AHC: 100 Silly Wars

Based on this thread, the challenge is to come up with as many explanations for each war on this list. If and when all of these get explained, then another list will be made. Bonus points for plausibility.

Code:
Duke Sebastian's Conflict
Emperor Kazuo's Revolution
Emperor William's Conquest
Fifth Venetian Civil War
First Peruvian Revolt
First Venetian Civil War
Fourth Indonesian Civil War
Fourth Mexican Civil War
King Kenzo's War
Prince Leslie's Revolution
Queen Isabella's War
Sister Zara's Campaign
The American and Martian War
The Arctic and Pacific War
The Arctic-Venusian Revolt
The Atlantis Campaign
The Belgian-Australian Revolution
The Belgian-Dutch War
The Belgian-Dutch War of Acquisition
The Brazilian-Spanish War of Petulance
The Dutch-Vietnamese Jihad
The Fourth Melanesian-Russian Revolution
The German-Singaporean War of Independence
The Indonesian Battle
The Lunar Battle
The Lunar-Melanesian War
The Norwegian and German War
The Pan-Antarctic Conflict
The Pan-German Conflict
The Pan-Japanese Revolt
The Pan-Syrian War
The Peruvian-Danish Conflict
The Russian and Danish War
The Sardinia War
The Singaporean-Arctic War
The Sixty Years' Revolution
The Syrian and Sudanese War
The Three Years' Revolt
The Twenty-Four Days' War
The War of Australian Conversion
The War of Chinese Subjection
The War of Danish Attrition
The War of German Petulance
Third Swedish Campaign
War of Kaneko's Coattails
War of Lawrence's Button
War of Lian's Magic Wand
War of Matilda's Magic Wand
War of Philip's Flag
War of Susannah's Wheatfield
  Fifth Melanesian Civil War
King Smith's Campaign
Lady Ashley's Campaign
Saint Kenzo's Conquest
The American-Chinese War of Acquisition
The Antarctic Conflict
The Appalachians War
The Atlantic and Korean War
The Atlantic-Arctic War of Expansion
The Australian and Finnish War
The Australian-Sudanese War
The Bora Bora War
The Centauri Conflict
The Finnish-Afghan Crusade
The First British-Chinese Jihad
The First Venetian-Melanesian Battle
The Five Days' Conflict
The French-Irish War of Expansion
The French-Korean War
The Korean-Irish War of Reconquest
The Martian-American War of Conversion
The Martian-Swedish War of Entitlement
The Palestinian Revolution
The Pan-Swedish Crusade
The Peruvian-Atlantic Revolution
The Peruvian-Martian War
The Red Sea Crusade
The Shetland Islands Revolution
The Syrian and Finnish War
The Thirty-Seven Days' Revolt
The Twenty-Nine Years' Revolution
The Upper Volta Jihad
The Venusian-Dutch Revolution
The Vietnamese-Palestinian War
The War of American Decimation
The War of Chinese Expansion
The War of Danish Acquisition
The War of Dutch Entitlement
The War of Indian Conquest
The War of Norwegian Conversion
The War of Palestinian Conquest
The War of Palestinian Reconquest
War of Jiang's Harness
War of Joanna's Coattails
War of John's Wheatfield
War of Juri's Chessboard
War of Kazuo's Collar
War of Mary's Collar
War of Robert's Mill
War of Tomiko's Wig

Have fun.
 
Pan-German conflict: both Austria Hungary and the German Empire merge into a giant anschluss. When they lose WWI, AH splits into all its various constituent states, and the German Empire collapses under internal conflict into its old states, some of which are controlled by political extremists-e.g. Freikorps, communists, etc. Oh, and the Reds invade Poland. Everyone then decides to start killing each other. We therefore have a Pan-German conflict.

The War of German Petulance (love that one!) is what happens when the Kaiser, holed up in the city state of Berlin, gets angry at a communist shell, secretly provided by the Reds, dirties his new dress uniform, and declares war on the Soviet Union. It overlaps with the 24 Days War, strangely.
 
War of Juri's Chessboard: King Juri of the Jutlandic tribes is a great missioniser in Scandinavia, and so is given a chessboard of gold and silver by a greatful Pope. However, the chessboard is stolen and turns up in the hands of the nearby rival Kingdom of Denmark some 70 years later. The Jutlandic Kingdom under Juri's grandson Gimli declare war on Denmark to attempt to regain the chessboard. In the ensuing conflict, Denmark is victorious. In return for the return of the Chessboard to it's proper home in the Jutlandic Capital, King Gloin swears vassalship to the Danes.
 
