Chapter 55: A Mother’s Rage
August, 1456
Pain. That was the only emotion she felt now. Pain at the loss of another child, pain at never getting know the child’s likes and dislikes, pain at knowing there was something wrong with her, pain that her husband wouldn’t talk to her in his grief, and pain that their son didn’t know why his parents weren’t speaking to one another. Margaret had just about managed to force herself out of bed on most mornings and today was no different.
Walking through the courtyard of Westminster Palace, with Edmund accompanying her, her ladies trailing behind and the guards around them, Margaret felt slightly at peace, but not completely. Henry wasn’t speaking to her, and the longer that went on, the more her heart broke. She took a breath and then asked Edmund. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Your Grace?” Edmund replied sounding confused.
“Did I do something wrong?” Margaret asked again. “The King has not spoken to me in months.”
Margaret looked at Edmund and saw his face contort as if he was trying to decide whether to lie or not, eventually he sighed. “Your Grace did nothing wrong, His Grace the King is grieving.”
“Then why does he not grieve with me?” Margaret demanded, aware that she sounded ever so slightly like a child but wanting an answer. Her heart was aching and she wanted her husband, why could he not see that?
“I…” Edmund replied sounding hesitant.
“Does he find my repulsive? Does he hate me for not being able to carry a child to term?” Margaret asked, in her darker moments she had found herself questioning whether she’d ever be able to have another child.
Edmund stopped walking then, prompting Margaret to stop as well. The man turned to face her, his eyes wide. “Your Grace, His Grace does not find you repulsive, and he does not hate you.”
“How do you know?” Margaret demanded.
Edmund swallowed and then said. “I spoke with His Grace.”
“You did?” Margaret asked surprised, she had not thought that Edmund would speak about something quite so private.
“I did.” Edmund nodded. “His Grace told me that he is simply doing what he has to, to keep things safe between the two of you.”
“Safe?” Margaret asked. “What does that mean?”
Edmund sighed again. “His Grace is of the view that it is better for the two of you to have some distance so that you may recover from the trauma of what happened.”
Margaret laughed, that sounded so much like Henry. “He thinks the best way for me to recover from losing our child is for him to distance himself from me?”
“Yes, Your Grace.” Edmund replied, clearly uncomfortable.
Margaret said nothing. Her husband was being a complete idiot. No doubt he thought that he was being kind, but she didn’t want to be away from him, she wanted to be near him, and if he wasn’t going to give her that option, she would force it on him. “Where is he now?” She asked.
“The King?” Edmund asked.
“Yes, the King!” Margaret replied.
“In his study, Your Grace.” Edmund said.
“Very well, thank you, you are dismissed.” Margaret said turning around and walking back toward the Palace proper. If Henry was going to be a fool she wasn’t going to make it easy for him. She walked quickly, nodding to the guards at the entrance and then turning the corner, before turning left then right and then walking up a flight of stairs. She could hear her ladies tittering behind her, no doubt wondering where she was going and what she was going to do.
Margaret stopped when she came to the door that led to her husband’s study. Two guards were stood before it, both of them looked at her nervously. “Let me in.” Margaret demanded.
“I am sorry, Your Grace, but His Grace said not to let anyone disturb him.” one of the guards replied.
“I am his wife and your Queen, you will let me in.” Margaret commanded.
“Your Grace…” the guard replied hesitantly, before he could finish that, the door opened and Margaret found herself looking at her husband.
“Let the Queen in.” Henry commanded, the guards moved to do as they were bid, moving to the side and allowing Margaret to pass.
Margaret barged into the room and saw that her husband’s desk was covered with papers, some of them were torn, others were written on, but most of them appeared empty. She wheeled around when the door closed. Henry stood there looking at her expectantly. “What are you doing?!” She demanded.
“Giving you space.” Henry said at once.
“Space?!” Margaret replied. “I don’t need space, I need you.”
“What good am I going to be?” Henry asked. “I cannot give you protection, I cannot give you a living child.”
“Henry, you are my husband!” Margaret all but yelled. “We are supposed to go through this together, not independently!”
Henry looked at her and tears started falling down his face. “I don’t know what I have done wrong to curse you like this.”
Margaret was surprised both by the tears and by his words. “Henry, you haven’t done anything wrong.” She was the one who was at fault, or perhaps God was just being cruel.
“No, I was the one who allowed York’s doctor to be there for when you gave birth.” Henry said.
“What does that have to do with anything?” Margaret asked. She didn’t like York, but his doctor had been good.
“York removed his doctor after the doctor contributed to a stillborn girl.” Henry said.
Margaret felt as if she’d been punched in the gut. Was it possible? Could the Doctor have done something. “I…. I…”
“I am sorry.” Henry replied. He slumped down to the ground then and whispered. “I have failed you.”
Shock and pain mixed together for Margaret, she didn’t know what to do about the news Henry had just given her, but she did know that she needed to be with Henry then, so she moved to him and knelt, wrapping her arms around him. She kissed him and whispered. “I love you, Henry, I love you.” She didn’t know if it would help, but it was the only thing she could think of.