Challenge: Keep UK out of the EEC to the present day

Sachyriel

Banned
Conquered by United States and Republic of Ireland after the United Kingdom refuses to acknowledge that the USA has invaded "Canadian Territory" after the Western coast of the USA and Canada seceded and went Communist. That is how you make the UK never grow closer with England.

~~~

This short war, known as the Surfer Boi War, was fought on the coastlines between grown men with fake tans using surfboards in melee combat until someone insane had the idea to bring a gun along and ruin the whole idea of Surfer Wars.

The inbred British Prince (you know the one) had shot a young American Actor (the guy who became the president later you know?) and had been arrested by the police in a beach in the Bahamas. This fracas uncovered rampant drug use and though American Industrialists and the British Royal family were about to hush it up a young Irish reporter caught hold of the story and called for a reraiding of Canadas land and called himself Fenian Son, starting the misguided nationalist sentiment from an ocean away... again

The movement catches on, and soon there are crazy Irish guys marching on Canada with the intent of giving a message to the Queen for Irish independence. And they were stopped, as their only air support consisted of a light chopper that was taken down by a civilian man in Canada with a hunting rifle. But the deed was done, and Canada accused the USA of trying something fishy, which was something totally reasonable. The USA tried to claim it wasn't behind anything but the Neo-Fenians continue their provocative activities; more cells spring up in the Caribbean to attack British Possessions there.

Some crazy Right-wing hawks say that maybe they should take the Irish side now, after all it's democracy... or something. The issue is perceived by the general public as a huge embarrassment, and they're not exactly happy with all the dead people. So the Intelligence Agencies investigate, and they find the Neo-Fenian Movement is getting... well more South than North, and the new focus of the British Caribbean possessions since there's a feeling of "Canada = Cold" and Irish people want to go to a tropical paradise to pull this kind of stuff.

Tensions are running high, and during this time there is a detachment of Navy recruits in the mountains of BC (can't tell you what they're doing up there and not on the sea:cool:secret) who are doing some signal work with a Canadian submarine in the Pacific Ocean see it get lost and signal it; it's being tailed as part of the exercise by a British submarine, which crashes into it. Too much damage and someone panics and tries to get out of one sub and has to be restrained (so they can't all work on certain repairs) while the other begins to suffer under a Fenian Mutiny.

While the British sub is wracked with people who've just dealt with a Mutiny of Panic and not taken repairs the Neo-Fenian ship shoots the British ship and escapes. They then try to take off into the Pacific Ocean and declare an alliance with the United States, or appeal... or something (never thought too far ahead these guys).

The Canadians (using the contacts from the Signal Team exercises) are patched into the Submarine still and activate the Military Intelligence bugs for their higher-ups. NORAD uses the Signal teams triangulation and airborne assets to damage the Sub a little bit before it makes its way out.

The Americans are alerted, but they don't really need to be, it's British stuff that's in danger. A few day later the Submarine surrenders after assaulting various ships flying certain flags. They're so dead, it's a testament to their stupidity they wanted a last meal that wasn't rationed out so badly they turned themselves over.

However the United Nations is being called to action, supposedly going to crack down on Fenian Raids through some resolution or something. Meanwhile in the Caribbean Fenian Activities are starting to show; British possessions soldiers and militia are being assassinated and Irish flags and Fenian Memorabilia are being left on the victims. Using forensic science the Fenians are caught and traced back to the USA.

However loss of a Submarine has outraged Britain and they want to give Ireland the tiny bit of land under the occupation of the UN to prevent religious fighting while they are guaranteed not to have a nuclear-armed Ireland. EVER.

However the Fenian raids continue until the last British soldier steps off Ireland, and it's pissing off the Americans. However by the 1980s Canada is undergoing civil strife about its military still, and the Americans are getting even more defence-conscious with us being wary of the forces. Ireland, up and coming, talks to Israel and Italy.

The three of them want to get closer to Europe and conceive their plans to get in together and work together in nuclear power. They think they're tough, and all their pushiness has gotten Ireland nuclear power but not weaponry. This is aggravating to Britain, and it tries to threaten Ireland, which leads to Ireland getting bombed, and more American "peacekeepers" and Italy and Israeli peace keepers. Americans are also providing the Irish planes for their safety, and soon enough a dogfight in the sky between Americans and English becomes real.

Through out the world Fenian raids on Britain continue, especially (for some odd ironic reason) using Surfboards Irish men will attack British people on beaches. Sometimes guns get brought out in these conflicts. Thus, Surfer Boi War.

Canada declares neutrality as it has been winding down militarily and tightening it's nuclear security. Britain, feeling alone in the condemnation of others in Europe feels withdrawn already and goes through less of a "HEY LET'S ALL PLAY NICE" with them.

As the Americans and Irish launch an attack into Britain and soon enough the United Kingdom is finished. And now it will never become into the EEC or the EU.

The year 2000 is something between Tom Clancy, Dan Brown and The Simpsons. :p
 
Are there any Euroskeptic frontbenchers on either the Lib or Lab side who can be elected PM in that period? Wilson and Heath were both devoted Europhiles.
 
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