Excerpts from journal of Emily Pendorgast, a wealth English socialite who's schooner went missing in the Gulf of Mexico in 1899. The journal, alongside Emily's remains, were found in a cenote deep in the Yucatán. Since the journal suffered water-damage in the caves much of the writing is illegible and the exact meaning of these words are unclear. Some speculate Emily was captured by Gerard S. Book, a Scottish privateer operating at the time from the coast of Panama. Others think that Pendorgast's ship was wrecked in a storm and the survivors became prisoners of Yucatán tribesman that made them participate in some bizarre fertility rituals. Yet others think that Emily was afflicted with malaria and completely delusional when she wrote that passage. Giving credence to that last theory is the fact that Emily did not have a brother...
"As soon as I climbed inside the minimalist brutalist interior of this carbon fiber Japanese death machine it was as if I was driving a monster truck. I pushed start. The engine was a throaty roar like a thousand nuclear jet bombers. I immediately soiled my trousers to prevent this beast of the land of hentai from raping me. Tentacles are NOT OKAY. In my haste to escape, I touched a lever, and the windshield wipers began beating like a reaper’s sickle threshing horror. Trying to reach the escape handle, I struck a phallus-like pole, and lights began to blink. Blink. Blink. A light. A terrible, red, light! BLINK BLINK! Shrieking and flailing, I clutched desperately at the door, and tumbled, helpless, into the street. In the cold New York City rain, I lay there helpless and soiled in the gutter. As the terrifying vehicle was looming over me, asserting its alpha dominance, I crawled away. Forever."
