Dirty Laundry: An Alternate 1980s

I admire the effort you put into replicating Ebert's writing style. It does "read" like him, though perhaps not quite so righteously indignant (though perhaps he picked that up more in his later years - he's still relatively young here, with plenty more flops ahead of him). But he did love E.T., so he would no doubt loathe this.

Thanks! I read quite a bit of Ebert reviews of terrible movies from the early 1980s, which was both its own punishment and its own reward.

Wow. Now, assuming that Ebert (who is known for being idiosyncratic and sometimes overly defensive of his "pet" actors, especially if they're attractive women) speaks for the consensus here, Fox may well emerge from this fiasco relatively unscathed. But I doubt it; high-profile flops tend to drag down those who are involved in them. If so, one person who will be vindicated? Brandon Tartikoff, who famously described Fox (in rejecting him for Family Ties; creator Gary David Goldberg eventually wore him down) as someone whose face would never be on a lunchbox. (Back to the Future, of course, proved Tartikoff wrong; he would keep such a lunchbox in his office for the rest of his career.)

Do you think this fiasco might affect casting for Back to the Future?? Only time will tell. :D

Interesting that he and Fox (who were in the running for the same part in a certain film) appear onscreen together. Was that a deliberate nod?

Since you’ve spotted one of my in-jokes (but missed at least one other, ha!), I'll give away this much: Eric Stoltz will not play the role of Marty McFly ITTL. I will not have anyone claim that this TL is derivative of Fringe!

The 1980s, of course, saw the rise of "Spielberg the Thalberg", the visionary producer who (in the words of Ebert himself, in a contemporary OTL review) could match the right director with the right project. Indiana Jones notwithstanding, this probably hobbles that image. (Speaking of which, what happens to Temple of Doom? Is it delayed?)

See my prior reply to Dan McCollum. Temple of Doom is a better movie ITTL, although “better” and “more successful” are not always synonymous….

Also, this is a major directorial flop for him, the first since 1941, and not seen again until Hook IOTL (his late 1980s disappointments were too quiet to do much damage to his reputation). What's worth noting is that he followed both disappointments with twin triumphs (Raiders and E.T. in the early 1980s, and then Jurassic Park and Schindler's List in the early 1990s). Can he achieve the same rebound ITTL, as well? Or is Spielberg doomed as so many of his New Hollywood colleagues were before him?

Time will tell!

Maybe, but kids got themselves into a lot of scrapes in 1980s movies IOTL (and remember The Goonies, which has Spielberg's fingerprints all over it).

This is a really good point, and actually changed my mind on something down the line. I still think the script would get updated given that the original cast of E.T are now in different states of physical development; C. Thomas Howell is being cast as a high-schooler while Henry Thomas is a very youthful-looking 12. You simply couldn’t reassemble the original cast for “a few days later.”

Agreed - I definitely like his 1980s Genesis material better than his solo material (and, for the record, I do like Phil Collins, on the whole; I find his flaws as a songwriter and musician more frustrating than offputting). Maybe, in retrospect, Banks and Rutherford had more creative influence than we thought?

That’s really, really interesting. I’ll have to think about it. Collins is, of course, on the short list of “major musical figures of the 1980s,” so I’ve given a lot of thought as to where he’s going.

I need to retcon the Phil Collins bit from the Boston *Wikipedia entry; Amanda is a phenomenon in 1983, not 1984, so it makes no sense for Delp to be nominated a year later. (It’s a remnant from an earlier draft.)

Sheesh, it doesn't even have "Something to Talk About" on there. But look on the bright side: at least he didn't lose to Fine Young Cannibals (!) :eek:

1990 wasn’t exactly a banner year for the Grammys: you have the first invalidated award (the infamous Milli Vanilli as Best New Artist, which would be preposterous without the lip-synching fiasco); you’ve got Michael Bolton winning “Best Pop Vocal, Male” for the god-awful “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?” and “Wind Beneath My Wings” – a song you can imagine being plucked from Air Supply’s reject pile – as Record of the Year and Song of the Year. The “Best Rap” category featured one actual nominee (Public Enemy’s “Fight the Power”), three joke songs (Young MC’s “Bust A Move,” which won, as well as The Fresh Prince’s “I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson” and Tone Loc’s “Funky Cold Medina”) and an R&B song (De La Soul’s “Me, Myself & I”). I would say that Flavor Flav is probably still upset about that loss, but you know, life’s been pretty good to him, all things considered.

(Apologies in advance to any fans, friends, and/or family members of Michael Bolton and Bette Midler. Both have very good – if somewhat different – things happen to them ITTL. Seriously! No apologies to Young MC, Tone Loc, or Will Smith, though – I love those songs, but they’re obviously not Grammy material.)

Also, the best-ever parody of "The End of the Innocence" can be found at the end of this MADtv parody of Cold Case. The guy even sounds like him!

I’ve never been a huge MADtv fan, but this sketch is priceless. I actually laughed out loud at the Bon Jovi parody.

Fair enough. It always amused me that, IOTL, despite having so many memorable songs to his name, he [Billy Joel] only hit #1 three times, and I doubt anyone besides hardcore fans and popular culture enthusiasts like myself would be able to tell you which three off the top of their head.

Piano Man seems like a pretty glaring omission, doesn’t it?

For the record, for those of you who are unwilling to look it up, the three OTL chart-topping singles are:

  • "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me" in 1980. Yes, this was his first #1 hit. Note that "Just the Way You Are" won for Record of the Year 1977, but only reached #3.

Did you deliberately pass up an opportunity to make an “It’s Still Billy Joel to Me” reference?? And while we're on Weird Al, let me say that "When I Was Your Age" is definitely butterflied away ITTL. Apparently there's an argument as to whether it's a "Dirty Laundry" style parody; I have no idea what the other side of that argument would be. It's obviously a "Dirty Laundry" style parody.

  • And finally, his love-it-or-hate-it novelty song, "We Didn't Start The Fire", in 1989. Given its subject matter, I suspect that many people on this board probably have a soft spot for it - and I positively adore it - but I can see why others don't. At least it is one of his most well-known songs.

I might have to butterfly it away, simply because I'm not sure I'm up to the task of re-writing the last third of it! :)

Yeah, this is definitely my favourite part of the timeline. Thanks to many updates covering completely different subjects, each update comes as a pleasant surprise— and yet one that makes perfect sense.

Thanks for reading, conchobhar, and thanks for the kind words!

On ET II: I wonder what its legacy would be. Probably just swept under the rug and ignored by everyone, but I wouldn't be surprised if it turned into TTL's version of The Matrix sequels— seen as a blemish on the first film and treated with complete disdain.

