seeing two more archduchesses wasted by being bestowed on Wilhelm of Brunswick [6] and a third on the Archduke Ferdinand, Governor of Galicia, some Tascher de la Pagerie cousin gets a Rohan in Zagan. That solves the problems of Bohemia and Poland for him. Naturally, the king of Prussia is furious at what he sees as Reichstadt's disrespecting of him. And I cannot say that I blame him, after all, everywhere from Sicily to Silesia is starting to look like an enormous Bonaparte blob.
Gouboud: *as carriage stops in front of a restaurant* I can see why your Excellency would be concerned. *he really doesn't*
Metternich: not just the Prussians are worried. The Czar is growing increasingly concerned. Do you know that Reichstadt offered the queen of Greece's sister to the prince of Piedmont? Tried to sell it to King Carlo Alberto as a Russian alliance. Thank God the king didn't bite and neither did the Czar.
Gouboud: *as Metternich gets out* of course, sir.
Metternich: *pauses* aren't you coming?
Gouboud: I wasn't aware I was supposed to.
Metternich: well how am I supposed to even know who this man is? I've never met him!
Gouboud: oh, trust me, Éxcellence, *reluctantly climbs out of carriage* you'll know him when you see him.
*Metternich walks into private room, followed closely by Goudoud* *he's talking* *he stops short when he sees the man sitting there*
Metternich: *clutching chest* dear God. For a moment I thought it was-
Goudoud: your Éxcellence sees why I said you'll know when you see him. May I present Comte Léon-
Metternich: that is how a Bonaparte looks. *starts circling Léon prospectively* Not that...mini Habsburg that is the duke of Reichstadt.
Léon: I do have a measure of popularity in Paris for my resemblance to my father
Metternich: *inspects Léon as though buying a horse* resemblance? You are the very image of it. *to Goudoud* wherever did you find him?
Goudoud: a homeless shelter in Heidelberg, Éxcellence-
Metternich: *horrified* is that true?
Léon: I have fallen on hard times, Excellency.
Metternich: since you were unjustly accused of killing Captain Hesse?
Goudoud: *before Léon can reply* since he became a hardened gambler. He has spent at least twice in the debtor's jails for it-
Léon: *furious* *storms across room and strikes Goudoud to the floor* *then proceeds to kick the man* shut up you piece of filth
Metternich: *quietly to himself* oh yes, that's the Bonaparte I recognize. *loudly* Count Léon?
Léon: *turns to see Metternich is motioning for him to be seated in the opposite armchair in front of the fireplace*
Metternich: *once the waiter sets down coffee and cake* *watches as Léon starts shovelling it in his mouth* *while catching the Chancellor up on what he's been up to since he "accidentally" killed Hesse [8]* *and how he got to living in a homeless shelter in Heidelberg*
Léon: and then that rat, Goudoud, found me at my uncle's behest. *poisonously while looking at Goudoud who's sitting at the next table with the 1830s equivalent of an icepack to his face* My uncle who could barely be bothered about me when I've asked him for money in the past.
Metternich: but your father provided for you, did he not? I seem to recall Doctors O'Meara [9] and Antommarchi both confirming that the emperor left you a...sizeable inheritance in his will.
Léon: *snorts* I never saw a centime of that. Because my father supposed that them that fripponnes that had the most reason to be grateful to him would be only willing to turn over the money to his son.
Metternich: your uncle, the king of Spain?
Léon: that bitch he married- pardon me calling her that, Éxcellence, but it's true - and that fucker Beauharnais.
Metternich: which one, there are several.
Léon: the king of Italy.
Metternich: *innocently* do you see much of your brother at all? *picks up tea-cup*
Léon: *snarls around mouth full of food* half-brother. *motions for waiter that he'd like some more*
Metternich: I'll take that as a no?
Léon: it's why I ended up in the homeless shelter. I went all the way to England to see him when I heard he was there. Used the last of my money. Had to work my way from town to town to get there. Anyhow...took these rooms off St. James' Square. I called at the Austrian Embassy where he was staying. He wouldn't even come downstairs to see me. He sent some lackey...named Alpo, Alban, Alfred-
Metternich: Albert?
