AHC: Star Wars Episode I is Good

Glen

Moderator
Like I said, I am not precisely sure how to make Anakin the protagonist with Lucas' original draft. But aging him up, from this perspective, is a must. Anakin has to be an active force in the plot from the beginning. That means he probably cannot be a very young child, like you say. Making Anakin the protagonist starting with Lucas' first draft is hard, since there's a lot in the beginning that would have to be cut, and even then, I do not know if you can make Anakin the protagonist. You might need an entirely different script/story.

A simple way to do it from the Lucas script is to have the crawl announce Amidala's rescue from Naboo but their need to stop on Tatooine, and start the movie with their landing on the planet (or a little before showing them escaping In their ship from Naboo and then deciding to go to Tatooine if you want more action in thefirst few minutes. You could recycle a lot of the scenes from before that as part of first their return to Coruscant and then infiltrating Naboo in their preparations for liberation.
 
Another thing is that I need something for Anakin to do in the middle of the film. Maybe I'm borrowing too much from the original film, or cribbing too much from what happens in your version, but maybe the film works better if the first half of the film is about how Obi-Wan and Anakin rescue Queen Amidala, and the second half is about how they liberate Naboo. In other words, what if Obi-Wan doesn't make it to Naboo in the beginning of the film? Not sure how to pull this off, but say some kind of Federation attack forces Obi-Wan to avoid landing on Naboo immediately. His ship is hit, he lands on Tattooine, where he meets Anakin. Anakin reveals himself to be a pilot. Despite Owen's protestations, Anakin agrees to leave to help Obi-Wan save the Queen. Obi-Wan and Anakin sneak into Naboo, rescue Padme, and take her to Coruscant. The Coruscant scenes serve the same purpose as they do in the film we have. Padme tries to get Senate support, they refuse. Obi-Wan wants Anakin trained as a Jedi, the Council is ambivalent and undecided. The film ends with a battle to liberate Naboo, in which Anakin plays a crucial role. Granted, I'm not sure how to prevent Obi-Wan from landing on Tattooine immediately. And I'm not sure what Maul should do here.
 
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Glen

Moderator
Another thing is that I need something for Anakin to do in the middle of the film. Maybe I'm borrowing too much from the original film, or cribbing too much from what happens in your version, but maybe the film works better if the first half of the film is about how Obi-Wan and Anakin rescue Queen Amidala, and the second half is about how they liberate Naboo. In other words, what if Obi-Wan doesn't make it to Naboo in the beginning of the film? Not sure how to pull this off, but say some kind of Federation attack forces Obi-Wan to avoid landing on Naboo immediately. His ship is hit, he lands on Tattooine, where he meets Anakin. Anakin reveals himself to be a pilot. Despite Owen's protestations, Anakin agrees to leave to help Obi-Wan save the Queen. Obi-Wan and Anakin sneak into Naboo, rescue Padme, and take her to Coruscant. The Coruscant scenes serve the same purpose as they do in the film we have. Padme tries to get Senate support, they refuse. Obi-Wan wants Anakin trained as a Jedi, the Council is ambivalent and undecided. The film ends with a battle to liberate Naboo, in which Anakin plays a crucial role. Granted, I'm not sure how to prevent Obi-Wan from landing on Tattooine immediately. And I'm not sure what Maul should do here.

It is certainly okay to use the prequels for source materials,and feel free to crib as much as is needed from my work and I will do likewise. That is the nice thing about releasing our movies in alternate timelines - don't have to worry about pesky copyrights! That can work, what you laid out above. More later.
 

Glen

Moderator
It is certainly okay to use the prequels for source materials,and feel free to crib as much as is needed from my work and I will do likewise. That is the nice thing about releasing our movies in alternate timelines - don't have to worry about pesky copyrights! That can work, what you laid out above. More later.

I think you can start the same more or less but with Darth Maul leading an ambush in space that makes them have to divert before reaching Naboo. Have Kenobi's pilot mortally wounded, the ship damaged. The ambush forced them away from Coruscant as well as Naboo into the outer rim. The dying pilot pulls up a list of planets they might be able to reach but doesn't know this region or which could handle repairs or findiing alternate transport. But Kenobi knows - Tatooine. Have the pilot die on touchdown. Proceed as planned for the Tatooine section. Anakin serves as his pilot for the rescue and of course doesn't stay with the ship.
 

Glen

Moderator
I think you can start the same more or less but with Darth Maul leading an ambush in space that makes them have to divert before reaching Naboo. Have Kenobi's pilot mortally wounded, the ship damaged. The ambush forced them away from Coruscant as well as Naboo into the outer rim. The dying pilot pulls up a list of planets they might be able to reach but doesn't know this region or which could handle repairs or findiing alternate transport. But Kenobi knows - Tatooine. Have the pilot die on touchdown. Proceed as planned for the Tatooine section. Anakin serves as his pilot for the rescue and of course doesn't stay with the ship.

BTW, Maul should be on a mission in the first half to thwart Kenobi's mission and/or take out Amidala. In the second half, he probably should be part of the effort to repel their attempts to liberate Naboo, but perhaps feeling a personal need to take out Kenobi to expiate his failure to stop him earlier.
 
Alright, I have about half of a draft for an Anakin protagonist rewrite of Lucas' draft. A lot is changed from that. The point is to make Anakin as active a character as possible. I'm posting this half because I've run into a roadblock where the story ends. Namely, I'm not sure how to handle the whole Jar Jar situation. I know what I want to do after Amidala's rescued, but the whole process of rescuing her isn't easily coming to mind.