I would say it winds up somewhere between Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo (generally regarded as one of the most ridiculous sequels of all time IOTL) and Ishtar (generally regarded as one of the worst movies of all time IOTL). No chance it's ever appreciated ironically; the production values and acting are simply too good. It won't be a candidate for TTL's equivalent of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (if there is such a thing).
 
Last edited:
January, 1984 Consumer Electronics Show (CES)

BookReaderImages.php


Compute! Magazine, Issue 47, dated April 1984
(published early February, 1984)

The Shakeout Begins: A Watershed Winter CES

Tom R. Halfhill, Features Editor

-----------
BULLETIN:
Commodore's New Computers In Doubt


After this CES report was written, Commodore's top management underwent a radical shake-up which casts doubt on the new products announced at CES. In a surprise move, Commodore founder Jack Tramiel resigned as president and chief executive officer. Two weeks later, four more top executives resigned. Commodore is now reorganizing its entire management structure.

As a result, the new Commodore 264 computer is being delayed indefinitely. General Manager Sol Davidson told The Wall Street Journal that Commodore is reexamining the computer and will introduce it "when there's a need for it… [the 264] could come before the end of 1984, we'll just have to watch carefully." Davidson also was quoted as saying, "I think our zeal [in announcing the computer] was greater than our determination in [bringing it to] the marketplace."[1]
----------

(FULL TEXT BEGINS)
Computer Wars Among The Wares

Most noticeable was the glaring lack of new home computers introduced. This was a significant change from the Summer CES, where no less than 17 new computers were on display (see “The Fall Computer Collection At The Summer Consumer Electronics Show,” COMPUTE!, August 1983). In fact, a few companies which introduced new machines at the Summer CES were empty-handed at the Winter CES, having decided to cut their losses early and abandon the market. Other companies were absent altogether. This doesn't mean that home computing is fizzling out. Sales are still healthy and growing. Instead, it's a sure sign that the market is tightening and the long-predicted “shakeout” has begun.

The big news at the latest CES was Commodore, which attracted the most attention by far with its new 264/364 series. The large Commodore exhibit was crowded all four days of the show. But aside from Commodore, almost nobody else was displaying new home computers. Atari was there with its XLP series announced last year, along with new peripherals. Apple was at CES for the first time in about three years—minus its new computer, the Macintosh, which Apple preferred to introduce at its stockholders meeting later in January. IBM—which created a stir when it exhibited at the Summer CES for the first time in history—didn't show up at this CES at all amidst reports that the PCjr has been cancelled.[2]

They fared better than Texas Instruments and Coleco, both of which reserved large exhibits at CES well in advance. Not a single TI-99/4A or 99/8 was in evidence, and the TI booth looked forlornly deserted since it just happened to be directly across the aisle from the busy Atari exhibit. Coleco’s large exhibit was equally sparse, with just a few ColecoVisions on display. (Two months before CES, Coleco cancelled its “Adam” computer/expansion add-on for the ColecoVision.)[3]

Outside of the Big Four of Commodore, Atari, Apple, and IBM, two other manufacturers showed off new computers. Spectra Video has been at the last couple of CES shows with its heavily advertised but unavailable SV-318 and SV-328 computers. At this CES, Spectra Video said the SV-318 has been dropped in favor of an upgraded SV-328 Mark II and the non-working mock-up of a new model, the SVI-728 MSX. Ever since we tested the SpectraVideo 318 and 328, we have felt that the company offers the consumer a great deal of performance for the price. Unfortunately, Microsoft was late in delivering Basic chips to SpectraVideo, and the company missed having product on the shelf during the crucial Christmas 1983 season. Meanwhile, Enterprise, a British company, announced the Enterprise 128, a Z-80A-based home computer with 128K of RAM and a built-in joystick .[4]

Enterprise_128_System_s1.jpg

The uniquely-styled Enterprise 128

Commodore

Commodore stunned CES attendees by announcing a completely new series of personal computers that are incompatible with Commodore’s existing VIC-20 and C-64 machines. To set the record straight, Commodore flatly denied rumors that it plans to drop the VIC-20 and Commodore 64 to make room for the new products.

Three new computers head up Commodore's latest product line: the Commodore 116, 264 and V364. No prices were announced, but Commodore says the 264 will retail for under $500 and the 364V for slightly more. Commodore says the 116 and 264 will be available by April 1 and the 364V a few months later, but based on past experience, these target dates may well be optimistic. We were told privately that most likely the 264 and V364 will hit the stores in quantity this summer (see box).[5]

commodore_364.jpg

The Commodore V364; visually, it looks like a scaled-down version of the Atari 800XLP.

The new computers' main features over current machines include built-in application software, more usable memory, and a more powerful BASIC. The 264 and V364 are almost identical except the V364 has a numeric keypad and built-in speech synthesizer. The 116 is a scaled-down 16K version of the 264 with a “Chiclet”-style keyboard (similar to the IBM PCjr) that Commodore says it will deliver for $99.99. That would make the 116 the only sub-$100 computer in the marketplace (other than the small 2K Timex/Sinclair 1000).[6]

The most significant new feature is probably the built-in software. Commodore says it will work like this: When you buy a 116, 264 or V364, you get to choose from a selection of application software on ROM chips. If you want a computer with a built-in word processor, for example, the dealer either sells you one with that option already installed or plugs in the proper chip himself. The chips are internal and not designed to be installed by average users. It's like ordering a car with various options.[7]

The new 116/264/V364 line of Commodore computers are not compatible with the popular C-64, but Commodore says its most popular software programs will be converted to the 264/V364 as soon as possible. Intermediate home programmers probably could convert many BASIC programs. Programs with extensive machine language probably will require the talents of advanced programmers.

Although Commodore's new computers were generally well-received at CES, there were some questions raised about software compatibility and how the 116/264/V364 will fit into Commodore's existing product line. Compared to the Commodore 64, they offer intriguing new features, but they're also missing a few. If, as expected, the V364 retails in the $600 range, more than one observer noted that it may be advantageous to buy a 64 and upgrade it instead.[8]

Atari

On the heels of its successful 1983, Atari divided its exhibit into two booths: “Atari Video Games” and “Atari Professional Computers.” In the video game booth, Atari unveiled 18 new video game cartridges for its 7800 ProSystem. But the buzz surrounding Atari at CES was squarely focused on the right-hand booth, where Atari released a string of new peripherals and expansion boards to support its 800XLP Professional Computer. Atari also announced that it was discontinuing the 64K model and that all 800XLPs would ship with a full 128K of RAM at the existing price ($499).

