America - Albion's Orphan - A history of the conquest of Britain - 1760

Fall, 1816

Unnamed Bahama Island


For the past four years, "James Smith" (AKA Armstrong Hyman Thruston) had faced a barren existence upon a pitifully desolate Bahama Island barely a mile long. Just outside of the normal shipping lanes, Thruston would often see ships at a distance but the fires he produced from driftwood and the poor local timber had never drawn attention. Smith had subsisted upon a diet of turtle meat, fish, eggs from flat island's bird population, a few feral goats, seaweed, etc.

Smith had fashioned a rudimentary shelter to protect him from the sun and occasional hurricanes largely via large stones and a mast and sail which fortuitously washed ashore the day after his shipwreck. A rare fresh-water spring was the only reason he managed to live so long. Unfortunately, the spring water was tainted with something and Smith had spent four years under near-constant gastric distress.

Burnt to a crisp over the years after his clothing effectively rotted off his back, Smith would eventually form a sort of nightshirt from some length of sail. By happenstance, he'd had a needle and some thread in his possessions and was able to cut holes for his head and arms. The Virginian was humiliated by his image reflected from the azure waters. He looked like a pickaninny in the fields of home, basically wearing a sackcloth bag because their masters didn't bother to provide real clothing.

One morning, Smith would wake up to his normal intestinal unrest, throw his modest garments over his head and flee for his makeshift privy a hundred feet from his "Home".

It was here that Smith was found by the expedition of American naturalists: his sailcloth dress lifted above his waist, a steady stream of liquified offal emerging from behind. So shocked was he that Smith fell backwards directly into the pile of waste.

The scientists (led by one Charles Waterton, an English-born immigrant of Catholic faith) and their attendants did their best to help him out of the pit without touching him and returned the man to their ship...after a long soak in the sea. Within hours, Smith was attired in some generously donated garb (which promptly aggravated the rash on his ass) and was eating beef and pork for the first time in years....which he promptly threw up.

Still, Smith was going home. The ship was bound for New York, having stopped throughout the Bahama Islands on a mapping expedition and scientific research quest.

Unfortunately for Smith, the humorous discovery would be recounted in the memoirs of the expedition leader Charles Waterton whom would nickname the isle "Diarrhea Island" on the ship or "Isle of the Shits" in honor of its first resident. Prior to publication of his memoirs, Waterton intended to give it a better name but flatly forgot. Instead, the publishers would mistakenly think that "Schitts" was the name of an expedition member, perhaps of Dutch descent, and the lonely outpost was formally named "Schitt's Island".
Sic Semper Slavocrat
 
How is the situation in Southern Italy? Is there any movement willing to break free from Spain? Although that would be begging from annexation from the Kingdom of Italy, I guess.
 
Chapter 221: Harsh Frontier Life
1819, Spring

Springfield, Dominion of Shawnee


Ten year old Abraham Lincoln, though large for his age, still grunted in effort as he swung his axe into the ancient ash tree. His stepbrother, John, three years Abraham's senior followed with another chop. Little by little the boys managed to sever the Ash's connection to the earth. Finally, the huge tree plummeted to the ground, sending the boys scrambling.

This had been Abraham's lot since he was old enough to work the land, the tasks growing more and more back-breaking the older he got. With the death of his mother the previous year, Abraham and Sarah Lincoln had been joined via his father's marriage to a widow and received three step-siblings, John being the eldest at 13.

The boys got along adequately. In truth, Abraham adored his new mother despite resentment at his father's early remarriage (only 6 months after his mother's death) to a Shawnee widow whom Thomas Lincoln had known since his own boyhood. Gasping for air, the boys took a moment for a swig of water. While the Shawnee spring was still relatively cool, the hard labor on their father's (step-father's) farm still exhausted them.

Presently, a small band of Indians walked by, no doubt Shawnee, the originators of the name of the Dominion. They had a large reserved land nearby and the Lincolns had maintained good relations with them. They had been "civilized", meaning that they took Christianity to heart and now owned their own lands like white men. Most of the tribesmen were wealthier than Thomas Lincoln and had even helped the family in times of need in the past. Lincoln's father had occasionally "let" Abraham to a local Shawnee chieftain for fall harvest collection in the tobacco fields or, more often, less skilled work gathering acorns, chestnuts, apples and other debris from forest trees to feed the pigs and other livestock during the winter. The Chieftain was considerably kinder than Abraham's father in his treatment. More than once, Abraham dreamed of running way to join the Shawnee tribe.

