I don't know that Smith works as a Kurz analogue. They are both young but their politics are about as different as it is possible to get within the centre right.
Alternate Wikipedia Infoboxes V (Do Not Post Current Politics Here)
- Status
Yeah I kind of rushed that infobox there are a few things I need to change about it including that.
Gentleman Biaggi
Banned
Oh god this probably sucks
Edit: OH FUCK I GOT THE RUNNING MATES WRONG, I’ll fix it up later
Edit: OH FUCK I GOT THE RUNNING MATES WRONG, I’ll fix it up later
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Philip
Donor
You didn't really tell us how Mr Cruz won. He doesn't have enough electoral votes. Were there a lot of faithless electors? Did one of the other candidates instruct their electors to vote for him? Did it go to the House?
West German Federal Election - Strict Proportional Hare-Niemeyer - 1953
I've a minor perseverative mindset on countries that use a mix of proportional and FPP elections for their national legislatures, and opted to game out a few scenarios where one or the other was entirely eliminated. While I was initially going to work with FPP as that would be the quickest and cleanest, it immediately fell apart as that was, quite frankly, rather boring; a 2.5 Party System ultimately developed that was not all that dissimilar to the United Kingdom, though with the Free Democratic Party not being nearly as successful as the Liberal Democrats at capturing seats, and it really wasn't possible to gauge how a doubling of the FPP seats would effect the election. I then instead turned to looking at a strict proportional system using the Party list votes with the caveat that the original nature of the 5% barrier was maintained, meaning that a party which attained 5% of the vote in any State would be applicable for list Seats rather than needing 5% of the vote nationally. I figured it would make the results more interesting, which it did in latter elections, and it would make more sense given constituency seats and the allowance there was no longer possible. However, the maps have proven a bit more difficult to convert then I thought, and so rather than posting three at a time as I figured I might, I'm instead posting only one. I've also tried making the electoral map large enough to be legible, but just in case you still have difficulty reading the State seat counts I've included a slightly larger image in the spoiler that should be legible.
Congress voted that he should be President, since that's what happens when a the candidate with the most electoral votes doesn't get more than 269 electoral votes.
Philip
Donor
First, it is the House, not the entire Congress, that would vote. Second, if the election falls to the House, there is no guarantee that it will elect the candidate with the most electoral votes, a fact that greatly benefited John Quincy Adams. Third, even if no candidate gains enough electoral votes in the general election, it is not guaranteed that the election will fall to the House. The second and third place candidates could strike a deal to ensure the leader does not win in the College.
Your box suggests that Mr Cruz won the general election alone. It would benefit from addressing this. Check the wiki box for the 1824 US election for details.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presidential_election,_1824
Something a little different in X-in-Canada: two infographs, one infobox.
Electoral reform in Canada is, on the federal level, focused almost entirely on the House of Commons following the unanimous Supreme Court decision (Reference Re Senate Reform) requiring a constitutional amendment to modify the Senate's composition or change to an elected system. While efforts to change the federal electoral system from the first-past-the-post system inherited from Great Britain have existed since the early 20th century, serious political discussion over it only begun in the 1990s, when the Liberal Party was able to gain consecutive large majorities, in large part due to right-wing vote-splitting. The creation of the Conservative Party in the early 2000s and rise in fortunes of the New Democratic Party allowed the Conservatives, in turn, to win power based on centre-left vote-splitting and resulted in the Liberal Party advocating electoral reform during the 2015 election campaign that saw them return to power.
The all-party special committee on electoral reform failed to come to a consensus and Prime Minister Trudeau announced that the government would not pursue electoral reform in the current parliament. Of the five parties in parliament, only the Conservative Party voiced public support for retaining the first-past-the-post system. Two minor parties (New Democratic and Green) supported a mixed-member proportional system similar to that used in Germany and New Zealand, while the other minor party, the Bloc Québécois, did not voice a position except demanding, like the Conservatives, that such a change be ratified in a nationwide referendum. While the Liberal Party did not publicly support a specific system other than a change from the current one, the widespread assumption that they were hoping to garner support for an alternative vote system (like that which is used in Australia) was proven correct in subsequent revelations released following the electoral reform committee's disbandment.
Infographic from SixNinetyFive
-------------------------------------------------
The Sotomayor Court is the time since 2011 that the United States Supreme Court has been led by Chief Justice Sonia Sotomayor. Chief Justice Sotomayor, both the first female chief justice and first female Hispanic justice in the court's long history, was appointed in 2011 by President Barack Obama following the death of Chief Justice Charles Clark and the end of the Clark Court. Only Sotomayor and Merrick Garland, the most recent justice appointed, were not on the court at the time of Chief Justice Clark's death. Of the justices currently serving, five (Kennedy, Starr, Thomas, Winter and Garza) were appointed by President George H.W. Bush, one (Ginsburg) by Bill Clinton, one (Roberts) by George W. Bush and two (Sotomayor and Garland) by Obama. As of 2018 President Donald Trump has not had the opportunity to name a justice to the court.
The Sotomayor Court, despite its liberal chief, is still considered staunchly conservative and largely seen as similar in outlook to the Clark Court following the early 1990s when President George H.W. Bush was able to get replace a majority of the court in his one term in office. Following Garland's replacement of Antonin Scalia, the court's ideological composition has been made up of four conservatives (Starr, Thomas, Garza, Roberts), three moderates (Kennedy, Winter, Garland) and two liberals (Sotomayor, Ginsburg).
-------------------------------------------------
Peter Schoomaker is a retired Canadian general and former Governor-General of Canada. A native of Detroit, Schoomaker spent his undergrad career at the University of Cheyenne, playing nose tackle on their football team. Graduating with a bachelor of science in education administration, Schoomaker joined the Canadian Forces in 1969 as an officer and joined Mobile (later Land Force) Command. While still a junior officer, he attended Central Michigan University, where he earned a master's degree in administration. Although he led an armored cavalry unit in the Persian Gulf War, Schoomaker was shifted towards special operations following the establishment of Joint Task Force 2, which he soon became the commander of. Following the disbandment in disgrace of the Canadian Airborne Regiment following the Somalia Affair, Schoomaker essentially became the highest-ranking special forces officer in the Canadian military until his retirement in 2000. After a brief career in the private sector, Schoomaker was persuaded to return from retirement in 2005 to get the new Canadian Special Operations Forces Command (CSOFC) up and running efficiently. During his time as CSFOC commander, his brother Eric served as the Surgeon General and commander of the Canadian Health Forces Special Group.
He retired from the military for a second time in 2007, but three years later, accepted Prime Minister Stephen Harper's offer of becoming governor-general. Schoomaker, the first career military officer to become Governor-General since Georges Vanier, subverted critics of his selection by being a humble and laconic governor-general and was praised for his ability to avoid scandal or the hint of impropriety. Schoomaker enjoyed a special relationship with the Canadian military while governor-general and as governor-general worked to educate Canadian on the issues facing veterans and was a major pusher in the military's effort to attract officers from minority communities. Due to a federal election being scheduled around the same time as his unofficial five-year term was supposed to end, Schoomaker agreed to serve an additional two years to oversee the selection of a government if Canadians elected a minority parliament. When the Liberal Party won a majority, Schoomaker dutifully named Justin Trudeau as prime minister and asked him to form a government. Two years later, Schoomaker retired, handing over the position of governor-general to Julie Payette. The former general and governor-general currently resides in Michigan with his wife.
-------------------------------------------------
X-in-Canada
Minnesota
Dakota
Alaska
Wisconsin
Maine
Oregon
Montana
New Hampshire
Michigan
----
Bhutan (joke)
Hawaii (non-canon)
Adirondack (non-canon)
----
Minnesota-in-Canada
Minnesota general election, 1943
Minnesota general election, 2014
Minneapolis municipal election, 2014; non-canon Nova Scotia infobox
Minnesota; Walter Mondale; Minnesota Vikings; Franco-Minnesotans; Minnesota Party; New Democratic Party of Minnesota-partially outdated
Lieutenant Governor of Minnesota; Amy Klobuchar; Minnesota Highway 61; Order of Minnesota; Legislative Council of Minnesota; Minnesota electoral referendum
United States presidential elections of 1876, 1968, 1984- outdated
Target America; Baron of Summit; Kid Cann; 2015 Canadian federal election by province- partially outdated
Minnesota Highway 35W bridge collapse; Minneapolis Police Department; tribal license plates; St. Paul Saints; Mesabi Range strike of 1916
Harold Stassen; Floyd Olson; Jesse Ventura
Hubert Humphrey
----
Canadian federal election, 2015; Next Canadian federal election
Senate of Canada; Prime Ministers of Canada
United States presidential elections, 1876 and 1880
Robert La Follette Sr.; United States presidential elections, 1924 and 1968
George McGovern; Gerald Ford; United States presidential elections, 1972 and 1976
United States presidential elections, 1984; Dick Cheney; Sarah Palin
Mitt Romney; United States presidential elections, 2012; Three River Highway
Joe Mauer; JJ Watt; Grey Cup winners
Ben Carson; Republican Party presidential primaries, 2016; United States presidential elections, 2016
Sitting Bull; Ted Bundy; Charlottetown Accord referendum
Jerome Bettis; Chief Representative for the First Nations (Maine); Mesabi—Superior
Vermont Party; Speaker of the House of Commons of Canada; B-17 Flying Fortress
Jim Mattis; Betsy DeVos; John Conyers
2008 Detroit Lions season; Hope Solo; John Randle
Canadian German; Larry Fitzgerald; Yellowstone National Park
Alaska Provincial Police; Flint trilogy; Supreme Court of Canada
105th Grey Cup; Sir Leonard Wood; SixNinetyFive
Canadian federal election, 1867; Scoop Jackson; Damon Keith
Canadian federal election, 1917; Richard Harrow; Aleutian Islands Campaign
Brooklyn Park—Brooklyn Centre—Mileston election, 2008; Tomi Lahren; Bernie Sanders
Canadian federal election, 1968; National Football League; Canada Hockey Act
Montana general election, 1932
Maine general election, 1972
Oregon general election, 2001
Party leaders in the United States House of Representatives & United States Senate
Minimum drinking age in Canada; CFL territorial exemptions; Canadian capitals
----
List of United States Presidents & Vice Presidents
List of Prime Ministers of Canada, Governors-General of Canada and federal party leaders
-------------------------------------------------
Electoral reform in Canada is, on the federal level, focused almost entirely on the House of Commons following the unanimous Supreme Court decision (Reference Re Senate Reform) requiring a constitutional amendment to modify the Senate's composition or change to an elected system. While efforts to change the federal electoral system from the first-past-the-post system inherited from Great Britain have existed since the early 20th century, serious political discussion over it only begun in the 1990s, when the Liberal Party was able to gain consecutive large majorities, in large part due to right-wing vote-splitting. The creation of the Conservative Party in the early 2000s and rise in fortunes of the New Democratic Party allowed the Conservatives, in turn, to win power based on centre-left vote-splitting and resulted in the Liberal Party advocating electoral reform during the 2015 election campaign that saw them return to power.
The all-party special committee on electoral reform failed to come to a consensus and Prime Minister Trudeau announced that the government would not pursue electoral reform in the current parliament. Of the five parties in parliament, only the Conservative Party voiced public support for retaining the first-past-the-post system. Two minor parties (New Democratic and Green) supported a mixed-member proportional system similar to that used in Germany and New Zealand, while the other minor party, the Bloc Québécois, did not voice a position except demanding, like the Conservatives, that such a change be ratified in a nationwide referendum. While the Liberal Party did not publicly support a specific system other than a change from the current one, the widespread assumption that they were hoping to garner support for an alternative vote system (like that which is used in Australia) was proven correct in subsequent revelations released following the electoral reform committee's disbandment.
Infographic from SixNinetyFive
-------------------------------------------------
The Sotomayor Court is the time since 2011 that the United States Supreme Court has been led by Chief Justice Sonia Sotomayor. Chief Justice Sotomayor, both the first female chief justice and first female Hispanic justice in the court's long history, was appointed in 2011 by President Barack Obama following the death of Chief Justice Charles Clark and the end of the Clark Court. Only Sotomayor and Merrick Garland, the most recent justice appointed, were not on the court at the time of Chief Justice Clark's death. Of the justices currently serving, five (Kennedy, Starr, Thomas, Winter and Garza) were appointed by President George H.W. Bush, one (Ginsburg) by Bill Clinton, one (Roberts) by George W. Bush and two (Sotomayor and Garland) by Obama. As of 2018 President Donald Trump has not had the opportunity to name a justice to the court.
The Sotomayor Court, despite its liberal chief, is still considered staunchly conservative and largely seen as similar in outlook to the Clark Court following the early 1990s when President George H.W. Bush was able to get replace a majority of the court in his one term in office. Following Garland's replacement of Antonin Scalia, the court's ideological composition has been made up of four conservatives (Starr, Thomas, Garza, Roberts), three moderates (Kennedy, Winter, Garland) and two liberals (Sotomayor, Ginsburg).
-------------------------------------------------
Peter Schoomaker is a retired Canadian general and former Governor-General of Canada. A native of Detroit, Schoomaker spent his undergrad career at the University of Cheyenne, playing nose tackle on their football team. Graduating with a bachelor of science in education administration, Schoomaker joined the Canadian Forces in 1969 as an officer and joined Mobile (later Land Force) Command. While still a junior officer, he attended Central Michigan University, where he earned a master's degree in administration. Although he led an armored cavalry unit in the Persian Gulf War, Schoomaker was shifted towards special operations following the establishment of Joint Task Force 2, which he soon became the commander of. Following the disbandment in disgrace of the Canadian Airborne Regiment following the Somalia Affair, Schoomaker essentially became the highest-ranking special forces officer in the Canadian military until his retirement in 2000. After a brief career in the private sector, Schoomaker was persuaded to return from retirement in 2005 to get the new Canadian Special Operations Forces Command (CSOFC) up and running efficiently. During his time as CSFOC commander, his brother Eric served as the Surgeon General and commander of the Canadian Health Forces Special Group.
He retired from the military for a second time in 2007, but three years later, accepted Prime Minister Stephen Harper's offer of becoming governor-general. Schoomaker, the first career military officer to become Governor-General since Georges Vanier, subverted critics of his selection by being a humble and laconic governor-general and was praised for his ability to avoid scandal or the hint of impropriety. Schoomaker enjoyed a special relationship with the Canadian military while governor-general and as governor-general worked to educate Canadian on the issues facing veterans and was a major pusher in the military's effort to attract officers from minority communities. Due to a federal election being scheduled around the same time as his unofficial five-year term was supposed to end, Schoomaker agreed to serve an additional two years to oversee the selection of a government if Canadians elected a minority parliament. When the Liberal Party won a majority, Schoomaker dutifully named Justin Trudeau as prime minister and asked him to form a government. Two years later, Schoomaker retired, handing over the position of governor-general to Julie Payette. The former general and governor-general currently resides in Michigan with his wife.