Atari’s new data storage peripherals include the SmartDrive 2, SmartDrive Micro, and the SmartDrive Mega 15. The SmartDrive 2 ($199) is a double-sided, double-density upgrade to the existing Atari SmartDrive; it can store 360K of data on a single 5.25” floppy disk and can read all existing Atari floppy disks. The SmartDrive Micro ($249) uses new format 3.5” floppy (stiffy?) disks like the Apple Macintosh that can store up to 800K of information per disk. For business users, Atari’s new SmartDrive Mega 12 ($599) offers a whopping twelve megabytes of storage on a fixed hard disk drive, similar to IBM’s “Winchester” fixed drives.[9] All three peripherals can connect to the Atari 800XLP directly via serial cable or can be plugged in to the rackmount-style “Smart Box” expansion system announced last year.

Atari announced that it ramped up production of its 1080 80-column expansion board after selling out in 1983. Additionally, Atari announced two new expansion boards for the 800XLP’s three expansion slot: the 1081 math co-processor board, which utilizes the CCS 7811B processor to perform floating-point arithmetic, freeing the main 6502 processor for other tasks[10], and the 1083 smart I/O controller card, which contains 32K of proprietary ROM and 64K of static RAM to vastly speed up printing, disk access, and other I/O operations.[11] Atari also announced partnerships with six manufacturers who promised forthcoming expansion boards for the 800XLP in 1984. (See inset below.) No word as to whether Atari will continue to ship the 1082 CP/M board that allows the XLP to run Digital Research’s CP/M and its library of thousands of programs.

More Atari Software

Atari’s professional software library continues to grow with Synapse Software’s SynFile, SynCalc, and SynTrend, three integrated programs for home management. Not only are they compatible with each other, but they also work in concert with AtariWriter. For example, spreadsheets created with SynCalc and mailing lists compiled on SynFile can be combined with documents on AtariWriter. SynTrend is a two-part graphics and statistics package. All were developed for Atari by Synapse Corp. They are available on disk for $49.95 each and require 64K.[12]

090120atari_tablet_07-480x341.jpg

The Atari Light Pen and Touch Tablet

For fun, a perfected version of the long-awaited Atari Light Pen and Touch Tablet was shown, along with its new AtariGraphics software. At CES, an artist was using the pen to draw very nice impromptu portraits of showgoers. The AtariGraphics software was obviously influenced by the philosophy exemplified by the Apple Macintosh. Along the left side of the screen are four tiny white tabs; pressing the light pen to any of them causes a menu to slide over your drawing. The four menus allow you to choose drawing modes, colors, patterns, and storage options. When you point to the tab again, the menu slides back off the screen, leaving your drawing intact. You can even make the tabs themselves disappear by pressing the TAB key on the keyboard. It requires only 64K and retails for $99.95, including hardware and software.[13]

----------
NOTES:

[1] As OTL.

[2] IBM skipped the Winter ’84 CES IOTL as well. IOTL, the PCjr was unveiled at Comdex and cancelled in early ’85 after a misguided effort to retool its (famously awful “chiclet”) keyboard. Here, the slightly worse home computer market leads IBM to cut bait a bit earlier.

[3] IOTL, Coleco continued to try and sell the Adam through 1985; like pretty much every home computer in the 1980s, it was a victim of the Commodore 64’s insane pricing scheme. For $700, you could upgrade your ColecoVision to a 64K Z80 computer… or you could buy a Commodore 64 and pocket the difference. The Adam also had a very strange “feature” in that the system power supply was built in to the daisy-wheel printer that shipped with the expansion box.

[4] As OTL. The Enterprise 128’s stats are pretty good for OTL’s 1984 – and not bad in this one’s – but it suffered from poor marketing. Perhaps it will have a slightly different future ITTL.

[5] All as OTL. IOTL, the 264 was re-badged into the “Plus/4” and made it to market and the V364 never made it past the prototype stage. Just as with the Adam (discussed above at note 3), all three of Commodore's new machines were essentially killed by Commodore’s own 64, which is now selling for $199.

[6] You can read all about the C-116 here; in any timeline, it will have no success in the U.S. market.

[7] This works about as terribly as you'd imagine both ITTL and IOTL. ITTL, it cements Commodore as the "low-end" computer that simply cannot compete with higher-end offerings from Apple, Atari, and IBM.

[8] This is taken basically word-for-word from the original COMPUTE! article; those folks were pretty prescient!

[9] This is essentially a repackaged Control Data CDC 9760-series SMD from 1976 (!) in the smallest possible size.

[10] This is a rebadged FPU board made by California Computer Systems for the Apple II IOTL.

[11] This draws from the Applix 1616’s disk controller card, which is definitely doable with 1984 technology.

[12] As OTL. Seriously! The more I look at it, the more plausible it seems that Atari – with proper funding and support – could have easily pivoted to the high-end computer market.

[13] Also as OTL. Atari isn’t all business ITTL, you know.
 
Great to see you returning to technology! This post reminded me a lot of the glory days of another fine computer-oriented pop culture timeline from the days of yore (which is to say, eight or nine months ago): Earthquake Weather, by Electric Monk. I look forward to seeing how your Computer Wars turn out in comparison!

For fun, a perfected version of the long-awaited Atari Light Pen and Touch Tablet was shown, along with its new AtariGraphics software. At CES, an artist was using the pen to draw very nice impromptu portraits of showgoers. The AtariGraphics software was obviously influenced by the philosophy exemplified by the Apple Macintosh. Along the left side of the screen are four tiny white tabs; pressing the light pen to any of them causes a menu to slide over your drawing. The four menus allow you to choose drawing modes, colors, patterns, and storage options. When you point to the tab again, the menu slides back off the screen, leaving your drawing intact. You can even make the tabs themselves disappear by pressing the TAB key on the keyboard. It requires only 64K and retails for $99.95, including hardware and software.
This one strikes me the most. It's the centrepiece of the OTL Nintendo DS, of course. Amazing how so much technological "progression" is actually cyclical!

Andrew T said:
Do you think this fiasco might affect casting for Back to the Future?? Only time will tell. :D
I do think that, very much. That's one of my favourite movies of all time, so I am worried. But I won't pressure you; I hate it when people do that ;)

Andrew T said:
Temple of Doom is a better movie ITTL, although “better” and “more successful” are not always synonymous….
Speaking of casting, I can't help but wonder if a new heroine might be chosen. Which might well butterfly any number of things, actually...

Andrew T said:
That’s really, really interesting. I’ll have to think about it. Collins is, of course, on the short list of “major musical figures of the 1980s,” so I’ve given a lot of thought as to where he’s going.
Agreed - for one thing, he was the person chosen to appear in both London and Philadelphia at Live-Aid, which was no doubt a distinct honour.