Indeed, now that Abraham was larger and stronger, he was put to work on the Lincoln farm on the harsher work of clearing the land. A decade prior, Abraham's grandfather, also named Abraham Lincoln, had died and his will broke up his 8400 acres more or less equally between his three sons (of whom Thomas was the youngest). Lincoln recalled his mother stating that she'd feared the elder Abraham would leave all of his fortune to his eldest, leaving the younger two to shift for themselves. Fortunately for Thomas, the inheritance was generally fair and he received 1500 acres near Springfield, a considerable sum of land if he could exploit it.

The greatest problem to farming in Shawnee were the dense forests which needed to be cleared. It was common to take a healthy man's full month's labor to clear a single acre. By the time, Thomas Lincoln cleared his patrimony....well....he'd probably have been dead for thirty years. Instead, Thomas would hire workers to do so. Though land-rich, he was cash poor. He did, however, have the advantage many settlers had in a ready-made cash crop which paid for the clearing.

When hardwoods were burned, they left what was called potash, which eventually would be put into barrels and shipped east to be turned into ingredients of soap or glass. . The amount of potash collected from an acre of hardwood was fortuitously, remarkably similar to the monthly wages of a hired hand. Thus, the sale of ash was effectively paying the way for the clearance of America's frontier.

Thomas Lincoln and family would farm the thirty of forty acres of land which had been cleared. Beyond the sustenance crops of corn, wheat, potatoes, etc, the family was also self-sufficient in meats (goat, pigs and a few cattle). The forest yielded a bounty of game birds, venison, nuts and other goods for the family as well.

Thomas intended to eventually graduate to tobacco but felt the farm was not yet large enough. More land needed to be cut from the wilderness and the boys were put to work arduously clearing one acre at a time, praying that the hardwood they netted would pay for clothing and other necessary goods. Thomas was apparently talking about getting another pair of oxen the following year and even another horse to replace the old nag the patriarch was forced to ride into town. Naturally, the boys were not paid in any manner. They were effectively bound to their father/step-father's will until they came of age. Even when they worked for the Shawnee chief, their wages went directly to Thomas.

Lincoln waved as the Shawnee passed by. They were obviously hunting as dozens of rabbit and game birds were in their grasp. One even managed to land a small deer, the Indian laughing as he carried the beast over his broad shoulder.

Abraham loathed farming. He was not averse to hard work but there seemed to be so little reward beyond his father gaining a few extra acres of land to farm for the following harvest. Fortunately, Lincoln's stepmother would encourage Lincoln's studies in whatever reading material he could find. His uncle Mordechai had a substantial library of six books (which Thomas was barely literate). Lincoln was resolved to seek employment in some local town the day he was out from under his father's thumb.

Still, for all his complaints, Lincoln knew he was fortunate to have a roof over his head and a full stomach. So many others could not say the same.
 
Chapter 222: New Breed
1819 - Fall

Madrid


King Carlos IV died as he lived: quietly and fully under the control over his handlers. The nation would go into mourning, of course, but, by 1819, his son Infante Carlos already ran the government since the death of his mother. Carlos IV was laid to rest along side his wife for eternity, leaving behind a greater Spain (and Italy and most of America) than he had inherited. For all his faults, Carlos IV would be remembered with affection (if not necessarily respect).

Carlos V was more intelligent and active than his father. He would take a greater interest in the affairs of his government. He would encourage certain types of advancement...but not necessarily anything relating social innovation. Budgets were fine. Altering the ancient social constructs?

No acceptable.

Government would become more efficient in some ways...but always within limits. Even with a stronger head of government, Spain would continue to fall behind other nations reinventing themselves.

Moscow

Czar Alexander was also learning the reins of his vast Empire. Like Carlos V, Alexander I of Russia had been a dutiful prince and now an earnest monarch. But the new Czar was not terribly interested in new ideas. He agreed to some economic, educational and technological reforms...but certainly now political. Like many other monarchs, Czar Alexander believed his stature had been determined by god and saw no reason to change.

He would not be the only crowned head to feel as such.

Paris

Louis XVII was not a man of strong opinion or strong will. He, in fact, carried much of his bland father's countenance. Louis disliked having to say "no" to anyone, always hoping to be liked. While he was not quite as reticent in actually doing his actual duty, the new King didn't enjoy the hours upon hours of administration and paperwork required every day to run as huge and populous a nation as France. The number of bureaucrats required to operate the nation had increased dramatically. Teachers, tax-collectors, engineers...the nation's budget seemed to increase by the hour.

The benefits of modernization a nation seemed to rise proportionately with every advance.

