Alternate History Quotes

[Deleted member 43582]

"Mr. Roosevelt, Heer Hitler would like to remind you that your government has not expressed any opinion on the fate of Czechoslovakia, and that you yourself were not actually invited to this conference. Nor have you been impowered by your government to negotiated. Now would you please stop trying to negotiate on behalf of the Czech's."

-Hitler (Via his translator) to former US president Theodore Roosevelt. Roosevelt had invited himself to the Munich conference and was the only person there to stand up to the Nazi's demands. His mistreatment at Munich and the invasion of Poland a year later prompted the then 81 year old to seak a fifth term in 1940.

"Most of all I want to thank that stupid translator back at the Munich conference. Because according to the Chicago tribune: "President Roosevelts popularity skyrocketed after he punched the German translator in the face." But in all seriousness the person I want to thank the most is Franklin who despite our political differences did not talk about Family secrets in this race. But seeing that he lost might should have."
Part of Theodor Roosevelt's victory speech in 1940

 

[Kome]

I've Sigged This

Yayifications!

 

[Crazy Calvinist]

"I never did fight beside a man who was a better fighter, more able tank commander, or magnificent b****d than Erwin Rommel".

-George Patton.

 

[Whanztastic]

"Now, you can say whatever you want about me, Mr. Vice President. But if you ever bring my family into this race again, Secret Service or not, I’ll have to ask you to step outside.”

- Senator Joe Biden, Oct. 13, 1988

 

[BillyShears]

"I reject the cynical view that politics is a dirty business."
"Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency"
Richard M. Nixon - White House Janitor (1961-1969)

 

[Lost the game]

America can't afford four years of the Party of Nixon, Ford, Cheney, and Rumsfeld! America deserves the best; America deserves the Party of FDR and Truman; the Party of Kennedy and Johnson; Jerry Brown and John Glenn: the Party of Joe Biden, a President I have been honored to serve with these eight years as Vice President!

-Vice President Hillary Clinton at a campaign rally in Detroit, August 20, 2012, in my map series A Better Debate For Gerald Ford, which I'll get back to eventually.

 

[theHombre]

The Eye of Justice isn't blind to a cry for mercy.
-Former American President Adolf Huttler, speaking about the atrocities committed by both the Social Republic of Germany and the Fourth Republic of France during the Second World War (1959-1964).

 

[Blair]

“People of the Philippines I will never abandon you”

-Reported last words of Douglas MacArthur during his last stand at the Battle of Bataan

 

[Kome]

"Greetings, East Germans.

Look at your nation.

Now back to mine.

Now back at your nation.

Back to mine.

Sadly, your nation is not my nation.

But if you stopped using Soviet-scented body wash and switched to Old Spice your nation could smell like its West Germany.

Look down.

Back up.

Where are we?

We are on a wall looking at the nation your nation could smell like.

Whats in your hand?

Back at me.

I have it.

Its an exit visa, leading to West Germany.

Look again.

The visa is now a hamburger!

Anything is possible when your nation smells like Old Spice and not a Commie.

Im a pear."

-Helmut Kohl, Chancellor of West Germany, in a televised address turning down proposal to reunite the German states.

 

[MrHuman]

Kome, this is awesome. You are awesome.

 

[stirlingdraka]

Kome, this is awesome. You are awesome.

I must agree.

 

[Kome]

Thanks.

 

[iori]

More one I thought of as a humorous situation for my Sci-Fi TL I'm writing;

"...So you're telling me that their are two dozen asteroids in orbit that have seemingly come out of nowhere and...they're doing the Gangnam Style?"

 

[eddyking77]

I'm going to bump this thread by posting a couple of quotes from the novel I'm working on, or more accurately, from the novel's universe. Not alternate history, but fantasy. Anyway I thought the quotes wouldn't be out of place here. They are in Nemansh and in English:

“Ego e semper iprobates las bella sumae ad las pugnae tardatae… preferes sed decapitates piatomens o sed vorates tro a tro per musi liposas? Se plus deusos sed brusos, verili. Las bella sumae sun las optimae, et las bella brusas sun las plus sumae.”

“I’ve always liked short wars better than protracted struggles... would you rather be beheaded quickly and mercifully, or be eaten bit by bit by greasy rats? It is more godly to be brutal you see. Short wars are the best, and brutal wars are always the shortest.” - Valentine III the Great, King of Sericana and Casardur.