Andrew T said:
1990 wasn’t exactly a banner year for the Grammys: you have the first invalidated award (the infamous Milli Vanilli as Best New Artist, which would be preposterous without the lip-synching fiasco); you’ve got Michael Bolton winning “Best Pop Vocal, Male” for the god-awful “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?” and “Wind Beneath My Wings” – a song you can imagine being plucked from Air Supply’s reject pile – as Record of the Year and Song of the Year.
You know, I hate to be that guy, but those kinds of songs are usually Exhibit A in the argument as to why the music industry "needed" grunge :p

Andrew T said:
No apologies to Young MC, Tone Loc, or Will Smith, though – I love those songs, but they’re obviously not Grammy material.)
Not to mention Milli Vanilli! I know hindsight is 20/20 and all that, but seriously, how did they fool anybody?

Andrew T said:
Did you deliberately pass up an opportunity to make an “It’s Still Billy Joel to Me” reference?
Surely you know just how many songs Weird Al parodied! I can't name-check all of them; it's like stepping into a minefield.
 
Snip a whole bunch of technical stuff that got deleted trying to post previously, that I'll probably try to post again this weekend.

All I want to say is that I wish I could have lived in TTL.
 
October 3, 1983

Don Henley installed a nine-foot-wide satellite dish on the roof of his Gilmer ranch largely to pick up the non-profit channel C-SPAN, which shows unedited coverage of the House and Senate proceedings. Today, as he and aspiring Texas Senatorial candidate Lloyd Doggett watch Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina fulminate on the Senate floor, Henley almost wishes he hadn’t.[1]

For Doggett, Henley's "Media Room" is far more impressive than the facilities at the Texas Democratic Party. He'd initially come here to hit up the notorious liberal Henley for a campaign contribution in Doggett's uphill battle against Phil Gramm to succeed retiring Senator John Tower; he discovered a kindred spirit.

Lloyd and Don are watching, aghast, as Helms is speaking passionately against a federal holiday honoring Dr. Martin Luther King. “A federal holiday should be an occasion for shared values,” grunts the dyspeptic Helms, “but King’s very name itself remains a source of tension, a deeply troubling symbol of a divided society.”

Don rolls his eyes at Lloyd, who -- despite himself -- all but giggles.

Helms continues his tirade: “I think most Americans would feel that the participation of Marxists in the planning and direction of any movement taints that movement at the outset. Others may argue that Dr. King's thought may have been merely Marxist in its orientation. But the trouble with that is that Marxism-Leninism, the official philosophy of communism, is an action-oriented revolutionary doctrine. And Dr. King's action-oriented Marxism, about which he was cautioned by the leaders of this country, including the president at that time, is not compatible with the concepts of this country.”[2]

"Lloyd, I... I almost don't have the words to respond to this sort of lunacy," said Don. "And worse, the Republicans control the Senate. They're going to let this racist moron win!"

Doggett smiled knowingly. "Just watch, Don. Sometimes it isn't as bad as you think."

To Henley’s surprise, the Republican leadership – including the segregationist Strom Thurmond – brought an immediate cloture vote to shut off debate just a few minutes after Helms began his angry rant. The vote would permit the King holiday bill to come to a full floor vote in the Senate. The Republicans had repudiated one of their own. Perhaps there’s some decency in politics after all, Henley thought.

"See? Sometimes you can get something done in Washington," offered Lloyd. Don nodded, impressed.

As Doggett and Henley continued their discussion, C-SPAN reporters interviewed Helms’s Republican colleagues. “I think Dr. King was a Herculean figure on the American scene,” said Sen. Arlen Spector of Pennsylvania. “His presence in Philadelphia was a stabilizing influence that prevented riots. He saved lives that day.” To refute Helms’s contention that a holiday honoring Martin Luther King would be “too costly,” Kansas Senator Bob Dole took to the floor and sarcastically asked “Since when did a dollar sign take its place atop our moral code?”

Doggett informed Henley that the Republican Dole was the floor manager for the legislation, the principal driving force behind the creation of a holiday to honor the slain civil rights leader, while on the TV, Dole continued, “To those who would worry about cost, I would suggest they hurry back to their pocket calculators and estimate the cost of three hundred years of slavery, followed by a century or more of economic, political and social exclusion and discrimination.”

Unlike Henley, Helms was unmoved. When asked by C-SPAN whether his comments might adversely affect his 1984 re-election efforts, he replied, bluntly, “I’m not going to get any black votes, period.” Henley shook his head, sadly. Helms was a bigot, a monster – but he was no idiot when it came to playing politics. He wasn’t just writing off black votes; he was writing them off on purpose in order to win the (presumably much larger) racist vote. Someone ought to do something, Henley thought. He went to his bedroom to get his checkbook.

After Henley returned, pen in hand, Doggett leaned in and said, "Don, I'd like to you be one of my co-chairs here in Northeast Texas. Sam" -- here, Doggett was referring to Henley's congressman, Democrat Sam Hall of Texas's First District -- "doesn't like me much."[3]

Henley nodded. He'd pulled the lever for Hall in '82, but had been less than impressed with Hall's Blue Dog Democrat politics. "Whatever I can do to help, Lloyd." The two men shook hands.

-----

At the request of the Reagan administration, polio victim Bob Brostrom arrives at the White House with more than 100,000 letters ostensibly in support of embattled Interior Secretary James Watt. Previously, Watt had attempted to defend his coal-leasing commission’s diversity, bragging to a group of lobbyists that he had hired “a black, a woman, two Jews, and a cripple.” Watt would resign as Secretary of the Interior one week later, in favor of rancher (and long-time Reagan friend) William P. Clark.[4]

-----
NOTES:

[1] Doggett's candidacy is as OTL.

[2] All of this comes from Helms's speech IOTL.

[3] Hall represents TX-1 OTL as well.

[4] All as OTL, except that Watt resigns a week earlier due to butterflies.
 
Very nice update - great to capture the zeitgeist of the time in looking at legislation to have King's birthday recognized as a national holiday - one of those things that seems eternal to anyone born afterwards, though it was the culmination of a very big push to do so, which permeated most every aspect of popular culture (Stevie Wonder, for example, wrote a song about it). But I can appreciate your strict focus on the political process, because I know a foreshadowing update when I see one ;)
 
Great update, and it's nice to return to Henley again— I like seeing what he's been up to. Can't wait to see more of his story ITTL unfold!
 

Heavy

Banned
This timeline has been a fun read so far and I'm looking forward to seeing how it will progress. Putting Brad Delp behind the microphone in Van Halen was a surprise, but it's a pretty cool idea.

I'm quite keen on the melodic rock genre, so it's interesting to see what will happen ITTL. One point of interest; when Steve Perry decided to leave Journey in 1987, there was apparently a strong possibility that he could be replaced by Michael Bolton. Of course, nothing came of it and Journey split for a decade.

A more likely possibility ITTL, perhaps?
 