Similarly, the benefits of the industrialization occurring in nations such as France, parts of Britain and Germany, the Netherlands and America, would create as many problems as solutions. Large numbers of people migrated from the countryside to the towns to work in the assorted mills. Goods which were impossible to produce or obtain suddenly became commonplace to even the poor. But then urban poverty would run rampant as families huddled in tenements throughout Europe and America. Crime, violence, alcoholism and other problems simply rose up in a wave proportionate to the new benefits of industrialization.

The agricultural revolution, spurred by crop rotation, greater use of the potato and freer trade, prevented any large-scale famines in France which had consumed the nation throughout the 18th century. Combined with the smallpox vaccine and other advances in medicine, the population continued to rise throughout Europe as a whole and France in particular. The boom in population would only create greater pressures on the government to care for ever larger numbers of citizens.

It was as if God punished the hard work done by entire nations.

Rome

King Victor Emmanuel of Italy would outlive his counterparts but did not prosper by his survival. He suffered a mild stroke in 1819 and would remain enfeebled for the rest of his life. His daughter, Maria Beatrice, would assume the regency. In additional to being the heiress of Italy, Maria Beatrice was married to the Holy Roman Emperor. With three sons in good health, the Princess Regent would leave Vienna for Rome in September to assume her duties.

This would cause great consternation throughout parts of Europe, which had long feared of the eventual union of the remnant of the Holy Roman Empire (now usually called the Habsburg Empire) and northern Italy.

Those most concerned were the protestant states of the Northern Confederation and the King of Naples (whom was also the King of Spain).
 
Chapter 223: Growing Pains
1820 - Spring

Manhattan


King Frederick I of America would learn of the demise of many of his contemporary crowned heads over the past months as the news arrived one at a time. With his own mortality staring him in the face, the King would have a discussion with his son and heir (unbelievably well into adulthood with his own heirs already healthy and in place) about assuming more responsibility.

In the meantime, Frederick would deal with the endless correspondence of his office:

Yet another riot in the Boston jailhouse over the rations. Apparently, the inmates were furious to be served buttered lobster more than three times a week. As perhaps the cheapest meat available, only the poorest of the locales bothered to eat the bottom-dwelling animals. But food was food and it kept the poor of the northeast from hunger in harsh years (not that America, with its vast lands, diverse crops and access to the riches of the sea had experienced many famines relative to...well....virtually any other place on earth). The King recalled that King Louis XV had proclaimed far and wide that he regularly ate potatoes as each and every meal in order to encourage his bread-loving people to take up the reliable potato, which produced more food per acre than virtually any other. Better yet, the potato had never been known to fail as grain often did in poor weather. Even small gardens tended by city dwellers could produce significant portions of the citizen's diets if potatoes were included.

Thus,....hesitantly.....the King ordered his chefs to serve the occasional lobster dish on the Royal dining table. The chefs were so aghast that they demanded an audience with His Majesty to ensure he understood the situation. The audience was short and, by the King's standard, ill-tempered. He told them to shut up and serve the "garbage of the sea" so the poor of the nation knew that the King liked the stuff.

It was by this solitary incident that "Lobster A La King" was born and would become popular throughout America over the next two centuries. Born of an attempt to encourage poor New Englanders to eat what was plentiful and easily available, the lobster soon rose in price to such an extent that the poor could rarely afford it and the Boston Jailhouse permanently took lobster off the menu, replacing it with oysters and mussels....which only provoked more riots.

The King also was pleased to read that the first commercial steamship was plying the trade up the Mississippi. The ships were able to travel far more swiftly than the old barges of the past and trade over the next decade along the great River would boom. Unfortunately, the "Frederick I", as the ship was known, would provoke additional unrest, this time among the "polemen" whose livelihoods revolved around pushing barges against the flow of the river. Thousands would be put out of work.

Similarly, many country weavers were complaining that the huge factories in the east were putting them out of business. Even progress took its toll.

Another incident along the border of Spanish America had risen up, this time along the range still controlled by Imperial forces. Apparently, several Alpacas owned by Spanish residents had "gone missing" only to be found working north of the border. The outraged Spanish colonials stole them back and a small firefight broke out across the Rio Grande. The King ordered that First Lord Eli Whitney not allow passions to get out of control. The last thing America needed was a Jingoist-led war party. The nation had just spent years at war with Spain and, though nominal "winners", in truth the territorial gains had yet to provide any increase in tax revenues to pay for the recent war. The "Alpaca War" would fortunately peter out after a handful of minor border incidents (without casualties) and the episode was relegated to obscure footnotes in history books.

