An Exclusive Preview of a New Alternate History Novel

"What if Hitler Attacks Britain First"? We have all read time lines about how Germany could have invaded Britain between the fall of France and Operation Barbarossa, but what if Hitler attacked Britain first and then attacked France second? Such a question has confounded historians, but now a great alternate history author will release a novel dealing with this very subject, called "Hitler's Swastika Eagles Panzer SS Wehrmacht Victory", that is being widely hailed as the best alternate history novel ever by critics everywhere. Debuting April 1st, "Hitler's Swastika Eagles Panzer SS Wehrmacht Victory" is everything one could ever want in a alternate history novel. The descriptions of sex are amazing, the details on tank battles second to none, with a amazing narrative told entirely from the perspective of Hitler and several different lesbians on different fronts. There is already talked of a History Channel dramatisation.

Here, exclusive to Alternate, is a preview of this monumental work of counter-factual history novel writing.


The Eagle's Nest, Berlin

The greatest strategic mind in the history of the whole world, the evil genius ADOLF HITLER was stroking his toothbrush moustache as he stared intently into the distance. His vast Lovecraftian intellect traversed all possible futures and possibilities, his body present in one place but his evil imagination held all of time and space within its hyper competent strategising.

"Please pay attention, Mein Führer" said Rommel, his right-hand man and successor since yesterday when Hitler had been particularly more geniusistic than usual.* Together, they were the greatest military combo since Hindenburg and Ludendorff, who would surely have won the last war easily if it hadn't been for the Balfour Declaration and Rothschild bringing in hordes of American soldiers who were too numerous to shot.

"Sorry, mein rechte Hand Mann" apologised Hitler "I was miles away."

"As I was saying" Rommel, the good genius who was only doing this because he was ordered to, continued "that idiotic plan to attack France first is all wrong. If we do that, we will surely lose the war despite making some impressive victories. France is weak, so we should attack Britain instead, which is strong and the only nation standing between us and total world domination."

"Yes" Hitler agreed evilly and with genius "France will probably surrender whatever happens, so if we attack them later it will be easy anyway. They lose all wars. Once we control the British Empire, we will be able to blitzkrieg America through Canada before FDR even knows what is happening. Without lend-lease, which I predict America will give the Soviet Union in future, the Soviet Union will collapse easily."

"But Mein Führer what about the Royal Navy?!" said that idiot, Hermann Goering who was jelly of Rommel since yesterday "they will surely defeat any Operation ---Lion we attempt."

"You are right but also wrong" Hitler cackled while ruffling blondie's fur "That is why I have scrapped Operation ---Lion. Instead, we will have Operation Julius Caesar."

"What a clever reference" said Mussolini, Hitler's goofy sidekick, who'd been there the whole time next to Hirohito "Julius Caesar invaded Britain."

"Ha ha! Don't interrupt, you damn wop" Hitler laughed, and everyone joined in expect Mussolini who stuck out his chin and looked upset "Operation Julius Caesar will involve the world's greatest navy of all time, the IJN. They will join up with the Kreigsmarine and be unstoppable. Japanese engineers have already made it so the Bismarck and the Yamato can combine into one even larger ship at the key moment of the battle. Then we will land in Scotland, where the British don't have as many fortifications, and Blitzkrieg to London."

"It is a most sugoi plan, Hitler-chan" said Hirohito, using honorific that signified their close evil relationship "not even Tojo, who I will make Prime Minister next year, could have made such a genius plan."

"But what about the occupation policies?" asked Rommel, who was really nice but had no choice in all this, "the British and the Americans all love freedom which we hate."

"Obviously, we will make them all speak German and annex them to Germany, then everyone in the world will speak German and we will have won. We will also have to teach them to hate freedom too. To do this I will get the help of the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, the Muslim leader, who really hates their freedom." Hitler explained patiently, laying out his diabolical yet genius plan for total world conquest.

"Hey, what about Italy?!" asked Mussolini, confused "We don't speak German neither does Japan!"

"After the war, you will reveal our true plan and annex yourselves to Germany" Rommel sighed, wishing he had different orders but fully committing himself to do whatever his country asked of him like a true patriot.

"Oh right I forgot" Mussolini said, satisfied with the answer.

"Okay. Now everyone knows the plan I will ring up the Wehrmacht and tell them to get ready" the greatest and most evil mind in history said, and picked up the phone "Hello? Is this the Wehrmacht? Good, we attack tomorrow. By the way, it is Hitler."

Can Britain survive? Will Hitler conquer everything and space? The answer, of course, is yes. To find out exactly how, click this link and order the book right away!

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