The Sardinia War
The Disputed Territory of Sardinia caused a war between Sicily and Aragon, with an Aragonesse victory.

The Singaporean-Arctic War
Britain and Russia fought the quickly expanding Chinese Empire, Singnapore and the Artic were Key areas in the war.

The Sixty Years' Revolution
Dutch Revolution against Spain was Shorter?

The Syrian and Sudanese War
The Empire of Egypt fought the Nubians and Turks for more territory.

The Three Years' Revolt
Also known as the Texan Rebellion.

The Twenty-Four Days' War
Isreal fought a bit longer war against the Arabs.

The War of Australian Conversion
Theocratic Indonesia invades Australia in a post-nuclear war.

The War of Chinese Subjection
Also known as the Jurchen War, were the Manchus deafeted Ming China.

The War of Danish Attrition
Sweden fought a war against Prussia, resulting in Trench Warfare across Denmark.
 

mowque

Banned
The Lunar Battle- During an overheated Space Race, both the USA and Russians have small bases on the Moon (more like OTL Antarctic bases.) While separated by miles, a 'No Mans Land' is soon built between them. Finalyl, in 1982, when the USSR begins to crumble, the Americans
'invade' (with support from the provsinonal government in Moscow) the Russian communist holdouts on the Moon. The "battle" is short with only one casualty, which is merely a leaky suit. Americans take over the base.

The Appalachians War- The Constitution is ratified so that the original 13 colonies have greater rights then new state. As a result, Kentucky, Ohio and Tennessee rebel against Washington DC, with Spanish aid. The war, which is long and brutal, is fought all over the trackless Appalachian mountains, doubly so as backwoods Pennsylvanians join the fighting on the Kentucky side late in the war. Despite this, American wins out but it soon alters the law to allow new state equal rights to old states.

The War of Danish Acquisition A right-wing Denmark's war against an Independence movement in Iceland in 1930. The fascistic central government's increasingly harsh demands are finally met with violence, even in peaceful Iceland. However, Denmark, exploring new avenues of brutality, soon put the revolt down, turning Iceland into little more then a charnel house.

The War of Australian Conversion More of a cultural battle then an actual war, the French invasion of Australia in 1808 ( during a much different Napoleonic War) went well but the conversion of the British subjects to Catholicism was troublesome. Despite massive amounts of blood and treasure, Australia never really became a 'real' French colony and many bushrangers kept to Protestants ways, let alone the utter failure to stamp out native practices.

The War of Indian Conquest A different Indo-Pakistani War of 1971where the Indians (having not lost as much in the initial breakaway as OTL) manage to simply invade and reunite 'East Pakistan" to India. India, also patches some of original Pakistan back onto to India, although they become rebel infested zones.

The Norwegian and German War Just a different name for the Nazi invasion of Norway. :p
 
I accept this challenge, and I will attempt to include all conflict in the same timeline, ASB though it may become. I've reorganized them according to both their spot in this crazy-ass world, and (albeit perceived) type of conflict/war they may have been. Here's Part 1:


PERSONAL WARS

Duke Sebastian's Conflict
c.357 AD - A series of Christian riots in Egypt, ignited over Church taxes, put down by a local lord whose name is generally translated into Sebastian.

Emperor Kazuo's Revolution
c.1898 AD - A so-called Peoples' movement in Angola against Imperialist European rule of Africans; preceeded sweeping revolts across the continent, resulting in varying degrees of decolonization, liberalization of rule, and military oppression.

Emperor William's Conquest
c.1070s AD - An overzealous William the Conqueror decided to follow up on Harold Hardråda's claim to the English throne, invading the Kingdom of Norway in the following years. Though he was successful in subjugating some coastal areas and some fjords, the invasion was ultimately a failure, leading to a virtual collapse of William's kingdom in England.


King Kenzo's War
c.1650s AD – During the Japanese Warring States Period, the daimyo of Hojo Clan, Kenzo, launched a series of invasions against his neighboring clans in a bid to take the title Shogun. Ultimately he failed, but until the end of the Shengoku period, he came closest to attaining this goal. The title ‘King’ has been appointed as a more easily understood title by Westerners.

