A Different England


King John II of Portugal has four surviving children - Maria Manuela, heir-to-the-throne Manuel, Philip and newly born John - by the Emperor's sister[3]. Though he and his wife don't know it, there won't be anymore surviving children from the marriage. Portugal will, however, play a role in the fate of the English heirs.

Interesting...

I wonder if Elisabeth Tudor will marry one of the Portuguese boys before her brothers meet an untimely end.
 
1540
The year of fifteen hundred and forty is, unlike most years, peaceful: no death, murder, blood or anything remotely violent at all. Ever. It is, however, full of a metric fuck tonne of incest from those people who need no introduction: our favourite Spaniards! You get three guesses as to which ones I mean. The first two guesses don't count.

In January of 1540, the question of "What happens when you have a Holy Roman Emperor and Spanish King interested in a better relationship with Portugal?" is answered with one simple word: incest. Dangling on the proverbial marriage stick this time? Charles hasn't got any sisters left to marry - so, instead, his young daughters. Princess Maria, almost eleven, is betrothed to her cousin, Maximilian, son of her father's brother, Ferdinand.

As for Joanna? Well, to Portugal she goes - just, not yet. Just in agreement, not person - she is only four, after all: Princess Joanna is betrothed Prince John of Portugal, second son of John II of Portugal. Young John is also her first cousin, on both sides of her family, rather than just one like Joanna's betrothed - his mother, Catherine, is Charles's sister and Charles's late wife, Isabella, was the sister of Catherine's husband, John II of Portugal.

Like I said, folks - incest, incest, literally goddamn everywhere! I raise you more incest for £5 folks! Like, oh my god, just stop intermarrying! Like, seriously. Just stop with the goddamn incest, already!


Joanna, being only four, doesn't really have an opinion on it; she just knows it means that she'll be a Princess twice which pleases her and her marriage will be ages for her - probably over ten years. Maria, on the other hand, is displeased and throws what is recorded in the history books of Spain as "a moment of displeasure" but is recorded in the history of books of England as "the world's largest, loudest and most violent bitch fit in the history of all large, loud and violent bitch fits to have ever been large, loud and violent."

Given that King Henry VIII of England is still alive, that is an enormous - but entirely accurate - claim to make.

Anywho, with Spain dealt with and busy destroying it's own bloodline with incest, Portugal makes a rare move. An interfaith marriage.

An interfaith marriage? To whom you may ask? Well, to the country ruled by the possibly crazy guy. No, not Sweden. No, no, not Russia either - although one could charitably call the ten year old Grand Prince just a tad doo-lally, so good guess. No, I mean the country ruled by the fat guy. Yes, that country! Good ol' England!

To King Henry, this is interesting. His daughter as Queen of Portugal gives England an ally and, eventually, a powerhouse against the Spaniards. He agrees and Thomas Cromwell draws up the betrothal for the couple - entirely in England's favour, of course. For now though, with Cromwell busy securing the alliance, England has other things to contend with, such as two more with Tudor blood being born: Henry Fitzroy's wife births a girl, Mary, on August 5th and Frances Brandon births a very pretty (and, in future, very recklessly stupid) girl, Katherine.

The year, a quiet one in all, ends with a male heir being born to Scotland - James, Duke of Rothesay on October 8th - and with the marriage of Philip, Prince of Asturias and Maria Manuela of Portugal happening by proxy in Spain.
 
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1540
Portugal makes a rare move. An interfaith marriage.

An interfaith marriage? To whom you may ask? Well, to the country ruled by the possibly crazy guy. No, not Sweden. No, no, not Russia either - although one could charitably call the ten year old Grand Prince just a tad doo-lally, so good guess. No, I mean the country ruled by the fat guy. Yes, that country! Good ol' England!

To King Henry, this is interesting. His daughter as Queen of Portugal gives England an ally and, eventually, a powerhouse against the Spaniards. He agrees and Thomas Cromwell draws up the betrothal for the couple - entirely in England's favour, of course. For now though, with Cromwell busy securing the alliance, England has other things to contend with, such as two more with Tudor blood being born: Henry Fitzroy's wife births a girl, Mary, on August 5th and Frances Brandon births a very pretty (and, in future, very recklessly stupid) girl, Katherine.


I'm assuming Elizabeth is the future Queen of Portugal here and not little Princess Anne? Elizabeth, Queen of Portugal is an idea I could get behind, though I suppose her younger sister wouldn't be a bad catch either, come to think of it.

Love the sarcasm, keep it coming!
 
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