Alternate First Men on the Moon thread

sunsurf

First man on the moon: Robin Leach

Country who put him there: USA, but the mission was actually funded by Woolworth-Smith Barney, a division of the Glaxo-Kline-Unilever-Dole Corporation.

Name of Spacecraft: Tang

First Words: This mission was made possible by Tang, the breakfast drink all astronauts are proud to drink! And the technology which made Tang possible also makes possible all the other foods and drinks enjoyed by all astronauts worldwide, and the the fine folks who bring us Tang, also bring find foods to your dining room table, including the newest in our line of prepared dinner treats... etc. etc. etc.

Year: 1984
 
trekchu

trekchu

First man on the moon: Wing Commander John Dashwood

Country who put him there: British Empire


Name of Spacecraft: Prometheus


First Words: "Ex Astris Scientia!" = "from the stars, knowledge"

Year: 1968
 

EmmettMcFly55

Name of the first man on the Moon: Archduke Friedrich Karl Rudolph Matthias von Habsburg, Duke of Innsbruck, Prince of Austria-Hungary

Country who put him there: The Federal Empire of Austria-Hungary

Name of spacecraft: Rudolph I

His first words: Hereby, I set my first steps on the moon, and claim all of this land in protection against the evil republican Americans, in name of my father, His Imperial Majesty Emperor Franz II of Austria, Emperor of all the Romans, true and only successor of His Majesty Roman Emperor Augustus I, and Charlemagne, Emperor of the Franks; King of Hungary, Bohemia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Galicia and Lodomeria, Piemonte, Lombardy-Venetia, Serbia, Montenegro, Kiev, Upper-Ukraine, the Caucasus; Archduke of Austria; Duke of Lorraine, Salzburg, Würzburg, Franconia, Styria, Carinthia and Carniola; Grand Duke of Cracow; Grand Prince of Transylvania and Walachia; Margrave of Moravia; Duke of Sandomir, Masovia, Lublin, Upper and Lower Silesia, Auschwitz and Zator, Teschen and Friule; Prince of Berchtesgaden and Mergentheim; Princely Count of Habsburg, Gorizia and Gradisca and of the Tyrol; and Margrave of Upper and Lower Lusatia and in Istria; Head of the House of Habsburg, Protector of Spain, Sardinia, Sicily, South-Italy, the Vatican State, the Archduchy of Crete and the Pelleponesos, the Kingdom of Jerusalem, the Kingdom of Romanian Moldavia, the Kingdom of Prussia, and hereby, Upper Protector and undisputed Souvereign of the Kingdom of the Moon! (pauses) Man, that was long. I don't suppose there is some water on the moon? My throat hurts from that speech.

The year: 1968
 

catboy637

Name of the first man on the Moon: Hishuam Rigini

Country who put him there: Bablonyian Empire

Name of spacecraft: Hammurabi 1

His first words: "In the name of Babylon, I claim this new land!"

The year: 1803
Stemapunk involved!
 

rubym

Astronauts" James T Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. Leonard McCoy

United Federation of Planets, Starfleet

Beamed down from the Enterprize

Date: July 19, 1969

The Enterprize went back in time just so egotistical Jim Kirk could say he was on the moon before before Armstrong. They were watching from behind a moon mountain when Armstrong and Aldrin walked.

Spock's first words: Fascinating, Captain. I have never seen the Earth's moon without Starbucks and McDonalds in every crater.
 
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Emperor Norton I

Emperor Norton I

Name of the first man on the Moon: John Glenn and Yuri Gagarin (along with Neil Armstrong and Nikilia Bresnev)

Country who put him there: United States and Soviet Union (Joint Moon-shot)

Name of spacecraft: Helios 1

His first words: "One small step for a few [men], one giant leap [forward] for all [mankind]"

The year: 1968

*JFK survives his assassination (albeit in a wheelchair), improves relations with the USSR ala Reagan, thus cooling the Cold War and leading to a joint venture to the Moon.

Rough approximation if you want one.

mooner.png
 

hughashton

Name of first man on the moon: Richard Branson

Country who put him there: Virgin Galactic (UK)

Name of spacecraft: Virgin Lunatic III (I and II were preparatory missions)

His first words: This is truly incredible. I wish the whole world was here with me to share this moment.