Episode I:
The film opens with a shot of a fight just outside the palace on the surface of Naboo. We see a few guards attempting to stave off the droid army. We can see that they are hopelessly outnumbered. The scene quickly shows the droids leading away a captured group of guards. Included in this group of prisoners is a woman in a fancy dress of sorts. The prisoners are brought to a holding area where the Viceroy is waiting. The Viceroy tells the Queen that the time has come for her to abdicate. She insists that she will be rescued, and that the Senate will soon intervene on her behalf. She tells the Viceroy that she will not be his prisoner for long. The Viceroy says that they will see about that. He tells the guards to take her to a more appropriate cell, noting that in a more austere and isolated space, the Queen may become more cooperative. The Queen insists one final time that she will be rescued as she’s led away.
The film cuts to a small ship approaching the blockaded planet. The film quickly cuts to a shot the interior of that ship, where we see a Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi sitting next to the pilot. Kenobi tells the pilot that he senses some apprehension in him, and wonders whether he’ll be able to actually land the ship or not. The pilot replies that he’s fine; he’ll get Kenobi to the Queen. The film cuts to the exterior. As the ship approaches the blockade it comes under fire. The film returns to the interior, where Obi-Wan is asking the pilot whether he can evade the enemy fire. The pilot replies that he’ll try, but he isn’t making any promises, he mentions that he’s never seen a Federation blockade this tight before. The film cuts to the exterior where we see the effect of the pilot’s efforts to escape the barrage. No matter which direction or approach he takes, the ship is under attack. Finally the ship is seen retreating. The film cuts back to the interior, where Obi-Wan is complaining to the pilot, telling him that he’s now flying it away from Naboo. The pilot claims that he had no choice but to retreat, otherwise the ship, and everything in it, would have been destroyed. The pilot outright claims that only the best pilot in the galaxy could have evaded the blockade. They flee they continue to be pursued. Finally the pilot tells Kenobi that the ship has been damaged considerably, they will not make it to Coruscant. Unfortunately, they will have to land somewhere in the outer rim. Kenobi tells him to land the ship on Tattooine. He says that he hopes they can find a way to reach the Queen in time.
The film cuts in the ship landing in the desert of Tatooine. Kenobi says that is looks like they’re stranded. As he speaks a even smaller ship, approaches from the distance. When that ship arrives, a 16-17 year old boy exits. He asks if Kenobi’s ship has been damaged. Kenobi tells him that it was, and inquires how the boy knew that it was. The 16-17 year old responds by noting that they would hardly have landed their ship here otherwise. If the ship wasn’t damaged it would have been landed in one of the ports. He assures Kenobi that he’s a bit of a mechanic, and that he might be able to fix it. He tells Kenobi and the pilot that he can provide food and shelter for them on the farm where he lives. He tells them that they can come back with him, unless they’d prefer to sleep on their damaged ship. Obi-Wan and the pilot agree to do so. The boy introduces himself as Anakin Skywalker. The three enter into Anakin’s ship. The pilot tells Obi-Wan that they will have to be careful, as Tattoine is crawling with Federation spies.
The film cuts back to Naboo, where the Viceroy is having a holographic conference with a mysterious cloaked figure. The Viceroy tells this man that everything is going to plan. Naboo has been taken, and the Queen will cooperate soon enough. The figure says that the situation is good, and he tells the Viceroy that he has acted well, and that he will soon receive the fruits of his labors. He then asks whether the Federation successfully disposed of “The Jedi” referring to Obi-Wan Kenobi. Smiling the Viceroy says that they’ve chased him off. The figure adopts an angry tone and condemns the Viceroy for failing to kill the Jedi. Darth Maul appears next to Sidious in the hologram. Sidious tells the Viceroy that this is his apprentice, Darth Maul, and that he will rectify the Viceroy’s unfortunate oversight.
The film cuts to Anakin, Obi-Wan and the pilot, flying in Anakin’s ship. Anakin demonstrates his skill as a pilot, much to the horror of his passengers. Yes, this is a desert, but Anakin should be able to show just what he is capable of. When they arrive at his home. The Pilot asks who taught Anakin to fly like that. Anakin responds that he taught himself. Anakin then turns to Obi-Wan and asks what brings a Jedi out to Tattooine. Obi-Wan asks how Anakin knows he’s a Jedi. Anakin smiles and says that some things, you just know. It’s meant to be deliberately unclear whether he knows this because he’s using the force, or because he’s seen Obi-Wan’s Lightsaber. Anakin repeats his question to Obi-Wan Kenobi who tells him that he’s on a mission to rescue the Queen of Naboo. He explains the whole invasion situation as succinctly as he possibly can. Anakin doesn’t accept the quick answer. Gradually, Anakin guides Obi-Wan into painting a more romantic, idealistic, portrait of what he’s set out to do. Finally, smiling, Obi-Wan tells Anakin that he’s a Jedi, and that it’s his job to protect everyone in the galaxy.
The trio enters Anakin’s home where we see Anakin’s mother and sister Beru sitting down for dinner. The trio joins them at Anakin’s mother’s invitation, and they proceed to eat. Eventually Anakin’s mother asks him who Obi-Wan and the pilot are. Anakin merely says that they were on a ship that crashed in the desert. He saw them from a distance, and felt compelled to save them. Beru teases Anakin about this, essentially claiming that “Anie” might be too altruistic for his own good. She tells him he’ll run into trouble one of these days. At this moment another man enters the home. He apologizes for being late, defending himself by saying that his work took him longer than he expected. He looks at Obi-Wan Kenobi, and it is clear that both of these men recognize each other. After an awkward silence, Owen Lars asks if Obi-Wan has finally come home. Hoping to break the tension, Anakin asks how they know each other. Owen Lars tells him that the runaway is his brother. Anakin asks for confirmation from Obi-Wan, who confirms that he is indeed Owen’s brother. The two other Skywalkers then excuse themselves from this awkward situation. Owen walks away with Beru. He then asks Anakin if he was telling the truth when he said he could repair the ship. Anakin responds that he could certainly give it a try. Obi-Wan says that they might not have very much time. He reminds Anakin that the Federation is chasing after them, and out in the outer rims, they can be killed with impunity. Anakin simply tells Obi-Wan to get into his ship, and he’ll procure the materials he might need to repair the ship. Obi-Wan and the pilot depart.
Anakin does exactly as he said he would, and goes into a shed or something similar with an array of tools to help to fix the ship. As he’s gathering material, Owen comes inside. Owen asks Anakin what he’s doing. The other Skywalkers are looking for him. Anakin tells Owen to take good care of Beru and his mother for him. He’s leaving to help Obi-Wan Kenobi save Queen Amidala. Owen tells him that he’s talking nonsense, that he’s let Obi-Wan’s foolishness go to his head. He tells Anakin that he’s needed here; his mother and sister need him. Anakin replies that they’ll have Owen to take care of them. And besides, the Queen of Naboo needs his help too. He rhetorically asks if Owen thinks she doesn’t deserve his protection and aid. Owen tells Anakin that he will not allow him to leave. He says that he will not allow Anakin to abandon his family the way Obi-Wan did. In a brief angry moment, Anakin declares is not his father and should stop pretending to be him. Owen concedes that he can’t force Anakin to stay, but he begs him to reconsider, for Beru and Schmi’s sake.

The scene cuts to Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the pilot in the desert. Anakin is repairing the ship. Anakin says that, surprisingly, there isn’t too much wrong with it. He should have it up and running in no time. Obi-Wan and the pilot converse about Anakin while the latter is distracted with repairs. The pilot asks Obi-Wan what he thinks of the kid. Obi-Wan responds that he senses that the force is very strong in him. The pilot says that he’s a talented kid all right; he doesn’t think he could have maneuvered as well as Anakin did when he took them to his farm. The pilot says that he’s embarrassed to admit this, as he doesn’t want to admit to the fact that he was shown up by a “kid.” Anakin announces that he’s very close to being finished when we see a figure on a small ship approaching from the distance. What follows is the first confrontation with Maul. Anakin hides in the ship as Maul kills the pilot, and begins fighting with Obi-Wan. Eventually, Obi-Wan defeats Maul, and enters the ship. The fight scene is shown from Anakin’s perspective, and it is clear that he has been watching the entire fight. He laments the fact that the pilot has been killed, and asks if Anakin can fly a ship like this. Anakin responds that he can certainly give it a try. Smiling, Anakin says that their next stop is Naboo. The ship lifts, and goes into hyperspace.
The ship arrives back at the blockade. Obi-Wan tells Anakin that landing will be difficult. Anakin proves himself to be a far better pilot than the one who was killed. He actually manages to perfectly evade the blockade, and safely land the ship on the surface of Naboo. When they exit, Obi-Wan asks Anakin how he learned to fly like that. Anakin shrugs and tells Kenobi it just comes naturally for him. He asks how far away they are from the palace. Kenobi responds that they are a considerable distance, and asks Anakin why he landed the ship so far from the Palace. Anakin tells Obi-Wan that he couldn’t have landed any closer. If he had tried, they both would have been killed.
 

