AHC: Make English as She Is Spoke an actual language

You may or may not have heard of English as She Is Spoke, a notoriously bad Portuguese phrasebook (which can be read here) written by a man named Pedro Carolino but falsely credited to another one named José da Fonseca, who wrote a more more accurate phrasebook. The book contains gems like "I have mind to vomit" and "to craunch a marmoset", like something out of LolCats or Backstroke of the West. Its all hilarious, but what if it were an actual language? Your goal, with a POD of 1000 BCE, is to turn the language into an actual one, whether its a language is simply uses the same grammatical structure as it (and doesn't have to be in english or even indo-european) or otherwise.
 
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Poor* English, with a Portuguese influence and substratum?

Easy, it’s an Anglo-Portuguese creole spoken in some Caribbean nation where control of the island passed from one colonizer to the other, likely from Portugal to England.

*Many creoles are popularly considered to just be “poor” versions of whatever language the colonizer spoke, even though it’s untrue and creoles are just as complex as any other language.
 
Colonial creole seems the most likely alternative.

Huh, this reminds me of an idea I had this week for a future language: English spoken with Portuguese grammatical structures and phonemes AKA Joel Santana English.

The funny thing is that I think this language could totally work. I think that in practice it would be English spoken phonetically, but the phonemes are all from portuguese and it borrows many words, of course.

For example, let me rewrite the previous phrase:

De fâni ting is dat aie tinqui dis lenguaje coud tottely uork. Ai tinqui dat in préquitice it uold bi englich ispoquen foneticali, bat da fonêmes ari ou de português end it emprestas meni uords, ofi corce.
 
Colonial creole seems the most likely alternative.

Huh, this reminds me of an idea I had this week for a future language: English spoken with Portuguese grammatical structures and phonemes AKA Joel Santana English.

The funny thing is that I think this language could totally work. I think that in practice it would be English spoken phonetically, but the phonemes are all from portuguese and it borrows many words, of course.

For example, let me rewrite the previous phrase:

De fâni ting is dat aie tinqui dis lenguaje coud tottely uork. Ai tinqui dat in préquitice it uold bi englich ispoquen foneticali, bat da fonêmes ari ou de português end it emprestas meni uords, ofi corce.

Honestly, this (and honestly, the link by the OP) could be how the dialect spoken in @Witch0Winter Brazil timeline might evolve at the working class level; what with an initial Portuguese colonization, but relatively early transfer to English control and eventual settlement.
 
Now by modern day I can't see Portuguese influence on phonology standing out too much*, but certainly would affect spelling a la Webster's system for American English, only in South America and with that given substrate. And of course some vocabulary (probably as much lingua geral/Tupi via Portuguese as much as Portuguese itself) would be imbedded in common use.

*Not saying there wouldn't be Portuguese sound influence at all, but that it'd blend into the background with other non-Anglo influences as a generalized set of characteristics. To be honest, I'd picture the dialect to sound most similar to West Indies/Caribbean English if we're going by OTL ears, though of a distinctive kind (using the closest to OTL "Lusophone diaspora-meets-English in the tropics-meets-large African population" rubric I could find).
 
Honestly, this (and honestly, the link by the OP) could be how the dialect spoken in @Witch0Winter Brazil timeline might evolve at the working class level; what with an initial Portuguese colonization, but relatively early transfer to English control and eventual settlement.

Sounds like an interesting timeline, but I have a deeply-seated aversion to "English Brazil" timelines, because of all the whole "English/Dutch Brazil would be a first-world country" hurr de durr any brazilian with interest in history has to tolerate, and because its a common AH cliche too.
 
Sounds like an interesting timeline, but I have a deeply-seated aversion to "English Brazil" timelines, because of all the whole "English/Dutch Brazil would be a first-world country" hurr de durr any brazilian with interest in history has to tolerate, and because its a common AH cliche too.

It is? News to me, the link I posted is the only TL I've seen that posits such a notion. I do agree that an alternate settling country doesn't make it automatically first world (as much as I despise geographical determinism, that part of South America is more challenging to "tame" than, say, Australia or the U.S.), to be frank I imagine an Anglo *Brazil to be perhaps less Jim Crow-y (not a high bar to beat) but otherwise more like the rural Southern US in economic/social terms than any straight OTL USA analogue...so possible middle power, sure, but certainly no more a first-world nation than OTL Brazil (which I think has the capacity to be at least a great power, which I've seen alluded to in some TLs).

I really like the idea personally, mostly just out of my deep contempt for the AH cliché of "the English can only ever settle North America pre-1800, proceed to be bigger dicks to Natives and slaves than literally any other colonial power ever, swear to God it's true". Still, if that trope you mentioned pops up that often, I can see that rankling as well.
 
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1000 BCE PoD, well shit it's hard to do a direct cause and effect here.

But I love the idea and the book, a favorite of mine is that it lists "the wolf" amongst "sea creatures".
 
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