The year: 1992

(Apollo collapses in a mass of contractor scandals post-Apollo 1, taking the whole of NASA's manned space mission with it, the USSR loses three successive spacecraft through technology (computer) failure and gives up on manned space flight - Branson heads a syndicate to fund a UK commercial moon mission)
 

Spitfiremk1

Name of the first man on the Moon: Albert Adams

Country who put him there: British Empire/Commanwealth

Name of spacecraft: Britiania 2 (rocket), Tridnet (Carft) Unicorn (Lander)

His first words: "We are now truley the Emprie Where the Sun Never Sets, God Save The King!"

The year: 1971
 

Sachyriel

Banned
Name of the first man on the Moon: Timothy Leary

Country who put him there: Random group of Hippies who hijacked a NASA pad

Name of spacecraft: Apollo IX

His first words: Oh

...

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

The year: 1969

:D

~~~

Name of the first man on the Moon: Joeseph Stalin

Country who put him there: USSR

Name of spacecraft: Labourer's Might

His first words: God damn that bastard Trotsky...

The year: 1942
 
Fenrir_Angerboda

Fenrir_Angerboda

Name of the first man on the Moon: Yukinobu Hoshino

Country who put him there: Empire of Japan.

Name of spacecraft: Hayabusa

His first words: One step for (a) man, and a New Page for the History of the Empire!

The year: 1983
 

Aussie Guy

Wilhelm von Brandenstein-Zeppelin

German Empire

Eagle

My grandfather's dream of aerial mastery did not end with the airships bearing his name, nor does it end today.

1956
 
Emperor Norton I

Emperor Norton I

Name of the first man on the Moon: Heinrich Mann

Country who put him there: German Reich

Name of spacecraft: Sunna

His first words: "Today the German people reach out where none have before. The state has proven itself capable of doing what the individual could not. And from this threshold, the glory of the Aryan race shall extend across all borders ... for all time."

The year: 1962
 

Fiji

Name of the first man on the Moon: Father Damien

Country who put him there: Papal States

Name of spacecraft: Gloria Dei

His first words: "One step closer to God and Heaven"

The year: 1879

or

Name of the first man on the Moon: Prisoner 325172

Country who put him there: Galactic Empire of Zxrpgh

Name of spacecraft: Sloop 2313

His first words: "damn"

The year: 1945

in a TL where the aliens who are watching us in OTL figured we'd gotten a bit rambunctious with all that flinging about of nukes.
;)
 

wormyguy

Banned
Name: Sam Kemp
Country who put him there: Confederate States of America
Year: 1973
First words: "Today a new light has shown upon the works of civilized man. We have triumphed over nature and formed an everlasting beacon of free thought. Ad astra per aspera."
 
Imperator Frank

Imperator Frank

Name of the first man on the Moon:Ugh

Country who put him there:(aliens)

Name of spacecraft:(untranslatable)

His first words:Ooh?AAAAAHHHHOOOAAAHHHH!!!!!

The year:23,000BC

:D
 

The Red

Name of the first man on the Moon:Winston Churchill

Country who put him there:Skip the ASB

Name of spacecraft:ISOT

His first words:WTF?!?!?!?

The year:1945
 

General Mung Beans

Banned
Name of the first man on the Moon: Gaius Iulius Proceptus

Country who put him there: Second Roman Republic

Name of spacecraft: Victrix

His first words: We are here

The year: 1147
 

wormyguy

Banned
First woman on the moon: Xenia

Country who put her there: Queendom of the Amazons

Name of Spacecraft: Eve

First words: Oh my God, this excessively revealing spacesuit is causing me to fre- . . .
 

Megaman03

Name of the first man on the Moon: Burhanuddin al-Helmy

Country who put him there: Malaysia

Name of spacecraft: The Judgement

His first words: I claim this big,fat barren rock in the name of Allah!

The year: 1965

or.... :D

Name of the first man on the Moon: Mr. Lee Kiasu

Country who put him there: Singapore

Name of spacecraft: Kiasu 9

His first words: Wah!Like that only ah?(commenting on the barrenness of the moon's surface)

The year: 1966
 
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