Glen

Moderator
Alright, I have about half of a draft for an Anakin protagonist rewrite of Lucas' draft. A lot is changed from that. The point is to make Anakin as active a character as possible. I'm posting this half because I've run into a roadblock where the story ends. Namely, I'm not sure how to handle the whole Jar Jar situation. I know what I want to do after Amidala's rescued, but the whole process of rescuing her isn't easily coming to mind.

Well, let's see what we can do, then, shall we?

Episode I:
The film opens with a shot of a fight just outside the palace on the surface of Naboo. We see a few guards attempting to stave off the droid army. We can see that they are hopelessly outnumbered. The scene quickly shows the droids leading away a captured group of guards. Included in this group of prisoners is a woman in a fancy dress of sorts. The prisoners are brought to a holding area where the Viceroy is waiting. The Viceroy tells the Queen that the time has come for her to abdicate. She insists that she will be rescued, and that the Senate will soon intervene on her behalf. She tells the Viceroy that she will not be his prisoner for long. The Viceroy says that they will see about that. He tells the guards to take her to a more appropriate cell, noting that in a more austere and isolated space, the Queen may become more cooperative. The Queen insists one final time that she will be rescued as she’s led away.

Well, at least as sketched out, this has a nice parallel feeling to the opening of the original Star Wars movie, though the Viceroy makes a poor substitute for Vader....hmm, Darth Maul instead?:rolleyes:

The film cuts to a small ship approaching the blockaded planet. The film quickly cuts to a shot the interior of that ship, where we see a Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi sitting next to the pilot. Kenobi tells the pilot that he senses some apprehension in him, and wonders whether he’ll be able to actually land the ship or not. The pilot replies that he’s fine; he’ll get Kenobi to the Queen. The film cuts to the exterior. As the ship approaches the blockade it comes under fire. The film returns to the interior, where Obi-Wan is asking the pilot whether he can evade the enemy fire. The pilot replies that he’ll try, but he isn’t making any promises, he mentions that he’s never seen a Federation blockade this tight before. The film cuts to the exterior where we see the effect of the pilot’s efforts to escape the barrage. No matter which direction or approach he takes, the ship is under attack.

Hmmm, this sounds a bit familiar....;)

Finally the ship is seen retreating. The film cuts back to the interior, where Obi-Wan is complaining to the pilot, telling him that he’s now flying it away from Naboo. The pilot claims that he had no choice but to retreat, otherwise the ship, and everything in it, would have been destroyed. The pilot outright claims that only the best pilot in the galaxy could have evaded the blockade.

Ah, a very nice foreshadow there, and of course a nice what if - this is a blockade only a Skywalker could run!:D

They flee they continue to be pursued. Finally the pilot tells Kenobi that the ship has been damaged considerably, they will not make it to Coruscant. Unfortunately, they will have to land somewhere in the outer rim. Kenobi tells him to land the ship on Tattooine.

But of course!

He says that he hopes they can find a way to reach the Queen in time.

This line seems a bit weak, so far. Let's see how things develop, though....

The film cuts in the ship landing in the desert of Tatooine. Kenobi says that is looks like they’re stranded. As he speaks a even smaller ship, approaches from the distance. When that ship arrives, a 16-17 year old boy exits. He asks if Kenobi’s ship has been damaged. Kenobi tells him that it was, and inquires how the boy knew that it was. The 16-17 year old responds by noting that they would hardly have landed their ship here otherwise. If the ship wasn’t damaged it would have been landed in one of the ports.

Nice intro.

He assures Kenobi that he’s a bit of a mechanic, and that he might be able to fix it.

Ah, a little nod to Lucas' vision of genius mechanic Buddha Anakin.:p

He tells Kenobi and the pilot that he can provide food and shelter for them on the farm where he lives. He tells them that they can come back with him, unless they’d prefer to sleep on their damaged ship. Obi-Wan and the pilot agree to do so. The boy introduces himself as Anakin Skywalker. The three enter into Anakin’s ship.

Okay.

The pilot tells Obi-Wan that they will have to be careful, as Tattoine is crawling with Federation spies.

I would maybe tweak this a bit, to Obi-Wan noting that there are parts of Tatooine where the scum of the galaxy congregate and would sell them out to the Federation in a heartbeat.

The film cuts back to Naboo, where the Viceroy is having a holographic conference with a mysterious cloaked figure. The Viceroy tells this man that everything is going to plan. Naboo has been taken, and the Queen will cooperate soon enough. The figure says that the situation is good, and he tells the Viceroy that he has acted well, and that he will soon receive the fruits of his labors. He then asks whether the Federation successfully disposed of “The Jedi” referring to Obi-Wan Kenobi. Smiling the Viceroy says that they’ve chased him off. The figure adopts an angry tone and condemns the Viceroy for failing to kill the Jedi. Darth Maul appears next to Sidious in the hologram. Sidious tells the Viceroy that this is his apprentice, Darth Maul, and that he will rectify the Viceroy’s unfortunate oversight.

I see where you are going with this. However, I would take a slightly different tack, having Maul present in the flesh and acting as intermediary between the Viceroy and Darth Sidious. But this can work as well.

The film cuts to Anakin, Obi-Wan and the pilot, flying in Anakin’s ship. Anakin demonstrates his skill as a pilot, much to the horror of his passengers. Yes, this is a desert, but Anakin should be able to show just what he is capable of.

That seems unlikely. What piloting challenge will he have there.

When they arrive at his home. The Pilot asks who taught Anakin to fly like that. Anakin responds that he taught himself. Anakin then turns to Obi-Wan and asks what brings a Jedi out to Tattooine. Obi-Wan asks how Anakin knows he’s a Jedi. Anakin smiles and says that some things, you just know. It’s meant to be deliberately unclear whether he knows this because he’s using the force, or because he’s seen Obi-Wan’s Lightsaber.

I agree with this approach. Keep it vague!

Anakin repeats his question to Obi-Wan Kenobi who tells him that he’s on a mission to rescue the Queen of Naboo. He explains the whole invasion situation as succinctly as he possibly can. Anakin doesn’t accept the quick answer. Gradually, Anakin guides Obi-Wan into painting a more romantic, idealistic, portrait of what he’s set out to do. Finally, smiling, Obi-Wan tells Anakin that he’s a Jedi, and that it’s his job to protect everyone in the galaxy.

This part seems a bit hard to portray. Just have Kenobi describe what he needs to do and why it needs doing, and have Anakin clearly interested and his imagination fired by the way he looks and the questions he asks and comments he makes.