Very nice update - great to capture the zeitgeist of the time in looking at legislation to have King's birthday recognized as a national holiday - one of those things that seems eternal to anyone born afterwards, though it was the culmination of a very big push to do so, which permeated most every aspect of popular culture (Stevie Wonder, for example, wrote a song about it). But I can appreciate your strict focus on the political process, because I know a foreshadowing update when I see one ;)

Thanks! After a long and contentious election season here in the U.S., I thought many of us might feel a little bit of empathy with Don Henley, here. Just when you think things are hopelessly deadlocked, it's worth remembering that sometimes the political leaders from both parties can set aside their disagreements and come together for historic moments.

Great update, and it's nice to return to Henley again— I like seeing what he's been up to. Can't wait to see more of his story ITTL unfold!

Thanks, conchobhar!

I love anything political. That was great.

Me too, and thanks for the kind words.

This timeline has been a fun read so far and I'm looking forward to seeing how it will progress. Putting Brad Delp behind the microphone in Van Halen was a surprise, but it's a pretty cool idea.

Welcome to the thread, Heavy Metal Poisoning, and thanks for the compliment. In researching the Boston update, I read a fair bit about Delp, and pretty much everybody seems to agree that Brad Delp is a consummate professional, the nicest guy you'll ever meet, with essentially no ego, etc. Tom Scholz, for his part, recognized that he was a slow-laboring perfectionist and encouraged the other members of Boston to work on solo projects during the very long period between albums. (I literally could not find even a single instance of in-fighting or drama amongst the band.) So that seemed like the perfect storm when Van Halen went looking for a frontman with the exact opposite personality from David Lee Roth....

I'm quite keen on the melodic rock genre, so it's interesting to see what will happen ITTL.

Well, once that issue of Compute! hits the stands, we're three months away from a major departure for one of OTL's musical superstars. I've left a fair amount of clues as to who that might be....

One point of interest; when Steve Perry decided to leave Journey in 1987, there was apparently a strong possibility that he could be replaced by Michael Bolton. Of course, nothing came of it and Journey split for a decade.

A more likely possibility ITTL, perhaps?

For now, I'll just say that Michael Bolton is currently the opening act on Robert Plant's The Principle of Moments tour... just as IOTL. (Feel free to :eek:, if you so choose.)
 

Heavy

Banned
Welcome to the thread, Heavy Metal Poisoning, and thanks for the compliment. In researching the Boston update, I read a fair bit about Delp, and pretty much everybody seems to agree that Brad Delp is a consummate professional, the nicest guy you'll ever meet, with essentially no ego, etc. Tom Scholz, for his part, recognized that he was a slow-laboring perfectionist and encouraged the other members of Boston to work on solo projects during the very long period between albums. (I literally could not find even a single instance of in-fighting or drama amongst the band.) So that seemed like the perfect storm when Van Halen went looking for a frontman with the exact opposite personality from David Lee Roth....

True enough; I was going to mention that a Van Halen with Delp brought into the fold would probably be less fraught with ego-driven conflict that what we saw in real life with Roth and Hagar.

As for Tom Scholz, though, I've heard that when Barry Goudreau's self-titled album (good record; it was recently remastered and reissued by Rock Candy) was cited by critics as an effective follow-up to Don't Look Back when it was released in 1980, Scholz allegedly took exception to the comparison and convinced the label to pull its promotion of the record, just as the lead single ("Dreams") was starting to gain traction on the radio.

Of course, there may be no truth to that.
 
Umm 1984, that was the year when Nintendo revealed the Western Famicom... the Advance Video System and was laughed publically, but still make me thing...how is the house of Yamauchi so far? OTL business in japan was outside american home market until 1984 when both nintendo and Sega barely try to sell their products abroad(when Japan thanks to their 'athletic games' Nintendo Dominated single handely)
 
As for Tom Scholz, though, I've heard that when Barry Goudreau's self-titled album (good record; it was recently remastered and reissued by Rock Candy) was cited by critics as an effective follow-up to Don't Look Back when it was released in 1980, Scholz allegedly took exception to the comparison and convinced the label to pull its promotion of the record, just as the lead single ("Dreams") was starting to gain traction on the radio.

Of course, there may be no truth to that.

Interesting -- I'd never heard that. I have heard "Dreams," which would make a fine Boston song.

Umm 1984, that was the year when Nintendo revealed the Western Famicom... the Advance Video System and was laughed publically, but still make me thing...how is the house of Yamauchi so far? OTL business in japan was outside american home market until 1984 when both nintendo and Sega barely try to sell their products abroad(when Japan thanks to their 'athletic games' Nintendo Dominated single handely)

I've already teased the fate of the NES earlier, but it will get an explicit update before the end of '84. :)

As a side note: thanks to everyone for helping Dirty Laundry get to 10,000 page views!
 

Heavy

Banned
Here's a further bit of Boston trivia, if you're interested.

There were three Boston spin-off groups in the 1980s, mostly put together on Goudreau's initiative; none of them recorded more than one album. The first two were his aforementioned solo album in 1980 and the Orion the Hunter project from 1984. Fran Cosmo handled most of the lead vocals in both cases, though Delp was fairly heavily involved as a co-writer and backing vocalist. The third was RTZ (or Return To Zero), a collaboration featuring Delp as lead vocalist which was released at the end of the decade.

I don't know if these would go forward with Brad Delp participating in Van Halen but I don't see any reason why not. They might have a higher profile with Delp in a band as big as Van Halen was in the late-1980s.
 
“Since when did a dollar sign take its place atop our moral code?”... I fear we don't hear that talk much anymore.
 
February 29, 1984

Jules Witcover, The Baltimore Sun
Nashua, New Hampshire


In yesterday's Democratic Primary in New Hampshire, Colorado Senator Gary Hart -- who, less than six months ago, was polling at less than 1% -- stunned presumed front-runner and former Vice President Walter Mondale (MN), winning 37% of the vote to Mondale's 28%. Ohio Senator John Glenn was third with 12%; no other candidate garnered more than 5% of the vote.[1]

Proclaiming himself the "candidate of new ideas," Hart confidently predicted that his campaign would win next week's primary in Vermont as well. "We've got energy, we've got momentum, and we're going to ride that all the way to the White House!" said Hart during his victory speech.

Hart's win came as a surprise to the Democratic establishment after Vice President Mondale defeated him by 32 points in last week's Iowa caucuses, but it wasn't the first time Hart defied the odds. In 1972, the then-35-year-old Hart was the campaign manager for long-shot insurgent candidate George McGovern; under Hart's leadership, McGovern shocked Democratic party officials by winning the Iowa caucuses and ultimately, his party's nomination for the Presidency.

Can Hart shock the world a second time? Only time will tell.