-------------------------------------------------
- Reminder that SixNinetyFive is TTL's analog of FiveThirtyEight, which covers mostly Canadian politics since Nate Silver is from Michigan (which is in Canada ITTL).
- The exact breakdown for what 2015 Canada with AV would look like in this universe are as follows, with non-OTL provinces largely following the trends in similar/nearby OTL provinces when second-choice preferences are applied to simulate an AV election:
- Alaska: 3 Lib, 3 Con
- Alberta: 27 Con, 5 Lib, 2 NDP
- British Columbia: 25 Lib, 13 NDP, 3 Con, 1 Green
- Dakota: 7 Con, 5 Lib, 3 NDP
- Maine: 10 Lib, 2 Con
- Manitoba: 7 Lib, 5 Con, 2 NDP
- Michigan: 54 Lib, 18 NDP, 14 Con
- Minnesota: 29 Lib, 14 Con, 6 NDP
- Montana: 10 Con, 3 Lib, 1 NDP
- New Brunswick: 10 Lib
- New Hampshire: 13 Lib, 2 Con, 2 NDP
- Newfoundland & Labrador: 7 Lib
- Northwest Territories: 1 Lib
- Nova Scotia: 11 Lib
- Nunavut: 1 Lib
- Ontario: 93 Lib, 19 Con, 9 NDP
- Oregon: 78 Lib, 18 NDP, 12 Con, 1 Green
- Prince Edward Island: 4 Lib
- Quebec: 45 Lib, 27 NDP, 6 Con
- Saskatchewan: 9 Con, 3 Lib, 2 NDP
- Wisconsin: 37 Lib, 9 NDP, 5 Con
- Yukon: 1 Lib
- With different justices, presidents & senators, there are a bunch of changes in the timing when Supreme Court justices are picked, which gives us George H.W. Bush hitting the jackpot and naming 5 justices between 1989 & 1992 and a grand total of 2 justices being picked in his successors' four subsequent terms.
- The reason I figured that Garland would be confirmed IOTL is that the court is so strongly stacked in the conservatives'/Republicans' favor that McConnell and the party leadership don't see the harm in allowing Obama to name a relative moderate like Garland, who likely won't be on the court that long (comparatively) anyways due to his age when nominated. As such, ITTL the filibuster still exists on Supreme Court nominees.
- The University of Cheyenne that Schoomaker attended is the OTL University of Wyoming.
X-in-Canada
Minnesota
Dakota
Alaska
Wisconsin
Maine
Oregon
Montana
New Hampshire
Michigan
----
Bhutan (joke)
Hawaii (non-canon)
Adirondack (non-canon)
----
Minnesota-in-Canada
Minnesota general election, 1943
Minnesota general election, 2014
Minneapolis municipal election, 2014; non-canon Nova Scotia infobox
Minnesota; Walter Mondale; Minnesota Vikings; Franco-Minnesotans; Minnesota Party; New Democratic Party of Minnesota-partially outdated
Lieutenant Governor of Minnesota; Amy Klobuchar; Minnesota Highway 61; Order of Minnesota; Legislative Council of Minnesota; Minnesota electoral referendum
United States presidential elections of 1876, 1968, 1984- outdated
Target America; Baron of Summit; Kid Cann; 2015 Canadian federal election by province- partially outdated
Minnesota Highway 35W bridge collapse; Minneapolis Police Department; tribal license plates; St. Paul Saints; Mesabi Range strike of 1916
Harold Stassen; Floyd Olson; Jesse Ventura
Hubert Humphrey
----
Canadian federal election, 2015; Next Canadian federal election
Senate of Canada; Prime Ministers of Canada
United States presidential elections, 1876 and 1880
Robert La Follette Sr.; United States presidential elections, 1924 and 1968
George McGovern; Gerald Ford; United States presidential elections, 1972 and 1976
United States presidential elections, 1984; Dick Cheney; Sarah Palin
Mitt Romney; United States presidential elections, 2012; Three River Highway
Joe Mauer; JJ Watt; Grey Cup winners
Ben Carson; Republican Party presidential primaries, 2016; United States presidential elections, 2016
Sitting Bull; Ted Bundy; Charlottetown Accord referendum
Jerome Bettis; Chief Representative for the First Nations (Maine); Mesabi—Superior
Vermont Party; Speaker of the House of Commons of Canada; B-17 Flying Fortress
Jim Mattis; Betsy DeVos; John Conyers
2008 Detroit Lions season; Hope Solo; John Randle
Canadian German; Larry Fitzgerald; Yellowstone National Park
Alaska Provincial Police; Flint trilogy; Supreme Court of Canada
105th Grey Cup; Sir Leonard Wood; SixNinetyFive
Canadian federal election, 1867; Scoop Jackson; Damon Keith
Canadian federal election, 1917; Richard Harrow; Aleutian Islands Campaign
Brooklyn Park—Brooklyn Centre—Mileston election, 2008; Tomi Lahren; Bernie Sanders
Canadian federal election, 1968; National Football League; Canada Hockey Act
Montana general election, 1932
Maine general election, 1972
Oregon general election, 2001
Party leaders in the United States House of Representatives & United States Senate
Minimum drinking age in Canada; CFL territorial exemptions; Canadian capitals
----
List of United States Presidents & Vice Presidents
List of Prime Ministers of Canada, Governors-General of Canada and federal party leaders
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That's how it worked in 1824, but it's not 1824, and the House is intensely partisan. Because it votes by state contingent, and small states tend to favour the GOP, it's almost certain that they'd elect the Republican.
I have always loved the Idea of a "What if the USA lost the revolution" and what is the best way in my book to communicate alternate history ideas? That's right elections! I will eventually do an entire article on this because context is everything but here is the result of my little "American Commonwealth" project
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The 1988 election in my timeline.
The United States presidential election of 1988 was the 51st quadrennial United States presidential election. It was held on Tuesday, November 8, 1988. Senator Jim Hunt of North Carolina, the Democratic nominee, defeated incumbent Republican President George Bush.
Bush had come to office in July 1986 following the assassination of his predecessor, Ronald Reagan. He easily defeated a primary challenge by televangelist Pat Robertson of Virginia to win nomination to a full term. At the 1988 Republican National Convention, Bush also won the nomination of his preferred running mate, incumbent Vice President Jack Kemp of New York.
Hunt emerged as the victor of the 1988 Democratic primaries after Democratic leaders such as Gary Hart and Ted Kennedy withdrew or declined to run. Hunt selected Governor Mario Cuomo of New York as his running mate.
Although Hunt polled ahead by a substantial margin for most of the election, Bush had closed the gap by October and only lost narrowly in both the popular and electoral vote, winning 48.8% of the popular vote and carrying 24 states. Hunt won 50.2% of the vote and carried 25 states and Washington, D.C.
The United States presidential election of 1988 was the 51st quadrennial United States presidential election. It was held on Tuesday, November 8, 1988. Senator Jim Hunt of North Carolina, the Democratic nominee, defeated incumbent Republican President George Bush.
Bush had come to office in July 1986 following the assassination of his predecessor, Ronald Reagan. He easily defeated a primary challenge by televangelist Pat Robertson of Virginia to win nomination to a full term. At the 1988 Republican National Convention, Bush also won the nomination of his preferred running mate, incumbent Vice President Jack Kemp of New York.
Hunt emerged as the victor of the 1988 Democratic primaries after Democratic leaders such as Gary Hart and Ted Kennedy withdrew or declined to run. Hunt selected Governor Mario Cuomo of New York as his running mate.
Although Hunt polled ahead by a substantial margin for most of the election, Bush had closed the gap by October and only lost narrowly in both the popular and electoral vote, winning 48.8% of the popular vote and carrying 24 states. Hunt won 50.2% of the vote and carried 25 states and Washington, D.C.
Yeah... I kinda just realised that, you see I thought that all Congress did was vote on it but I guess they vote on it by state and Reform has the most states, so I guess they would win.
That's not true. Once it goes to the house the congressional delegation can vote for whoever the hell they want to. Hence why in 1824 Adams won 7 states in the General and 13 in the House.
It’s been 6 months, but here’s another one of these:
#1: Sideshow Bob, Bartovia, List of US Presidents, Lisa, Bart, Cletus (page 178)
#2: US Congressman Kristy the Clown, Springfield Mayor Joe Quimby (page 371)
#3: Governor Bailey, Congressman Arnold, Congressman Wilcox, Moleman (page 382)
#4: Screamapillar, Milhouse, Otto, Otto Cab Company, Insanity Pepper (page 389)
#5: Blinky, Mr. Burns, the Nuclear Power Plant, Solvent Green, Uniclams (page 414)
#6: Maggie, Five Corners Monument, Mall, Grimes, Moe's/Moe, Marge (page 423)
#7: Duff Beer, Professor Frink, Chief Wiggum, Ralph, Radioactive Man (page 435)
#8: Jebediah, Sprungfeld, Groundskeeper Willie, Kwik-E-Mart, Homer (page 440)
#9: Scorpio, Monorail, The Homer, West Springfield Wonders, Steamed Hams (plus retconned Quimby, retconned Marge)
Hank Scorpio was a wealthy businessman, philanthropist [1], and wanted outlaw. Scorpio founded and served as President [2] of the energy research and development company Globex Corporation [3] from its inception in 1980 to its liquidation 2002 (though a “rogue” Globex Corporation did exist on the international black market until 2023 at the very latest). His legacy is mixed; Scorpio was praised for his humanitarian endeavors, but was derided as a villain, or “supervillain” at times, due to his attempt to “take over the world” in 2001 [4].
Scorpio was born in Seattle, Washington in 1955 to an accountant and a yoga instructor. He served on the track team [5] and bowling team [6] at Princeton University, from which he graduated magna cum laude in 1977. Scorpio married and had a son, Freddie “Gold Star” Scorpio, in 1986. His wife, Matilda Dutch, divorced Scorpio in 1998, taking Gold Star with her, over Hank Scorpio’s increasing distance, as his plans for global conquest grew to be an obsession, according to a 2004 interview. After working as an assistant health specialist, Scorpio founded Globex Corporation in Astoria, Oregon, 1980 [7]. Its mission statement was to “develop new form of energy production for the future and lead the business world by example by building friendship and trust between employers and employees.” He was also noted for his more eccentric habits, such as keeping unpackaged sugar and cream loose in his pockets [8].
It is unclear when Scorpio began developing his plan for world domination. Early documentation of Globex Corporation business activities suggests its initial purpose was sincere and that Scorpio only later turned his company into a front for weapons manufacturing and strategic planning. Scorpio’s weekly RISK marathons for employees led to him promoting several workers to “accomplice” level. Globex Corporation went public [9] in 1986, and its stock steadily rose so that the company was one of the wealthiest and most successful businesses in the United States by 1994. Scorpio also headed several charitable causes during this time, including founding the now-defunct QualityLiving Foundation, and denoted much of his wealth to various charities as well.
In 1981, Scorpio established the company town of Cypress Creek, a high-tech community for Globex Corporation workers and their families right next to the company’s headquarters [10]. Over the next 20 years, workers praised Scorpio’s progressive policies of free dental care, casual work attire, welcoming work environment, and other mental and physical health benefits [11]. Scorpio himself was praised as being an “ideal boss,” being reportedly “friendly, relaxed, and non-authoritative.” Before his 2001 takeover of the East Coast, employees of Hank Scorpio described him as a kind and supportive employer. In fact, Scorpio was the winner of several employer and management related awards from 1983 to 2000.
According to various testimonies in 2002 and 2003, after years of witnessing corruption and mistreatment of workers in businesses around the world, Scorpio devised a plan to “force freedom” onto the world. In April 2001, Scorpio put into motion Phase 1 of his plan to create “a better way of organizing the world.” First, Globex Corporation agents stole the Doomsday Device [12], a deadly weapon powered by nuclear energy from the nuclear reactor found in the company’s nuclear division in Astoria [13]. Second, representatives of Globex Corporation hired a nuclear safety employee from outside the company to give the illusion of business transparency (though the identity of this employee has never been publicly disclosed). Third, Scorpio demanded that the United Nations hand over $100 billion worth of gold, and used explosives to collapse New York City’s 59th Street Bridge to prove his sincerity [12]. Upon obtaining the gold, Scorpio finished establishing an accord with businessmen, corrupt politicians, and mafia bosses to use the gold as the new monetary standard upon Scorpio’s rise to power; some of the gold may have also been used to power weapons Scorpio was developing at the time. According to some reports, an agent known as Mr. Bont was killed by Scorpio accomplices soon after the gold delivery [14]. In response to the UN threat, US government forces conducted a raid on Globex Corporation Headquarters, complete with rockets from jets attempting to damage the headquarters’ roof structure [15]. However, the US forces reluctantly retreated after being met with Globex Corporation’s own army and its use of flamethrowers and cauldrons of scalding acid [15].
Next came Phase 2 (codenamed Project Arcturus [16]), which started with Scorpio using the Doomsday device (which reportedly became operational just in time) to destroy the city of Paris, France [17]. With UN and even US officials distracted by that catastrophe, Scorpio’s clandestine supporters successfully overthrew state and local political seats and incapacitated military bases along the East Coast [18]. Sleeper agents also lured police away from their positions with free coffee, free donuts, and other goods. The targeting of this region was seen as a calculated move that the US government did not suspect due to Globex Corporation being headquartered on the opposite side of the country. Fighting with federal officers along the border regions latest for roughly three months before they died down, as the US failed to have any success. Shortly afterwards, Scorpio somehow obtained the ownership of the Denver Broncos football team and then transferred ownership to an identified former employee whom then lost said ownership in a poker game hours later [16].
Scorpio’s rule over the east coast is often described as “complicated… he was kind to those on his side, but merciless to those against him.” In a modest televised announcement, Scorpio declared himself the Head Co-worker of the East Coast Republic, explaining “I don’t like the word ‘boss’.” The new nation’s territory stretched from coastal Maine to the edge of Washington, DC, and went as far inland as 90 miles; Boston was declared its capital. Banners promoting “a healthy lifestyle” soon covered urban areas, and the ECR was immediately recognized by the nations of Iran, Iraq, North Korea, and Venezuela, with the former President of Petoria vocally supporting the new country as well. In the ECR, unhealthy food was discouraged, causing many within the conquered areas to flee to the “safe haven” of Ben & Jerry’s headquarters in nearby Vermont. The Scorpio administration pushed for a pseudo-socialist society, and used its influence on the mafia to enforce strict punishments such as incarceration and social isolation for even the smallest of anti-Earth crimes such as littering. However, Scorpio raised the quality of living and lowered unemployment by forcing people trapped on the East Coast to repair roadways and clean up low income housing projects, and after implementing the Gold policy, by freezing prices to set up an effective minimum wage of 20 Gold Flecks (roughly US$20.00) an hour. Scorpio also “brutally” forced doctors to increase their staff and workloads, and forced medical colleges to accepted financially poor would-be students to accommodate Scorpio’s Free Healthcare Degree. Additionally, Scorpio strengthened the influence of unions, especially those in manufacturing due to Scorpio’s need to sustain the conquered east coast’s defenses before beginning Phase 3. Scorpio’s most controversial move (according to some) was forcing business owners to sign collective bargaining agreements with their workers.