The trio enters Anakin’s home where we see Anakin’s mother and sister Beru sitting down for dinner. The trio joins them at Anakin’s mother’s invitation, and they proceed to eat. Eventually Anakin’s mother asks him who Obi-Wan and the pilot are. Anakin merely says that they were on a ship that crashed in the desert. He saw them from a distance, and felt compelled to save them. Beru teases Anakin about this, essentially claiming that “Anie” might be too altruistic for his own good. She tells him he’ll run into trouble one of these days.

Personally, I like it. Altruism leads to Fascism and Fascism leads to the Dark Side!:D

At this moment another man enters the home. He apologizes for being late, defending himself by saying that his work took him longer than he expected. He looks at Obi-Wan Kenobi, and it is clear that both of these men recognize each other. After an awkward silence, Owen Lars asks if Obi-Wan has finally come home. Hoping to break the tension, Anakin asks how they know each other. Owen Lars tells him that the runaway is his brother. Anakin asks for confirmation from Obi-Wan, who confirms that he is indeed Owen’s brother. The two other Skywalkers then excuse themselves from this awkward situation. Owen walks away with Beru.

Sorry, but this doesn't work for me. This is too coincidental. It is one thing for an Owen who has a relation with the Skywalkers and with Kenobi to introduce/connect them. It is another for him to just happen to walk in and just happen to know them. Better to at some point while waiting for repairs to have Kenobi say there is someone he needs to see, and have Kenobi go to Owen. Maybe if Anakin is otherwise occupied, Beru can offer to drive Kenobi to his location, and of course Kenobi goes to his old home, has his confrontation with his younger half-brother Owen. Kenobi can introduce Beru and Owen. If you want Owen to have more screen time, have Beru impulsively invite him to another meal at the Skywalker Ranch (we're still using that joke, right?).

He then asks Anakin if he was telling the truth when he said he could repair the ship. Anakin responds that he could certainly give it a try. Obi-Wan says that they might not have very much time. He reminds Anakin that the Federation is chasing after them, and out in the outer rims, they can be killed with impunity. Anakin simply tells Obi-Wan to get into his ship, and he’ll procure the materials he might need to repair the ship. Obi-Wan and the pilot depart.

Okay.

Anakin does exactly as he said he would, and goes into a shed or something similar with an array of tools to help to fix the ship. As he’s gathering material, Owen comes inside. Owen asks Anakin what he’s doing. The other Skywalkers are looking for him. Anakin tells Owen to take good care of Beru and his mother for him. He’s leaving to help Obi-Wan Kenobi save Queen Amidala. Owen tells him that he’s talking nonsense, that he’s let Obi-Wan’s foolishness go to his head. He tells Anakin that he’s needed here; his mother and sister need him. Anakin replies that they’ll have Owen to take care of them. And besides, the Queen of Naboo needs his help too. He rhetorically asks if Owen thinks she doesn’t deserve his protection and aid. Owen tells Anakin that he will not allow him to leave. He says that he will not allow Anakin to abandon his family the way Obi-Wan did. In a brief angry moment, Anakin declares is not his father and should stop pretending to be him. Owen concedes that he can’t force Anakin to stay, but he begs him to reconsider, for Beru and Schmi’s sake.

Ah, this scene again! It's a good one, but works better if Owen indeed is the one who knows the Skywalkers first. I think you need to scrap Anakin finding them in the desert if you want to keep this subplot, and I would keep it now that I think about it further.

Hmmm, on third thought - could also have Anakin be a little more heavy on the hinting that he had some sort of foreknowledge of Obi-Wan's arrival and a connection. Thus, of all his family, Anakin should not be surprised at all when Owen turns out to be Obi-Wan's half-brother. Basically, Anakin should have 'known' that Owen's brother was somewhere in the desert, somehow.

The scene cuts to Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the pilot in the desert. Anakin is repairing the ship. Anakin says that, surprisingly, there isn’t too much wrong with it. He should have it up and running in no time. Obi-Wan and the pilot converse about Anakin while the latter is distracted with repairs. The pilot asks Obi-Wan what he thinks of the kid. Obi-Wan responds that he senses that the force is very strong in him. The pilot says that he’s a talented kid all right; he doesn’t think he could have maneuvered as well as Anakin did when he took them to his farm. The pilot says that he’s embarrassed to admit this, as he doesn’t want to admit to the fact that he was shown up by a “kid.”

You do realize given the amount of exposition he's involved in, you are going to need to flesh out some the character of the pilot. He's going to need a name and a personality. Makes the next scene mean more, anyway.

Anakin announces that he’s very close to being finished when we see a figure on a small ship approaching from the distance. What follows is the first confrontation with Maul. Anakin hides in the ship as Maul kills the pilot, and begins fighting with Obi-Wan. Eventually, Obi-Wan defeats Maul, and enters the ship. The fight scene is shown from Anakin’s perspective, and it is clear that he has been watching the entire fight. He laments the fact that the pilot has been killed, and asks if Anakin can fly a ship like this. Anakin responds that he can certainly give it a try. Smiling, Anakin says that their next stop is Naboo.

Okay, though the smiling bit right after the pilot's been slaughtered is a bit weird. Also, how did Maul find them? On second thought, who cares?:)

The ship lifts, and goes into hyperspace.
The ship arrives back at the blockade. Obi-Wan tells Anakin that landing will be difficult. Anakin proves himself to be a far better pilot than the one who was killed. He actually manages to perfectly evade the blockade, and safely land the ship on the surface of Naboo. When they exit, Obi-Wan asks Anakin how he learned to fly like that. Anakin shrugs and tells Kenobi it just comes naturally for him.

I think you do need to add in some more discussion, if only briefly, between Anakin and Obi-Wan about the Force. This would set up then having the Obi-Wan talk Anakin through using the Force to help him penetrate the defenses around Naboo.

He asks how far away they are from the palace. Kenobi responds that they are a considerable distance, and asks Anakin why he landed the ship so far from the Palace. Anakin tells Obi-Wan that he couldn’t have landed any closer. If he had tried, they both would have been killed.

And why is that?

So, what are you stuck on?
 
Well, let's see what we can do, then, shall we?



Well, at least as sketched out, this has a nice parallel feeling to the opening of the original Star Wars movie, though the Viceroy makes a poor substitute for Vader....hmm, Darth Maul instead?:rolleyes:

The parallel opening was intentional, partially because I think that the opening to that film works very well. Yes, that makes sense. But who would he claim to be while interrogating Padme? Assuming he'd want to keep the cover story that this is entirely a Federation problem alive and not let the Sith thing leak to the Jedi too quickly? Maybe he's posing as some sort of Federation General? Or pretending to be the Viceroy himself?




Ah, a very nice foreshadow there, and of course a nice what if - this is a blockade only a Skywalker could run!:D
Hope it isn't too on the nose.






