Alternate Headlines
- Thread starter Bulldawg85
- Start date
"Chump Change"
Noted Financier Scrooge McDuck Pledges $750 Billion To Fix U. S. Banking Crisis
Noted Financier Scrooge McDuck Pledges $750 Billion To Fix U. S. Banking Crisis
Chris Oakley
Banned
Washington Post, June 18th, 1972
TWO CUBAN NATIONALS KILLED, WHITE HOUSE AIDE WOUNDED IN SHOOTOUT AT WATERGATE HOTEL
TWO CUBAN NATIONALS KILLED, WHITE HOUSE AIDE WOUNDED IN SHOOTOUT AT WATERGATE HOTEL
But if nothing happened, why's it front-page news..?
That's how these things work, sadly.
PRESIDENT KISSINGER!
NARROW VICTORY FOR REPUBLICANS
Senator Kissinger was announced as the President-elect of the United States last night, winning two hundred and seventy-nine electoral votes. The news will no doubt come as a shock to the nation's Democratic voters, who so recently turned out in record numbers to elect former Governor Henry Wallace to the Oval Office. President Capone was unavailable for comment...
[From a TL I might do on Al Capone.]
NARROW VICTORY FOR REPUBLICANS
Senator Kissinger was announced as the President-elect of the United States last night, winning two hundred and seventy-nine electoral votes. The news will no doubt come as a shock to the nation's Democratic voters, who so recently turned out in record numbers to elect former Governor Henry Wallace to the Oval Office. President Capone was unavailable for comment...
[From a TL I might do on Al Capone.]
Chris Oakley
Banned
New York Post, November 8th, 2000
GORED AT THE POLLS
Bush trounces Clinton's VP in 47-state landslide
GORED AT THE POLLS
Bush trounces Clinton's VP in 47-state landslide
Don't forget to abolish the clause in the US Constitution that prohibits the German-born Kissinger from becoming President...
Unfortunately, the three states that Gore carried- New York, Pennsylvania and California, were all that was needed to win.
Wait- are you saying Bush won Massachusetts? That's beyond ASB territory...
Wait- are you saying Bush won Massachusetts? That's beyond ASB territory...
Good point.
more news to be delivered...
Ron Dennis accused of nepotism and corruption!
Hamiltons accused of offering and giving sexual favors to Dennis to favor Lewis over twice-champion Fernando Alonso.
"We always knew it," claim Alonso's fans.
Video shows that Aznar asked for (and received) "special pleasures" from Bush as payment to send the Spanish Army to Irak!
Ana Botella, Aznar's wife, seeks divorce citing "personal diferences"!
Bush and Aznar criticized for their hypocrisy over homosexuality by Kerry and Zapatero!
"We also knew it!" left-wingers in Spain say.
SCANDAL IN THE FORMULA ONE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!
McLaren-Mercedes Team's F1 driver Lewis Hamilton expelled by the FIA from his position!
Ron Dennis accused of nepotism and corruption!
Hamiltons accused of offering and giving sexual favors to Dennis to favor Lewis over twice-champion Fernando Alonso.
"We always knew it," claim Alonso's fans.
THE AZORES MEETING, DISCOVERED TO BE COVER FOR HOMOSEXUAL TRIO!
George Bush, Tony Blair and José María Aznar, shown to be in an homosexual relationship!
Video shows that Aznar asked for (and received) "special pleasures" from Bush as payment to send the Spanish Army to Irak!
Ana Botella, Aznar's wife, seeks divorce citing "personal diferences"!
Bush and Aznar criticized for their hypocrisy over homosexuality by Kerry and Zapatero!
"We also knew it!" left-wingers in Spain say.
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SPORTS!
FIFA to consider sanctions against South Korea!
FIFA Vice-President Chung Mong-Joon resigns!
Spain advances to semi-finals!
Several days later...
SPAIN DEFEATS BRAZIL 2-1!
Spain wins its first World Championship Cup ever!
Raúl and Casillas, key factors in the astounding victory!
Ronaldo flops against Spanish defence!
Only Brazilian goal, scored by Roberto Carlos.
Raúl, MVP of the match!
As a response to the Olympic Games basketball final...
SPAIN WINS GOLD MEDAL!
Pau Gasol's 27 points, key factor in victory!
US team failure mainly due to continuous traveling of players.
NBA to change its rules to FIBA format!
OOC: The traveling part was actually a problem in the match, because the US players made the foul several times but the referees never called on them, because, according to NBA rules, walking before bouncing the ball isn't considered traveling. One of the Spanish players mocked the referees' attitude by conciously commiting traveling right in front of them.
EGYPTIAN REFEREE GAMAL AL-GHANDOUR, EXPOSED AS CORRUPT!
Was paid by South Korean Football Federation agents to annul all goals scored by Spanish national team!
FIFA to consider sanctions against South Korea!
FIFA Vice-President Chung Mong-Joon resigns!
Spain advances to semi-finals!
Several days later...
SPAIN DEFEATS BRAZIL 2-1!
Spain wins its first World Championship Cup ever!
Raúl and Casillas, key factors in the astounding victory!
Ronaldo flops against Spanish defence!
Only Brazilian goal, scored by Roberto Carlos.
Raúl, MVP of the match!
As a response to the Olympic Games basketball final...
SPAIN WINS GOLD MEDAL!
Pau Gasol's 27 points, key factor in victory!
US team failure mainly due to continuous traveling of players.
NBA to change its rules to FIBA format!
OOC: The traveling part was actually a problem in the match, because the US players made the foul several times but the referees never called on them, because, according to NBA rules, walking before bouncing the ball isn't considered traveling. One of the Spanish players mocked the referees' attitude by conciously commiting traveling right in front of them.
As I saw on (I think) The Onion, the idea is that the US is about to withdraw all troops from Afghanistan and Iraq simultaneously. The Exit Strategy? "We'll go through Iran," says Bush...
Chris Oakley
Banned
New York Times, August 17th, 1941
HITLER'S PLANE CRASHES EN ROUTE HOME FROM INSPECTION TOUR OF GERMAN-OCCUPIED TERRITORIES IN RUSSIA; GOEBBELS DENIES RUMORS FUHRER IN COMA
HITLER'S PLANE CRASHES EN ROUTE HOME FROM INSPECTION TOUR OF GERMAN-OCCUPIED TERRITORIES IN RUSSIA; GOEBBELS DENIES RUMORS FUHRER IN COMA