-----------------------------------
Panda Polka Party
From *Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

album_cover.jpg


Panda Polka Party is the second studio album by American singer-songwriter "Weird Al" Yankovic, released on February 28, 1984 by Rock 'n Roll Records. The album was one of many produced by former The McCoys guitarist Rick Derringer. Recorded between October and December 1983, the album was Yankovic's follow-up to his modestly successful self-titled debut LP.[2] The album marks the debut of Weird Al's character "Petey the Polka Panda," although he would not be so named until 1986.[3]

The music on Panda Polka Party is built around parodies and pastiches of pop and rock music of the mid 1980s. In what would become Weird Al's standard formula used on all of his later albums, the "A" side of Panda Polka Party contains direct parodies of hit songs, most of which were #1 on the Billboard Top 100.[4] The "B" side of the album contains original material, featuring "style parodies" or musical imitations that come close to, but do not copy, existing artists. These style parodies include imitations of specific artists like Bob Marley and The B-52s. This album marked a musical departure from Yankovic's self-titled debut, in that the arrangements of the parodies were now closer to the originals and the accordion was no longer used in every song, now only being featured where deemed appropriate or wholly inappropriate for comedic effect.

For his direct song parodies, Yankovic typically[citation needed] secures the permission of the original artist before producing the parody, except for the two songs discussed below.[5]

Panda Polka Party is also notable for being the first album released by Yankovic to feature a polka medley of hit songs. These pastiches of hit songs, set to polka music, have since appeared on virtually all of Yankovic's albums.

Panda Polka Party was met with mostly positive reviews and peaked at number 14 on the Billboard 200 and number 55. The album also produced one of Yankovic's most famous singles, "Eat It" (a parody of Michael Jackson's "Beat It"), which peaked at number 10 on the Billboard Hot 100, and remains Yankovic's highest charting single. "Eat It" also charted at number one in Australia, making it Yankovic's only number one single in any country.

The album also produced three minor US hits, "I Want a Panda," which peaked at number 43; "King of Suede", which peaked at number 64; and "I Lost on Jeopardy", which peaked at number 75. The album was Yankovic's first Gold record, and went on to be certified Platinum for sales of over one million copies in the United States.

"Eat It" won a Grammy Award for Best Comedy Performance Single or Album, Spoken or Musical in 1985.[6]

Criticism
Panda Polka Party and the single "I Want a Panda" were criticized by PETA as offering implicit support for China's "rent-a-panda" program, instituted in 1984, whereby pandas were "loaned" to other nations for a period of ten years in exchange for a large cash fee, often exceeding USD$1,000,000.[7] In an interview with MTV, Yankovic denied the charge, stating "I'm not a political singer. I wrote 'I Want a Panda' because there aren't too many words that rhyme with 'Amanda,' and I think I already used all of them in the song. And even then, I had to mispronounce 'Uganda.'"

Track Listing
Side A

1. "Eat It" (orig. Michael Jackson, arr. Yankovic) – 3:21
Parody of "Beat It" by Michael Jackson

2. "I Want a Panda" (orig. Tom Scholz, arr. Yankovic) -- 3:40
Parody of "Amanda" by Boston

3. "King of Suede" (orig. Sting, arr. Yankovic) -- 3:14
Parody of "King of Pain" by the Police

4. "I Lost on Jeopardy" (orig. Greg Kihn, Steve Wright, arr. Yankovic) -- 3:28
Parody of "Jeopardy" by the Greg Kihn Band

5. "The Rye or the Kaiser" (orig. Frankie Sullivan, Jim Peterik, arr. Yankovic) – 3:38
Parody of "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor

6. "The Brady Bunch" (orig. Ivan Doroschuk, arr. Yankovic) -- 2:44
Parody of "The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats, with the lyrics of the theme song to the TV Show "The Brady Bunch" sung starting at the third verse.

Side B

1. "Polkas on 45" (Polka medley, arr. Yankovic) – 5:13
A polka medley of various hit songs

2. "Buy Me a Condo" (Yankovic) – 3:47
A style parody of Bob Marley/reggae

3. "Midnight Star" (Yankovic) – 4:35
Original

4. "That Boy Could Dance" (Yankovic) – 3:34
Original

5. "Mr. Popeil" (Yankovic) – 4:42
A style parody of the B-52s

-----------------------------------
Lyrics to "I Want a Panda"[8]

There's
something I just need to own
It doesn't have much muscle tone
I don't think it can hide
in the gazebo outside
or in the park...
not even when it's dark

And yes
someday it will be mine
across the international date line
I want to be forthright
it's all black and white
and eats bamboo...
It's not a kangaroo

They say I'm a debutante
just because I want
a panda

China says they're not for sale
but I think that's just stale
propaganda

I don't care what I have to do
I'd go from here to Timbuktu
or Uganda

I want one....

-----------------------------------

Notes:

[1] All as OTL.

[2] IOTL, this album was called "Weird Al Yankovic in 3-D." Here, the 3-D horror movie track "Nature Trail to Hell" is deleted in favor of the song parody "I Want a Panda," and the album is themed differently. It's slightly more successful than OTL.

[3] Sadly, this probably butterflies away "Harvey the Wonder Hamster," although you never know....

[4] IOTL, Weird Al's albums do not follow quite as rigid a formula; here, the continuity helps sell more future albums (as fans know exactly what they're getting), but slightly constrains Weird Al's creativity.

[5] IOTL, Weird Al has secured permission for every song parody except for the controversy surrounding "Amish Paradise" (a parody of Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise"), which you can read about here.

[6] As OTL. No, seriously!

[7] This was a matter of some controversy IOTL in 1984.

[8] Yes, I'm inflicting these on you.
 
Last edited:
Got to say, I like what I've seen so far. Especially liked the ET-II review. I was vaguely aware that a less-than-stellar sequel had been planned at some point, but not of some of the details.

A potential little fact you might be able to use if you're interested - apparently Sega offered Atari a deal to distribute the Mega Drive/Genesis (much like Nintendo tried to do with the pre-NES Famicom in 1983). OTL, the two companies couldn't agree on the details, so Sega released it themselves.
Perhaps this more competent Atari of yours might be a bit more receptive to the deal in this timeline?
 
Always nice to see a new update!

Can Hart shock the world a second time? Only time will tell.
And to think, IOTL, his whole campaign was blown apart thanks to an octogenarian in a commercial for a burger chain...

Andrew T said:
Panda Polka Party is the second studio album by American singer-songwriter "Weird Al" Yankovic, released on February 28, 1984 by Rock 'n Roll Records. The album was one of many produced by former The McCoys guitarist Rick Derringer. Recorded between October and December 1983, the album was Yankovic's follow-up to his modestly successful self-titled debut LP.[2] The album marks the debut of Weird Al's character "Petey the Polka Panda," although he would not be so named until 1986.[3]
Did you make that album cover yourself? It looks delightfully ridiculous, though I'm not quite sure it's loud and garish enough for the early 1980s.