This line seems a bit weak, so far. Let's see how things develop, though....
I thought it was important to have a ticking clock element to what's happening with Padme. Though that's probably not the best way to establish that. Basically, I don't want it to seem like Obi-Wan could spend years on Tattooine without there being any consequences, which is arguably the impression one gets from the Tattooine scenes in the movie that was made.



Ah, a little nod to Lucas' vision of genius mechanic Buddha Anakin.:p
I figure the best pilot in the galaxy would know a few things about fixing a broken ship. ;)



I would maybe tweak this a bit, to Obi-Wan noting that there are parts of Tatooine where the scum of the galaxy congregate and would sell them out to the Federation in a heartbeat.
Yes, probably works better than what I wrote.



I see where you are going with this. However, I would take a slightly different tack, having Maul present in the flesh and acting as intermediary between the Viceroy and Darth Sidious. But this can work as well.
Just a thought-if Maul's role is expanded, if he's the one confronting the Queen at the beginning, then I don't know if we need to have Sidious involved at all. What if Maul is the one questioning the Viceroy, and when he hears that the blockade failed to kill Kenobi, he announces that he's taking matters into his own hands? That would mean Sidious would have to appear at another point in the film.



That seems unlikely. What piloting challenge will he have there.
Agreed, I wanted to demonstrate Anakin's skill here because I'm cutting and rewriting essentially all of the Tattooine subplot. There won't be a Podrace, so I'm worried Anakin won't be established enough when he takes the reigns on the ship when the pilot dies.







This part seems a bit hard to portray. Just have Kenobi describe what he needs to do and why it needs doing, and have Anakin clearly interested and his imagination fired by the way he looks and the questions he asks and comments he makes.
That works.


Personally, I like it. Altruism leads to Fascism and Fascism leads to the Dark Side!:D
That's the idea, again, I hope it's not too on the nose.



Sorry, but this doesn't work for me. This is too coincidental. It is one thing for an Owen who has a relation with the Skywalkers and with Kenobi to introduce/connect them. It is another for him to just happen to walk in and just happen to know them. Better to at some point while waiting for repairs to have Kenobi say there is someone he needs to see, and have Kenobi go to Owen. Maybe if Anakin is otherwise occupied, Beru can offer to drive Kenobi to his location, and of course Kenobi goes to his old home, has his confrontation with his younger half-brother Owen. Kenobi can introduce Beru and Owen. If you want Owen to have more screen time, have Beru impulsively invite him to another meal at the Skywalker Ranch (we're still using that joke, right?).
Wait, why not have Anakin take Obi-Wan to Owen? That is, when Anakin finds Obi-Wan in the desert, he asks him if he wanted to see anyone in particular on Tattooine. Obi-Wan asks Anakin if he can take him to Owen Lars, and the rest of it follows from there. No, that idea might not work given the fact that it's implied Anakin knows that this is essentially a crash landing. But it might work. My idea was that Owen and Beru's relationship would take away the idea that Owen's appearance is too coincidental, but it probably does make sense if Owen appears first.




Ah, this scene again! It's a good one, but works better if Owen indeed is the one who knows the Skywalkers first. I think you need to scrap Anakin finding them in the desert if you want to keep this subplot, and I would keep it now that I think about it further.

Hmmm, on third thought - could also have Anakin be a little more heavy on the hinting that he had some sort of foreknowledge of Obi-Wan's arrival and a connection. Thus, of all his family, Anakin should not be surprised at all when Owen turns out to be Obi-Wan's half-brother. Basically, Anakin should have 'known' that Owen's brother was somewhere in the desert, somehow.
I like the desert thing because I want to establish Anakin's first appearance to be some kind of altruistic act. I agree with the rest of this.



You do realize given the amount of exposition he's involved in, you are going to need to flesh out some the character of the pilot. He's going to need a name and a personality. Makes the next scene mean more, anyway.
Agreed, I was being lazy. I thought about borrowing the name Panaka for him, but then I decided against it. I agree he would need to be fleshed out a bit more.


Okay, though the smiling bit right after the pilot's been slaughtered is a bit weird. Also, how did Maul find them? On second thought, who cares?:)
In terms of how he found them, off screen he spoke with a few spies or something similar. Personally I'd leave the explanation to the novelization. Point is, Maul was supposed to find them, and he did. My big concern here is that I can't think of a way for Maul to be defeated in this encounter without having Kenobi kill him here.



I think you do need to add in some more discussion, if only briefly, between Anakin and Obi-Wan about the Force. This would set up then having the Obi-Wan talk Anakin through using the Force to help him penetrate the defenses around Naboo.



And why is that?

So, what are you stuck on?


I like the force idea, though I don't know where that conversation would happen. The reason Anakin landed so far from the Palace has to do with the blockade. It was hard enough to land the ship on Naboo, it would be next to impossible to land it near the palace. This has to do with how the blockade is set up, where the greatest strength of that blockade lies, where the Federation troops are congregated on the ground etc. Sorry if it wasn't clear.

Essentially, I'm stuck on the middle. I'm stuck on the first Naboo section of the movie. I'm stuck on the rescue of Queen Amidala.
 

Glen

Moderator
The parallel opening was intentional, partially because I think that the opening to that film works very well. Yes, that makes sense. But who would he claim to be while interrogating Padme? Assuming he'd want to keep the cover story that this is entirely a Federation problem alive and not let the Sith thing leak to the Jedi too quickly? Maybe he's posing as some sort of Federation General? Or pretending to be the Viceroy himself?

I would suggest he be cowled and referred to as 'Lord Maul' by an accompanying Viceroy, with Maul clearly providing our sense of menace.

Hope it isn't too on the nose.
I think it is fine.

I thought it was important to have a ticking clock element to what's happening with Padme. Though that's probably not the best way to establish that. Basically, I don't want it to seem like Obi-Wan could spend years on Tattooine without there being any consequences, which is arguably the impression one gets from the Tattooine scenes in the movie that was made.

Agree with that. In fact, at one point you can have Obi-Wan ask Anakin if he can go any faster as they have no time to waste, prompting some fancy driving from Anakin.

BTW at some point in the desert you could have the Tusken Raiders try to cut them off at some pass to rob them and Anakin do some trick piloting again showing off his skill.

More later.
 
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I would suggest he be cowled and referred to as 'Lord Maul' by an accompanying Viceroy, with Maul clearly providing our sense of menace.
My concern with Maul is that I think the hidden nature of the Sith is an important element of the film's plot. It's one of the things that, on paper at least, actually works about the movie that was made. My concern essentially is that it might be difficult for Maul to make a major appearance without ruining the idea that the Jedi have no idea that the Sith are back. In other words, I worried whether or not Maul can appear, without his status as a Sith being immediately obvious to the Queen and her court, and consequently, the Jedi.
 

Glen

Moderator
My concern with Maul is that I think the hidden nature of the Sith is an important element of the film's plot. It's one of the things that, on paper at least, actually works about the movie that was made. My concern essentially is that it might be difficult for Maul to make a major appearance without ruining the idea that the Jedi have no idea that the Sith are back. In other words, I worried whether or not Maul can appear, without his status as a Sith being immediately obvious to the Queen and her court, and consequently, the Jedi.

