Palace of St James, England. 20th of July, 1539.
Kitty knelt before her little altar, clasping her hands together. There was a single candle burning, melted down to its middle and the little statuette of the Virgin had a chip in its paint, making her look blind in one eye. But it would still work, she was certain. The Lord did not care if one was rich, if one had great statues and paintings to adore in their piety. He cared only about what was in their hearts and Kitty knew that her heart was true.
She looked at the makeshift altar again, the rosary wrapped around the statue and the holy medal her uncle Thomas gave her for her saint's day and leaned forward just a bit, adjusting everything so it would all be in its proper place. Then, she leaned back and sat on her heels, sighing deeply. Kitty clasped her hands again.
“My lady,” she began, her voice low, “I ask of you to show me the true path.” Kitty held her breath and looked into the one-eyed gaze of the Virgin. “If the Lord sees me as a wife to the King, then I must know.” She would be a good wife to the King, Kitty was sure of it. She’d give him children, as redheaded as he was, and give him good counsel to rule his kingdom. She would never give him a single complaint and would always be with open arms to soothe his every ache.
Kitty loved the King most ardently. She would always be loyal to him, and to him alone. In fact, she decided then and there that if His Majesty did not think her worthy of being his blushing bride, then she would become a nun. She would never betray his image or the honour of another man, since her heart would not be theirs.
She closed her eyes and leaned her head against her hands, trying to think. Kitty was not very intelligent and she knew it. Her tutors always despaired of her, because things did not seem as obvious as they were to everyone else. Every day, she said a magnitude of stupid things, and thought a hundred others, but the King liked her. And so did Bessie. She could be a good queen. A queen had to be beautiful, and unapproachable. To bear children and to obey her husband. To be kind, charitable and good. Those were all things she could do, she was certain. If only the King gave her a chance.
Kitty opened her eyes suddenly. A knock. Upon her door. She stood up, trying to wonder who could possibly be at this moment. Bessie would certainly never knock, but a servant might. She had dismissed her maid for the night, because she wanted to be alone with her prayers, so Kitty had to open it herself.
There was a man outside. Tall, much taller than her, with a hat stuffed over his head to hide thick auburn hair. Kitty held her breath, surprised and caught in a weak moment, and she hesitated before curtsying. "Your Majesty," she babbled, "What an honour."
He removed his hat. "Kitty, please," he said. He was wearing simple clothes, the sort that no king would ever dare to wear lest he wish to be confused for a peasant, but Kitty would always recognize him. The King had an air about him, a gentility and way that spoke of magnificence. He could never hide from her. “I thought I told you to call me by my name.”
He stepped forward and she stepped back, letting him in. For just a moment, Kitty looked out into the dark corridor, almost expecting to see guards and nobles posted around to serve the King, but it was empty. And then she remembered that he was supposed to be in Whitehall, sleeping soundly through the night, some leagues away. It was a quick ride, but to do it at night, without a guard. The King had clearly taken some measures to disguise his appearance, he was wearing black clothes that would hide him in the night, but still… Risking his life to see her… It was incredibly romantic.
“You did,” she murmured, her cheeks blushing at being so intimate with him. “Forgive me.”
He smiled, taking her hand as the door closed behind him. “Don’t apologise for anything, dear Katherine.” It was dark in her room, the walls seeming to move and close around them and Kitty held her breath. The King’s other hand caressed her cheek gently, thumb passing over her skin. “I had to see you and I hope you will forgive me if I have caused any disruptions in your sleep.”
“I was not asleep,” Kitty admitted in a low voice. “I was praying.”
He smiled again, dimples appearing at the corners of his mouth. Kitty was amazed by it, by his hair which seemed to twinkle even with the dying light and his blue eyes that could see right through her. Could see her very soul and the heart that beat for him.
She licked her lips, nervous by being so close to him. Warmth seemed to flow from him and into her, wrapping around her like an embrace. The King made her feel secure, as if nothing would ever happen to her if she were in his arms.
The King shook his head, still stroking her cheek. "Sweet Kitty," he began, "Do you even know the effect you have on me?" Before she could say anything, or even ask about the fact, the King moved her hand. He brought her hand to his chest and her fingers spread as she placed her palm at the centre, the laces of his doublet tickling her skin. "Can you feel it?"
She nodded. The fluttering of his heart, quick as a bird's wings. Rapid and strong, travelling through his clothes and into her skin. It made her realise that she made him as nervous as he made her.
And Kitty needed to show it to him.
Her other hand had not been doing anything, just awkwardly hanging from her arm and so, Kitty grabbed the hand on her cheek. Brought it to her chest, nestling his large manly royal palm between her breasts so he could feel her heart. The King held his breath and his jaw slackened, mouth parting.
"See?" she asked. "The effect you have on me?"
"I do see it," he murmured, his voice different. Kitty frowned and looked up at him, confused. There was a strange look on his face, eyes almost darkened and when they met with hers, something changed. "Dear Lord, Kitty." The King kissed her then, pressing his mouth against hers in a heady and powerful kiss.
It was different than the other kisses they've had, stronger and more mature. As if he saw her not as his sister’s companion, but someone else. Someone better. Kitty responded to his kiss in equal measures, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him closer. Her stomach twisted inside her belly and she stood up at the tip of her toes to kiss him better, unable to handle any distance between them.
And when the King pulled at her clothes, it felt only natural to continue. To take his clothes off as well, even though she knew that whatever they were doing was meant for only husbands and wives. But she didn’t care. She didn’t care when he pulled her to bed, or even afterwards. Maybe Kitty should feel bad for giving herself to a man who was not her husband, but she didn’t. Was that stupid? Perhaps, but she didn’t care.
Some time later, when the King had his face on her chest, laying his cheek against her breasts, and her arms were wrapped around him, Kitty could scarcely breathe. She wasn't in pain, but sore and there were some red spots in her sheets. Everyone would know, she thought, because surely, how awkward would it be when the King woke up at St James, after ‘falling asleep’ in Whitehall? Would she be labelled a whore? The King gave her no money, but he had given her gifts before. Would that count?
"Oh, Kitty," the King said. He rose on his elbows, hovering her like a fly. His face was flushed, hair tousled and she could not regret a single thing. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to think of something to say. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she responded. It was the easiest thing to say to anyone, because it was true. She did love him, she loved him with all her heart and more. "I have always loved you, my lord."
"Then be my wife," he said. "Be my queen, Kitty."
"John…" she whispered. It was everything she ever wanted to hear.
"Were it not for the late hour, I would tell us to be married at this moment," he said. "But I do want to marry you, Kitty. Soon. Tomorrow, even.”
"But I'm not a princess," she said. Kings marry princesses. It was what everyone said.
"You're my princess," the King replied. "And who cares? Your uncle is the most premier duke in all of England and I shall make lords out of your brothers soon too. I will raise you up, Kitty, and all of the world with it." He kissed her again, a quick kiss that was soon gone, leaving only the memory of his lips pressed to hers. “I shall put you on a pedestal so high that no one will have any choice, but to adore you. I will make you a queen and queen you shall remain until the end of our days, if only you will accept me.” His blue eyes searched her face, visible even in the darkness. “Will you take me as your lord and husband, Katherine Howard?”
“I will.” Kitty wrapped her arms around him, pulling him down into a tight hug. He was much larger than her and the wind was knocked out from her, but she didn’t care. “I will! I will, I will!” They kissed then, and the dance began all over again.