Phase 3 of Scorpio’s plan for World Domination (to expand from the East Coast to all land east of the Mississippi River) failed to be implemented. Just seven months after Scorpio’s seizing of the American east coast (and two months after the start of Gulf War II), an attempt to expand his territory into Canada was met with a more united local opposition, as Canadians already had Universal Health Care had did not see the allure of Scorpio’s rule. This unexpectedly difficult push for Scorpio’s army allowed US/UN troops to move in from the west and south. The US government’s secret promises to give “incentives” to mafia leaders willing to betray Scorpio were successful, allowing US/UN troops to reconquer Boston in December 2001.
During the military operation to retake Boston, American troops successfully apprehended Scorpio. However, after only a few hours of being temporarily held in a dungeon cell in Old Boston, Scorpio escaped police custody. Surveillance cameras show him using a stolen key to open the jail cell lock and escape, after supporters distracted the officers monitoring him with an explosion outside the cell. Scorpio then fled the city on a motorcycle that he drove off a ramp and onto a military-grade hydrofoil waiting in Boston Harbor. Authorities then quickly lost track of Scorpio and his accomplices.
During the subsequent investigations and trials of all whom helped in Scorpio’s endeavors (including Scorpio in absentium), only 31 people were imprisoned. A 2002 inspection of Globex Corporation’s headquarters discovered “weather machine” and “germ warfare” divisions [19]. These were to part of Phase 3 of Scorpio’s world domination endeavor, and were to be used to threaten future areas of conquest into "voluntary submission."
Leads on Scorpio’s location continued for many years. In 2006, an anonymous caller claimed to have seen Scorpio in a prison in Turkey during the caller’s stay there, and claimed to have helped him escape the prison, but the caller could not confirm Scorpio’s location afterward. In 2007, controversy arose in the city Springfield for its Wall of Fame still recognizing Scorpio for all of his philanthropic work during the 1980s and 1990s (as of 2037, though the wall is currently in a state of degradation and in serious need of repair, Scorpio’s picture remains) [1]. Additionally, claims that Scorpio had moved to Springfield persisted for years after a resident of Shelbyville claimed Scorpio had stolen his car, driven to Springfield to create a new life for himself there, and later returned the car after getting it cleaned at a “Free Stolen Car Wash” [20]. A resident of Springfield claimed Scorpio had bribed Springfield’s Mayor Quimby into harboring Scorpio with generous donations to Quimby’s election bids. However, such claims were always unsubstantiated. If still alive, Scorpio would be 85 years old.
Scorpio had left behind a mixed legacy. His activism in raising society’s quality of life and generous donations to numerous charities are bittersweet facts in the face of Scorpio’s dictatorial takeover of the eastern coast of the United States. Scorpio Apologists often claim that Scorpio was a man who truly had the people’s interests at heart, and that while his methods were less-than-ideal, his rule was arguably fairer and more progressive than the Clinton, Bush and Schwarzenegger administrations of the era. Additionally, the Bush and Schwarzenegger administrations were highly criticized by using Globex Corporation technology to defeat enemies overseas in Gulf War IV and Gulf War V. During the 2010s and early 2020s, rebellious youngsters often wore articles of clothing featuring Scorpio’s likeness, similar to the Che Guevara t-shirts of yesteryear. A 2011 poll showed that 25% of Americans held a positive opinion on Hank Scorpio.
Sources:
[1] Season 20, Episode 10: Take My Life, Please (2009) – at the 2:07 mark, a plaque of Hank Scorpio, with the description “philanthropist,” is on the Springfield Wall of Fame.
[2] The Simpsons: Season 8, Episode 2: You Only Move Twice (1996) – at the 14:16 mark, the title “President” is seen on Scorpio’s door
[3] Ibid. – the company is referred to as just “Globex Corporation,” without a “the” in front of it, at the 1:10 mark and again at the 1:40 mark.
[4] Ibid. – Scorpio’s end goal is revealed in the song played during the end credits, which start at 21:55: “his twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world and his employee’s health…free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest… generous pensions, plus three weeks paid vacation each year, and on Fridays the lunchroom sells hotdogs and burgers and beer! He loves German beer!”
[5] Ibid. – Scorpio is shown to be “in the middle of a fun-run” at the 7:10 mark.
[6] Ibid. – Scorpio suggests he and Homer should go bowling later at the 20:03 mark.
[7] Ibid. – Homer states that the company is located “upstate somewhere” at the 1:50 mark.
[8] Ibid. – seen from 6:17 to 16:27.
[9] Ibid. – the company’s “subsidiaries and shareholders” are mentioned in the disclaimer at the 3:20 mark.
[10] Ibid. – “Cypress Creek, a planned community designed for the workers of Globex Corporation” is stated starting at the 3:11 mark.
[11] Ibid. – between 8:00 and 9:20, we see the workplace “[doesn’t] believe in walls,” and includes treadmills, weights, natural lighting, moving sidewalks, and casual attire, that Scorpio pushes for motivation and trust, and that Scorpio claims to be the first wealthy man in America to wear jeans with a sport coat; however, Scorpio does seem agitated when he is told that somebody ate part of his lunch, showing he has his limits.
[12] Ibid. – Scorpio says to UN people, starting at 14:57, “This is scorpio. I have the doomsday device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold, or YOU face the consequences. And to prove I’m not bluffing, watch this!” A UN delegate then states “the 59th Street Bridge” after an explosion occurs right after this.
[13] Ibid. – Trying “to get the reactor online” is mentioned at the 14:11 mark, and the company’s “nuclear division” is mentioned at the 1:15 mark. Then later, at the 15:55 mark, Scorpio states that he needs “the nuclear generator up to full power by tomorrow.”
[14] Ibid. – seen starting at the 7:33 mark.
[15] Ibid. – The episode’s famous action scene starts at the 19:20 mark: a deadly shootout of Scorpio’s men in blue suits versus US army soldiers, plus grenade explosions; some US Army men are scalded at 19:34; hanks says “I’m having a little problem with the government” at the 19:51 mark, confirming they are government soldiers; at the 20:20 mark, jets overhead drop rockets that damage opening in roof, and Hank uses a flamethrower to repel army men at the 20:40 mark.
[16] Ibid. – starting at the 21:20 mark, Homer reads Scorpio’s message: “Project Arcturus couldn’t have succeeded without you…drop me a line if you’re on the east coast, Hank Scorpio,” leading to the reveal that somehow Scorpio got Homer the Denver Broncos for Homer to own; the “drop me a line” bit more suggests that it is more likely that Scorpio is voluntarily staying there indefinitely than simply holding onto it as a sort of bargaining chip.
[17] Ibid. – Scorpio threatening to nuke France is hinted at in an exchange between Hank and Homer from 6:01 to 6:08; this is followed by Hank adjusted the positioning of his laser-like weapon, most likely the aforementioned “doomsday device,” from 6:08 to 6:11. Plus, in Season 14's Episode 12: I'm Spelling As Fast As I Can (2003), Kent Brockman begins a broadcast over the destruction of Paris, France before Marge turns off the TV, near the middle of the episode.
[18] Ibid. – a newspaper with the heading “Supervillain Seizes East Coast” and a picture of Scorpio smiling with smoke flumes behind him is seen at the 21:02 mark.
[19] Ibid. – Homer exclaims, at the 19:06 mark, “my team is way ahead of the weather machine and germ warfare divisions.”
[20] Family Guy: Season 13, Episode 1: The Simpsons Guy (2014) – for a brief second at the 19:23 mark, Scorpio can be seen in a car, honking its horn while in line for a “free stolen car wash” in Springfield.
The Springfield Monorail was a monorail track constructed in the US city of Springfield in 1997. Opening in January 1997 after only three weeks after the city council approved of the project, the monorail was meant to be the city’s first functional mass-transit railroad system, transporting a maximum of 76 riders in an irregular track shape [1] between two locations on opposite ends of the city. However, the city council shut down the monorail a mere days after its disastrous maiden voyage. The Springfield Monorail was the fourth and final such monorail sold by entrepreneurial con artist Lyle Lanley.
After the city of Springfield obtained US$3million from a court ruling, Lyle Lanley convinced the attendees of a December 1996 city hall meeting to pay him to build the city a monorail. Construction was “conveniently quick, with only two homes being accidently destroyed in the processed,” according to Springfield’s Mayor Quimby in a late 1997 federal inquiry. The monorail itself consisted of six cars: a cab for the conductor and crew and luggage, four for passengers, and to be used as a fancy dining car for wealthier riders [2]. Running of solar power [3], the monorail was meant to only reach a top speed of 150 mph [4], and operate at the fast speed of 80 mph; during its maiden voyage, however, it exceeded 180 mph [5].
Hundreds of Springfield residents attended the Springfield Monorail opening ceremony, along with locally and nationally famous celebrity guests such as Lurleen Lumpkin, Krusty the Clown, and Leonard Nimoy. Its maiden voyage began at the Springfield Central Monorail Station [6] and passed the Springfield Monorail Station B (where the monorail would be housed); it was to only last around one minute [7]. The voyage was disastrous, though, as the faulty braking system exploded [8] right when the monorail was approaching the SCMS, causing it to begin travelling at a much faster speed without the ability to stop. With the exception of a brief solar eclipse [9], the monorail sped uninterrupted for nearly an hour, until its conductor, future Olympic curling champion Homer Simpson, stopped the train with a makeshift anchor.
An investigation later revealed that Lyle Lanley had only spent 1.5% (or US$45,000) of the US$3million to build the monorail. The track and electrical wiring were of “incredibly poor” quality, and the monorail cars were the same outdated cars from the 1964 World’s Fair [10]. Lanley had successfully duped three other towns – Brockway, Odgenville and North Haverbrook – into falling for similar schemes. Lanley planned to flee to Tahiti with the remaining fortune, but in a serendipitous twist, took a plane to Tahiti piloted by a North Haverbrook resident. The pilot made “a brief layover” in North Haverbrook and contacted the North Haverbrook airport of Lanley’s presence on the plane, allowing the knowledge of Lanley being on board to spread – upon the plane landing, an angry mob assaulted Lanley with pitchforks, crowbars, and pipes, and he was even briefly set on fire, before authorities arrested him [11].
After the Springfeild Monorail’s electricity to cut off, its structure was condemned; pieces of track that were not deconstructed over the subsequent months were left standing, abandoned. By 2000, however, the remaining pieces had become tourist attractions, despite its potential for accidents related to rust, high falls, and falling debris. In 2013, the local government designated the dilapidated monorail track remnants an official Springfield Landmark, as by then nearly all Springfield residence “had gotten used” to their iconic presence across the town.
In 2018, in an effort to “go green” and increase tourism, Mayor Quimby approved a reclamation project to build a “skyline park” atop the monorail’s ruins. The repurposing of the remaining monorail track pieces into a garden walkway officially named the Skypark-Line, however, met with disaster on its opening day. The monorail’s electricity to power the park’s “no smoking signs” had not been disconnected from the tracks, causing the monorail cars, still housed in the abandoned Station B, to begin moving again. The monorail subsequently destroyed most of the refurbished pathway and injured several people before permanently coming to a stop via careening off the edge of a removed part of the track, destroying a Leonard Nimoy statue as it crashed to the ground below. This incident was a contributing factor in Quimby losing re-election later that year [12].
Sources:
[1] Season 4, Episode 12: Marge vs. The Monorail (1993) – the layout of the track seen at the 17:45 mark.
[2] Ibid. – after the ride starts at the 16:10 mark, one of the cars is shown to be a fancy dining car.
[3] Ibid. – revealed at the 18:36 mark.
[4] Ibid. – Marge mentions its speed of 150 miles an hour at the 11:30 mark.
[5] Ibid. – stated at the 17:38 mark.
[6] Ibid. – a building reading “Springfield Central Monorail Station” is seen at the 14:50 mark.
[7] Ibid. – Lisa states “the ride only takes one minute” at the 16:07 mark.
[8] Ibid. – occurs at the 17:07 mark.
[9] Ibid. – from 18:43 until 19:01.
[10] Ibid. – one of the cars is revealed to be from the 1964 World’s Fair after a concealed label is revealed at the 17:16 mark.
[11] Ibid. – scene begins at the 19:07 mark.
[12] Season 29, Episode 6: The Old Blue Mayor She Ain’t What She Used To Be (2017) – starting at the 2:05 mark, this is this the premise of this episode.
The Homer was an “infamous” concept car that yielded disastrous financial results for the company that produced it, Powell Motors (or PM for short). PM CEO Herb Powell believed the company needed to create “the type of car Americans really want, not the kind we tell them they want” in order to “beat the Japanese.” In this endeavor, Powell hired his recently discovered half-brother Homer Simpson to design such a car, believing Simpson to “understand the needs and wants of the average American car owner.” Modern manufacturers today use The Homer as a cautionary tale, warning CEOs against making major decisions based solely on unchecked instinct. However, the Homer did slowly gain popularity in the 2000s and 2010s decades.
In 1996, Harvard-educated millionaire Powell Motors founder and CEO Herbert “Herb” Powell was struggling to keep the sought to keep the company afloat amidst foreign completion, causing company sales to plummet [1][2]. After meeting his two-years-younger half-brother, the 1993 Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter–turned–nuclear technician Homer Simpson, Powell demanded Simpson create a car for the “average” American, erroneously believing Simpson fit that stereotype. To create “The Car of the 90s,” Powell paid Simpson $200,000 and provided a team of PM engineers [3][4]. Several “nervous” and concerned engineers contacted repeatedly Powell, whom personally took a half-off approach to The Homer’s development, and insisted that Powell reconsider having Simpson in charge of the project [5]. Powell reportedly refused to listen to them due to his overconfidence is his brother’s assumed insight into the wants and needs of the average American.
Simpson’s design for The Homer were highly controversial during the development process. The car’s seats were placed in two bubble domes, with the rear dome being “a separate soundproof bubble for the kids” with optional restraints and muzzles for quarreling children (though this separate bubble may have been a female engineer’s idea according to some accounts). Simpson demanded several horns to be installed in the car because “you can never find a horn when you need one,” and reportedly wanted the engine to make people think “the world’s coming to an end,” resulting in the use of a custom type of engine typically meant for monster trucks [6]. Simpson also demanded outdated features to be returned for nostalgic value, such as shag carpeting and tailfins; the Homer’s emblematic hood ornament was a small metallic bowler. According to reports, Simpson angrily rejected earlier designs showing a much sleeker look for The Homer [7].