Saint Kenzo's Conquest
c.1650s AD – The Catholic Church canonized the self-styled King Kenzo nearly two centuries after his near-unification of the Japanese home islands. Though it is only suggested that ‘King’ Kenzo was Catholic, his legacy of public works, charity, and welfare in an otherwise decadent and dark era apparently seem enough to recognize his Sainthood.

Prince Leslie's Revolution

c.1890s AD – Leslie, Princess of Saxony, embarked on a female suffrage crusade, attempting to bring the most powerful state of the German Federation into the century with more modern, democratic thinking. In her public engagements, she refused to be dressed in traditional woman’s garb and instead wore the jacket and trousers of a man. This had a lasting effect in German politics and feminism worldwide.

Lady Ashley's Campaign
c.1910s AD – A late contemporary of “Prince” Leslie, this English noblewoman used her skills on the silver screen to convey a sense of empowerment and equality for women in the nation. Her efforts were not without controversy as the largely Puritanical English Parliament wished to nullify much of the liberalization coming from the Continent.

Queen Isabella's War

c.1468 AD – Isabella, heiress of Castile, went to war with her half-brother Henry who previously had refused to recognize Isabella and her brother as rightful successors. In the ensuing war, Isabella would defeat her brother and depose him, taking the title as Queen Regnant. This may also be called one of the many Wars of Spanish Succession, though only argumentatively. Some authorities contend that Isabella’s true war was against her future husband, Alfonso V of Portugal, in the name of protecting the Castilian throne. Whatever the real war, Isabella would unite Portugal and Castile under her own progeny.

Sister Zara's Campaign

c.1740s AD – A Hungarian Roman Catholic religious sister who underwent a ‘secret railroad’ for persecuted Jews out of Tsarist Russia across much of war-torn Eastern Europe. It is estimated that her efforts and that of her Sisters save the lives of thousands of Jews.

King Smith's Campaign

c.1912 AD – A political movement in the Kanadian Chancellor Elections in which the Publican nominee, Gregori Smith, is depicted by his rivals as an autocratic leader and a threat to undermining the Democratic Ideals of the nation.
 
And Part 2:


PETTY WARS



War of Jiang's Harness
c.184 AD – During thedecline of the Han Dynasty and the escalation of the Three Kingdoms period of China, one of the numerous wars fought culminated over the breaking of a farmer’s harness. The unnamed farmer apparently lived on the Yangtze River (known as simply Jiang in Ancient China), and thus was given the river’s name. Whatever the original source of the conflict, this conflict preceded a drastic increase in bandits and the fall of the Han Dynasty.

War of Joanna's Coattails

c. 1540s AD – Joanna of Austria was fond of fashion and set the stage for various trends throughout the middle 16th century. Suffering criticism for one of her more outlandish coats – with tails the length of a gown’s sweep train – in a fit of pique she convinced her husband to invade the Duchy of Florence, resident of the offending party. This small act would serve to ignite the whole of the Italian Peninsula into war that would last intermittently for decades.

War of John's Wheatfield

c.1810s AD – In one of the last true colonial wars of the Upper [St. Lawrence] River, the Hanseatic Cooperative redrew the boundaries of their southern neighbors in Western Acadia, expelling the French from the Great Lakes region entirely. All over a local’s livestock trampling another’s wheatcrop.

War of Susannah's Wheatfield (cop-out, I know)
See also: War of John’s Wheatfield; Susannah was John’s spouse.

War of Jüri's Chessboard* - Juri with a ü

c. 1790s AD – Jüri is a town in Estland near on the Gulf of Finland, and the scene of a gentlemanly challenge between the Swedes and Russians during one of the more manic periods of their love-hate relationship, the spot chosen for its neutrality. This so-called ‘war’ is really a disagreement over one of the more obscure pawn rules of the game, leading to a rather unfair duel between the two parties. The ‘duel’ lasted all over 24 seconds when the Russian noble pulled his single-shot pistol and fired it point-blank into the forehead of his Swedish counterpart. The ensuing scuffle between the attendants was only narrowly quashed before breaking into outright warfare. Since this time, it is prohibited for nationals of either nation to engage in games of any kind with the other.