As it was, the Spanish were every bit as eager to avoid a conflict as America. The rebellion in the west had gotten so entrenched that the situation had stalemated. The Spanish Imperial Army was incapable of holding territory in the west and left to mere raids intended to terrorize the locals. This infuriated the colonials so much that peasant uprisings were being encouraged in the east...which only caused more misery. Beyond the costs of funding the army, the war also cut off many of the silver shipments from Zacatecas, the liquidity of which kept the Spanish balance of trade positive. The rebels occasional controlled the region of the mines. But even when the Imperial forces dominated, the mines often went understaffed due to lack of able bodies. Too many people were fleeing the region.

The Spanish government protested to both America and Russia of sales of powder to the rebels, sales which they blamed for the continuation of the war.

In truth, Frederick sympathized with the Spanish governors. If Spanish merchants were selling powder to American rebels, he would be outraged. Plus, a King does not like the idea of supporting a rebellion against another crowned head, no matter the political differences between the Spanish and Imperial governments.

It set a bad precedent.

Frederick hoped that the new Spanish King would compromise enough to allow his colonials a semblance of peace. But Carlos V did not seem the type to compromise on matters of government.
 
I see Spain is already working on losing another pointless war.

Given what you've said so far about Mexico, it seems like you might be going for a bit of a reversal, with a Spanish speaking Californian republic, a mostly KBNA *Mexico, and probably a free Yucatan Republic.
 
How is the Kingdom of Italy faring from an economic point of view? And what about the Navy? With the temperament of the new King of Spain, I suspect war would erupt as soon as Victor Emmanuel does. If the Army kept the standard it used to have, I suspect that the Italians could capture Naples in a relative short time, although Sicily is a different matter.
 
I'm only to the immediate aftermath of the fall of Britain (so still a long way to go to catch up), but just wanted to say I'm enjoying this TL very much. A very novel idea that's been executed well so far. Rather than getting all the breaks like IOTL, Britain ITTL seems to have everything go against them. What I'm most curious about, and seems to be becoming the focus, is the effects on the Americas.

Good idea and nicely written. And there's a lot of content, which is always a plus.
 
Yeah and the handling of the slave problem has been rather interesting to read.

The american independence movement was almost entirely based on british being assholes after the 6 year war wich here went very diffrently and confining the settlement to the appalachian mountains cause before that the colonies saw themselves as british no matter what americans will tell you. Altough this is abit of a france wank but without bonaparte so it is actually interesting to read. And this explains why repesentive goverment is needed since not all monarchs will be qualified or suited to rule people no matter how many good rulers there are is nice writing being done by author in describing france kings.

Hell the spanish decline in otl can be kinda explained as the inbreeding problem and having no competent kings for the last few centuries.

If the brits had realized that taxes without even token repesentation are unquestionably hated everywhere and maybe had each colony send a repesentive to london to repesent the elites of the each colony to keep things down could have avoided alot of problems and arent very much explored for timelines.
 

Femto

Banned
If the brits had realized that taxes without even token repesentation are unquestionably hated everywhere and maybe had each colony send a repesentive to london to repesent the elites of the each colony to keep things down could have avoided alot of problems and arent very much explored for timelines.

Most Americans would say that even then they would rebel and would never subject themselves to be ruled from London in the long run.
 
Most Americans would say that even then they would rebel and would never subject themselves to be ruled from London in the long run.
I'd say that it is more a matter of whether British policy is seen as consistently and persistently anti-colonist or not. In theory, with Parliamentary and Royal leadership taking stock of the interests of the faction of colonists they deem sufficiently influential to be important and catering to it with due balance, the American colonies would never need direct representation at all. A big part of the debate in the day was the claim that after all most British subjects, even resident English, Scots and Irish, were not directly represented but that was OK, the MPs and parties would take their interests into due account under the pressure of the political balance of power.

Vice versa as this broad claim of yours illustrates it would not matter how scrupulously American colonials were represented in due proportion in Westminster, if the policy majority always goes against them in favor of British interests--it would however deprive the colonials of this talking point. But they'd just adopt whatever rallying cry works best in context and rebel anyway.

It was a question of whether British based ruling interests recognized a sufficient number of sufficiently powerful American colonial interests as legitimate and necessary to consider to keep them sweet. This is by no means the same thing as saying all American subjects are considered of course! It might have been enough to just keep the most conservative faction of those who became Patriots OTL on board as Loyalists to repress American rebellion.