Powell came under intense scrutiny for not inspecting The Homer before the car’s official unveiling, which was attended by several distinguished individuals guests, including the Pope [8]. Powell also did not discover the plethora of problems the car contained after its public display. Its clunky design created serious drag issues when driven over 20 miles per hour, causing it to be a major gas guzzler at a time when Americans were still conscious about such spending in light of the recession from earlier in that decade. The homer’s unique design would have required expensive custom robots or an increase in specially-trained workers to build it on assembly lines. The incredibly loud engine would likely violate suburban noise ordinances. Thus, due to The Homer’s building materials and elements of questionable safety, PM economists sought to financially compensate for its expenses by giving the car a price tag of $82,000 [9].
The overwhelmingly negative response and ridicule from the car lead to sales of their other cars plummeting overnight, with Powell himself calling the car a “monstrosity” and possibly suffering a nervous breakdown soon afterwards [10]. The company’s stock crashed within hours of The Homer’s unveiling [11]. Sponsors pulled funding, and the bank announced an audit. Safety specialists and child psychologists condemned the Homer, with one stating “only a senseless ape from the Dark Ages would find The Homer appealing in any way.” Mental health inspectors requested permission to study all whom greenlit every step to the car-making process. Many high-end employees blamed Powell for refusing to listen to their advice, and many promptly quit their jobs in frustration. Lower-level workers, outraged that so much time, energy and money was spent on the project over their CBA complaints, organized a worker’s strike. Within days, the company was hemorrhaging money, causing Powell to put a loan on his mansion. By the end of the week, Powell Motors liquidated their assets and effectively went out of business, their remaining materials (most notably the company’s main building and even Herb Powell’s foreclosed mansion) being purchased by Komatsu Motors for 15% of their total original price [12]. Komatsu Motors kept on Powell Motors employees, though, in order to prevent local unemployment and to avoid the need to train new workers. For the next two years, Herb Powell did not speak with Homer Simpson, and lived in complete destitution [13].
In later years, however, The Homer saw a slight comeback in popularity. While the car was universally ridiculed at the time of its unveiling, The Homer was actually very popular to people under the age of 14. Six years after its unveiling, custom-made cars replicating the look of The Homer began appearing at Auto Shows. Its popularity peaked in the late 2000s, with fans of The Homer often describing it as “the type of car a young child or young-child-at-heart would like, which really makes it stand out from all other cars on the market.” Even Herb Powell, alternating in recent years between being wealthy and being destitute [14], attended several auto show events relating to The Homer. Other fans of the car point to its prophetic inclusion of ultra-sized cup-holders, a feature that became a staple in many cars during the 2000s. While the original The Homer was very expensive, custom Faux-Homer cars are often built to demonstrate its ability to be made more cheaply. In the later half of the 2010s, internet bloggers called for a small order of The Homers to be manufactured for “the rich and quirky.” Such efforts, though, received little attention or support; Herb Powell strongly opposed the notion in 2015, while its brainchild Homer Simpson gave a more lukewarm response of “eh, maybe, I dunno” in 2016. After a petition to mass-produce the car failed to gain traction in 2019, Komatsu Motors reiterated their position: “The Homer will never be mass-produced. Ever.”
Sources:
[1] Season 2, Episode 15: Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? (1991) – at the 9:28 mark, with sales going down, Herb mentions he went to Harvard.
[2] Ibid. – Herb is revealed to be “a millionaire” at the 13:13 mark.
[3] Ibid. – Herb gets homer to work on the car for $200,000 at the 14:00 mark; Herb gives Homer a team of engineers at the 14:50 mark.
[4] Ibid. – at the 19:57 mark, a banner reading “Gala unveiling: The Car of the 90s” is shown hung on outside the Powell Motors Building.
[5] Ibid. – seen beginning at the 17:32 mark.
[6] Ibid. – several car ideas are discussed from 18:18 to 18:50, in which a female engineer suggests a separate bubble for child passengers.
[7] Ibid. – seen at the 19:45 mark.
[8] Ibid. – “your holiness” is quickly seen at the 20:04 mark.
[9] Ibid. – “the sticker price” is revealed at the 20:45 mark.
[10] Ibid. – Herb breaks down at the unveiling, screaming “I’m ruined” as he falls to his knees, at the 21:06; such action would likely lead to rumors over his mental clarity.
[11] Ibid. – Herb mentions “stockholder meetings” at the 19:18 mark, meeting that Powell Motors is a public company.
[12] Ibid. – The “Powell” on the Powell Motors sign on the Powell Motors Building is replaced with the word “Komatsu,” with Homer then revealing that Powell also lost his mansion, at the 21:13 mark.
[13] Season 3, Episode 24: Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? (1992) – Herb is shown to be homeless near the beginning of the episode as a direct result of the events of the “Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?” episode, but by the end of the episode is wealthy again.
[14] Season 24, Episode 11: Changing of the Guardian (2013) – Powell’s answering machine message notes that he’s “poor again” towards the middle of this episode.
(Continuing with the “Weird Springfield” book from Post #8)
– Pages 40-43 of “Weird Springfield,” one of the last books to be financially successful in paper-book form, Sterling Publishing, 2026
Source:
Season 13, Episode 10: Half-Decent Proposal (2002) – A “Now Entering West Springfield” sign is seen at the 16:55 mark; cacti resembling Marge are seen from 17:01 to 17:08; Mt. Carlmore is shown and discussed from 17:09 to 17:20, during which Lenny says “I carved that one wonderful summer,” and states he and Carl have “never discussed it,” suggesting Carl may not be aware of its existence; Lisa refers to “the West Springfield Oil Patch” as a “death trap” at the 18:10 mark, at which point we also see a map of West Springfield showing a latitudinal Route 13.
And of course:
Steamed Hams are a regional variant of the grilled American hamburger. It consists of regular hamburger ingredients, but are cooked via both steaming and a grill. Based on the inventor’s initial instructions, the patties are first steamed in a custom oven; this melts away the patties’ fats. The patties are then moved to a grill before assembling the steamed hams with buns and toppings. Typical additions to the sandwich are cheese, lettuce, ketchup, and pickles. Steamed hams are typically served as a main course dish with fries on the side.
Steamed Hams were first made in 2006, after being first thought up in 1996. The concept of Steam Hams was invented by Principal Seymour Skinner of Springfield, Oregon, in an elaborate attempt to hide “an old fib” from his superior, a one Superintendent Chalmers, after Skinner had claimed the fictional food staple was a “regional dialect” from Albany, New York, for which he had an “old family recipe,” in 1996. Upon Chalmers announcing a visit to Albany in 2006, Skinner “frantically” went door-to-door in Albany ahead of Chalmers’ visit, trying to convince Albany residents, especially the owners and patrons of local eateries, to call burgers “steamed hams.” After a public plea, the sympathetic townsfolk agreed to the ruse (in exchange “for a hefty fee”). After the departure of Skinner and his superior, however, the phrase continued to be used after businesses saw an increase in tourists stopping to see what a “Steamed Ham” was. Local eateries began both grilling and steaming their burgers. In early 2018, Albany city council voted to make Steamed Hams the official sandwich of the city. In a 2018 interview for which the burger’s inventor was tracked down, Skinner exclaimed “I am so surprised that ‘Steamed Hams’ became such a commonly-used phenomenon [in the region] nearly 22 years after I first made it up – oh, but don’t tell Superintendent Chalmers I said that! Please don’t!”
Source:
Season 7, Episode 21: 22 Short Films About Springfield (1996) – full scene here
Plus two retcons!
Joseph “Diamond Joe” Quimby was an American lawyer and politician who served as the Mayor of Springfield, Oregon, U.S. (1987-1999, 1999, 1999-2010). Quimby was the longest-serving mayor of Springfield and one of the longest-serving mayors of “one of America’s largest medium-to-small sized towns” [1] in United States history, having held office for a total of 34 years and 11 months.
Quimby was born in 1950 [2] into one of the wealthiest liquor-selling families in southern Massachusetts. A football injury in High School kept him out of Vietnam [2]. After enrolling in Springfield University, infamous at the time for its “wild parties,” in 1968, Quimby transferred back east to Providence College in 1975 in order to finally obtain degrees in law and political science (having obtained a legal major in fraternity studies from Springfield University in 1974). Quimby graduated in January 1978 [2], and began working as a sales representative at his family’s company.
In 1980, tired with the family business, Quimby moved back to Springfield, married “his college sweetheart” [2] Martha Skakel, and two weeks later announced his candidacy for a city council seat that had recently become vacant. Ironically, Quimby would gain a reputation as an anti-corruption crusader during this time. In 1985, he announced his candidacy for mayor. He won in 1986 [2] by a narrow margin to succeed the incumbent Mayor, Mary Bailey, whom had retired to successfully run for Governor. Quimby promised to reform the city’s political system, clean up the city’s image, revive economic woe and improve the city’s arts and education aspects; however, these problems only continued to worsen under Quimby’s time in office. Despite this, and accusations of voter fraud and voter intimidation in 1986, Quimby was re-elected by a slightly larger margin in 1990. He successfully won election to a third term by a landslide in 1994 despite openly admitting to using money from the city treasury to fund the murder of at least two political enemies [3]. In 1998, Quimby lost re-election to pardoned felon Robert “Sideshow Bob” Terwilliger, only for Terwilliger to be removed from office for voter fraud just a few weeks into office [4]. As a result of Terwilliger’s conviction, it was determined that Quimby was the true winner of the 1998 election, and so, in accordance with the rules laid out in the town charter, Quimby was immediately sworn in once Terwilliger was removed from office.
However, Quimby would voluntarily vacate the office a few months later over a misunderstanding [5]. In this instance, in accordance with the town charter, which stipulates that “should the mayor abdicate a council of learned citizens shall rule in his stead,” the mayor seat’s vacancy led to the formation of a six-member council comprised of the town’s smartest individuals [6]. However, this council proved to be out-of-touch with the average Springfield citizen, leading to a riot [7] over the council’s proposed laws after only a few days in power. The decline in popularity led to the council reluctantly contacting Quimby (ultimately found “running errands” in Mexico) and requesting his return. Quimby re-entered office after an absence of 21 days.
The intriguing events of these two brief lapses out of office brought Quimby into the national spotlight. Overly confident that he could win from this sudden rise to fame, Quimby announced in July his intention to challenge US Senator Bill Bradley and incumbent US Vice-President Al Gore for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States [1][8]. Quimby ran on an incredibly pro-establishment platform [9], and hoped Bradley would divide the liberal vote in the primaries, allowing Quimby to win on the conservative vote. However, not only did Quimby suffer numerous gaffes along the campaign trail, but wealthy donors were reluctant to support his campaign as well. As the campaign progressed, more scandals leaked out concerning Quimby, and his numbers continued to drop, from 20% in July to just 5% in January. Quimby withdrew from the election on February 2, 2000, after coming in fourth place (2.3% of the vote) in the February 1 New Hampshire primary behind Al Gore (46.1%), Bill Bradley (45.2%), and write-in candidate Ralph Wiggum (5.1%) [10]; the only other candidate on the ballot, Lyndon LaRouche, received 1.3%.
In 2005, Quimby survived a recall election due to no candidate to replace him obtaining the 5% of the vote necessary to force the recall after his leading challenger, civilian astronaut Homer Simpson, being forced out of the race [11]. Quimby’s third time in office (during which he was re-elected in 2002 and 2006) saw an even further increase in administrative corruption. In 2007, Quimby was able to successfully amended the city charter so the President of the city council (whom, in 2007, was a close ally of Quimby) was next in line to become mayor, and was accused of nepotism for appointing relatives to administrative positions. However, corruption in Springfield had been highly tolerated by its largely uncaring citizens for decades, and re-election in 2010 to yet another term appeared inevitable for Mayor Quimby. In early 2009, though, Quimby was indicted [12] over evidence of numerous crimes. These included polygamy, racketeering, conspiracy, extortion, bribery, accepting bribes from the local mafia, violations of numerous health and safety laws, abuse of power, using taxpayer money to pay for lavish vacations and amenities, embezzlement, giving monthly kickbacks to the Springfield Police Department, shoplifting, and the most heinous and despicable crime of all – wiping his bottom with an American flag [13]. This was the crime that finally caused Quimby to lose all support in the town. According to later reporting by local squeaker Jimmy the Snitch, Quimby consulted with the local mafia in an attempt to impede the charges; however, most of the charges had nothing to do with them, and turned Quimby down. Quimby was quickly brought to trial, found guilty of most of the allegations, and removed from office in early 2010. Martha Skakel divorced him a few months later, while Quimby was serving six months in prison followed by 10,000 hours of community service. Following a “questionable” city council succession vote, active reformer and city councilman Michael D’Amico succeeded Quimby as mayor; D’Amico narrowly won the 2010 mayoral special election to complete Quimby’s term over state assemblywoman Allison Taylor.
Due to his high unpopularity both in the town and even back east in Massachusetts (where his own family had denounced and rejected him due to his scandals), Quimby changed his name to Mohammed Jafar [14] and found a job working as a taxi driver for Otto Cab Company [15]. Quimby worked there from 2010 to 2011. Having squandered his millions during his time in office, after completing his community service in Springfield Quimby moved to the neighboring city of Shelbyville in 2011. Quimby slowly rebuilt his fortune and reputation by obtaining a radio show there later that year. He experienced moderate success with the program – even contemplating running for Mayor of Shelbyville in their 2013 mayoral election after a hypothetical poll showed he would easily win – until the city discovered his true identity as the corrupt former Mayor of Springfield. Because of the decades-old feud between Springfield and Shelbyville, Quimby was chased out of town by an angry mob, and Quimby reluctantly returned to living in Springfield (fortunately for him, the money he had saved from his Shelbyville broadcasting days kept him from destitution) in early 2014.
Quimby's luck changed, however, when his successor to the office of mayor became so unpopular that Quimby’s own record looked decent by comparison. Quimby ran for mayor again, this time presenting himself as a reformed criminal/political outsider "like the guy in that French play," as Quimby once stated. Quimby won over his successor by a wide margin in 2014. His ex-wife Martha came back to him in 2017, leading to the two having a wedding ceremony later that year, albeit without signing anything, thus making them still legally divorced; this situation "made it easier on tax day," Martha explained in 2036.
