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You may or may not have heard of English as She Is Spoke, a notoriously bad Portuguese phrasebook (which can be read here) written by a man named Pedro Carolino but falsely credited to another one named José da Fonseca, who wrote a more more accurate phrasebook. The book contains gems like "I have mind to vomit" and "to craunch a marmoset", like something out of LolCats or Backstroke of the West. Its all hilarious, but what if it were an actual language? Your goal, with a POD of 1000 BCE, is to turn the language into an actual one, whether its a language is simply uses the same grammatical structure as it (and doesn't have to be in english or even indo-european) or otherwise.