I have no such concern. Maul, in my opinion, could easily disguise his true identity to anyone who was not a Force Sensitive, but maybe even then. If Palpatine can hide in plain sight on Coruscant, surely Maul can appear as a 'powerful ally' of the Federation without anyone being the wiser, so long as he does not publically flash a lightsaber type weapon or use the Force outright.
 

Glen

Moderator
And now for the more later...

I figure the best pilot in the galaxy would know a few things about fixing a broken ship. ;)

Maybe, maybe not. Personally, I don't want Anakin to have mechanical aptitude - otherwise he just has too many different abilities, not to mention I think it more ironic to have him become half machine if he has no love or skill with machinery prior to his transformation.

Yes, probably works better than what I wrote.

If it is use, use it, if not, no worries!

Just a thought-if Maul's role is expanded, if he's the one confronting the Queen at the beginning, then I don't know if we need to have Sidious involved at all. What if Maul is the one questioning the Viceroy, and when he hears that the blockade failed to kill Kenobi, he announces that he's taking matters into his own hands?

This is how I would handle it. Gives Maul a more prominent role, and is more likely in my opinion than trying to run everything through hologram.

That would mean Sidious would have to appear at another point in the film.

Yes. But for the first movie I would keep those interactions between Maul and Sidious - or even consider not seeing Sidious until the second movie, with his existence only hinted at in the first one. Of course, then you need to name the first episode something other than The Phantom Menace.

Agreed, I wanted to demonstrate Anakin's skill here because I'm cutting and rewriting essentially all of the Tattooine subplot. There won't be a Podrace, so I'm worried Anakin won't be established enough when he takes the reigns on the ship when the pilot dies.

You can do some of that (see my previous post), but you can also throw in some sort of off-hand comment about Anakin's piloting skills in other venues, similar to what was done for Luke in Star Wars.

That's the idea, again, I hope it's not too on the nose.

Again, I think it is fine.

Wait, why not have Anakin take Obi-Wan to Owen? That is, when Anakin finds Obi-Wan in the desert, he asks him if he wanted to see anyone in particular on Tattooine. Obi-Wan asks Anakin if he can take him to Owen Lars, and the rest of it follows from there. No, that idea might not work given the fact that it's implied Anakin knows that this is essentially a crash landing. But it might work. My idea was that Owen and Beru's relationship would take away the idea that Owen's appearance is too coincidental, but it probably does make sense if Owen appears first.

See my previous comments on how to handle the Anakin/Owen connection and Obi-Wan discovery. However, it can't be purely coincidental that Anakin finds Obi-Wan and Owen knows the Skywalkers. You could just use the Force as a plot device here (probably should use more anyway) as I previously alluded to. Maybe Anakin just 'felt' that there was someone, someone close to Owen, out in the desert who needed him. It was that sense that led him to the downed ship, and Obi-Wan (who Anakin already has heard of from Owen).

I like the desert thing because I want to establish Anakin's first appearance to be some kind of altruistic act. I agree with the rest of this.

Okay.

Agreed, I was being lazy. I thought about borrowing the name Panaka for him, but then I decided against it. I agree he would need to be fleshed out a bit more.

Why not Panaka if you aren't using it for some other character?

In terms of how he found them, off screen he spoke with a few spies or something similar. Personally I'd leave the explanation to the novelization. Point is, Maul was supposed to find them, and he did.

Actually, you could show some shady type spotting Obi-Wan and then putting in a call to the Federation. Show another scene with Maul being informed that they have word of the Jedi, with Maul saying something like 'finally' and that he will take care of this personally.

My big concern here is that I can't think of a way for Maul to be defeated in this encounter without having Kenobi kill him here.

Reinforcements.

Maybe have Maul arriving just as Kenobi is believed to be leaving, and he jumps on some sort of hovercycle or something to stop or at least slow down Kenobi. Obi-Wan essentially defeats Maul, but the Federation droids are seen fast approaching and Anakin is yelling that the ship is ready, for Kenobi to get on now. Obi-Wan is basically forced to leave Maul behind to get aboard the ship before they are surrounded and overwhelmed.

I like the force idea, though I don't know where that conversation would happen.

Oh, once you get to the point of writing in detail, I'm sure you'll find someplace.

The reason Anakin landed so far from the Palace has to do with the blockade. It was hard enough to land the ship on Naboo, it would be next to impossible to land it near the palace. This has to do with how the blockade is set up, where the greatest strength of that blockade lies, where the Federation troops are congregated on the ground etc. Sorry if it wasn't clear.

Okay.

Essentially, I'm stuck on the middle. I'm stuck on the first Naboo section of the movie. I'm stuck on the rescue of Queen Amidala.

Then borrow, my friend. Basically play it out similarly to how the movie did OTL for the run-up to the rescue of Padme. Obi-Wan will fill the role Qui-Gon did IOTL and Anakin the role of Obi-Wan, essentially. Have them land in the swamp, work their way towards Coruscant, dodging Federation forces, encountering Jar Jar (I'd take him more my direction than the OTL direction), going to the underwater Gungan city to access the underwater passage (it doesn't have to be through the 'core' of the planet, that's just silly) into the city proper, etc., etc. - just make it better.
 

Glen

Moderator
While this link to John Hodgeman's ideas for The Phantom Menace was in the OP for the thread that inspired this thread, I didn't actually listen to it until just now, and I was somewhat surprised how many parallels it had to things that I came up with, Glass Onion came up with, and others. BTW, two ideas of his than none of us used but are pretty cool are Naboo as a sunken city and Gungans as 'Force Bloodhounds' and thus needed to find this new concentration in the Force, AKA Anakin (a teenager, of course).
 

Glen

Moderator
Even though both myself and Glass Onion have gone on different tangents, I have continued thinking of a minimalist approach to salvaging Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Some things have been mentioned, some things are inspired by Glass Onion and my own prequel ideas, and some are perhaps new.