Understanding the need to adapt to modern times, Quimby implemented a series of “go green” projects. One of them, the reburbishing of the city’s famous monorail track, was disastrous, leading to him losing re-election in 2018 to local retired police officer, realtor, and businesswoman Marge Simpson. After this exit from the Mayorship once again, however, Quimby became a private citizen in order to spend “an unprecedented” amount of time with his wife and children [16]. Four years later, though, anti-Marge forces convinced Quimby to successfully run for an open seat on city council in 2022, the same year Marge Simpson won re-election. Quimby was then appointed President of the City Council in January 2023. A series of complicated scandals and gaffes then led to Marge being impeached in June 2023; with Quimby next in the line of succession, he returned to the mayoral office for the fifth time. Quimby won election to a full term in 2026 before retiring in 2030, leaving office at the age of 80.
Quimby died from a heart attack on the night of July 4, 2035 [17]. According to Martha, whom was present during his heart attack, Quimby was unaware of the day’s date and so was caught off guard by the loud and bright fireworks festivities during their "biweekly night of intimacy." Keeping to his last request, Martha ensured his final resting place was Arlington National cemetery.
Sources (all from The Simpsons):
[1] http://web.archive.org/web/20001201231600/www.thesimpsons.com/quimby2000/index.html
[2] http://web.archive.org/web/20001201235300/http://www.thesimpsons.com:80/quimby2000/meet.html
[3] Season 4, Episode 22: Krusty Gets Kancelled (1993) – from 5:49 to 6:02.
[4] Season 6, Episode 5: Sideshow Bob Roberts (1994)
[5] Season 10, Episode 22: They Saved Lisa’s Brain (1999)
[6] Ibid. – the town charter states, “should the mayor abdicate a council of learned citizens shall rule in his stead” from 12:55 to 12:59. The group is nicknamed “The Bright Pack” at the 13:38 mark, but an official title for the council is never clearly given.
[7] Ibid. – from 18:55 to 9:29.
[8] http://www.prnewswire.com/news-rele...00com-thesimpsonscom-and-foxcom-75139062.html
[9] http://web.archive.org/web/20010330...impsons.com:80/quimby2000/diamond_points.html
[10] Season 19, Episode 10: E Pluribus Wiggum (2008)
[11] Season 17, Episode 6: See Homer Run (2005)
[12] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – Otto says to Quimby “get your indicted ass down to the Convention Center” at the 10:52 mark.
[13] Season 15, Episode 21: Bart-Mangled Banner (2004) – Bart accidently disrespecting the American flag caused the Simpsons to become pariahs in this episode.
[14] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – heard at the 10:49 mark.
[15] Ibid. – seen at the 10:40 mark.
[16] Season 29, Episode 6: The Old Blue Mayor She Ain’t What She Used To Be (2017) – Quimby’s story arch of this episode.
[17] Quimby seems not to appear in any of the episodes set in the future other than the one explicitly set in 2010, suggests that he is deceased by the events of those episodes. His overall poor health – overweight, years of drinking and smoking shown across many episodes – suggest he does not live for that long in the “future” of the series.
Marge Simpson served as the acting First Lady of the United States under her daughter, President Lisa Simpson, from 2029 until her daughter’s marriage to Milhouse Van Houten in 2035. Marge Simpson is also the mother of Supreme Court Justice Bart Simpson and singer-songwriter-guitarist Maggie Simpson.
Simpson was born on October 1, 1956 (though other sources state she was born on February 1, 1956) [1] in Springfield to Clancy Bouvier, a WWII veteran and photographer-turned-steward, and Jacqueline Bouvier, a homemaker. Her father is of French descent; neither of Marge Simpson’s parents are related in any known way to Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. Simpson graduated from Springfield High School in 1974 [2] and acquired credits at Springfield University years later [3], but did not graduate. After 15 years of dating, Marge Simpson finally married her high school sweetheart, Homer J. Simpson, on June 3, 1989 [4]; they had three children together – Bart (b. 1990), Lisa (b. 1992) and Maggie (b. 1999). In 1993, her father-in-law purchased a larger home for them in the community of Evergreen Terrace in the city of Springfield. The Simpson couple’s marriage was often shaky according their children, usually arguing over the father’s wild and reckless antics and job insecurity. They reportedly separated several times, the longest being for over a year after Homer purchased an expensive underwater home; during this time, Marge briefly dated comedian/entertainer and former United States Congressman Krusty the Clown. Despite these conflicts, Marge still lives with (what’s left of [5]) her husband of now-52 years in her hometown of Springfield, as of August 2041.
Simpson has described herself in numerous interviews as an “active” and “dutiful” homemaker, insisting her husband and children joined her at church every Sunday (a fact that helped woo in religious voters during her daughter’s successful run for the Presidency in 2028). Outside of housework, Simpson held numerous jobs, including work as a police officer [6], realtor [7], nuclear power plant employee [8], pretzel vendor [9], substitute teacher [10], novelist [11], gym owner/manager [12], baker, waitress at a Berger’s Burgers, and crime scene cleaner.
Simpson is a highly talented visual artist, most famously for two oil-on-canvas paintings she made in 1999 that have been on display at the Springfield Art Museum since later that same year [13]. She also claimed in an interview to have painted nearly all of the paintings in her home in Springfield, including one of her favorites, an “iconic” sailboat painting [14].
Simpson’s children have also described her as the moralistic force in their family, and as matriarch did her best to rein in “the negative misadventures of our father and Bart,” according to Lisa Simpson in her autobiography. Lisa Simpson also writes, “She was the level head that maintained stability and safety in an otherwise wonderful-yet-chaotic home life, the glue that kept our family together, like Miss Ellie Ewing or Senator Michelle Obama.”
Despite Marge Simpson’s pride in her work and her family’s accomplishments, she is very protective and shy about many aspects of her personal life, stating that answering such relating questions would not be “ladylike,” a concept that has gone all but extinct in most of the US since the 2020s [15]. Simpson did, though, obtain inescapable brief notoriety in 1999 on three separate occasions – she successfully had the TV cartoon series Itchy and Scratchy temporarily banned over its violent content [16]; she created a traffic jam via a nervous breakdown, leading to a brief arrest and pardon by the city’s mayor [17]; and she spent 30 days in Springfield Women’s Prison for shoplifting, though Simpson repeatedly claimed it was purely an accident [18].
In 2018, Simpson ran for Mayor of Springfield after being personally insulted by the incumbent Mayor Quimby at a public town hall meeting. After slowing gaining in polls, she narrowly won over Quimby in an upset. Admittedly uncertain of her skills, Simpson proved to be a popular mayor after a very rocky first year. Simpson gained international attention during First Contact in 2021, and was praised by locals for her swift response to the Great Molasses Flood of 2022, contributing to her winning re-election in a landslide later that year. However, Simpson was removed from office by Springfield’s city council in the summer of 2023 over several complicated scandals. Still, her achievements in office merited the constructed of the Marge Mayoral Museum, which opened in early 2028, almost eight years after her first election to mayor [19].
Upon her daughter Lisa’s election to the Presidency, Lisa Simpson asked Marge to join her at the White House as the acting hostess for official House White functions and events, as Lisa Simpson was single at the time. Marge Simpson was the first person to serve as acting First Lady of the United States since Margaret Woodrow Wilson (1914-1915), and the very first mother of a US President to serve in the role of acting First Lady. Marge Simpson maintained an open and transparent White House and was a gracious social hostess, frequently dropping in on White House tours to offer homemade cookies and lemonade. Despite her husband Homer Simpson’s occasional “shenanigans” [20]; foreign dignitaries were often impressed at how clean and well-maintained the White House was under Simpson’s care. Even with the White House’s large staff of butlers and maids, Simpson insisted on personally performing many of the duties that had become “a daily tradition” in her life. For example, she still helped wash, dry, fold and deliver laundry around the White House [21]. Politically, she was a more conservative Democrat than her progressive daughter, once stating that she was very upset when Lyndon Johnson died [22], and even admitted in a 2035 interview that she had voted for Jimmy Carter twice, creating a minor scandal. However, during her home state’s 1998 gubernatorial election, Marge Simpson strongly supported progressive Democratic nominee Mary Bailey, while her even more conservative husband, Homer Simpson, supported Republican nominee Monty Burns.
After her daughter married Milhouse Van Houten, Simpson voluntarily retired from living in the White House to “give the new couple some space,” relinquishing the duties of First Spouse to First Gentleman Van Houten, and resumed residence in Springfield with her husband. She has since led a humble retirement, occasionally travelling to distant locations [23], but only rarely attending political functions.
Sources:
[1] Season 17, Episode 10: Homer’s Paternity Coot (2006) – Marge states that Emerald would have been her birthstone if she had been born three months later, placing her birthday sometime in February; however, in Season 18, Episode 17: Marge Gamer (2007), near the beginning of the episode, as Marge begins to learn how to use the internet for the first time, she states “I have the same birthday as Randy Quaid,” meaning either Marge has confused what month Emerald is a birthstone for, or she read something false on the internet. Kind of a toss-up here…
[2] Season 2, Episode 12: The Way We Was (1991) – main plot of the episode.
[3] Season 19, Episode 11: The ’90s Show (2008) – Marge is implied to be attending classes at Springfield University throughout the episode.
[4] Season 3, episode 12: I Married Marge (1991) – Homer and Marge marry in a small wedding chapel just across the state line.
[5] Season 25, Episode 18: Days of Future Future (2014) – it is revealed at the 19:35 mark that, with his body now gone, his consciousness has been transferred to a C-3PO-like robot.
[6] Season 6, Episode 23: The Springfield Connection (1995) – main plot.
[7] Season 9, Episode 9: Realty Bites (1997) – the A-plot of the episode.
[8] Season 4, Episode 7: Marge Gets a Job (1992) – main plot.
[9] Season 8, Episode 11: The Twisted World of Marge Simpson (1997) – main plot.
[10] Season 6, Episode 21: The PTA Disbands (1995) – seen around two-thirds of the way through the episode.
[11] Season 15, Episode 10: Diatribe of a Mad Housewife (2004) – main plot.
[12] Season 19, Episode 7: Husbands and Knives (2007) – Marge opens up a gym for women called “Shapes” near the beginning of this episode.
[13] Season 2, Episode 18: Brush with Greatness (1991) – main plot.
[14] Season 9, Episode 20: The Trouble with Trillions (1998) – mentioned at the beginning of the episode.
[15] Most episodes set in the future depict a grim social landscape (slightly similar to Futurama, in fact), so this is not that far out-there.
[16] Season 2, Episode 9: Itchy & Scratchy & Marge (1990) – main plot.
[17] Season 3, Episode 5: Homer Alone (1992) – Marge’s nervous breakdown occurs near the beginning of the episode; she is pardoned by the mayor a bit later on in the episode.
[18] Season 4, Episode 21: Marge in Chains (1993) – main plot.
[19] Season 29, Episode 6: The Old Blue Mayor She Ain’t What She Used To Be (2017) – all seen in this episode.
[20] Season 11, Episode 17: Bart to the Future (2000) – Homer seemingly lives at the White House with Marge, and is seen wrecking the floor and yard with a miner’s pick near the middle and towards the end of the episode, respectively.
[21] Ibid. – Marge can be seen carrying a laundry basket at the 11:10 mark.
[22] Season 7, Episode 15: Bart the Fink (1996) – mentioned near the end of the episode.
[23] Season 23, Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed (2011) – Homer and Marge are seen travelling to one of the poles, to a submerged city, and into outer space during the song/time-lapse sequence near the very beginning of the episode.
(My apologies in advance if this post was too long for anybody: Sorry!)
The Simpsons Wikibox Post #9
#1: Sideshow Bob, Bartovia, List of US Presidents, Lisa, Bart, Cletus (page 178)
#2: US Congressman Kristy the Clown, Springfield Mayor Joe Quimby (page 371)
#3: Governor Bailey, Congressman Arnold, Congressman Wilcox, Moleman (page 382)
#4: Screamapillar, Milhouse, Otto, Otto Cab Company, Insanity Pepper (page 389)
#5: Blinky, Mr. Burns, the Nuclear Power Plant, Solvent Green, Uniclams (page 414)
#6: Maggie, Five Corners Monument, Mall, Grimes, Moe's/Moe, Marge (page 423)
#7: Duff Beer, Professor Frink, Chief Wiggum, Ralph, Radioactive Man (page 435)
#8: Jebediah, Sprungfeld, Groundskeeper Willie, Kwik-E-Mart, Homer (page 440)
#9: Scorpio, Monorail, The Homer, West Springfield Wonders, Steamed Hams (plus retconned Quimby, retconned Marge)
Hank Scorpio
Hank Scorpio was a wealthy businessman, philanthropist [1], and wanted outlaw. Scorpio founded and served as President [2] of the energy research and development company Globex Corporation [3] from its inception in 1980 to its liquidation 2002 (though a “rogue” Globex Corporation did exist on the international black market until 2023 at the very latest). His legacy is mixed; Scorpio was praised for his humanitarian endeavors, but was derided as a villain, or “supervillain” at times, due to his attempt to “take over the world” in 2001 [4].
Scorpio was born in Seattle, Washington in 1955 to an accountant and a yoga instructor. He served on the track team [5] and bowling team [6] at Princeton University, from which he graduated magna cum laude in 1977. Scorpio married and had a son, Freddie “Gold Star” Scorpio, in 1986. His wife, Matilda Dutch, divorced Scorpio in 1998, taking Gold Star with her, over Hank Scorpio’s increasing distance, as his plans for global conquest grew to be an obsession, according to a 2004 interview. After working as an assistant health specialist, Scorpio founded Globex Corporation in Astoria, Oregon, 1980 [7]. Its mission statement was to “develop new form of energy production for the future and lead the business world by example by building friendship and trust between employers and employees.” He was also noted for his more eccentric habits, such as keeping unpackaged sugar and cream loose in his pockets [8].
It is unclear when Scorpio began developing his plan for world domination. Early documentation of Globex Corporation business activities suggests its initial purpose was sincere and that Scorpio only later turned his company into a front for weapons manufacturing and strategic planning. Scorpio’s weekly RISK marathons for employees led to him promoting several workers to “accomplice” level. Globex Corporation went public [9] in 1986, and its stock steadily rose so that the company was one of the wealthiest and most successful businesses in the United States by 1994. Scorpio also headed several charitable causes during this time, including founding the now-defunct QualityLiving Foundation, and denoted much of his wealth to various charities as well.
In 1981, Scorpio established the company town of Cypress Creek, a high-tech community for Globex Corporation workers and their families right next to the company’s headquarters [10]. Over the next 20 years, workers praised Scorpio’s progressive policies of free dental care, casual work attire, welcoming work environment, and other mental and physical health benefits [11]. Scorpio himself was praised as being an “ideal boss,” being reportedly “friendly, relaxed, and non-authoritative.” Before his 2001 takeover of the East Coast, employees of Hank Scorpio described him as a kind and supportive employer. In fact, Scorpio was the winner of several employer and management related awards from 1983 to 2000.
