Better, but still some nitpicking.
General comment: the guy sprinkles around too much details and possess too much knowledge of Indonesia. This is a diary, not a recon report of a Green Beret. He would mention Jakarta (might be not even that, "damn city where we landed" would do), "presidential palace", "airbases", but wouldn't know place names or care about it. Even more so abbreviated names of political organizations. "Our guys" and "American puppets". This might me a big problem with your story. You chose too low-level guy to inform uneducated reader of niceties of Indonesian political situation. That might work for "WWII in Europe" story, as most folks here know relatively a lot about it. However, I don't think a lot of your readers would know a lot about 1965 Indonesia though. I certainly don't. However, would you pick a different storyteller (say, young GRU officer of Cossack origin, there were scores of them) it all starts to look quite believable. However, for now I'll stick to your "storyteller".
21st October 1965, Orenburg
Grateful to say that the sergeant at last picked me for this adventurous task.
It wouldn't be sergeant who would pick men for such task. Soviet Army's sergeants didn't play a role they have in an army built after British or German pattern (being "framework of army, holding it together"). This role fell to junior officers, like platoon commander lieutenants. And, for a mission like this, it would likely be company commanders (Senior Lieutenant or Captain) who would scrutinize the list very closely and informally and give his seal of approval. Besides, it was very established routine to send conscripts to serve far from their home province (officially explained by desire to "toughen them up", although ordinary folks always suspected good portion of it was to not have Army closely related to locals). So if the guy serves in Orenburg, he's most likely from either Don or Kuban host (if not from Siberia).
Polkovnik Zerevhny, our regiment commander said that the work we have to do is not too difficult other than helping Indonesian military
Although "polk" is translated as "regiment" and "polkovnik" is technically "colonel", usually it were Lieutenant Colonels who were in charge of land force regiments (Soviet Army did not have brigadier general rank, so Colonels were substituting). However, some regiments (usually best ones, like airborn infantry, stormtroopers and such) had Colonels in charge. So, either guy is serving in some tough regiment or his regimental commander is likely Lieutenant Colonel. BTW, Zerevhny doesn't sound like Russian at all. "Zarevny" would be better, and it hint on the colonel's Cossack ancestry too.
He also reminded us that the country we're going to go is a Muslim country and the culture is completely different from here.
Muslims were like a third of Soviet population (and far fromunheard of things in traditionally Cossack regions), so the guy wouldn't be really surprised by this encounter. But CO would still remind that "cultural sensitivity is required to handle locals, they're Muslims".
1st November 1965, Vladivostok
Time goes so fast...I'm now in Vladivostok waiting for the turn to board the transport ship. I had just completed intensive training recently in Volgograd after enlisting to join the special operation, there I met with some new friends and learn how to communicate with the local through simple Indonesian language..pretty hard tough. Guess what? I'm promoted to a starshina.
Something isn't right with timing. The guy was approved for the adventure sometimes in October, right? It takes express train a week to get from Orenburg to Vladivostok, so troop train would require double that. Unless there're superhumans in your TL, it isn't possible to go to Volgograd, "undergo intensive training", learn basic Indonesian and arrive to Vladivostok in 6 weeks. If the guy is picked in October, it would take 3 weeks in transit, give or take, which leaves 3 weeks for him to mit his new comrades, learn their mission and participate in couple of short training excercises (to get people a taste of working with each other, not so much to train them). During this time they could be issued base phrasebooks to learn greetings, basic commands and stuff like this in Indonesian.
Everything seems to be so secret that I can't write a letter to my fellow cossacks.
This is really nitpicking, but he's more likely to write letter to "fellas back home". Cossack areas always were multi-ethnic (and undervent significant urbanization and industrialization during Soviet times), so his circle of buddies is bound to include couple of non-Cossack Russians and (if he's from town) some others.
4th November 1965, Somewhere over South China Sea
It's already three days after we left Vladivostok and we have not arrived to the destination yet.
Aren't you rushing things? Vladivostok to South China sea is some considerable miles, so it would take a weekor something to sale, wouldn't it?
I'm starting to get bored seeing the sea all the times. About thousand of men are in this ship right now, with a dozen piece of heavy artillery, trucks, and tanks
APCs aren't mentioned and they were absolutely integral in Soviet doctrine by 1965. Even light infantry (marines and such) are bound to have hordes of them.
Last night I had a nice converstation with the polkovnik. I'm lucky that I knew the polkovnik before. He told me about his personal live, his wife, and his daughter Maria.
They guy should be 19 or 20 and Polkovnik is unlikely to be younger than 35, more likely in his 40s. Quite an age distance to cover, plus difference in status between ordinary conscript grunt and high-ranking officer. I'm not saying this is impossible to have some kind of personal relationships in this situation, but it would be uncommon. Most likely, polkovnik might have some kind of pre-existing relationships with the guy's family (his uncle's friend from military school or osmething of this kind).
Apart from that he also revealed some new information to me regarding Indonesia and the military coup. He said that the great president Sukarno was backstabbed by a group of right wing generals whom in turn was helped by the American. These conspirator tried to assassinate several high ranking generals loyal to Sukarno but it was a failure attempt.... it wasn't over as far as I know, one of the fellow conspirator was able to trick Indonesian people by saying that the communist were the one who tried to overthrow Sukarno and the one who masterminded the coup. Ughh..whatever..
This orientation session would be given by political officers to all soldiers. There's no need to be friends with polkovnik to find that out.
As we speak the 4th Airborne Division as scheduled should already been dropped to secure Jakarta main airbases and important governmental building located in Merdeka Square.
Just idle curiosity, where did those planes take off from? The planes would be
AN-12s, they would not be able to fly Vladivostok-Jakarta and back. Viet Nam? Uhh, I don't think it is wise...
The airbase was the first target because it will allow President Sukarno to fly whenever there is a danger and it enabled more supply to be transferred using the huge Tu-95.
To the best of my knowledge TU-95 was never intended for transport duty. It is a strategic bomber. Everything would be hauled on AN-12s.
The patrol tried to stop the truck by threatening to fire the truck with T-55 if they did not stop.
Paras would not have tanks buttressing their checkpoints, not that soon. AK-47s, MGs, RPGs, plus HMGs and bazookas on all-road cars and/or light armoured cars like BRDM (not that I doubt that burst of bullets from
KPVT could stop a truck).
Today at the morning we received radio message from 4th Airborne that they discovered something near the airbase, after they investigated the area, they were completely surprised, a group of unknown generals were buried there near the airbase.
How do you distinguish dead general from dead merchant? Were corpses buried in their full uniforms?
I'm aware that Pliyev was an Ossetian, I choosed him because Indonesia is a big muslim country and he's most suitable choice.
Either him or
Bagramyan (another Christian from Muslim-majority area), althout Bagramyan looks a bit too old for me.
I will change it asap, but first is it possible for the Russian to hand their transport and supplies matter to the navy or airforce?
I would still think that supply system would fell under land force commander's responsibility, even if air force and navy are handling day-to-day operations.