Léon: right ponce is what he was. Came down and said His High and Mightiness my half-brother was "much too busy" to see me. Next morning, I get a note delivered from him to my lodgings. I think it's him telling me to come around, see him, and we'll talk. You know...how everybody makes him sound like some sort of hero. Instead, it's the selfish bastard telling me that if I call again, he will have me arrested [10]. And that if I'm not out of England by nightfall, he'll do the same. Sure enough, I'm getting ready to go out later, and there's this big brute waiting at my door to rough me up. Courtesy of my brother. With a warning that if he came back the next night and I was still there, we'd do that whole dance again
Metternich: to be so ill-treated by a brother.
Léon: *makes a "you're telling me" face*
Metternich: were you able to receive any sort of your inheritance from the Empress?
Léon: *scoffs* bitch told me she didn't have the money for it. Apparently her lands didn't produce anywhere near the amount that my father had requested. She's got whole duchy. Six actually from what Goudoud tells me. What have I got?
Metternich: and the Beauharnais?
Léon: don't make me laugh. I went to go see the Widow Beauharnais and she gave me a bag of coins like "take it and be grateful". The queen of Holland didn't even do that. The whore. And when I tried to take it to the French court. her bastard, Morny had the case closed before it even got started.
Metternich: *nods sadly* truly, Monsieur le Comte, you have been horribly and indecently treated by your family. *pats hand sympathetically* I only wish to see that set to rights. Unfortunately, the Empress did lie to you...her lands are far more productive...in fact, she would be able to pay out considerably more than three hundred thousand francs and not even feel it. And if she refuses, then continue onto Venice, to go see your brother...this is Austrian territory, he cannot behave as such a savage as he did in London. Even the emperor will not be able to protect him from that...And I believe you have a right to the inheritance your father willed you.
Léon: *nods with all the sincerity of someone finally feeling vindicated*
Metternich: and...should both of them fail you, then I would go to Naples...to demand what is owed to you from the queen of Sicily-
Léon: why would she owe me anything?
Metternich: because she is the one wearing the diamonds your father gave to the empress. The same diamonds your brother stole from his mother. One of those necklaces should be worth far more than three hundred thousand francs.
*fade out*
[1] Shepherds also feature in this cheery Christmas carol. It tells the story of three shepherds, Steffl, Veitl and Riapl-Klaus (Stevie, Guido and Bobby-Claus) who would rather sleep than tend to their flocks. All of a sudden, the trio are woken from their sleep by the dazzling light of the angels appearing in the sky. Whether or not this vision has anything to do with the "brandy" drunk by the three men the night before, is not clear.
[3] OTL Karl Ludwig, he has the duc d'Angoulême as his godfather so his name order just got swapped around
[4] OTL Helene/Ilona married Alexander of Württemberg-Urach (brother-in-law to Théodelinde OTL)
[5] not the OTL granddaughter, although same parents
[6] since Wilhelm also inherited the duchy of Oels (as well as Brunswick) in Silesia, so the match isn't so odd.
[7] both OTL
[8] it's open to interpretation whether it was an accident or not. Hesse fired first without warning, but the shot went wide (it's unknown if this is because he deliberately aimed to miss, after all, getting the money Léon owed him wasn't going to be paid if he was dead; or if the wind just interfered). Léon then took his turn and shot Hesse square in the chest. The jury acquitted Léon of manslaughter, but it's commonly believed that many were "disconcerted" by his resemblance to Napoléon
[9] Barry O'Meara was the ship's surgeon on board the Bellerophon when Napoléon went to St. Helena. He remained on as a sort of attending physician, and is the one who brought the charges against Sir Hudson Lowe for "mistreating" the former emperor
[10] not sure if this was at all possible, but I figure even before Sir Robert Peel gets Scotland Yard underway there must've been some sort of police presence in London that could be able to do this (I know there were the Red Robins in the 18th century)
@The_Most_Happy @isabella @VVD0D95 @Jan Olbracht @Tarabas @LordKalvan @Ramontxo @HortenseMancini @Anarch King of Dipsodes @Dragonboy @Fehérvári @kaiidth @SavoyTruffle @Wendell @RedAquilla
Metternich is probably learning that if you want to remove a Bonaparte, use a Bonaparte to do it. After all, their public slugfests in the newspapers were a large part of why the family was banned from France even before the Orléans or Légitimistes got banned in the 1880s.