Deganawatha (Haudenosaunee Imperium restart)

[Prime Minister]

400 GP/Great Peace (1721 A.D.)


Deganawatha walked along the new dirt pathway to the great meeting at Onondaga the leading village of the Haudenosaunee people. The Onodaga people kept the sacred flame in the centre of their Confederacy. As it had been since the five peoples first came together. The Kanien'gehaga and the Seneca were the guards of the East and West doors, the Onayotekaono lead the people's connection to the great spirt and the Guyohkohnyo people helped to farm the food for the Confederation. Thus they formed the Great Longhouse, a symbol of community and freedom against their enemies to north, the Wyandot and Algonquian.
But this meeting was not for war. The Kanien'gehaga claimed to have had a great canoe wash up on its shores. No living sole of man or beast was present, but there were bones wrapped in odd skins, never before seen by any of the people's. Deganawatha had been chosen as one of the Onondaga from his village to be on the council. He entered the Onondaga Longhouse as the others were gathering.

"Why have you called this meeting Theyanoguin? What could a canoe of the dead hold of interest?" Asked Canassatego Great Chief of the Onondaga.

Theyanoguin of the Kanien'gehaga said not a word, but with one move flung a Tomahawk with a short plain handle deep into a wooden beam. Its head disappearing mostly into the wood. It rang with the pitch of bird song though the Longhouse. "There are many more as that one. And other weapons and shining skins that an arrow can not pierce. I know not and care not about the bodies on this canoe. But if we can learn of their weapons. The Wyandot and Algonquian will never be able to harm us again." No one spoke for a great time. Then Deganawatha heard someone say with a laugh from behind him.

"So, this is about war then."

Deganawatha's stomach was unsettled. His eyes did not leave the weapon as Theyanoguin removed it from wooden poll. He hated war and had hoped to avoid it further. But if this Great Canoe had more weapons such as this, there would be war, and it would be soon.

 

[Muwatalli']

Interesting start...

 

[robertp6165]

400 GP/Great Peace (1721 A.D.)

One big issue...the Iroquois had already been in contact with the French for nearly two centuries, and the English and Dutch for nearly a century prior to this date. Indeed, they had just recently been involved in King William's War and Queen Anne's War as allies of the English. They would already have been well familiar with iron tomahawks and probably most of their warriors would already have been armed with them, not to mention English and Dutch trade muskets.

So you probably want to move the date of this back a considerable way.

 

[Prime Minister]

One big issue...the Iroquois had already been in contact with the French for nearly two centuries, and the English and Dutch for nearly a century prior to this date. Indeed, they had just recently been involved in King William's War and Queen Anne's War as allies of the English. They would already have been well familiar with iron tomahawks and probably most of their warriors would already have been armed with them, not to mention English and Dutch trade muskets.

So you probably want to move the date of this back a considerable way.

Thanks you. But I knew that part of North American history. Let me just say that the finding of the "Great Canoe" isnt the POD

 

[robertp6165]

Thanks you. But I knew that part of North American history.

Let me quote from your introduction.

Theyanoguin of the Kanien'gehaga said not a word, but with one move flung a Tomahawk with a short plain handle deep into a wooden beam. Its head disappearing mostly into the wood. It rang with the pitch of bird song though the Longhouse. "There are many more as that one. And other weapons and shining skins that an arrow can not pierce. I know not and care not about the bodies on this canoe. But if we can learn of their weapons. The Wyandot and Algonquian will never be able to harm us again."

You introduce a character who makes a big show about a tomahawk as if it is something the other Iroquois have never seen before, and then says "if we can learn of these weapons, we'll be safe from our enemies." If you are aware they already knew about and possessed these weapons in 1721, why would you write this?

Let me just say that the finding of the "Great Canoe" isnt the POD.

Your introduction doesn't make much sense if it's not. Did the Iroquois find such a "Great Canoe" in real history? Because if they didn't, then it IS your POD. You may have other PODs coming, but this IS a POD.