According to various testimonies in 2002 and 2003, after years of witnessing corruption and mistreatment of workers in businesses around the world, Scorpio devised a plan to “force freedom” onto the world. In April 2001, Scorpio put into motion Phase 1 of his plan to create “a better way of organizing the world.” First, Globex Corporation agents stole the Doomsday Device [12], a deadly weapon powered by nuclear energy from the nuclear reactor found in the company’s nuclear division in Astoria [13]. Second, representatives of Globex Corporation hired a nuclear safety employee from outside the company to give the illusion of business transparency (though the identity of this employee has never been publicly disclosed). Third, Scorpio demanded that the United Nations hand over $100 billion worth of gold, and used explosives to collapse New York City’s 59th Street Bridge to prove his sincerity [12]. Upon obtaining the gold, Scorpio finished establishing an accord with businessmen, corrupt politicians, and mafia bosses to use the gold as the new monetary standard upon Scorpio’s rise to power; some of the gold may have also been used to power weapons Scorpio was developing at the time. According to some reports, an agent known as Mr. Bont was killed by Scorpio accomplices soon after the gold delivery [14]. In response to the UN threat, US government forces conducted a raid on Globex Corporation Headquarters, complete with rockets from jets attempting to damage the headquarters’ roof structure [15]. However, the US forces reluctantly retreated after being met with Globex Corporation’s own army and its use of flamethrowers and cauldrons of scalding acid [15].
Next came Phase 2 (codenamed Project Arcturus [16]), which started with Scorpio using the Doomsday device (which reportedly became operational just in time) to destroy the city of Paris, France [17]. With UN and even US officials distracted by that catastrophe, Scorpio’s clandestine supporters successfully overthrew state and local political seats and incapacitated military bases along the East Coast [18]. Sleeper agents also lured police away from their positions with free coffee, free donuts, and other goods. The targeting of this region was seen as a calculated move that the US government did not suspect due to Globex Corporation being headquartered on the opposite side of the country. Fighting with federal officers along the border regions latest for roughly three months before they died down, as the US failed to have any success. Shortly afterwards, Scorpio somehow obtained the ownership of the Denver Broncos football team and then transferred ownership to an identified former employee whom then lost said ownership in a poker game hours later [16].
Scorpio’s rule over the east coast is often described as “complicated… he was kind to those on his side, but merciless to those against him.” In a modest televised announcement, Scorpio declared himself the Head Co-worker of the East Coast Republic, explaining “I don’t like the word ‘boss’.” The new nation’s territory stretched from coastal Maine to the edge of Washington, DC, and went as far inland as 90 miles; Boston was declared its capital. Banners promoting “a healthy lifestyle” soon covered urban areas, and the ECR was immediately recognized by the nations of Iran, Iraq, North Korea, and Venezuela, with the former President of Petoria vocally supporting the new country as well. In the ECR, unhealthy food was discouraged, causing many within the conquered areas to flee to the “safe haven” of Ben & Jerry’s headquarters in nearby Vermont. The Scorpio administration pushed for a pseudo-socialist society, and used its influence on the mafia to enforce strict punishments such as incarceration and social isolation for even the smallest of anti-Earth crimes such as littering. However, Scorpio raised the quality of living and lowered unemployment by forcing people trapped on the East Coast to repair roadways and clean up low income housing projects, and after implementing the Gold policy, by freezing prices to set up an effective minimum wage of 20 Gold Flecks (roughly US$20.00) an hour. Scorpio also “brutally” forced doctors to increase their staff and workloads, and forced medical colleges to accepted financially poor would-be students to accommodate Scorpio’s Free Healthcare Degree. Additionally, Scorpio strengthened the influence of unions, especially those in manufacturing due to Scorpio’s need to sustain the conquered east coast’s defenses before beginning Phase 3. Scorpio’s most controversial move (according to some) was forcing business owners to sign collective bargaining agreements with their workers.
Phase 3 of Scorpio’s plan for World Domination (to expand from the East Coast to all land east of the Mississippi River) failed to be implemented. Just seven months after Scorpio’s seizing of the American east coast (and two months after the start of Gulf War II), an attempt to expand his territory into Canada was met with a more united local opposition, as Canadians already had Universal Health Care had did not see the allure of Scorpio’s rule. This unexpectedly difficult push for Scorpio’s army allowed US/UN troops to move in from the west and south. The US government’s secret promises to give “incentives” to mafia leaders willing to betray Scorpio were successful, allowing US/UN troops to reconquer Boston in December 2001.
During the military operation to retake Boston, American troops successfully apprehended Scorpio. However, after only a few hours of being temporarily held in a dungeon cell in Old Boston, Scorpio escaped police custody. Surveillance cameras show him using a stolen key to open the jail cell lock and escape, after supporters distracted the officers monitoring him with an explosion outside the cell. Scorpio then fled the city on a motorcycle that he drove off a ramp and onto a military-grade hydrofoil waiting in Boston Harbor. Authorities then quickly lost track of Scorpio and his accomplices.
During the subsequent investigations and trials of all whom helped in Scorpio’s endeavors (including Scorpio in absentium), only 31 people were imprisoned. A 2002 inspection of Globex Corporation’s headquarters discovered “weather machine” and “germ warfare” divisions [19]. These were to part of Phase 3 of Scorpio’s world domination endeavor, and were to be used to threaten future areas of conquest into "voluntary submission."
Leads on Scorpio’s location continued for many years. In 2006, an anonymous caller claimed to have seen Scorpio in a prison in Turkey during the caller’s stay there, and claimed to have helped him escape the prison, but the caller could not confirm Scorpio’s location afterward. In 2007, controversy arose in the city Springfield for its Wall of Fame still recognizing Scorpio for all of his philanthropic work during the 1980s and 1990s (as of 2037, though the wall is currently in a state of degradation and in serious need of repair, Scorpio’s picture remains) [1]. Additionally, claims that Scorpio had moved to Springfield persisted for years after a resident of Shelbyville claimed Scorpio had stolen his car, driven to Springfield to create a new life for himself there, and later returned the car after getting it cleaned at a “Free Stolen Car Wash” [20]. A resident of Springfield claimed Scorpio had bribed Springfield’s Mayor Quimby into harboring Scorpio with generous donations to Quimby’s election bids. However, such claims were always unsubstantiated. If still alive, Scorpio would be 85 years old.
Scorpio had left behind a mixed legacy. His activism in raising society’s quality of life and generous donations to numerous charities are bittersweet facts in the face of Scorpio’s dictatorial takeover of the eastern coast of the United States. Scorpio Apologists often claim that Scorpio was a man who truly had the people’s interests at heart, and that while his methods were less-than-ideal, his rule was arguably fairer and more progressive than the Clinton, Bush and Schwarzenegger administrations of the era. Additionally, the Bush and Schwarzenegger administrations were highly criticized by using Globex Corporation technology to defeat enemies overseas in Gulf War IV and Gulf War V. During the 2010s and early 2020s, rebellious youngsters often wore articles of clothing featuring Scorpio’s likeness, similar to the Che Guevara t-shirts of yesteryear. A 2011 poll showed that 25% of Americans held a positive opinion on Hank Scorpio.
Sources:
[1] Season 20, Episode 10: Take My Life, Please (2009) – at the 2:07 mark, a plaque of Hank Scorpio, with the description “philanthropist,” is on the Springfield Wall of Fame.
[2] The Simpsons: Season 8, Episode 2: You Only Move Twice (1996) – at the 14:16 mark, the title “President” is seen on Scorpio’s door
[3] Ibid. – the company is referred to as just “Globex Corporation,” without a “the” in front of it, at the 1:10 mark and again at the 1:40 mark.
[4] Ibid. – Scorpio’s end goal is revealed in the song played during the end credits, which start at 21:55: “his twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world and his employee’s health…free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest… generous pensions, plus three weeks paid vacation each year, and on Fridays the lunchroom sells hotdogs and burgers and beer! He loves German beer!”
[5] Ibid. – Scorpio is shown to be “in the middle of a fun-run” at the 7:10 mark.
[6] Ibid. – Scorpio suggests he and Homer should go bowling later at the 20:03 mark.
[7] Ibid. – Homer states that the company is located “upstate somewhere” at the 1:50 mark.
[8] Ibid. – seen from 6:17 to 16:27.
[9] Ibid. – the company’s “subsidiaries and shareholders” are mentioned in the disclaimer at the 3:20 mark.
[10] Ibid. – “Cypress Creek, a planned community designed for the workers of Globex Corporation” is stated starting at the 3:11 mark.
[11] Ibid. – between 8:00 and 9:20, we see the workplace “[doesn’t] believe in walls,” and includes treadmills, weights, natural lighting, moving sidewalks, and casual attire, that Scorpio pushes for motivation and trust, and that Scorpio claims to be the first wealthy man in America to wear jeans with a sport coat; however, Scorpio does seem agitated when he is told that somebody ate part of his lunch, showing he has his limits.
[12] Ibid. – Scorpio says to UN people, starting at 14:57, “This is scorpio. I have the doomsday device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold, or YOU face the consequences. And to prove I’m not bluffing, watch this!” A UN delegate then states “the 59th Street Bridge” after an explosion occurs right after this.
[13] Ibid. – Trying “to get the reactor online” is mentioned at the 14:11 mark, and the company’s “nuclear division” is mentioned at the 1:15 mark. Then later, at the 15:55 mark, Scorpio states that he needs “the nuclear generator up to full power by tomorrow.”
[14] Ibid. – seen starting at the 7:33 mark.
[15] Ibid. – The episode’s famous action scene starts at the 19:20 mark: a deadly shootout of Scorpio’s men in blue suits versus US army soldiers, plus grenade explosions; some US Army men are scalded at 19:34; hanks says “I’m having a little problem with the government” at the 19:51 mark, confirming they are government soldiers; at the 20:20 mark, jets overhead drop rockets that damage opening in roof, and Hank uses a flamethrower to repel army men at the 20:40 mark.
[16] Ibid. – starting at the 21:20 mark, Homer reads Scorpio’s message: “Project Arcturus couldn’t have succeeded without you…drop me a line if you’re on the east coast, Hank Scorpio,” leading to the reveal that somehow Scorpio got Homer the Denver Broncos for Homer to own; the “drop me a line” bit more suggests that it is more likely that Scorpio is voluntarily staying there indefinitely than simply holding onto it as a sort of bargaining chip.
[17] Ibid. – Scorpio threatening to nuke France is hinted at in an exchange between Hank and Homer from 6:01 to 6:08; this is followed by Hank adjusted the positioning of his laser-like weapon, most likely the aforementioned “doomsday device,” from 6:08 to 6:11. Plus, in Season 14's Episode 12: I'm Spelling As Fast As I Can (2003), Kent Brockman begins a broadcast over the destruction of Paris, France before Marge turns off the TV, near the middle of the episode.
[18] Ibid. – a newspaper with the heading “Supervillain Seizes East Coast” and a picture of Scorpio smiling with smoke flumes behind him is seen at the 21:02 mark.
[19] Ibid. – Homer exclaims, at the 19:06 mark, “my team is way ahead of the weather machine and germ warfare divisions.”
[20] Family Guy: Season 13, Episode 1: The Simpsons Guy (2014) – for a brief second at the 19:23 mark, Scorpio can be seen in a car, honking its horn while in line for a “free stolen car wash” in Springfield.
The Springfield Monorail
The Springfield Monorail was a monorail track constructed in the US city of Springfield in 1997. Opening in January 1997 after only three weeks after the city council approved of the project, the monorail was meant to be the city’s first functional mass-transit railroad system, transporting a maximum of 76 riders in an irregular track shape [1] between two locations on opposite ends of the city. However, the city council shut down the monorail a mere days after its disastrous maiden voyage. The Springfield Monorail was the fourth and final such monorail sold by entrepreneurial con artist Lyle Lanley.
After the city of Springfield obtained US$3million from a court ruling, Lyle Lanley convinced the attendees of a December 1996 city hall meeting to pay him to build the city a monorail. Construction was “conveniently quick, with only two homes being accidently destroyed in the processed,” according to Springfield’s Mayor Quimby in a late 1997 federal inquiry. The monorail itself consisted of six cars: a cab for the conductor and crew and luggage, four for passengers, and to be used as a fancy dining car for wealthier riders [2]. Running of solar power [3], the monorail was meant to only reach a top speed of 150 mph [4], and operate at the fast speed of 80 mph; during its maiden voyage, however, it exceeded 180 mph [5].
Hundreds of Springfield residents attended the Springfield Monorail opening ceremony, along with locally and nationally famous celebrity guests such as Lurleen Lumpkin, Krusty the Clown, and Leonard Nimoy. Its maiden voyage began at the Springfield Central Monorail Station [6] and passed the Springfield Monorail Station B (where the monorail would be housed); it was to only last around one minute [7]. The voyage was disastrous, though, as the faulty braking system exploded [8] right when the monorail was approaching the SCMS, causing it to begin travelling at a much faster speed without the ability to stop. With the exception of a brief solar eclipse [9], the monorail sped uninterrupted for nearly an hour, until its conductor, future Olympic curling champion Homer Simpson, stopped the train with a makeshift anchor.
An investigation later revealed that Lyle Lanley had only spent 1.5% (or US$45,000) of the US$3million to build the monorail. The track and electrical wiring were of “incredibly poor” quality, and the monorail cars were the same outdated cars from the 1964 World’s Fair [10]. Lanley had successfully duped three other towns – Brockway, Odgenville and North Haverbrook – into falling for similar schemes. Lanley planned to flee to Tahiti with the remaining fortune, but in a serendipitous twist, took a plane to Tahiti piloted by a North Haverbrook resident. The pilot made “a brief layover” in North Haverbrook and contacted the North Haverbrook airport of Lanley’s presence on the plane, allowing the knowledge of Lanley being on board to spread – upon the plane landing, an angry mob assaulted Lanley with pitchforks, crowbars, and pipes, and he was even briefly set on fire, before authorities arrested him [11].
After the Springfeild Monorail’s electricity to cut off, its structure was condemned; pieces of track that were not deconstructed over the subsequent months were left standing, abandoned. By 2000, however, the remaining pieces had become tourist attractions, despite its potential for accidents related to rust, high falls, and falling debris. In 2013, the local government designated the dilapidated monorail track remnants an official Springfield Landmark, as by then nearly all Springfield residence “had gotten used” to their iconic presence across the town.