“Vis, et indica mihi si potes visiner ad les domes ex les campenari quand omnes eten nudates et confixe ad unam crux.”

“See if you can tell the lords from the peasants when they are all naked and nailed to a cross.” - Valentine the Great to his Chief of Armies and Camps, Count Peregrinus Sarelius, after taking the enemy city of Dundalk.

 

[Schmelloffel]

"Mr. Garibaldi: Pres. Lincoln today confirmed your app'tment as the Provisional Cmdr. Army of the Potomac stop. Request yr. presence here posthaste stop. We have fullest confidence in you and your abilities comma the High Command has expressed much excitement and relief stop. May God be with you in all yr. endeavours end.

Wm. H. Seward, Secretary of State USA"

Also, first post.

 

[Kome]

"Of course i believe that one day Americans will see the light of communism. After all, their president already has no class,"

-Vladamir Putin, USSR Premier

 

[Mysterion]

"I don't give a god-damn if they'll be able to see me or not! I just want to get to the god-damned Trade-Mart, make the god-damned speech, and then get the hell out of this town! Now have the Secret Service get the god-damned bubble-top on the god-damned car! Now!"

- John F. Kennedy, the morning of 22 November, 1963

 

[Laqueesha]

The following is the result of a certain ACW buff playing too much Fallout 3 for hours and hours on end:

"I know only two tunes: one of them is 'Galaxy News Radio', and the other one isn't."

"This is a different kind of army. If you look at history you'll see men fight for pay, or women, or some other kind of loot. They fight for land, or because a king makes them, or just because they like killing. But we're here for something new. This has not happened much, in the history of the world: We are an army out to set other men free. the Capital Wasteland should be free ground, all of it, from here to the Republic of Dave."

"As soon as Paradise Falls fired upon the flag it was felt, we all felt, even those who did not object to Eulogy Jones, that slavery must be destroyed. We felt that it was a stain to the Capital Wasteland that men should be bought and sold like cattle."

"Paradise Falls slavers declare that their slaves are better off than hired laborers amongst us. How little they know, whereof they speak! There is no permanent class of hired laborers amongst us. 25 years ago, I was a hired laborer. The hired laborer of yesterday, labors on his own account today; and will hire others to labor for him tomorrow."

"You people of Paradise Falls don't know what you are doing. The Capital Wasteland will be drenched in blood, and God only knows how it will end. It is all folly, madness, a crime against civilization! You people speak so lightly of war; you don't know what you're talking about. War is a terrible thing! You mistake, too, the people of the Capital Wasteland. They are a peaceable people but an earnest people, and they will fight, too. They are not going to let the Capital Wasteland be destroyed without a mighty effort to save it."

"Under existing conditions the ghoul votes the Republican ticket because he knows his friends are of that party. Many a good smoothskin votes the opposite, not because he agrees with the great principles of state which separate parties, but because, generally, he is opposed to ghoul rule. This is a most delusive cry. Treat the ghoul as a citizen and a voter, as he is and must remain, and soon parties will be divided, not on the color line, but on principle."

"Our new government is founded upon exactly the opposite idea; its foundations are laid, its cornerstone rests, upon the great truth that the ghoul is not equal to the smoothskin; that slavery, subordination to the superior race, is his natural and normal condition."

"But ghouls, like smoothskins, act upon motives. Why should they do any thing for us, if we will do nothing for them? If they stake their lives for us, they must be prompted by the strongest motive; even the promise of freedom. And the promise being made, must be kept."

"You are either with us, or you are with the Tories."

George W. Bush, Commander of the Continental Army and First President of the United States, circa 1778.

Not bad!

Although, Dubya should have a powdered wig of some sort.

 

[Gorrister]

We have as a nation, fought against hatred and prejudice, and America is the shining example of a nation of equality, so it is with great honor and pride that I show Congress a new package, designed by Congress, and edited by People, the Free and Fair Society!--U.S President Edmund Muskie (1970-1977) in a Speech to Congress, February 20 1971.

We fought the Union to maintain our rights in 1860, and the Union wants to take 'em back, well I ain't lettin' em!--C.S President Strom Thurmond in a speech in 1956

 

[MatthewFirth]

"I should have never reunited with the boys. George and Ringo, I'm sorry. But for Paul, he messed up".
John Lennon (1982)

(Based on the Alternate Billboard No.1's thread).