 

[Prime Minister]

The "POD" or Point Of Divergence, is the initial instance where the two timeline become different correct? That being true the POD in this time line is many years prior to 1721

 

[Prime Minister]

400 GP/Great Peace (1721 A.D.)


Deganawatha travelled behind Canassatego and other representatives of the Five Nations. They we're to meet with Theyanoguin to see the Great Canoe. The party was now in territories formerly of the Pennacook. They we're an Algonquian people and had lost much of their lands in the last war, the Kanien'gehaga people had taken the lands to the sea so that the Haudenosaunee had more room for farms and could take the fish out of the salt water and dried them on the beach.
Deganawatha had seen the sands and great waters only once before when he was young during the war. A scar in his shoulder reminded him everyday of the fighting and the savagery of the Algonquian. He had lost himself in his memories and walked into the back of Canassatego. Deganawatha looked up past the chief and saw what must be the Great Canoe that the Kanien'gehaga Chief had spoken of. But it was no more a canoe than a puddle was to the Holy Lake Ontario. It had been battered by weather and the sea colours had smeared and the wood in many places had chipped and broken off. The carving of a woman sat worn and broken at the head of the canoe, her features were different that any woman Dganawatha had seen, smother; her face rounded her hair long and flowing. But the wood was scuffed and battered as the great canoe, making her look as though she suffered some horrible sickness.
They moved closer to the canoe, the Kanien'gehaga had lowered rope to climb up to the floor of the great canoe. A great tree sprung from its centre with two branches extending from near the top, one had snapped as though under great strain, the other was tied to a white cloth as large as a home that now hung lazily catching the breeze from the waters. Kanien'gehaga walked carefully across the slanted floor scavenging what items of use they could find.
"What people made this?" Canassatego asked as if to no one. He ran his hands over the floor. "How could they have made such a thing?" Deganawatha took his first steps across the uneven landing. He move towards an opening where Theyanoguin's voice could be heard. He stood with others attempting to force open a door.
"You! Onondaga! Come and help us. There is something jamming the door on the other side." Even with the worriers working as a single force they were unable to move the door. Theyanoguin looked at one of his worriers. "Get the shining staff that we found." He ran off and moments later returned with a long sharp looking staff. Theyanoguin took it and lifted it over his head swinging at the door. The staff splintered the wood causing chips too fly across the hall. The shining staff cut a whole though the door faster than the sharpest stone axe. Though the otherside Deganawatha could see the shining of gold and other stones. But there was something else that drew his eyes. Ledges filled with leather bundles. Some had fallen to the floor showing drawings that could not be made out. Deganawatha knew he must be able to see them, take them, before Theyanoguin and the Kanien'gehaga took them for their own.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Obviously in this TL the europeans have never made landfall or established any permanent presence, and they have now simply found one of their wrecks off the coast...

poor Columbus, I guess he never got funding or never returned from his initial expedition...mind you that simply delays discovery but doesn't prevent it. Something else must be preventing the establishment of European colonies.

 

[Prime Minister]

400 GP/Great Peace (1721 A.D.)

Deganawatha was second past the door. A large wooden structure filled with coloured skins had fallen on the door and now lay with its contents scattared on the floor's ornate coverings. The skins distracted the Kanien'gehaga and their chief giving Deganawatha the time he needed to collect the leather bindings. What he had thought were drawings were instead odd flowing markings covering page after page. Only on occasion was art to be found. Dark lined pictures of men in fields flanked by wolves or guiding great beast dragging behind them weight great enough to turn the earth in mounds. Deganawatha took several of the bindings and placed them in a bucket he found near a large wooden platform.
He stood and a pulse of fear ran though him. Looking into the empty eyes of a man's dead face, he fell back to the floor. The Kanien'gehaga laughed at his fright. "The Onondaga jump at dead men!" One of them laughed.
"Yes, but at least he did not run in fright as your son Akhilesh." Theyanoguin siad looking down on his worrier. "Dispose of this one with the rest. Show him the respect he must deserve." Theyanoguin looked over the skins the man wore and thumbed though gold jewels on his chest. "The others did not have these. He may have been their chief." The man's fingers over lay another binding, a feather sat between them, its end carved to a point like that of an arrow and was died black. More flowing markings covered the bound sheets. But one became less and less orderly and fine until it lazily and snobbishly ended near the middle. Dganawatha took this binding as well. It must mean something, why else would any man spend his dieing breath making such art?

 

[Krall]

I like this story so far; I've recently become fascinated with Native American culture in pre-Columbian North America, so I'm eager to see how they've developed and what kind of changes would take place after a couple of hundred years without any European contact!