In 2018, in an effort to “go green” and increase tourism, Mayor Quimby approved a reclamation project to build a “skyline park” atop the monorail’s ruins. The repurposing of the remaining monorail track pieces into a garden walkway officially named the Skypark-Line, however, met with disaster on its opening day. The monorail’s electricity to power the park’s “no smoking signs” had not been disconnected from the tracks, causing the monorail cars, still housed in the abandoned Station B, to begin moving again. The monorail subsequently destroyed most of the refurbished pathway and injured several people before permanently coming to a stop via careening off the edge of a removed part of the track, destroying a Leonard Nimoy statue as it crashed to the ground below. This incident was a contributing factor in Quimby losing re-election later that year [12].
Sources:
[1] Season 4, Episode 12: Marge vs. The Monorail (1993) – the layout of the track seen at the 17:45 mark.
[2] Ibid. – after the ride starts at the 16:10 mark, one of the cars is shown to be a fancy dining car.
[3] Ibid. – revealed at the 18:36 mark.
[4] Ibid. – Marge mentions its speed of 150 miles an hour at the 11:30 mark.
[5] Ibid. – stated at the 17:38 mark.
[6] Ibid. – a building reading “Springfield Central Monorail Station” is seen at the 14:50 mark.
[7] Ibid. – Lisa states “the ride only takes one minute” at the 16:07 mark.
[8] Ibid. – occurs at the 17:07 mark.
[9] Ibid. – from 18:43 until 19:01.
[10] Ibid. – one of the cars is revealed to be from the 1964 World’s Fair after a concealed label is revealed at the 17:16 mark.
[11] Ibid. – scene begins at the 19:07 mark.
[12] Season 29, Episode 6: The Old Blue Mayor She Ain’t What She Used To Be (2017) – starting at the 2:05 mark, this is this the premise of this episode.
The Homer
The Homer was an “infamous” concept car that yielded disastrous financial results for the company that produced it, Powell Motors (or PM for short). PM CEO Herb Powell believed the company needed to create “the type of car Americans really want, not the kind we tell them they want” in order to “beat the Japanese.” In this endeavor, Powell hired his recently discovered half-brother Homer Simpson to design such a car, believing Simpson to “understand the needs and wants of the average American car owner.” Modern manufacturers today use The Homer as a cautionary tale, warning CEOs against making major decisions based solely on unchecked instinct. However, the Homer did slowly gain popularity in the 2000s and 2010s decades.
In 1996, Harvard-educated millionaire Powell Motors founder and CEO Herbert “Herb” Powell was struggling to keep the sought to keep the company afloat amidst foreign completion, causing company sales to plummet [1][2]. After meeting his two-years-younger half-brother, the 1993 Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter–turned–nuclear technician Homer Simpson, Powell demanded Simpson create a car for the “average” American, erroneously believing Simpson fit that stereotype. To create “The Car of the 90s,” Powell paid Simpson $200,000 and provided a team of PM engineers [3][4]. Several “nervous” and concerned engineers contacted repeatedly Powell, whom personally took a half-off approach to The Homer’s development, and insisted that Powell reconsider having Simpson in charge of the project [5]. Powell reportedly refused to listen to them due to his overconfidence is his brother’s assumed insight into the wants and needs of the average American.
Simpson’s design for The Homer were highly controversial during the development process. The car’s seats were placed in two bubble domes, with the rear dome being “a separate soundproof bubble for the kids” with optional restraints and muzzles for quarreling children (though this separate bubble may have been a female engineer’s idea according to some accounts). Simpson demanded several horns to be installed in the car because “you can never find a horn when you need one,” and reportedly wanted the engine to make people think “the world’s coming to an end,” resulting in the use of a custom type of engine typically meant for monster trucks [6]. Simpson also demanded outdated features to be returned for nostalgic value, such as shag carpeting and tailfins; the Homer’s emblematic hood ornament was a small metallic bowler. According to reports, Simpson angrily rejected earlier designs showing a much sleeker look for The Homer [7].
Powell came under intense scrutiny for not inspecting The Homer before the car’s official unveiling, which was attended by several distinguished individuals guests, including the Pope [8]. Powell also did not discover the plethora of problems the car contained after its public display. Its clunky design created serious drag issues when driven over 20 miles per hour, causing it to be a major gas guzzler at a time when Americans were still conscious about such spending in light of the recession from earlier in that decade. The homer’s unique design would have required expensive custom robots or an increase in specially-trained workers to build it on assembly lines. The incredibly loud engine would likely violate suburban noise ordinances. Thus, due to The Homer’s building materials and elements of questionable safety, PM economists sought to financially compensate for its expenses by giving the car a price tag of $82,000 [9].
The overwhelmingly negative response and ridicule from the car lead to sales of their other cars plummeting overnight, with Powell himself calling the car a “monstrosity” and possibly suffering a nervous breakdown soon afterwards [10]. The company’s stock crashed within hours of The Homer’s unveiling [11]. Sponsors pulled funding, and the bank announced an audit. Safety specialists and child psychologists condemned the Homer, with one stating “only a senseless ape from the Dark Ages would find The Homer appealing in any way.” Mental health inspectors requested permission to study all whom greenlit every step to the car-making process. Many high-end employees blamed Powell for refusing to listen to their advice, and many promptly quit their jobs in frustration. Lower-level workers, outraged that so much time, energy and money was spent on the project over their CBA complaints, organized a worker’s strike. Within days, the company was hemorrhaging money, causing Powell to put a loan on his mansion. By the end of the week, Powell Motors liquidated their assets and effectively went out of business, their remaining materials (most notably the company’s main building and even Herb Powell’s foreclosed mansion) being purchased by Komatsu Motors for 15% of their total original price [12]. Komatsu Motors kept on Powell Motors employees, though, in order to prevent local unemployment and to avoid the need to train new workers. For the next two years, Herb Powell did not speak with Homer Simpson, and lived in complete destitution [13].
In later years, however, The Homer saw a slight comeback in popularity. While the car was universally ridiculed at the time of its unveiling, The Homer was actually very popular to people under the age of 14. Six years after its unveiling, custom-made cars replicating the look of The Homer began appearing at Auto Shows. Its popularity peaked in the late 2000s, with fans of The Homer often describing it as “the type of car a young child or young-child-at-heart would like, which really makes it stand out from all other cars on the market.” Even Herb Powell, alternating in recent years between being wealthy and being destitute [14], attended several auto show events relating to The Homer. Other fans of the car point to its prophetic inclusion of ultra-sized cup-holders, a feature that became a staple in many cars during the 2000s. While the original The Homer was very expensive, custom Faux-Homer cars are often built to demonstrate its ability to be made more cheaply. In the later half of the 2010s, internet bloggers called for a small order of The Homers to be manufactured for “the rich and quirky.” Such efforts, though, received little attention or support; Herb Powell strongly opposed the notion in 2015, while its brainchild Homer Simpson gave a more lukewarm response of “eh, maybe, I dunno” in 2016. After a petition to mass-produce the car failed to gain traction in 2019, Komatsu Motors reiterated their position: “The Homer will never be mass-produced. Ever.”
Sources:
[1] Season 2, Episode 15: Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? (1991) – at the 9:28 mark, with sales going down, Herb mentions he went to Harvard.
[2] Ibid. – Herb is revealed to be “a millionaire” at the 13:13 mark.
[3] Ibid. – Herb gets homer to work on the car for $200,000 at the 14:00 mark; Herb gives Homer a team of engineers at the 14:50 mark.
[4] Ibid. – at the 19:57 mark, a banner reading “Gala unveiling: The Car of the 90s” is shown hung on outside the Powell Motors Building.
[5] Ibid. – seen beginning at the 17:32 mark.
[6] Ibid. – several car ideas are discussed from 18:18 to 18:50, in which a female engineer suggests a separate bubble for child passengers.
[7] Ibid. – seen at the 19:45 mark.
[8] Ibid. – “your holiness” is quickly seen at the 20:04 mark.
[9] Ibid. – “the sticker price” is revealed at the 20:45 mark.
[10] Ibid. – Herb breaks down at the unveiling, screaming “I’m ruined” as he falls to his knees, at the 21:06; such action would likely lead to rumors over his mental clarity.
[11] Ibid. – Herb mentions “stockholder meetings” at the 19:18 mark, meeting that Powell Motors is a public company.
[12] Ibid. – The “Powell” on the Powell Motors sign on the Powell Motors Building is replaced with the word “Komatsu,” with Homer then revealing that Powell also lost his mansion, at the 21:13 mark.
[13] Season 3, Episode 24: Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? (1992) – Herb is shown to be homeless near the beginning of the episode as a direct result of the events of the “Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?” episode, but by the end of the episode is wealthy again.
[14] Season 24, Episode 11: Changing of the Guardian (2013) – Powell’s answering machine message notes that he’s “poor again” towards the middle of this episode.
West Springfield Wonders
(Continuing with the “Weird Springfield” book from Post #8)
– Pages 40-43 of “Weird Springfield,” one of the last books to be financially successful in paper-book form, Sterling Publishing, 2026
Source:
Season 13, Episode 10: Half-Decent Proposal (2002) – A “Now Entering West Springfield” sign is seen at the 16:55 mark; cacti resembling Marge are seen from 17:01 to 17:08; Mt. Carlmore is shown and discussed from 17:09 to 17:20, during which Lenny says “I carved that one wonderful summer,” and states he and Carl have “never discussed it,” suggesting Carl may not be aware of its existence; Lisa refers to “the West Springfield Oil Patch” as a “death trap” at the 18:10 mark, at which point we also see a map of West Springfield showing a latitudinal Route 13.
And of course:
Steamed Hams
Steamed Hams are a regional variant of the grilled American hamburger. It consists of regular hamburger ingredients, but are cooked via both steaming and a grill. Based on the inventor’s initial instructions, the patties are first steamed in a custom oven; this melts away the patties’ fats. The patties are then moved to a grill before assembling the steamed hams with buns and toppings. Typical additions to the sandwich are cheese, lettuce, ketchup, and pickles. Steamed hams are typically served as a main course dish with fries on the side.
Steamed Hams were first made in 2006, after being first thought up in 1996. The concept of Steam Hams was invented by Principal Seymour Skinner of Springfield, Oregon, in an elaborate attempt to hide “an old fib” from his superior, a one Superintendent Chalmers, after Skinner had claimed the fictional food staple was a “regional dialect” from Albany, New York, for which he had an “old family recipe,” in 1996. Upon Chalmers announcing a visit to Albany in 2006, Skinner “frantically” went door-to-door in Albany ahead of Chalmers’ visit, trying to convince Albany residents, especially the owners and patrons of local eateries, to call burgers “steamed hams.” After a public plea, the sympathetic townsfolk agreed to the ruse (in exchange “for a hefty fee”). After the departure of Skinner and his superior, however, the phrase continued to be used after businesses saw an increase in tourists stopping to see what a “Steamed Ham” was. Local eateries began both grilling and steaming their burgers. In early 2018, Albany city council voted to make Steamed Hams the official sandwich of the city. In a 2018 interview for which the burger’s inventor was tracked down, Skinner exclaimed “I am so surprised that ‘Steamed Hams’ became such a commonly-used phenomenon [in the region] nearly 22 years after I first made it up – oh, but don’t tell Superintendent Chalmers I said that! Please don’t!”
Source:
Season 7, Episode 21: 22 Short Films About Springfield (1996) – full scene here
Plus two retcons!
Mayor Quimby (retconned version)
Joseph “Diamond Joe” Quimby was an American lawyer and politician who served as the Mayor of Springfield, Oregon, U.S. (1987-1999, 1999, 1999-2010). Quimby was the longest-serving mayor of Springfield and one of the longest-serving mayors of “one of America’s largest medium-to-small sized towns” [1] in United States history, having held office for a total of 34 years and 11 months.
Quimby was born in 1950 [2] into one of the wealthiest liquor-selling families in southern Massachusetts. A football injury in High School kept him out of Vietnam [2]. After enrolling in Springfield University, infamous at the time for its “wild parties,” in 1968, Quimby transferred back east to Providence College in 1975 in order to finally obtain degrees in law and political science (having obtained a legal major in fraternity studies from Springfield University in 1974). Quimby graduated in January 1978 [2], and began working as a sales representative at his family’s company.
In 1980, tired with the family business, Quimby moved back to Springfield, married “his college sweetheart” [2] Martha Skakel, and two weeks later announced his candidacy for a city council seat that had recently become vacant. Ironically, Quimby would gain a reputation as an anti-corruption crusader during this time. In 1985, he announced his candidacy for mayor. He won in 1986 [2] by a narrow margin to succeed the incumbent Mayor, Mary Bailey, whom had retired to successfully run for Governor. Quimby promised to reform the city’s political system, clean up the city’s image, revive economic woe and improve the city’s arts and education aspects; however, these problems only continued to worsen under Quimby’s time in office. Despite this, and accusations of voter fraud and voter intimidation in 1986, Quimby was re-elected by a slightly larger margin in 1990. He successfully won election to a third term by a landslide in 1994 despite openly admitting to using money from the city treasury to fund the murder of at least two political enemies [3]. In 1998, Quimby lost re-election to pardoned felon Robert “Sideshow Bob” Terwilliger, only for Terwilliger to be removed from office for voter fraud just a few weeks into office [4]. As a result of Terwilliger’s conviction, it was determined that Quimby was the true winner of the 1998 election, and so, in accordance with the rules laid out in the town charter, Quimby was immediately sworn in once Terwilliger was removed from office.
However, Quimby would voluntarily vacate the office a few months later over a misunderstanding [5]. In this instance, in accordance with the town charter, which stipulates that “should the mayor abdicate a council of learned citizens shall rule in his stead,” the mayor seat’s vacancy led to the formation of a six-member council comprised of the town’s smartest individuals [6]. However, this council proved to be out-of-touch with the average Springfield citizen, leading to a riot [7] over the council’s proposed laws after only a few days in power. The decline in popularity led to the council reluctantly contacting Quimby (ultimately found “running errands” in Mexico) and requesting his return. Quimby re-entered office after an absence of 21 days.
The intriguing events of these two brief lapses out of office brought Quimby into the national spotlight. Overly confident that he could win from this sudden rise to fame, Quimby announced in July his intention to challenge US Senator Bill Bradley and incumbent US Vice-President Al Gore for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States [1][8]. Quimby ran on an incredibly pro-establishment platform [9], and hoped Bradley would divide the liberal vote in the primaries, allowing Quimby to win on the conservative vote. However, not only did Quimby suffer numerous gaffes along the campaign trail, but wealthy donors were reluctant to support his campaign as well. As the campaign progressed, more scandals leaked out concerning Quimby, and his numbers continued to drop, from 20% in July to just 5% in January. Quimby withdrew from the election on February 2, 2000, after coming in fourth place (2.3% of the vote) in the February 1 New Hampshire primary behind Al Gore (46.1%), Bill Bradley (45.2%), and write-in candidate Ralph Wiggum (5.1%) [10]; the only other candidate on the ballot, Lyndon LaRouche, received 1.3%.
