"First came the Greycoats to eat all my swine, Next came the Bluecoats to make my sons fight, Next came the Greencoats to make my wife whore, Next came the Browncoats to burn down my home. I have naught but my life, now come the Blackcoats to rob me of that."
—Anonymous Poem from the Thirty Years War
It is the conflict we would know as the thirty years war, considered the longest continuous war in history as the eighty and hundred years wars had interruptions. Mercenary armies, with no lines of supply, march across Europe taking what they need form defenceless villages and farms, creating artificial famines as they go.
Even compared to the wars of the 20th century the thirty years war would stand up on its own merit for the destruction and bloodshed. This will be a different war to the one we know but just as horrific. The death of a father will cause a son to make a rash decision which will alter the course of human history…
—Anonymous Poem from the Thirty Years War
It is the conflict we would know as the thirty years war, considered the longest continuous war in history as the eighty and hundred years wars had interruptions. Mercenary armies, with no lines of supply, march across Europe taking what they need form defenceless villages and farms, creating artificial famines as they go.
Even compared to the wars of the 20th century the thirty years war would stand up on its own merit for the destruction and bloodshed. This will be a different war to the one we know but just as horrific. The death of a father will cause a son to make a rash decision which will alter the course of human history…
August 13th 1636, the siege of Corbie
After their crushing victory at the crossing of the Somme, the combined Spanish and Holy Roman forces surrounded the fortress of Corbie. Corbie is but two leagues from Amiens and the arrival of the coalition army has spread a panic through Paris. After nearly a week of siege the defenders are ready to surrender.
It is now, in their darkest hour, that the French army arrives to save the day. 28,000 men had split off from the main army in Flanders to stop the coalition. The remaining 20,000 men would continue their push into the Spanish Netherlands. The French, commanded by Henri De Turenne, ploughs through the coalition forces, slaughtering them in a frenzy of cavalry, cannon and pike. Of an army numbering 23,000 only a few hundred survive. The survivors flee into the French countryside to become thieves and highwaymen. The French forces leave behind the bodies of 1624 soldiers and 524 cavalrymen.
Vienna
When Emperor Ferdinand II receives word of the crushing defeat his heart stops and the scroll falls to the floor from his limp fingers. His heart will never beat again. The Holy Roman Emperor dies at the age of 58.
His son, Ferdinand III is livid. Having been previously in favour of ending the war, he instead commits the entire Austrian reserve; the Habsburg private army. 39,000 men march through the kingdoms of northern Italy with their horses and cannon under the command of General Montecolli…
September 25th 1636
The Habsburg private army arrives in Dauphine to join the smaller Bavarian and Spanish forces in southern France. Along with their allies the Habsburgs unleash a torrent of misery on the French people. Inns and farms are raided for their food and liquor, wives and daughters are raped and then kidnapped to become army whores. The bastards they bear later will be made servants for the army, little better than slaves…
October 10th 1636, the Battle of Lyonnais
Henri De Turenne’s army arrives in the south to repel the Habsburgs. Over nearly three weeks of fighting Montecolli bests the French Marshal with a combination of numbers and the tercio formation. Dense packs of pikemen protect musketeers at the rear. French cavalry is of little use against the tercio, their handguns far less accurate than the musketeers with their feet on the ground.
On October 28th the French are beaten into retreat. The French have lost over 5,000 infantry and 3,000 cavalry and a thousand artillerymen. The Habsburgs have lost 9,000 men, 215 cavalry and nearly 3,000 artillerymen. Though the Habsburgs have lost many men, reinforcements are on their way from the empire and they now have the initiative…
December 3rd 1636, the second battle of Lyonnais
As the Habsburgs continue their orgy of rape and plunder, Rou de Teller leads 8,000 French cavalrymen on a suicide attack against the Habsburg force. Teller was hoping shock and surprise would work in his favour. It did not.
From central Europe another army has been raised, the Kaiserliche Armee. The force numbers some 24,000 men under the command of the von Hatzfeldt family. The army marches from central Europe into France, heading straight for Paris…
February 8th 1637: The Battle of Paris
Henri De Turenne’s army assembles on the outskirts of Paris to make their final stand. His army now numbers just 18,000 men, the approaching Kaiserliche outnumbers them by six thousand. Their only hope lies in the extra artillery provided by the city of Paris…
February 16th 1637
The Habsburg army massacres 13,000 French troops in Rouergue. The Habsburg army then marches north to assist the Kaiserliche in the siege of Paris…
February 23rd 1637
The Kaiserliche is repelled in disarray from Paris after two weeks of fighting. The Austrians have lost 5,800 infantry and 1,125 cavalry. The French have lost 5,500 infantry and 1,250 cavalry. French artillery was decisive in disrupting the Kaiserliche assaults. Henri De Turenne was vicious in his counter strokes, leading the charge on numerous occasions.
Heartened by their victory and desperate to defend their homeland, Henri De Turenne’s army gives chase to hunt down the exhausted Austrians.
March 9th 1637, the battle of Orleans
Henri De Turenne catches up with the fleeing Kaiserliche. Weakened by deserters, the Austrian force is now equal in number to the French. The battle of Orleans descends into a brawl, a street fight. There are no tactics, no stratagems, nothing for the commanders to do. This battle will be decided by the rank and file soldiers of each army.
March 13th 1637
The thirty thousand strong Habsburg army arrives in Orleans like a force of nature. The Habsburg cavalry slams into the French artillery batteries, slaughtering the defenceless gunners and engineers. At the same time Montecolli’s infantry flank the French frontline, causing a panic. Later the big, slow Habsburg artillery is added to the mayhem.
March 22nd 1637
Outnumbered three to one, Henri De Turenne’s forces hold out for nine days before retreating in disorder. The French have lost 5,202 infantry, 734 cavalry and over 4,424 artillerymen. The Austrians have lost 2,503 infantry, 56 cavalry and 125 artillerymen.
With the main French fighting force in retreat, the Kaiserliche and Habsburg armies march north to besiege Paris a second time. They rape, pillage and plunder merrily along the way.
August 20th 1637, Gorzia
The Swedish navy lands a force of seven thousand men in Monfalcone and besiege the Austrian town of Gorzia. The Swedish troops unleash their own wrath on the local peasants, bringing the misery of war to people who have not felt it yet.
August 25th 1637, Vienna
With his capital practically defenceless, King Louis XIII is ready to sue for peace with the Holy Roman Empire. The machiavellian Cardinal Richelieu immediately starts weaving his magic behind the scenes to secure the best outcome for France. The Austrians would never accept a white peace after a quarter century of war. What is needed was a sacrifice to sate the Habsburg bloodlust.
Thus Reichelieu convinces Brandenburg to pay war reparations to the Emperor in exchange for a full peace between both sides. Emperor Ferdinand rejects this straight off the cuff and demands that Brandenburg also convert its entire kingdom to the one true faith of Catholicism.
The Cardinal smiled and shook the Emperor’s hand. The deal was done.