That said, your writing's not the best. It doesn't seem bad - just a little bland at the moment. I'd suggest trying to mention the emotions and dispositions of characters more, maybe including descriptions of any distinctive features or clothing to make them easier to visualise. Longer updates would be nicer too - you don't necessarily have to have more happen, just explain a bit more about what's happening and the history of the world around them ("infodumps" are generally a bad idea, but working in a few notes about cultural mores and how characters perceive people or things due to the history surrounding them shouldn't be boring). I'd also appreciate it if you separated all your paragraphs with a blank line, as it would make your posts look nicer and make them a bit easier to read.

Anyway, sorry for having more criticisms than praise, but I will be following this timeline/story and I look forward to seeing what the Haudenosaunee do with the treasure from this "Great Canoe"!

 

[Prime Minister]

400 GP/Great Peace (1721 A.D.)

Sitting in the Great Longhouse the leadership of the Haudenosaunee meet once again. Most of the treasures from the Great Canoe had been stripped and split between the Five Nations. Deganawatha held in his hands a binding he had taken with him, at his feet sat three more, many sacks full waited back at his home. His fascination, with them had grown over the last weeks. His sleep and eating were suffering, all of his time was spent trying to understand just what they had found. The structures, weapons, armour and the Great Canoe itself could never draw his mind and soul as great as the bindings that had been collected. He turned a page of the binding tracing his fingers, once again the was art of a man in odd skins being trailed by a wolf in a field and a great building in the distance that looked to be made of stone.

"DEGANAWATHA!"

With a jump Deganawatha snapped the binding shut, his eyes darting around the fire. Canassatego and Theyanoguin both looked down on him the rest of the room sat in silence.

"I'm sorry."

"As I was saying." Canassatego turned to the leadership. "We must learn how the Great Canoe was constructed. It is a gift from the Great Spirit and we must not turn out backs too it."

"No." Theyanoguin said standing. "The weapons and armour we have collected must be studied. How the could be made, and made so well. Once we know this we can create them our own and arm our men. The Wyandot will kneel to us as their masters."

"We must...." All attention was now on Deganawatha he found himself standing level with the two chiefs. He still held the binding he had gone over in his hand using it to point at Theyanoguin. "We must learn everything we can. The Great Canoe, the carvings, the armour. Each is only a small part of the gift. If we master them all." His heart was pounding in his chest, all he could think was that it was a mistake to stand up, all he wanted was to look over the bindings and be left alone.

"Deganawatha is right." A Senica chief said nodding. Others joined voicing their agreement.

"Very well." Theyanoguin said taking his seat.

"We must elect councils for study." Canassatego added. After much debate five councils had been formed. Each lead what was being called a Minor Chief.

Walking back to his home, holding his bindings Deganawatha felt happier than he had since his marriage too Seca years past. He was made Minor Chief of the Bindings. Walking into his home he set the bindings down and wrapped his arms around his wife. Tonight will be a good night. Tomorrow work must begin.

 

[Prime Minister]

401 GP/Great Peace (1722 A.D.)

Months had past with little success for Deganawatha and the group assembled to decipher the bindings. Several wolf pups had been found by traders on rout to Onondaga, their dead mother near by; likely killed defending her young. The idea had come from the wolves in the bindings. Deganawatha knew not what service they could perform, but that did not bother him, there was another Minor Chief in charge of taming the animals.

The Kanien'gehaga we're fairing little better at reproducing the shining material that had been used in the tomahawk's and other items that had been found. They had learned how to melt and break up the material found, and that had proved mostly fruitless. Stories we're going around that they had found rocks that could also melt and they we're now playing at them.

The Seneca and others we're working on other projects, but nothing-

A growing chatter from outside stole Deganawatha's attention from his bindings, looking at his team he could see they two were distracted; several were moving towards the door way following the chatter to the centre of the village. Thaonawyuthe, the Seneca Chief that had spoken on his behalf at last council stood along with Canassatego and a Seneca Minor Chief, with them was... something. Something from the bindings, almost.

Deganawatha hurried over to examine the wooden structure. It was a very large woven basket with one end cut out replaced by protruding handles. It rested on three large thin round wooden plates standing on their sides allowing for the basket to stand on its own. The Seneca Chief placed several other baskets filled with dried maze and then a child into the standing basket, he then garbed upon the handles and walked forward. The Wooden plates turned and rolled along their sides effortlessly moving along.