In 2005, Quimby survived a recall election due to no candidate to replace him obtaining the 5% of the vote necessary to force the recall after his leading challenger, civilian astronaut Homer Simpson, being forced out of the race [11]. Quimby’s third time in office (during which he was re-elected in 2002 and 2006) saw an even further increase in administrative corruption. In 2007, Quimby was able to successfully amended the city charter so the President of the city council (whom, in 2007, was a close ally of Quimby) was next in line to become mayor, and was accused of nepotism for appointing relatives to administrative positions. However, corruption in Springfield had been highly tolerated by its largely uncaring citizens for decades, and re-election in 2010 to yet another term appeared inevitable for Mayor Quimby. In early 2009, though, Quimby was indicted [12] over evidence of numerous crimes. These included polygamy, racketeering, conspiracy, extortion, bribery, accepting bribes from the local mafia, violations of numerous health and safety laws, abuse of power, using taxpayer money to pay for lavish vacations and amenities, embezzlement, giving monthly kickbacks to the Springfield Police Department, shoplifting, and the most heinous and despicable crime of all – wiping his bottom with an American flag [13]. This was the crime that finally caused Quimby to lose all support in the town. According to later reporting by local squeaker Jimmy the Snitch, Quimby consulted with the local mafia in an attempt to impede the charges; however, most of the charges had nothing to do with them, and turned Quimby down. Quimby was quickly brought to trial, found guilty of most of the allegations, and removed from office in early 2010. Martha Skakel divorced him a few months later, while Quimby was serving six months in prison followed by 10,000 hours of community service. Following a “questionable” city council succession vote, active reformer and city councilman Michael D’Amico succeeded Quimby as mayor; D’Amico narrowly won the 2010 mayoral special election to complete Quimby’s term over state assemblywoman Allison Taylor.
Due to his high unpopularity both in the town and even back east in Massachusetts (where his own family had denounced and rejected him due to his scandals), Quimby changed his name to Mohammed Jafar [14] and found a job working as a taxi driver for Otto Cab Company [15]. Quimby worked there from 2010 to 2011. Having squandered his millions during his time in office, after completing his community service in Springfield Quimby moved to the neighboring city of Shelbyville in 2011. Quimby slowly rebuilt his fortune and reputation by obtaining a radio show there later that year. He experienced moderate success with the program – even contemplating running for Mayor of Shelbyville in their 2013 mayoral election after a hypothetical poll showed he would easily win – until the city discovered his true identity as the corrupt former Mayor of Springfield. Because of the decades-old feud between Springfield and Shelbyville, Quimby was chased out of town by an angry mob, and Quimby reluctantly returned to living in Springfield (fortunately for him, the money he had saved from his Shelbyville broadcasting days kept him from destitution) in early 2014.
Quimby's luck changed, however, when his successor to the office of mayor became so unpopular that Quimby’s own record looked decent by comparison. Quimby ran for mayor again, this time presenting himself as a reformed criminal/political outsider "like the guy in that French play," as Quimby once stated. Quimby won over his successor by a wide margin in 2014. His ex-wife Martha came back to him in 2017, leading to the two having a wedding ceremony later that year, albeit without signing anything, thus making them still legally divorced; this situation "made it easier on tax day," Martha explained in 2036.
Understanding the need to adapt to modern times, Quimby implemented a series of “go green” projects. One of them, the reburbishing of the city’s famous monorail track, was disastrous, leading to him losing re-election in 2018 to local retired police officer, realtor, and businesswoman Marge Simpson. After this exit from the Mayorship once again, however, Quimby became a private citizen in order to spend “an unprecedented” amount of time with his wife and children [16]. Four years later, though, anti-Marge forces convinced Quimby to successfully run for an open seat on city council in 2022, the same year Marge Simpson won re-election. Quimby was then appointed President of the City Council in January 2023. A series of complicated scandals and gaffes then led to Marge being impeached in June 2023; with Quimby next in the line of succession, he returned to the mayoral office for the fifth time. Quimby won election to a full term in 2026 before retiring in 2030, leaving office at the age of 80.
Quimby died from a heart attack on the night of July 4, 2035 [17]. According to Martha, whom was present during his heart attack, Quimby was unaware of the day’s date and so was caught off guard by the loud and bright fireworks festivities during their "biweekly night of intimacy." Keeping to his last request, Martha ensured his final resting place was Arlington National cemetery.
Sources (all from The Simpsons):
[1] http://web.archive.org/web/20001201231600/www.thesimpsons.com/quimby2000/index.html
[2] http://web.archive.org/web/20001201235300/http://www.thesimpsons.com:80/quimby2000/meet.html
[3] Season 4, Episode 22: Krusty Gets Kancelled (1993) – from 5:49 to 6:02.
[4] Season 6, Episode 5: Sideshow Bob Roberts (1994)
[5] Season 10, Episode 22: They Saved Lisa’s Brain (1999)
[6] Ibid. – the town charter states, “should the mayor abdicate a council of learned citizens shall rule in his stead” from 12:55 to 12:59. The group is nicknamed “The Bright Pack” at the 13:38 mark, but an official title for the council is never clearly given.
[7] Ibid. – from 18:55 to 9:29.
[8] http://www.prnewswire.com/news-rele...00com-thesimpsonscom-and-foxcom-75139062.html
[9] http://web.archive.org/web/20010330...impsons.com:80/quimby2000/diamond_points.html
[10] Season 19, Episode 10: E Pluribus Wiggum (2008)
[11] Season 17, Episode 6: See Homer Run (2005)
[12] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – Otto says to Quimby “get your indicted ass down to the Convention Center” at the 10:52 mark.
[13] Season 15, Episode 21: Bart-Mangled Banner (2004) – Bart accidently disrespecting the American flag caused the Simpsons to become pariahs in this episode.
[14] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – heard at the 10:49 mark.
[15] Ibid. – seen at the 10:40 mark.
[16] Season 29, Episode 6: The Old Blue Mayor She Ain’t What She Used To Be (2017) – Quimby’s story arch of this episode.
[17] Quimby seems not to appear in any of the episodes set in the future other than the one explicitly set in 2010, suggests that he is deceased by the events of those episodes. His overall poor health – overweight, years of drinking and smoking shown across many episodes – suggest he does not live for that long in the “future” of the series.
Marge Simpson (retconned version)
Marge Simpson served as the acting First Lady of the United States under her daughter, President Lisa Simpson, from 2029 until her daughter’s marriage to Milhouse Van Houten in 2035. Marge Simpson is also the mother of Supreme Court Justice Bart Simpson and singer-songwriter-guitarist Maggie Simpson.
Simpson was born on October 1, 1956 (though other sources state she was born on February 1, 1956) [1] in Springfield to Clancy Bouvier, a WWII veteran and photographer-turned-steward, and Jacqueline Bouvier, a homemaker. Her father is of French descent; neither of Marge Simpson’s parents are related in any known way to Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. Simpson graduated from Springfield High School in 1974 [2] and acquired credits at Springfield University years later [3], but did not graduate. After 15 years of dating, Marge Simpson finally married her high school sweetheart, Homer J. Simpson, on June 3, 1989 [4]; they had three children together – Bart (b. 1990), Lisa (b. 1992) and Maggie (b. 1999). In 1993, her father-in-law purchased a larger home for them in the community of Evergreen Terrace in the city of Springfield. The Simpson couple’s marriage was often shaky according their children, usually arguing over the father’s wild and reckless antics and job insecurity. They reportedly separated several times, the longest being for over a year after Homer purchased an expensive underwater home; during this time, Marge briefly dated comedian/entertainer and former United States Congressman Krusty the Clown. Despite these conflicts, Marge still lives with (what’s left of [5]) her husband of now-52 years in her hometown of Springfield, as of August 2041.
Simpson has described herself in numerous interviews as an “active” and “dutiful” homemaker, insisting her husband and children joined her at church every Sunday (a fact that helped woo in religious voters during her daughter’s successful run for the Presidency in 2028). Outside of housework, Simpson held numerous jobs, including work as a police officer [6], realtor [7], nuclear power plant employee [8], pretzel vendor [9], substitute teacher [10], novelist [11], gym owner/manager [12], baker, waitress at a Berger’s Burgers, and crime scene cleaner.
Simpson is a highly talented visual artist, most famously for two oil-on-canvas paintings she made in 1999 that have been on display at the Springfield Art Museum since later that same year [13]. She also claimed in an interview to have painted nearly all of the paintings in her home in Springfield, including one of her favorites, an “iconic” sailboat painting [14].
Simpson’s children have also described her as the moralistic force in their family, and as matriarch did her best to rein in “the negative misadventures of our father and Bart,” according to Lisa Simpson in her autobiography. Lisa Simpson also writes, “She was the level head that maintained stability and safety in an otherwise wonderful-yet-chaotic home life, the glue that kept our family together, like Miss Ellie Ewing or Senator Michelle Obama.”
Despite Marge Simpson’s pride in her work and her family’s accomplishments, she is very protective and shy about many aspects of her personal life, stating that answering such relating questions would not be “ladylike,” a concept that has gone all but extinct in most of the US since the 2020s [15]. Simpson did, though, obtain inescapable brief notoriety in 1999 on three separate occasions – she successfully had the TV cartoon series Itchy and Scratchy temporarily banned over its violent content [16]; she created a traffic jam via a nervous breakdown, leading to a brief arrest and pardon by the city’s mayor [17]; and she spent 30 days in Springfield Women’s Prison for shoplifting, though Simpson repeatedly claimed it was purely an accident [18].
In 2018, Simpson ran for Mayor of Springfield after being personally insulted by the incumbent Mayor Quimby at a public town hall meeting. After slowing gaining in polls, she narrowly won over Quimby in an upset. Admittedly uncertain of her skills, Simpson proved to be a popular mayor after a very rocky first year. Simpson gained international attention during First Contact in 2021, and was praised by locals for her swift response to the Great Molasses Flood of 2022, contributing to her winning re-election in a landslide later that year. However, Simpson was removed from office by Springfield’s city council in the summer of 2023 over several complicated scandals. Still, her achievements in office merited the constructed of the Marge Mayoral Museum, which opened in early 2028, almost eight years after her first election to mayor [19].
Upon her daughter Lisa’s election to the Presidency, Lisa Simpson asked Marge to join her at the White House as the acting hostess for official House White functions and events, as Lisa Simpson was single at the time. Marge Simpson was the first person to serve as acting First Lady of the United States since Margaret Woodrow Wilson (1914-1915), and the very first mother of a US President to serve in the role of acting First Lady. Marge Simpson maintained an open and transparent White House and was a gracious social hostess, frequently dropping in on White House tours to offer homemade cookies and lemonade. Despite her husband Homer Simpson’s occasional “shenanigans” [20]; foreign dignitaries were often impressed at how clean and well-maintained the White House was under Simpson’s care. Even with the White House’s large staff of butlers and maids, Simpson insisted on personally performing many of the duties that had become “a daily tradition” in her life. For example, she still helped wash, dry, fold and deliver laundry around the White House [21]. Politically, she was a more conservative Democrat than her progressive daughter, once stating that she was very upset when Lyndon Johnson died [22], and even admitted in a 2035 interview that she had voted for Jimmy Carter twice, creating a minor scandal. However, during her home state’s 1998 gubernatorial election, Marge Simpson strongly supported progressive Democratic nominee Mary Bailey, while her even more conservative husband, Homer Simpson, supported Republican nominee Monty Burns.
After her daughter married Milhouse Van Houten, Simpson voluntarily retired from living in the White House to “give the new couple some space,” relinquishing the duties of First Spouse to First Gentleman Van Houten, and resumed residence in Springfield with her husband. She has since led a humble retirement, occasionally travelling to distant locations [23], but only rarely attending political functions.
Sources:
[1] Season 17, Episode 10: Homer’s Paternity Coot (2006) – Marge states that Emerald would have been her birthstone if she had been born three months later, placing her birthday sometime in February; however, in Season 18, Episode 17: Marge Gamer (2007), near the beginning of the episode, as Marge begins to learn how to use the internet for the first time, she states “I have the same birthday as Randy Quaid,” meaning either Marge has confused what month Emerald is a birthstone for, or she read something false on the internet. Kind of a toss-up here…
[2] Season 2, Episode 12: The Way We Was (1991) – main plot of the episode.
[3] Season 19, Episode 11: The ’90s Show (2008) – Marge is implied to be attending classes at Springfield University throughout the episode.
[4] Season 3, episode 12: I Married Marge (1991) – Homer and Marge marry in a small wedding chapel just across the state line.
[5] Season 25, Episode 18: Days of Future Future (2014) – it is revealed at the 19:35 mark that, with his body now gone, his consciousness has been transferred to a C-3PO-like robot.
[6] Season 6, Episode 23: The Springfield Connection (1995) – main plot.
[7] Season 9, Episode 9: Realty Bites (1997) – the A-plot of the episode.
[8] Season 4, Episode 7: Marge Gets a Job (1992) – main plot.
[9] Season 8, Episode 11: The Twisted World of Marge Simpson (1997) – main plot.
[10] Season 6, Episode 21: The PTA Disbands (1995) – seen around two-thirds of the way through the episode.
[11] Season 15, Episode 10: Diatribe of a Mad Housewife (2004) – main plot.
[12] Season 19, Episode 7: Husbands and Knives (2007) – Marge opens up a gym for women called “Shapes” near the beginning of this episode.
[13] Season 2, Episode 18: Brush with Greatness (1991) – main plot.
[14] Season 9, Episode 20: The Trouble with Trillions (1998) – mentioned at the beginning of the episode.
[15] Most episodes set in the future depict a grim social landscape (slightly similar to Futurama, in fact), so this is not that far out-there.
[16] Season 2, Episode 9: Itchy & Scratchy & Marge (1990) – main plot.
[17] Season 3, Episode 5: Homer Alone (1992) – Marge’s nervous breakdown occurs near the beginning of the episode; she is pardoned by the mayor a bit later on in the episode.
[18] Season 4, Episode 21: Marge in Chains (1993) – main plot.
[19] Season 29, Episode 6: The Old Blue Mayor She Ain’t What She Used To Be (2017) – all seen in this episode.
[20] Season 11, Episode 17: Bart to the Future (2000) – Homer seemingly lives at the White House with Marge, and is seen wrecking the floor and yard with a miner’s pick near the middle and towards the end of the episode, respectively.
[21] Ibid. – Marge can be seen carrying a laundry basket at the 11:10 mark.
[22] Season 7, Episode 15: Bart the Fink (1996) – mentioned near the end of the episode.
[23] Season 23, Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed (2011) – Homer and Marge are seen travelling to one of the poles, to a submerged city, and into outer space during the song/time-lapse sequence near the very beginning of the episode.
(My apologies in advance if this post was too long for anybody: Sorry!)
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