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In the spirit of all these pop culture TLs.

Once upon a time, I did a thread in soc.history.what-if in which Joss Whedon went to Troma Films in 1985 to make his script for Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a "B" movie (Hey, that path worked for his idols John Carpenter and Wes Craven, he could make it work too). In my own words, the movie consisted of a cast of "wannabes, has-beens, porn stars, and ex-cons" that included the likes of Traci Lords as Buffy (her only role from that era still legal to show in the U.S.), Jim Carrey as Benny, Vincent Price as Merrick, and Steve Buschemi as Lothos.

Then, four years later, he pitches the idea of a spinoff of it to Fox executives at the same time that Aaron Spelling is pitching Beverly Hills 90210. Fox decides they like the former idea better, but have Spelling Television executive produce it. (Not impossible, after all, this is the network that tuned The Toxic Avenger and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes into Saturday morning cartoons.) Unfortunately for Mr. Spelling, his daughter auditions and gets cast, so he can't simply screw it over and call it a day without alienating family.

Here is a preliminary cast:

Buffy: Kristy Swanson

Joyce: Beverly D'Angelo

Giles: Eric Idle or Tim Curry

Willow: either Gabrielle Carthiers, Mayim Bialik, or Alyson Hannigan

Xander: Anthony Michael Hall

Amy Madison: Ami Dolnez

Cordelia: Shannon Doherty

Harmony: Tori Spelling

Jonathan: Troy Slaten

Principal Flutie: John Lithgow

Principal Snyder: Rene Auberjornois

Angel: Bill Wadhams

The Master: Mark Metcalfe

Darla: Jenny Garth

The Annointed One: Jonathan Taylor Thomas

Jenny Calendar: Christine McGlade (Changed from Roma Gypsy to [Druidic] Irish Traveler)

Drusilla: Angelina Jolie

Spike: Paul MacGann

Ethan Rayne: Derek de Lint

Faith: Holly Marie Combs

Wesley Windham-Price: Tom DeFranco

Mr. Trick: Don Cheadle

The Mayor: David Rasche or Joss Whedon himself

Reilly: Kevin Kubasheskie

Adam: Kevin Sorbo

Tara: Kelly Rutherford

Dawn: Jolene Blaylock

Ben: Matthew Lillard

Glory: Rose McGowan

Warren: Charlie Schlatter

Andrew Wells: Leonardo DiCaprio

Questions? Comments? Flames?
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