Chapter 9: Patriot Games
9:32 pm Office of Gerard Batten MEP, London, Tuesday October 09
"I only agreed to this meeting out of a courtesy to you. This is a total non-starter. It's not in UKIP's interest, and it's not happening as long as I'm leader." said Nigel Farage firmly; taking a puff on his cigarette, flouting the recently genesis of the smoking ban.
"That's absolutely absurd" said Griffin "Look at the results. In most places we stood, we out-polled you. In places where we both stood with cost each other our deposits."
"A few 500 pound notes here and there isn't exactly our most pressing concern." said Farage condescendingly, referencing the massive disparity in the two party's financial resources. Gerard Batten, sat in the background, winced; he had hoped this would be more productive.
"You have the infrastructure, but we have the insurgency, and the concentration. It doesn't have to be a formal alliance, just spin at as being a struggle to field candidates at such short notice." said the BNP leader, defiant "Besides, we know some of your local parties won't stand candidates against us anyway. UKIP in Barking have agreed to step aside."
Infuriatingly for Farage, he knew Griffin had a point here. Farage's leadership was firm but not absolute, in lots of parts of Britain he had little authority to override the local chieftains, many of whom were personally or politically sympathetic to the BNP. Indeed, many of his own elected representatives, and NEC members supported an electoral pact. This very meeting was only taking place to appease Batten, the party's only London MEP, who despite his constituency, was one of more fashy of the Purple European Parliamentarians.
Farage knew that only the BNP stood to gain from this. UKIP wern't a serious challenge in any parliamentary seats, but Griffin and a couple of other British National candidates, if the stars aligned, might get elected. UKIP would then be tarred with getting Nick Griffin elected, and the real mission, getting Britain out of the European Union, would be dead.
"Look our parties arn't the same. You're Fascists, we're not."
"I am not a Fascist I am a British Patriot. You sound like the Guardian. You know that's the sort of thing they say about you too?"
"Don't compare me and you. Now go, I'm going to the pub and I don't want you to join me."
"Well. Thank you for meeting Nigel. I know you said this meeting was a formality for you, and it was for me as well. We're not going to stand in seats where you've outpolled us and you do well. And you can't stop your local parties not standing candidates against us."
"To hell I can't"
"Nominations have to be in 6 days, Good luck!" said Griffin, winking with his good eye, and exiting the room.
"Fuck a duck." said Farage once he was left. Downing the glass of Scotch he'd been nursing throughout the meeting.
"Well I guess this means..." started Gerrard Batten MEP
"Shut the fuck up you moron." shouted Farage, throwing the glass in Batten's direction, picking up his trenchcoat and leaving. Batten uncoiled himself, having cowered from the shards of glass that exploded a couple of metres away from him. He sighed, and tried to remember where his office boy kept the dustpan and brush.
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Newsnight Studio 10:34pm Tuesday October 9th
"You dominate the lettings market in Edinburgh, and yet your properties have repeatedly been found to be sub-par. It's absolutely laughable you're comparing this to communism, we're trying to make the property market work better by raising standards. Your lettings agency made super-profits last year by ripping off Students and young families. How is that fair? Is it fair that you've evicted families for not paying raised rents in sub-standard houses? How is that fair?"
The representative for Grant Property was visibly disheveled by another broadside from Cooper
"We've got thousands of happy customers across the capital" he offered, insipidly.
"Is that the best you've got? You come on here criticising our productive policy, and you have nothing to offer you own tenants who are being ripped off?"
"We offer fair rents for convenient city-centre properties"
"And people say politicians talk in spin"
"Thank you Mrs Cooper, and thank you Mr Samuel" intervened Kirsty Wark, ending the segment to commence a discussion about corruption in Football.