Challenge: Make Cecil Rhodes' dream a reality with any POD

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Image-https://www.reddit.com/r/MapPorn/comments/6u74gv/greater_british_empire_as_envisioned_in_the_will/

In his last will and testament Cecil Rhodes expressed his wish for "the colonisation by British subjects ... of the entire Continent of Africa, the Holy Land, the Valley of the Euphrates, the Islands of Cyprus and Candia [Crete], the whole of South America, the Islands of the Pacific not heretofore possessed by Great Britain, the whole of the Malay Archipelago, the seaboard of China and Japan, the ultimate recovery of the United States of America as an integral part of the British Empire, the inauguration of a system of Colonial representation in the Imperial Parliament which may tend to weld together the disjointed members of the Empire and, finally, the foundation of so great a Power as to render wars impossible, and promote the best interests of humanity."

You can do this with any POD, even before Rhodes' birth (like not losing America in the first place).

Bonus points if you make the empire move on from Rhodes' racism, become successfully multiethnic and assimilate her subjects.

EDIT: I get that it's fantastical, but can you guys stick to the challenge? Some of you have given great responses! Keep it up!
 
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Establish be a scenario where the Thirteen Colonies never seek independence to begin with, but instead obtain a favorable settlement within the empire which creates an confederated American dominion in the late 18th century with borders matching British North America of 1775. Some version of Manifest Destiny will eventually kick in, and then...
 
i think the only word that can describe this is "doubleplusgood" :p and the only phrase that can describe it is "All Hail Britannia" XD
 
You need to avert the American Revolution for a start as they are not going to Rejoin post independence. Then you need to screw every other European power so Britain is the only one in the colonial game. Prussia can be knee capped with no Miracle of Brandenburg. Avoid the mass conscription of the French Revolutionary Wars and have Aquitainian and Provencal become national identities that revolt and tear France apart. At some point France and Spain can invade and annex Holland and Portugal so Britain grabs their colonies. Have Austria unite Germany but then have constant warfare with Russia to keep them busy, with both sides constantly pushing independence movements in each other's minority populations.

Have Britain keep Manila after the Seven Years War to get an early headstart in Asia. Filibusters gradually sweep up the East Indies over the next century. They replace the Dutch in Japan and end up backing various Daimyo against the Shogun. Eventually they use the Emperor as a puppet to replace the Shogun with a British resident really ruling the country. With no scramble for China, after the alt-Opium Wars they take more treaty ports, which become a whole bunch of Hobg Kongs. British forces eventually occupy the whole coast to stop other powers getting a foothold.

Britain takes the River Plate early. They take southern Brazil when Portugal gets invaded. With the economic core of the continent under British control, South America becomes dominated by British American businessmen. One by one, a mixture of gunboat diplomacy, Hawaii-style coups and economic advantage takes them into the Empire to be included in the imperial tariff system. This is extended to the North of the continent as oil is discovered there.

In Africa, Britain takes the French slave ports in the Seven Years War. It later takes the Cape from the Dutch and Angola & Mozambique from the Portuguese, during the occupation of the metropoles by France and Spain. When slavery is banned, Britain takes Zanzibar and the Maghreb to stop the Arab trade. Egypt is taken to protect the Suez. British imperial enthusiasts build a Cape to Cairo railway, which seeds settlements in the highlands of Ethiopia, Kenya and Tanganyika. Eventually, all of Africa is declared the British sphere of influence.

In the Middle East, Britain gradually grabs the hinterlands of Aden. When oil is discovered nearby, it is declared a strategic resource for the global empire. The entire perimeter of the Persian Gulf is annexed by the Brits, up the Euphrates to Kurdistan. Jewish settlement of Palestine causes much conflict and Britain moves in to protect Christians and Jews.
 
Fulfilling this challenge would probably also require some horrific Europe-screw. Although giga-Britain owns no part of Europe the fact that rivals like France, Germany, and Russia are just so absolutely outclassed, to the extent that there is nothing at all left for them to conquer, means something is very wrong. Not only that, but someone might have to be very wrong as far back as the American Revolution, in which Britain was significantly humbled by a coalition of its European rivals.
 
While USA and South America is mostly impossible I think rest of the map is (very difficult but) possible. Much of it is already in the British Empire after WW1 so we can take that. There was also that Franco-British Union proposal from WW2 that would get the French colonies. Since we have already mentioned WW2 Italian colonies are pretty easy to explain. Spanish and Portuguese colonies are harder but maybe Anglo-German partition of Portuguese colonies happens so that after WW1 Britain takes the German parts too. As for Spanish colonies, have Spain join the Axis that would be a reason to take its colonies. Dutch and Belgian colonies could be taken due to them being under Axis occupation. South America can't be conquered but they could possibly become British economic puppets. Once again USA is impossible so Hawaii, Guam and Philippines are out of British hands. Now as for Japan and Chinese coast.Have Japan stay a British ally. Japan could also be the way for the conquest of the Chinese coast. As for Japanese Empire being part of Britain they could be similar to South America (economic clients and not political) or maybe China and Russia could become Axis and maybe this could lead to Japan doing something similar to Franco-British Union and join the Union.

(Yes highly implausible but I would think that it is possible)
 
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