War of Kazuo's Collar
c.1800s AD – Japan came very close to being the only East Asian nation to escape European Imperialism, but ultimately failed to remain completely neutral in all of the rivalrous affairs surrounding the lucrative shipping lanes. When a Castilian ship arrived in the port of Edo, the dockmaster refused them service without the certificate of the Red Seal trading license. The Castilians – incensed – locked the man, named Kazuo, in irons and dangled him from their main mast’s rigging. This served a flashpoint, bringing Samurai to bear against the gunpowder of the Spanish. When the smoke cleared, all of Edo and the surrounding area were under the command of a pertinent ship captain. Soon all of the Home Islands were partitioned between the various European powers.


War of Mary's Collar
c.1330s AD – France has seen her share of willful leaders as well as incompetent ones. Louis IX was unfortunately one of the latter. His queen, Mary of Aragon, was well aware of this fact and sought to diminish his own power to further her interests in the region. Louis, more than a few apples short of a bushel, put her on a leash to teach her proper respect – as if she were a dog. The fallout was, in terms of the Middle Ages, catastrophic. France first tore itself apart in civil war, leading to the entrance of Mary’s family from Aragon, as well as the House of Burgundy reasserting itself in French matters, leaving her weakened for the next hundred years.

War of Robert's Mill

c.997 AD – Raibeart of the Rhinns was a simple miller. When the High King Connachta decided to invade and subjugate the ailing Dal Raita, poor Raibeart saw his mill destroyed, his family murdered. Taking up arms himself – originally a simple wheat scythe – he eventually gathered a following which threw the Irish out of the Rhinns and Galloway, halting potential Irish dominance of the Scots for years to come. This humiliating defeat precipitated the outright implosion of the Irish clans.

War of Tomiko's Wig

c.1970s AD – Tomiko Seyu was a model and actress in Atlantis during the growth of the telecommunications era. Fond of furs and cigarettes, she found herself ailing of cancer and was one of the first to undergo chemotherapy, resulting in the loss of her hair. Tomiko, however, was still working during this dangerous time of her life, clinging to whatever seemed normal to her. During one of her runway performances, an anti-fur protestor doused Tomiko and her fellow models in simulated blood (i.e. paint) and snatching Tomiko’s Wig from her hairless head. The following ‘war’ was a series of political movements to bring greater awareness to not only the dangers of cancer, but also a staunch anti-terrorism stance. This crackdown on domestic terrorism would net a wide range of animal rights’ activists, communists, and religious dissidents.

War of Kaneko's Coattails
c.2006 AD – Kaneko Co. Ltd. was a publishing company in the highly competitive video gaming industry of Japan. The company fell under severe government regulation and persecution after a series of highly volatile games were produced with such themes as human trafficking and rape, government corruption, and genocide. Its cumulative loss of business forced the company under in 2004, leaving a vacuum in the gaming industry. The power struggle by her former rivals is thus called the War of Kaneko’s “Coattails.”

War of Lawrence's Button

c.1860s AD – In one of those rather odd twists of fate, at a multi-national military banquet, the over-strained breast-button of a senior Australian commander ended up in the blouse of the General-in-Chief of Finland’s wife. The political fallout caused by the attempted retrieval and explanation thereof to the members present led to a heightened confrontation across the globe, leading to the seizure of various sailing vessels on the high seas. The war resulted in only 4 casualties, and no fatalities – though property damage did exceed 12 million dollars.

War of Lian's Magic Wand
c.1990s AD – Today we are all familiar with the magical tales of Harvey Rocker and the Perpetual Boar (punny, no?), but years before these made headlines, two other fantasy-oriented authors battled it out in the Young Adults section of your local bookstores. The protagonists were both young girls on the outskirts of the societal norm who one day discovered an innate ability to cause supernatural changes to the world around them – you guessed it – with the aid of a medium, a wand. Though there was some debate as to which manuscript was finished first, and the exact nature of the prepubescent powers, the legal and literary struggle that followed was termed the War of the Wands, or depending on which little witch was supported – the War of Lian’s or Matilde’s Magic Wand.


War of Matilda's Magic Wand (another cop-out, but seriously – a Magic Wand?!)
See also: War of Lian’s Magic Wand.