  • Only use bluescreen and CGI for scenes that absolutely require it to be pulled off. All others should be shot on location when able, or on sets.
  • Obi-Wan is not a Padawan, but a Knight, trained by Yoda.
  • Qui-Gon is a Jedi Master, with Obi-Wan assigned to work with him.
  • Convert Trade Federation to Separatist Confederation.
  • All scenes with Separatists and Darth Sidious are converted to Darth Maul, either live or by hologram. Darth Sidious only seen communicating directly with Darth Maul.
  • Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are on a mission to extract the Queen of Naboo, not negotiate.
  • Convert scene with them trying to negotiate to trying to stow away on board ships bound for the planet to get around blockade.
  • Get rid of Neimoidians' accent.
  • Make Droids intimidating, not cute. Never say 'Roger, Roger'.
  • Gungans either speak normally or in alien language, never that made up baby talk.
  • Jar-Jar is not an idiot, can still be comic to a degree, but should have some skills, especially being able to pilot a Bongo. Recast with a good comedian. Should not be exiled for clumsiness, but some unspecified faux pas.
  • They go through a subterranean underwater pathway as a secret entrance into Theed, not the planet's core.
  • Amidala's disguised handmaiden is captured in her place allowing them to escape (this way the disguise actually serves the plot).
  • Jar-Jar stays on the planet as part of buying them time to escape.
  • Padme doesn't clean up R2, R2 is never mentioned by designation in Obi-Wan's presence.
  • Obi-Wan suggests they divert to Tatooine, and is the one who knows it it controled by the Hutts, because he is originally from Tatooine.
  • Obi-Wan and Padme are the ones to go into town to arrange for repairs.
  • Anakin is a teenager (recast with a good teen actor).
  • Owen and Beru are also teenagers.
  • Owen is Obi-Wan's younger half-brother, and doesn't approve of Obi-Wan having left their family behind.
  • Beru is Anakin's sister.
  • Owen and Beru are a couple, but not yet married.
  • Owen introduces Obi-Wan to Anakin who is a great local pilot and mechanic (and thus can help with their ship).
  • The Skywalkers are not slaves - it is awkward to the plot.
  • There are no metachlorians. Obi-Wan can just feel how strong Anakin is in the force.
  • There is no mention of a virgin birth.
  • There is no mention of a prophesy.
  • There is no Jedi-impervious Watto.
  • Anakin is not building C-3PO.
  • Change the bet to offering the ship (which is still worth money) as stakes for a bet on Anakin winning the upcoming pod race.
  • Make the pod race three dimensional, involving actual flight (he's a pilot, not a charioteer).
  • Obi-Wan recruits Anakin to come with them to become a Jedi. Owen argues against him leaving on some crusade with Obi-Wan.
  • The plan to infiltrate and liberate Naboo is made before Anakin can be taken before the Jedi Council.
  • Anakin insists they will need the best pilot they can get, and Obi-Wan believes he is their best chance to get through the blockade.
  • Simplify fight for Naboo. Jar-Jar takes active part in the fight but not as a General.
  • Qui-Gon doesn't have Obi-Wan swear anything, he doesn't need to.
  • It will appear that Darth Maul dies (cut in twain as per OTL), but he will be back.
  • At very end, Anakin brought before the Jedi Council.
  • Yoda is not there when Anakin is brought before the Jedi Council. The debate is over whether he is too old to be trained. No mention is made of fear at this point.
  • Anakin asks that Obi-Wan train him, as he doesn't want to be sent away to some distant planet. Obi-Wan agrees, and the Council acknowledges his right to train him based on old tradition.
 
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Glen

Moderator
So a quick update - just watched Episode I again.

First, lowered expectations help - as does watching it with a nine year old.

Overall, Episode I actually can work as an okay children's movie. It does not work as a Star Wars Epic.

I was less offended by it this time round.

Some of the things that annoyed me this time round, however.

The scene pacing and editing, specifically in the first part of the movie set on Naboo. It is WAAAY too rushed. They waste a lot of scene potential by giving them no time to play out. It's all a rush to get to Tatooine, more or less, and that is a shame. This part needs to slow down.

The Queen's voice/Decoy's voice, that fake low voice, pseudo accent, whatever, gotta go. It is annoying. They sound like drones. Just have them speak normally.

Lose the weird voices for the Trade Federation and the Gungans - either have them speak English, or have them speak some alien language, but not this put on crap.

Give Jar-Jar some sort of meaningful character traits, not just a walking jinx.

Still get rid of 'Planet's Core' as a concept.

Did I mention yet that the Tatooine scenes need to be cut down? Balance in scene pacing would be good here. Still would 86 the virgin birth and metachlorians stuff. Also, Anakin is a little annoying at times, tone down the whining.

More later.
 
I know this is probably going to be locked because of the bump, but I have a proposal that I have on my mind, all having to do with Roman Numerals, and the assumption that Lucas' claims to have figured it all out ahead of time are false. When the Empire Strikes Back was originally in preproduction it was titled Star Wars II, and at the time Lucas and company had no concrete plans to do prequels. So what if, as was perhaps only vaguely possible, Empire Strikes Back was Episode II?

Now that might well mean no prequels at all, but there is another possibility. If Lucas has the urge to tell Anakin's story, he could still do so under a trilogy labeled "The Clone Wars" and that title change might be enough for at least a small improvement, it might be enough to convince Lucas to set the first film in the context of a larger conflict, thereby increasing the tension, and the stakes, and introducing a long term visible antagonist as a representative of "the enemy" in that war.

Of course Lucas is still Lucas, the films will likely still have considerable faults, but the addition, from the beginning of an overarching conflict, could only improve things.
 
Obi Wan and Qui Gon operating both as Jedi; Obi Wan as a Jedi Knight, Qui Gon as a Jedi Master (like the idea of Qui Gon as a bit unorthodox and being a bit at odds with the Council, makes for more interesting Jedi; there's competing philosophies and the Jedi are at a stage in their history where 'the old ways' are being challenged by Masters like Qui Gon).

Have it start out as a diplomatic mission, but don't make the TF guys such a bunch of transparently evil buffoons. Instead, either make them cunning or, and here's a novel idea for a guy who has one of the main protagonists of the prequel trilogy scream "ONLY THE SITH DEAL IN ABSOLUTES!", have the TF guys voicing some legitimate concerns and problems with The Republic; corruption was supposed to be rampant? THERE! Have the TF guys pissed off about HOW that corruption is damaging not only to their business, but also to commerce throughout The Republic on the whole; graft, patronage, 'special favors' from Senators on the take to the highest bidder, conflicting trade regulation for different syndicates or guilds or what have you.

Truth be told, from what I've read of them in EU literature, Duro and Corellia were the two largest space faring cultures in The Republic and, as a product of their prodigious starship construction, had become massive commercial trade powers. Here's where Lucas should have borrowed from an EU source and made conflicts between two rival trade organizations (one headed by Corellia, the other by Duro) as the flashpoint for conflict.

Instead of having Padme as Queen of Naboo, have her as the daughter of some Viceroy from Corellia. Keeps the nobility and high value target factors, ditches the whole elected Queen crap. Have Palpy be the head of the Corellian delegation to The Senate (which would tie in NICELY to Corellia being the Empire's warship farm in TOT) and have him SUBTLY orchestrate a shooting war between the Corellian led federation and the Duro led federation...and then let both sides suck in Status Quo Loyalists and Anti-Status Quo Secessionists. KEEP IT GRAY as to 'who's right/who's wrong' and create a nice symmetry within the story between the political divisions within the Republic and the philosophical differences within the Jedi Order.

Give Obi Wan and Qui Gon a good reason to evacuate Padme from Corellia; either a foiled assassination attempt or, better still, a successful assassination of her father, the Viceroy. (This would make her the Viceroy, for the sake of simplifying things and the assassins failed to get both her AND her father in the attack.) At the same time, make it ambiguous as to whether or not Duro was really behind it...

Off to Tatooine and hiding out in The Outter Rim, rather than broken down spacecraft. Have C3PO and R2D2 as Padme's droids. They're going for the ride.

