Alternate First Men on the Moon thread

[Baron Bizarre]

Name of the first man on the Moon: Frederick Forsythe Scuttle

Country who put him there: The UK

Name of spacecraft: Indestructable the Second*

His first words: "Good evening, viewers!"

The year: 1972


*Henry McGee: :"What happened to Indestructable the First?"

Fred Scuttle: :"It blew up, sir."

 

[SilverSwimmer]

Name of the First Person on the Moon: Clint Eastwood

Country Who Put Them There: USA

Their Spaceship: High Plains Drifter

The Year: 1971

The First Words: "You've got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky?

 

[Emperor Norton I]

Name of the First Person on the Moon: John F. Kennedy

Country Who Put Them There: USA

Their Spaceship: Vigor 11

The Year: 1969

The First Words: "Now this is a-er-um-a 'mind fuck' as it were"

 

[RogueBeaver]

Your Majesty: Ah, the "healthy JFK" TL.

 

[Emperor Norton I]

Your Majesty: Ah, the "healthy JFK" TL.

He also goes on to personally give all black people freedom, kick George Wallace in the balls, and liberate all of Cuba with a pointed stick and a can of body spray.

Stereotype JFK is the TR of the late 20th century.

 

[Saxon Dog]

Name of the first man on the Moon: Cheech Marin

Country who put him there: Like, the whole WORLD, Man

Name of spacecraft: 66 VW Micro Bus

His first words: "Like WOW, Man"

The year: 1974, I think.

 

[mailinutile2]

Name of the first man on the Moon: Neil Armstrong (a.k.a. Emperor Neil the First)

Country who put him there: not applicable

Name of spacecraft: Apollo

His first words: "Stuff USA, NASA and humanity! I declare the Moon is mine!"

The year: 1969.

 

[mailinutile2]

Name of the first man on the Moon: Assurbanipal IV

Country who put him there: Babel

Name of spacecraft: not really a ship

His first words: "Ok, I reckon the Tower is high enough now." [translated from Assyro-Babilonian language]

The year: 1500 B. C.

 

[mailinutile2]

Astronauts" James T Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. Leonard McCoy

United Federation of Planets, Starfleet

Beamed down from the Enterprize

Date: July 19, 1969

The Enterprize went back in time just so egotistical Jim Kirk could say he was on the moon before before Armstrong. They were watching from behind a moon mountain when Armstrong and Aldrin walked.

Spock's first words: Fascinating, Captain. I have never seen the Earth's moon without Starbucks and McDonalds in every crater.

Nope.
They would teleport on the surface and only after they would check if there is any breathable atmosphere by the tricorder.
It would end gasping

 

[Victor Hatherley]

Name of the first man on the Moon: Thomas Baker

Country who put him there: Greater British Empire

Name of spacecraft: Albion 9
His first words: "Rule, Britannia, Britannia Rule the Stars!"

The year: 1961

 

[Bahamut-255]

Name: James May

Country: N/A

Spacecraft: N/A, it was a Bugatti Veyron

First words: This doesn't look like the Top Gear Studio...

The Year: 2006

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Name: Gherman Titov

Country: USSR

Spacecraft: LK-700

First Words: "The Earth is the Cradle of Humanity. But one cannot remain in the cradle forever."

The Year: 1968

 

[DSS]

"Mike Collins first man on the moon - no, not that one, the Irish rebel leader"

"No, not that one either - the AH.Com member."

 

[KyleB]

Buzz Aldrin was actually supposed to be the first man to walk on the moon, according to NASA doctrine, but the mission routine was switched on Apollo 11. Also, the first words actually spoken on the moon were "Okay, engine stop" (Buzz Aldrin).

 

[Rule Britannia]

Name: Hugh Gaitskell

Country: Trade Union Congress

Spacecraft: Miner - 1

First Words: "Finally, no Thatcher."

The Year: 1986

 

[Awilla the Hun]

Name: Sir Isaac Newton

Country: The Kingdom of England

Spacecraft: The Royal Charles

First Words: "I now step on the shoulders of giants."

Year: 1665 (It's a POD I found a while back, featuring someone postulating a Medieval scientific revolution supported by monasteries and some extremely lucky-but far from implausible- discoveries. If I can find the link, I'll show it to you.)

 

[Cymraeg]

Name: Ieuan ap Huw

Country: Cymru

Spacecraft: Glyndwr 1

First Words: "Ha, that'll show the bloody English!"

The Year: 1968

 

[Mr. Magi]

Name of the first man on the Moon: Ben J. Cullen (fictitious)

Country who put him there: US

Name of spacecraft: Pioneer XI
His first words: "I didn't mean to."

The year: 1977

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name of the first man on the Moon: John Glenn

Country who put him there: US

Name of spacecraft: Explorer VII
His first words: "This is just the first step for - OH FUCK!" (Apparently Gus Grissom tried to leave as well and knocked him off the ladder in his haste)

The year: 1968

 

[Chipperback]

Name of the first human being on the Moon: Janet Guntrie

Country who put her there: Union of American Socialist Republics (Red Dawn: A New Beginning TL)

Name of spacecraft: Earhart 9

Her first words: "We've come a long way, baby"

Year: June 20, 1970


Name of the first man on the Moon: Stirling Moss

Country who put him there: Franco-British Union

Name of spacecraft: Lotus 72

Year: March 2, 1969

His first words: "Colin, this is a bloody damn good vessel you built!"

 

[Iserlohn]

Name of the first man on the Moon: Douglas R. King

Country who put him there: Confederation of Socialist American States

Name of spacecraft: Liberator III

His first words: "This may be... A pretty small step for a single man... But the biggest success in the history of humanity... And the worker's movement!"

The year: 1972

------------------------

Name of the first man on the Moon: Alexandre Pierre Verne

Country who put him there: Second Empire of the French

Name of spacecraft: Nadar VII

His first words: "Incredible... I dedicate this success to the Emperor and also my grandfather Jules, who inspired every one of us!"

The year: 1929

 

[Dathi THorfinnsson]

First Words: "Ha, that'll show the bloody English!"

Or...
"Ha, fe sy'n dangos y Saesneg gwaedlyd!"
(or something. I used Google Translate, so this probably doesn't mean what it was supposed to mean.)