Before 1900 Hall of Fame thread

Post any notably incisive, hilarious, or insightful quotes in here. No discussion of the quotes, no filler, no flame wars. Just the quotes, please.

DO NOT POST HERE BITCHING ABOUT HOW THE HALL OF FAME POSTS AREN'T FUNNY. Start a separate thread for that.

Don't just post any old thing here. Only the rare post that actually makes you laugh out loud or completely reconsider your life.

Thank you.
 
About half an hour after being asked to move forward and destroy the one Confederate cavalry brigade that had crossed Chickamauga Creek, General John T. Croxton sent a message back to corps commander George H. Thomas:

"Sir, General Croxton sends his compliments, and wishes to know which particular brigade of the five or six over there you wanted captured."
 
This is really one of my favorite scenes ever (From Gonzaga's A New Portugal):

- Charlemagne! Charlemagne! That dog from Lorraine dares to claim my throne saying that he descends from Charlemagne! But why to stop here?! Why not to say that he descends from Charles Martel, or Clovis? Or even better, Vercingentorix!

Henry threw Lorraine’s book into the fire. He walked around the flames, making gestures and mumbling. Navarre and Condé only watched him. They knew the king used to have constant nervous attacks, but this one was a rightful one.

- The three of us have royal blood – said the king. We are the chosen by God to rule France, not usurpers from Lorraine, that have no shadow of a rightful claim for the crown.

- Their claims may not be legal, but they will fight for them anyway – said Navarre.

- And they have many supporters to defend them on this quest – complemented Condé.

Henry stared at the fire. He could feel the smell of burning leather. His desire was that could be not the book, but the true Lorraine to be burned there. – We need to get rid of them.

- Well – said Condé -, it would be good for us if we could at least kill the Duke of Guise…

- And his brother would assume the leadership of the League and would demand revenge against us – Navarre commented. – Killing Guise wouldn’t stop the Leaguers.

Henry was still looking at the flames consuming the pages where Lorraine said that he deserved to be king of France. Without moving his eyes, he spoke calmly:

- We need to eliminate all of them.

Both cousins stared at the king, waiting for him finishing the sentence. But he remained quiet, and Navarre was the first to ask then:

- All of them who? Guise and his brothers?

- No. All of them. All the House of Lorraine.

- But it would be the assassination of so many people – Condé answered.

- Yes! Lorraine, Guise, the Cardinal Louis, Mayenne, Aumale, Elbeuf, Mercouer, all of them! And their sons too! All their sons! To avoid those damned hounds of Lorraine from stealing the throne that is rightfully ours! The House of Lorraine must be extinct!
 
Top