Andrew T said:
For his direct song parodies, Yankovic typically[citation needed] secures the permission of the original artist before producing the parody, except for the two songs discussed below.[5]
You don't appear to mention the two songs in question anywhere in the post :confused:

Andrew T said:
Panda Polka Party was met with mostly positive reviews and peaked at number 14 on the Billboard 200 and number 55. The album also produced one of Yankovic's most famous singles, "Eat It" (a parody of Michael Jackson's "Beat It"), which peaked at number 10 on the Billboard Hot 100, and remains Yankovic's highest charting single. "Eat It" also charted at number one in Australia, making it Yankovic's only number one single in any country.
Some OTL reference points: In 3-D peaked at #17 IOTL, but was indeed certified Platinum (and Gold in Canada, for what that's worth). "Eat It" just barely failed to crack the Top 10, at #12, and Weird Al would not have a Top 10 hit IOTL until "White and Nerdy" in 2006 (oddly, a parody of a one-hit wonder, though it's not like you can predict that).

Andrew T said:
The album also produced three minor US hits, "I Want a Panda," which peaked at number 33; "King of Suede", which peaked at number 64; and "I Lost on Jeopardy", which peaked at number 75. The album was Yankovic's first Gold record, and went on to be certified Platinum for sales of over one million copies in the United States.
The TTL-only single "Panda", in reaching the Top 40, becomes his second hit, which he would not achieve IOTL until "Smells Like Nirvana" in 1992. "King of Suede" actually did a little better IOTL, reaching #62 (but it was the second single, not the third); however "I Lost On Jeopardy" does improve on its OTL performance of #82.

Andrew T said:
In an interview with MTV, Yankovic denied the charge, stating "I'm not a political singer. I wrote 'I Want a Panda' because there aren't too many words that rhyme with 'Amanda,' and I think I already used all of them in the song. And even then, I had to mispronounce 'Uganda.'"
I could actually see him making great hay of this on an AL-TV segment ;)

Andrew T said:
"Mr. Popeil" (Yankovic) – 4:42
A style parody of the B-52s
I always really liked this song, but then I've always enjoyed the B-52s. (I don't know, maybe it's just something about New Wave).

Andrew T said:
Lyrics to "I Want a Panda"[8]
I'm really impressed by your creativity in this latest update! :)

There's some more great stuff here, so keep up the good work!
 
Got to say, I like what I've seen so far. Especially liked the ET-II review. I was vaguely aware that a less-than-stellar sequel had been planned at some point, but not of some of the details.

Welcome to the timeline, The Storyteller, and thanks for the kind words!

A potential little fact you might be able to use if you're interested - apparently Sega offered Atari a deal to distribute the Mega Drive/Genesis (much like Nintendo tried to do with the pre-NES Famicom in 1983). OTL, the two companies couldn't agree on the details, so Sega released it themselves.
Perhaps this more competent Atari of yours might be a bit more receptive to the deal in this timeline?

Perhaps! :)

And to think, IOTL, his whole campaign was blown apart thanks to an octogenarian in a commercial for a burger chain...

That moment -- Walter Mondale turning to Gary Hart during a debate and asking him 'Where's the beef?' -- is less than two weeks away ITTL.

On the other hand: he who lives by the sound bite, dies by the sound bite. IOTL, Mondale's primary zinger moved him decisively ahead of Gary Hart, only for Mondale himself to be the victim of one of the most influential zingers of all time during the general election (Ronald Reagan's "I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, the youth and inexperience of my opponent.")

Did you make that album cover yourself? It looks delightfully ridiculous, though I'm not quite sure it's loud and garish enough for the early 1980s.

Yep. If I had greater photoshop skills, I would have found a way to merge it with this delightfully insane comic drawing of Weird Al (which I used on the Pop Culture Timelines thread).

You don't appear to mention the two songs in question anywhere in the post :confused:

It's called foreshadowing, man! :)

The TTL-only single "Panda", in reaching the Top 40, becomes his second hit, which he would not achieve IOTL until "Smells Like Nirvana" in 1992.

Ack! Thanks for catching the typo; it was supposed to be #43 (hence the use of the phrase "minor hit") and just outside the Top 40.

"King of Suede" actually did a little better IOTL, reaching #62 (but it was the second single, not the third); however "I Lost On Jeopardy" does improve on its OTL performance of #82.

Let's be honest: "King of Suede" is really not a very good parody song, and "King of Pain" as an original was a very weird choice for a song to parody. I chalk up its performance IOTL to the public's appetite for more Weird Al. "Panda" -- like "I Lost On Jeopardy" -- cashes in by virtue of being competent.
 
March-April 1984

TV Guide for March 20, 1984

After 19 episodes, ABC cancels the low-rated sitcom Oh Madeline, a Madeline Kahn vehicle in which the titular head character (Kahn) searches for a way to spice up her boring marriage to husband Charlie (played by James Sloyan), who writes bodice-ripper romance novels under the pen name “Crystal Love.”[1]

Making its series premiere is midseason replacement Shaping Up!, a sitcom ostensibly following the madcap antics of health club owner Buddy Fox (played by Leslie Nielsen), the club’s straight-laced manager Ben Zachary (played by Tim Robbins), and workout girls Shannon Winters (played by Jennifer Tilly) and Melissa McDonald (played by Shawn Weatherly). Also in a supporting role is hyper-aggressive gym trainer and WWF wrestler “Hulk” Hogan (as himself).[2]

uLypz.jpg


Shaping Up! airs at 9 p.m. on ABC, in between venerable sitcoms Happy Days (currently in its eleventh and final broadcast season) and Three’s Company (currently in its eighth), opposite Remington Steele on NBC and The CBS Tuesday Night Movies on CBS.[3]

CBS, meanwhile, has announced that this will be the sixth and final season for The Dukes of Hazzard, citing declining ratings and increased production costs.[4]

-----------------

April 4, 1984

“Intellivision is the closest thing to the real thing!”

mattel-intellivision2.jpg


Mattel, Inc., the world’s largest toy company, announced today that it was shutting down its Mattel Electronics division and ceasing production of its Intellivision II video game system (pictured above).[5]

Despite a vigorous television advertising campaign featuring legendary actor George Plimpton, and arguably superior technology, Intellivision failed to emerge as a serious competitor to the Atari 2600 and ColecoVision systems in the home video game market.

The core of the Intellivision I and II was a General Instruments CP1610 processor running at 0.89 MHz, which utilizes a 10-bit instruction set (unlike the 8-bit processors that power the Atari 2600 as well as the ColecoVision), as well as a separate General Instruments AY-3-8914 chip that provides three-channel sound. However, most Intellivision games are just 4K or 8K of ROM in size, which pales in comparison to the larger, more-complicated games being developed by Coleco and Atari.