Happiness nearly overwhelmed Deganawatha, this was something people could see, something they could touch, make, use. This was the progress he had been hoping too see.

 

[Prime Minister]

The Known World of the Haudenosaunee:

 

[Cuāuhtemōc]

This is interesting. No permanent European settlement? Me rikey! BD

 

[Prime Minister]

401 GP/Great Peace (1722 A.D.)


His heart pounding with terror Deganawatha ran though the woods crossing untamed lands, his mind forgetting about the dirt road he had left behind. His moccasins protecting his feet from the forest floor and its trappings. He leaping over a small stream he stumbled and rolled not noticing a new cut on his upper arm, nothing; not even the bindings were near his mind now, only fear.
Fear that he may be too late.

Normally it would be nearly a days walk from Onondaga too Buckaloon, his home town, but after several hours running Deganawatha was nearly there. He had been working at the capital when a runner came up the dirt path. Delivering too Deganawatha a message from the healer in Buckaloon. "Come quickly, there is not much time." it was a message about his wife Orenda. She had been unable to get out of bed for days, she had been getting more and more tired over the past months; and her eating habits had changed massively.

Leaping out from the forest Deganawatha found the dirt road once again, just as the wooden walls of Buckaloon came into view. Bounding through the gates he ran too his home. His eyes fell on Orenda laying upon their bed. His eyes filling with tears, the Healers had left. Next too the bed Deganawatha fell to his knees.

"She is at peace now son." His father Otetiani said. Deganawtha stood as his father walked closer. Handing him a bundle of cloth. Showing from an opening at its top was a small wrinkled face, its eyes shut, its mouth toothless and only a few strands of black hair upon its head.

"It is a girl." Otetiani said with a smile. Orenda named her Genesee after your mother." His father smiled even brighter. Once Orenda wakes I will leave the three of you be." Tears of joy streamed down Deganawatha's face some landing in small drops on his daughter's cloth. He reached out with his free arm and hugged his father careful not to disturb the young one.

"I tried too-" He choked though the tears.

"I do not blame you son. Nor does Orenda. I am personally pleased to see you so soon. I had not expected your return until tomorrow."

"Hmm...? Degna?" Orenda said weakly and sleepily from the bed. "You made it back my love." With that Deganawatha's father kissed his forehead, then that of the baby's, and lastly Orenda.

"I will leave you be." He whispered too her.

"Thank you for your help, and your presence today." She whispered back in a smile. Otetiani nodded then left the home. Deganawatha sat next to his wife placing their child in her arms. The thee sat for sometime in silence, the loving family, now complete. Deganawatha could only think of how this, this was the greatest day of his life.

 

[Cuāuhtemōc]

Awesome update. Now will there be more anytime soon?

 

[Prime Minister]

Awesome update. Now will there be more anytime soon?

I generally update Friday or Saturday.

 

[Prime Minister]

401 GP/Great Peace (1722 A.D.)

"It is not our way Deganawatha, you know this." The Wolf clan's Mother spoke too him softly as if too a child. "The child Genesee will be raised by her mother, and her aunts and uncles. That is our way." Deganawatha had wanted to take his daughter with him to Onondaga but the clan mother had refused. He was an only child, his mother died giving him life. He wanted to be involved in the life of his daughter. He was going to be, that he had already decided on. In the end Orenda would decide. Deganawatha then stood nodding and leaving the Wolf clan's Longhouse. His eyes fell upon a Kanien'gehaga running though the city gate.

"Worriers! Worriers! Chiefs! Please follow at once!" The man was out of breath he as hunched over holding his knees as he found his breath. Then Deganwatha noticed something he did not like, fear, fear in the eyes of a Kanien'gehaga was never good.

"What is it brother? What is the matter?" Deganawatha asked taking the man by his shoulders, trying to calm him.

"Chief Deganawtha. The Great Canone. The Algonquin have attacked it. It, has been burned." Before the man had even finished Deganawtha was running towards the coast as Onondaga worriers followed after him. It would take days, and the Kanien'gehaga would be there already. Deganawatha did not want too fight, he did not want to die and did not want to kill. But if the canoe was gone, war would come. And he would fight.

 

[Prime Minister]

Sorry for the wait. Been busy with a game and a bunch of personal stuff. Update will be tomorrow I promise.

 

[Berserker]

dammit...you did it again

now I'll be following this..again!!
(gladly )