War of Philip's Flag
c.1990s AD – Philip of Macedon, the father of Alexander the Great, Conqueror of the Hellas, etc… we all know the basic story, but there is some debate in modern Greece as to whether Macedon is truly Greek or some mixed-blood entity of some Barbarians to the north. The Macedonians consider themselves Greek, but the Greeks are less convinced. Thus when what archeologists claim to be Philip’s Battle Standard was unearthed in what is claimed by some as his hometown in Bitola in the Macedonian Alps, the debate raged anew. After weeks of political confrontation – the Greeks assert that the Standard was stolen, and demands for rights to the site for further analysis were denied – the Greek High Command mobilized and the The Five Days' Conflict was fought. It saw so much international pressure that the Greeks were forced to stand down or face International Retaliation. The debate still continues over the authenticity of the Standard and the relationship between Greek and Macedonian, but with fewer gunshots.


The Five Days' Conflict (hehe, almost used this as a Civil War, but it fit here)
See also: War of Philip's Flag[FONT=&quot]
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I'll try my own hand at a few of them. They may or may not be related to one another.

Emperor Kazuo's Revolution

c. 740's AD: One of the last threats that the current Imperial line had to face in early Yamato Japan. A popular figure influenced by Chinese culture fought against Imperial forces with a peasant army for several years before being crushed. This threat to the state allowed the Yamato to centralize and become dominant by the beginning of the Heian period.

The Atlantis Campaign

c. 1960's: One of the few well funded attempts by conspiracy theorists to locate the lost city of Atlantis. It ended with inconclusive results and the investigation team breaking up.

The German-Singaporean War of Independence


c. 1930's: The Chinese workers and Malayan inhabitants of the city of Singapore sucessfully defeat the German garrison that was stationed there. It was quickly recognized by the UK and France, whose support allowed the city-state to win due to a terrible supply line that the Germans had.

The Pan-Antarctic Conflict

c. 2005-ongoing: Also referred as the Kaliningrad Debates. It is a current series of diplomatic discussions on the feasibility, legality, and availability to colonize the Antarctic. The primary nations involved are the US, Russia, China, Argentina, the UK, Australia, Norway, and Chile. Several other countries disagree with the talks, with India leading the way.

The American-Chinese War of Acquisition

c.1950's: Commonly referred as the South Asia Scramble, it was a series of proxy wars that both China and the US used to set up power blocs within the region. Vietnam, Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia sided with the US, while Laos, Cambodia, Burma, and Bangladesh joined China's camp. The stand-off ended with the collapse of China's government in the Tienanmen Revolution.

The Korean-Irish War of Reconquest

c. 1890's: While not allied together or related at all, the Irish Revolution and the Sino-Korean war started and ended at nearly the same time. The Irish revolution ended with a little success (Ireland was granted limited autonomy), Korea was soundly victorious (The victory against a staggering Shun China bolstered enough home support to legitimize a fairly new and disliked dynasty). The only reason they're grouped together is because of some conspiracy theorists that believe the two were solid allies.

The Thirty-Seven Days' Revolt

c. 1989: Commonly called the Tienanmen Revolution. It began when the protests in China turned violent, as the demonstrators overwhelmed the riot police and local army units in Beijing. The rural area was ambivalent to hostile to both the government and the protesters, but remained neutral enough to allow the demonstrators to depose the government and establish a new republic.
 
The Shetland Islands Revolution:

c. 1927 AD.

A "revolution" that might have been one of the many bloodily-repressed attempts at peasant self-defence in the crofting fringes of the Commonwealth of Great Britain and Ireland, in this case against the appropriation of land for a military airstrip, had it not been for the sympathetic mutiny of sailors of the North Sea Fleet in Lerwick. An attempt to put down the "Provisional Government of Shetland" by armed force finally put spine into the rubber-stamp legislature of the Commonwealth, and so led to the dissolution of parliament by the army for the fifth time in thirty years, a general strike, and finally the collapse of the Baxter regime.

Russian and Danish War:

c. 1700-1701.

A brief, premature attempt by Denmark and Russia (Saxony was also signatory to the agreement but the war was over before they could become seriously involved) to humble Sweden and seize territory formerly belonging to them in the Baltic. After the rapid collapse of Denmark, followed by the shock Swedish success at Narva, Peter of Russia accepted Polish mediation. He would return with a reformed army in 1710, at the height of Swedish entanglement in the War of the Spanish Succession.
 
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