The biggest failure of Mattel, however, was in adjusting to the new video game systems brought to market by Atari (the 7800) and Coleco (the Super Game System). Executives at Mattel Electronics were split as to whether to focus on a newer video game system or a home computer instead; ultimately, although prototypes of both products were developed, neither were brought to market.

Entertainment Computer System
First, the home computer. As far back as 1981, Mattel had announced a “Keyboard Component” for the Intellivision that added a keyboard (and under the hood, an MOS6502 microprocessor and 16Kbytes of Random Access Memory) to expand the game system into a full-fledged computer. Like similar add-ons for the Atari 2600 and ColecoVision, the Keyboard Component was a commercial and technological flop and less than 4,000 were ever sold (most via mail order).[6]

In the wake of the Keyboard Component debacle, Mattel contracted with Hong Kong-based electronics manufacturer Radofin to build a new, inexpensive “home” computer from the ground up. Code named “Aquarius,” Radofin simply rebadged a 4K Z80-based machine it had built for the Pacific Rim market with the Mattel Electronics logo, who named it the “Entertainment Computer System” or ECS.[7] After loading the scaled-down version of Microsoft BASIC, less than 2K of RAM was free for use. To address the problem, Mattel proposed to ship the ECS with an external 16K RAM upgrade cartridge, bringing the total system RAM to 20K.

aquarius2_1.jpg

The Mattel Entertainment Computer System, seen here badged with an earlier in-development name, the "Aquarius II."

The problem was that by the time the ECS was developed in early 1983, computers such as the Commodore 64 had already taken over the low-end home computer market at a price point comparable to that for which Mattel had envisioned selling the ECS. Facing these challenges, Mattel Electronics cancelled the ECS before it entered production.

Intellivision III
At the 1983 Summer Consumer Electronics Show (CES), Mattel Electronics quickly pulled down all references to the ECS from its booth. In its place was a non-working prototype of the “Intellivision III,” their next-generation video game system, based around Motorola’s MCS68000 16-bit microprocessor.[8] Boasting that it would be “the machine of the decade,” Mattel Electronics claimed that the Intellivision III would be capable of 16-color, 3D high resolution graphics (320 x 192 pixels) and six-channel sound, with a built-in voice synthesizer capable of speaking English, French, Italian, and German.[9] Also rumored to be included was a modem and an updated version of Mattel’s “PlayCable” hardware (see below). As of today, the Intellivision III has not yet hit the prototype stage.

PlayCable
It wasn’t all failures for Mattel, though. Computer and video game enthusiasts hailed Intellivision’s “PlayCable” as a significant (if underutilized) technological milestone. Introduced in 1981, the PlayCable enabled Mattel to send Intellivision games over cable wires along with a cable television signal. Decoded through a special converted called a “modulator-demodulator” (or modem, for short), the PlayCable would allow subscribers to “down load” new 4K games to play on their Intellivision consoles without having to drive to the store or pay for separate game catridges. The “down loaded” games would disappear when the Intellivision was shut off, however. Although a significant technological success, the fact that most households still do not have Cable TV even today led to a diminished market for the PlayCable. Additionally, users could not “down load” 8K and larger Intellivision games, due to the physical limitations of the PlayCable device.[10]

-----------------
Notes:

[1] Exactly as IOTL.

[2] IOTL, Shaping Up (no exclamation point) went with immensely unlikeable real-life trainer Jake Steinfeld (of “Body By Jake” fame) as the presumably hyper-aggressive trainer Jerry. In retooling the pilot, the producers kept Steinfeld but inexplicably replaced Robbins with complete unknown Michael Fontaine, who would essentially never work in Hollywood again.

I’ve never seen the show (and I don’t know anyone who has), but I can’t imagine that two actors as talented as Nielsen and Robbins couldn’t ad-lib something at least as watchable as most of the dreck airing on ABC in 1984.

This butterflies away Robbins’ appearances on The Love Boat and Hill Street Blues, as you might suspect.

As for Hulk Hogan: IOTL, he’s pitched the failed pilot “Goldie and the Bears” in which Hogan plays an ex-football player turned private investigator. That, I imagine, is as wretched as it sounds, and even the height of Wrestlemania-mania in 1984 was not enough to get it picked up. Nevertheless, it’s clear that Hogan wants to act, and his WWF-mate Mr. T is currently a breakout star on NBC’s The A-Team.

I would think the charismatic Hogan would be quite the success in a supporting role. The only question is whether promoting Shaping Up! would butterfly away Hogan putting Richard Belzer in a sleeper hold.

[3] Oh Madeline aired at 9:30; IOTL, Shaping Up took over that timeslot directly, rather than the more favorable 9 pm slot (with Three’s Company – also in its last season ITTL and IOTL – moving to 9:30). “Remington Steele” is in its second season and, despite following the #4-rated The A-Team, is not in the Nielsen Top 30 of TV shows for 1983-84. (Nor are Happy Days (#63) or Three’s Company, both of which are outside the Top 30 for the first time in their respective broadcast runs.)

[4] By 1983, The Dukes of Hazzard was airing in the “Friday Night Death Slot” and resorting to (as Wikipedia puts it) “increasingly inferior scripts” and wackier stunts involving a miniature model of the General Lee “to compete with TV’s newer supercar, Knight Rider.” IOTL, The Dukes of Hazzard narrowly escaped cancellation and limped along for a seventh (and equally low-rated) season.

[5] IOTL, Mattel Electronics shuttered its doors on January 20, 1984; here, it lasts an additional two and a half months because the Video Game Crash of 1983 is avoided.

[6] Pretty much as OTL.

[7] IOTL, the system actually did go to market -- albeit briefly -- under the name Aquarius; the ECS was reserved for yet another unpopular Intellivision keyboard upgrade, which is scrapped ITTL. Actually, the most popular model (the Aquarius I) was even more underpowered than the Aquarius II/ECS shown here; at least the Aquarius II had a real keyboard (and a real space bar!)

[8] IOTL, Mattel developed – to varying degrees – both the Intellivision III (based around the existing GI1610 microprocessor used in the Intellivision I and II but with enhanced memory and higher resolution graphics) and the Intellivision IV (based around the 68000). Neither advanced even as far as the prototype stage; here, the Intellivision III is never even conceptualized, and much of OTL’s Intellivision IV concept is TTL’s Intellivision III.

[9] Just like the “International Intellivoice” module developed IOTL.

[10] All as OTL. Bandwidth was also an issue, but I couldn't figure out a way to say that in 1984-speak. :)
 
Top