While on Tatooine, hiding out and trying to figure out what really happened on Corellia, have Obi Wan meet a young tech/mechanic/pilot by the name of Anakin Skywalker. Make him around Luke's age in Episode IV. Have him living with his brother in-law, Owen Lars, and give them some depth to their relationship and how they don't always see eye to eye. (Y'know, ACTUALLY make Luke a blood relation to Owen and Beru. Beru is Anakin's sister.)

Owen's a farmer, Anakin makes his money as an aircraft/spacecraft mechanic in places like Anchorhead and Mos Eisley, has a T-16 (or precursor craft) that he uses for odd jobs, from carrying mail and small cargo to the outlying settlements and vice versa, transporting the occasional fare and racing.

Anakin makes most of his money doing the other jobs, but is really becoming a hell of a competition pilot for some sort of high speed airspeeder circuit.

Enter Obi Wan, while looking for information on the local goings on and have him meet Anakin. Give them a good reason for Anakin to give Obi Wan a lift in his airspeeder and even better reasons for displaying his incredible flying skills.

"When I first met him, your father was already a great pilot. But I was amazed how strongly the Force was with him."

THERE! Make that statement from 'Jedi' make sense! Oh wait, THAT WOULD!

Have Obi Wan speak of the matter with Qui Gon. Then, have an airspeeder race where Qui Gon gets a good look at Anakin's skills but also a good feel for how strong The Force is with him.

Anakin meets Padme, yadda-yadda-yadda, romantic tension blooms between the two as the film progresses, sets the stage for conflict later.

Internal conflict within Anakin.

Moving along, find a good reason for Anakin to accompany the Jedi and Padme from Tatooine to Coruscant.

On Coruscant, have Padme reunited with Palpy and claim her rights as Viceroy, etc... while Obi Wan and Qui Gon argue over whether or not to take Anakin before The Council; Obi Wan believes they should because he believes they have to. Qui Gon has doubts as to how well the Council will handle such a potentially powerful figure and even graver doubts about how training Anakin in 'the old way' may pan out; Anakin's much older than any Jedi candidate in thousands of years and already has formed his own opinions of life and the things around him; he's not a child and it would be nearly impossible for The Council, so set in their ways, NOT to treat him like one. Qui Gon recognizes that such treatment could seriously blow up in The Council's faces. He believes his philosophy of The Living Force and the method he would train Anakin in would be far better suited to such a naturally Force attuned pupil and an adult at that.

Obi Wan ultimately agrees (Qui Gon did train him, after all and he's turned out none the worse for it) and they keep Anakin a bit of a secret...until Yoda and Mace Windu confront them about Anakin.

Here you can illustrate the clash of philosophies with Qui Gon on the one hand and Mace as the more traditional Jedi Master on the other.

Meanwhile, you can give Yoda quite a bit of depth by having him mediate the debate between the two Masters, taking both sides POVs into consideration and pointing out the merits of both Master's arguments.

A conflicted Yoda could be VERY useful for the rest of the prequel trilogy, as it would certainly go a long way towards explaining how Palpy and the other Sith were able to operate under his nose; he's trying to hold the order together, at a time when it's in almost an internal crisis of it's own. Make it known that Qui Gon isn't the only Master subscribing to Qui Gon's new philosophy and other Masters advocating other, non-traditional philosophies.

Throughout this, he's also weighing the arguments of both the traditionalists and the reformers (for lack of a better term) and just which direction The Jedi should proceed in. Make Yoda fully aware of just how vulnerable the internal corruption and erosion of principles within the Republic have made the Republic susceptible to a major upheaval...one that already seems to be starting with the happenings between Coruscant and Duro. At the same time, The Jedi Council is trying to determine just what their place IS in the Republic, especially if the current situation devolves into a civil war.

So Padme has made her claim as Viceroy and is recognized as such. NOW, she needs to return to Corellia as a show of strength.

Have Palpy encourage it and then make a big, moving speech that makes him look good and like a great candidate for Chancellor (maybe even have him spring a previously laid trap for the current Chancellor that allows him to reveal the Chancellor as being guilty of something that either gets him a vote of no confidence or out and outright arrested for corruption or worse) and have Obi Wan stumble into his first fight with Darth Maul, ultimately rescued by Qui Gon.

Both are stunned by the revelation of a Sith, but keep the question of 'Master or Apprentice?' in there. DO NOT MAKE PALPY SEEM LIKE ANYTHING OTHER THAN JUST ANOTHER OPPORTUNISTIC CAREER POLITICIAN WITH GRAND SCHEMES IN THE FIRST EPISODE!

Sure, everybody who's seen the originals knows who he is, but make it a mystery for people not familiar with TOT and subtle enough for those who are to be a compelling view of just HOW Palp became Emperor.

Have Padme and a force of Corellian warships go to some disputed planet (the big bone of contention between Corellia and Duro) for a face to face, with Qui Gon and Obi Wan in tow. Also, with Anakin volunteering to go along too.

For the movie's climax, have the battle split two ways: Space battle (where Anakin, flying as a volunteer starfighter pilot distinguishes himself as both brave and cunning...Obi Wan says in Ep. IV that he was "...a cunning warrior, and a good friend.") between the Corellian and Duro squadrons and a battle on the surface between the Duro forces (and Maul, secretly) and the Corellians (and the two Jedi).

Ultimately, have Qui Gon and Maul break off from the main battle and have their showdown.

Make the fight GOOD, with plenty of illustration of how Jedi and Sith use The Force differently, but also how Qui Gon's use of The Living Force causes overlap between the two.

Maul bests Qui Gon, Obi Wan helps the Corellians win a decisive victory over the Duro on the ground, Anakin helps the Corellians win a decisive victory in the space battle and then Obi Wan takes off after Maul, they have a good fight and Obi Wan wins...by embracing his anger, but channeling it, in a way that Qui Gon has taught him too, to create conditions for victory without succumbing to The Dark Side.

End of the film, have Qui Gon's funeral and Obi Wan tells Anakin that he will train him, meaning at the time that he intends to train him as Qui Gon wanted to train him.

From there, you've set up:

The inevitable love affair between Anakin and Padme.

The inevitable confusion within the Jedi Order that causes Anakin to become disillusioned with both sides of the divide...and pushes him towards something...clearer.

The Civil War, fall of the Republic and rise of Palpatine from Chancellor to Dictator to Emperor and the collapse of the Jedi as traditionalist side with the Republic and reformers side with the Secessionists, thus splitting the order and creating even more turmoil and confusion for someone like Anakin, as the next two films progress, until, ultimately, he's become a Sith in all but name by the middle of Ep. III.

And then he does because he blames Mace and the traditionalists for taking sides, thus plunging the Jedi into their own civil war, even going so far as to blame the schism for the death of Qui Gon and the growing rift between himself and Obi Wan.

That and for forcing him to repress his feelings, which, by that point has created a rift between himself and Padme.

But now we're just getting into ways to improve the whole prequel trilogy.
 
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