The Commons were running out of road
“In a statement on Tuesday, the palace said the king would meet Britain's two leftist parties, the centrist SDP and the anti-austerity UPA, on Monday. Chances of a leftist coalition have improved since Bell Ribeiro-Addy said on Friday she was willing to soften her red lines to negotiate a pact. But, a deal is still not a certainty, given the Andy Burnham would need to agree pacts with several nationalist parties to gain a majority. The UPA pounced on news that an anti-corruption operation had arrested 34 people many linked to National, by warning the SDP against a grand coalition. "Anybody that talks about political regeneration cannot enter into agreements with National," People's Party number two Owen Jones said in parliament.“ - UK leftist parties to discuss new government with king next week, Angus Berwick, Reuters (2016)
With discontent in her own camp growing, Ribeiro-Addy softened her negotiation red lines. Polls showed many Brits blaming the UPA for stalling coalition talks and as such the party was falling in the polls, leading to her opening up a dialogue with the Social Democrats. In her offering to Burnham’s office she agreed to drop her demands for the Deputy Prime Ministership and announced she was open to three way talks with Alan Sugar and even a government propped up by Unity so long as they weren’t granted Cabinet positions. Whilst Burnham continued to favour a broad spectrum coalition government of all three parties, both he and Sugar agreed to three way talks.
Whilst three way talks were open, both secondary parties were suspicious of each other, Sugar feared the SDP would negotiate a unilateral alliance with the UPA, leaving Unity out in the cold. Relations between Sugar and Ribeiro personally also weren’t great, Ribeiro-Addy had described Sugar as a “misogynistic ego-maniac” whilst Sugar had compared the UPA leader to Stalin. A mutual distrust between the three parties would bring talks to a stall, both the UPA and Unity wanted ministerial posts, but refused to allow the other into the Cabinet, Unity in particular refused any further compromises believing the party had already moved too far to the left by even speaking with the radical left.
Ribeiro-Addy would walk out of three way talks after just a week, accusing Burnham of being “kidnapped” by Unity and the right of the Social Democrats. With all other options exhausted a German-style National/SDP Government was the only option left, however this was increasingly difficult. The Social Democrats wanted to keep their accord with Unity, with National acting as a confidence partner or abstaining, whilst National wanted a coalition government led by Hague and excluding Unity, noting that the two parties alone could reach a majority. Hague knew Burnham would refuse, and planned for the Social Democrats to topple him and make way for a grand coalition, but no internal challenger came.
A poll of leading politicians and celebrities showed Attenborough at the top, outpacing established party leaders
Talk of a technocratic Government led by an independent was also raised by Alan Sugar, this had precedent on the continent in countries like Italy and could avert a chaotic second election. Possible candidates included Senator David Attenborough, Supreme Court Chief Justice Patricia Scotland, Civil Service Chief Tom Scholar, UN Ambassador Michael Tatham or even Oxford University Chancellor Nick Phillips. Of course this was how Mountbatten had been “invited” to lead Britain into the Junta dark days so this was thoroughly rejected by everyone, although a “draft David Attenborough” campaign did pick up steam on Twitter, leading to parody accounts such as “draft Stormzy” and “draft David Beckham”.
“As Lord Mountbatten learnt, the prime minister does not have to be a member of parliament. As long as he, or she, can command a majority in the House of Commons, they can be elected PM. With the current prime minister not even trying to form a government it’s safe to say we’re close to hitting rock bottom. The UK hasn’t seen such a crisis in decades. With this in mind, I propose we let Sir David lead a government of national unity to deal with this mess. He is the only logical choice. A man more popular with left wing UPA voters than Saint Bell herself. A man comfortable in a tweed jacket and a gilet who can appeal to the countryside toffs. The only man who, when he meets The Queen, leaves her starstruck. Sir David Attenborough got us out of one mess caused by allowing the public to vote on things (Boaty McBoatFace) let’s let him get us out of another.” - Arise, Prime Minister David Attenborough, Medium (2016)
As the deadline clock hit five minutes to midnight, the last scramble across Westminster occurred. Patrick Harvie tried desperately to revive a broad left government, proposing a six-month renewing coalition deal, with Cabinet posts for all parties involved, only to be rebuffed by the Social Democrats and People’s Alliance. The SDP approached Unity asking to keep their coalition pact in place and run a joint centre-left ticket in the election, which Sugar refused. Journalists reported the mood in the Commons was bitter as party staffers enjoyed one last subsidised drink, relations between the Social Democrats and UPA were particularly bad with one drunken staffer fight breaking out during a karaoke session of “The Red Flag”, both parties claiming the song as their own.
Burnham wasn't on speaking terms with many of his Shadow Ministers, let alone Ribeiro-Addy
After three months of standoffs, negotiations and backstabbing Britain was still without a government. The King’s deadline passed and the United Kingdom officially entered a constitutional crisis. King Charles dissolved the 2016 House of Commons the same day, at a little over three months old it was the shortest Parliament in modern British history. Fresh elections were scheduled for the 7th of December - a thoroughly inconvenient time for everyone. Politicians bought new dog-bite resistance coats as activists got ready for cold canvasses and short days.
Spin-doctors across London tried to contextualise the snap election in favour of their boss. Hague blamed the Social Democrats and Unity for refusing to make any compromises with his party. Sugar told reporters he was proud to have kept “populists out of Downing Street” through holding a hardline against the People's Party. Burnham told party activists they could go into elections with their “heads held high” as the only party who even tried to form a government. Polls showed little had changed over the last few months, with National in the lead with three other parties squabbling behind them. The biggest losers had been the Social Democrats, having tried to form a majority and failed Burnham had sparked open warfare in his party, with senior frontbenchers briefing against him. Like in a Shakespearean duel, the man who made the first move looked likely to lose it all.
“The UPA, led by the charismatic Bell Ribeiro-Addy has made no secret of its desire to supplant the Social Democrats as Britain's main left-wing grouping. "Ms Ribiero-Addy never wanted a progressive prime minister,” Burnham said, accusing her of having “closed the door” to a reformist government. At an earlier press conference, Ribeiro accused Burnham of saying “no” to everything. Research polls have suggested that fresh elections will do little to change the December outcome. Hague's conservatives could gain ground, while the Social Democrats, as well as the People's Party and its allies may lose a little. But parties are very likely to have to sit down for new coalition talks after the fresh election – meaning yet another headache.” - Social Democrats blame People’s Alliance for snap elections, BBC News Bulletin (2016)
Burnham hoped the UPA would collapse faced with another election