Probably to achieve this, they'd need to formally empower some Colonial subjects to have some influence on the balance of power in the House of Commons, and in parallel create Royal executive institutions designed to sound out the most important Colonials and co-opt them. One approach might be to empower Colonial legislatures to name sitting British MPs as proxies, giving these MPs double or more votes based on their holding the proxy of this or that colony; rough proportionality granting Virginia and perhaps Massachusetts and Pennsylvania several proxies, other colonies fewer, perhaps requiring the smallest to federate to collectively pick one, might be sporadically implemented, with the shifting, rising populations of the colonies only amending the distribution now and again--after all, British ridings and boroughs are growing, generally, in population too. The distant arms length correspondence of these districts to actual populations was of course an infamous fact of how Parliament worked in the early 19th century, what with Rotten Boroughs and Pocket Boroughs and all that.

So--taxation of all with representation of some, in a haphazard fashion, would be no worse than the average British subject in the home islands would have after all.

I agree the revolution (which might fail to be sure, thus becoming a suppressed "insurrection" historically) would almost certainly come because the British elites would not see the need for being harried by these provincial yokel mucky-mucks, they ought to just shut up and let their more refined and cosmopolitan, Eton-Oxford educated betters decree what is best, as they do for British resident subjects. So that's why the attempt to secede is close to inevitable, not because an adequate range of reforms would not be good enough to maintain what is mainly central rule from Britain. It just has to be more broadly minded imperial rule than is reasonably probable!
 

Femto

Banned
I'd say that it is more a matter of whether British policy is seen as consistently and persistently anti-colonist or not. In theory, with Parliamentary and Royal leadership taking stock of the interests of the faction of colonists they deem sufficiently influential to be important and catering to it with due balance, the American colonies would never need direct representation at all. A big part of the debate in the day was the claim that after all most British subjects, even resident English, Scots and Irish, were not directly represented but that was OK, the MPs and parties would take their interests into due account under the pressure of the political balance of power.

Vice versa as this broad claim of yours illustrates it would not matter how scrupulously American colonials were represented in due proportion in Westminster, if the policy majority always goes against them in favor of British interests--it would however deprive the colonials of this talking point. But they'd just adopt whatever rallying cry works best in context and rebel anyway.

It was a question of whether British based ruling interests recognized a sufficient number of sufficiently powerful American colonial interests as legitimate and necessary to consider to keep them sweet. This is by no means the same thing as saying all American subjects are considered of course! It might have been enough to just keep the most conservative faction of those who became Patriots OTL on board as Loyalists to repress American rebellion.

Probably to achieve this, they'd need to formally empower some Colonial subjects to have some influence on the balance of power in the House of Commons, and in parallel create Royal executive institutions designed to sound out the most important Colonials and co-opt them. One approach might be to empower Colonial legislatures to name sitting British MPs as proxies, giving these MPs double or more votes based on their holding the proxy of this or that colony; rough proportionality granting Virginia and perhaps Massachusetts and Pennsylvania several proxies, other colonies fewer, perhaps requiring the smallest to federate to collectively pick one, might be sporadically implemented, with the shifting, rising populations of the colonies only amending the distribution now and again--after all, British ridings and boroughs are growing, generally, in population too. The distant arms length correspondence of these districts to actual populations was of course an infamous fact of how Parliament worked in the early 19th century, what with Rotten Boroughs and Pocket Boroughs and all that.

So--taxation of all with representation of some, in a haphazard fashion, would be no worse than the average British subject in the home islands would have after all.

I agree the revolution (which might fail to be sure, thus becoming a suppressed "insurrection" historically) would almost certainly come because the British elites would not see the need for being harried by these provincial yokel mucky-mucks, they ought to just shut up and let their more refined and cosmopolitan, Eton-Oxford educated betters decree what is best, as they do for British resident subjects. So that's why the attempt to secede is close to inevitable, not because an adequate range of reforms would not be good enough to maintain what is mainly central rule from Britain. It just has to be more broadly minded imperial rule than is reasonably probable!
Great analysis!
 
Honestly I lost track of what TL I was in there! With America being the refuge of the tatters of British imperial power, of course the Cousin Jonathans become the guiding influence on the monarchy and the problem is resolved that way.

I was hoping that one aspect of having a monarch who has not been relegated entirely to a purely ceremonial role might be that the personal honor of the king is taken to lie behind treaty obligations, and this might be a refuge for the welfare of Native American peoples who stick to their treaty obligations.

But, are Native American, "First Nations," peoples notably better off in Canada than in the USA? If so how much of this is because much of Canada is difficult for peoples of industrial type civilizations to profitably settle in to exploit, so some peoples are left in more peace just by default of living somewhere their overlords don't covet so much? If so, is it recent, or could Native Americans always expect a squarer deal from HMG in all eras since the 1770s?
 
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