Saturday, 26 October 2019 Muzenda impeached in absentia on conspiracy, sedition charges The Senate of Equatorial Kundu voted to impeach and remove Vice President Adeola Muzenda from office today after convicting her on three counts, including sedition and conspiracy to overthrow the government of her husband and former political ally President Uzochi Nzele. Muzenda, who fled to Libya earlier last week, was not present for either the trial, which concluded yesterday, or the vote, and has proclaimed her innocence in effective exile in Libya. Senators heard testimony from Kundunese military officers who had interrogated survivors from an attempted coup last month who testified that political allies of Muzenda had orchestrated the coup with the former vice president's tacit approval. Nzele's Arkutu Patriotic Party controls a super-majority in the Senate, and were joined by the body's few unaffiliated members to remove Muzenda by a 25 to 5 margin on each vote, with only senators from Muzenda's Arkutu Freedom Party voting against. Nzele addressed the nation after the vote, calling on his wife to "return to face justice", with the promise of mercy. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs has already declared Nzele's sister Taraba Nzele to be "acting First Lady" and said that Muzenda's diplomatic immunity as the spouse of a president had been revoked. Neither Nzele nor the ministry has answered questions on whether the couple would divorce. The Kundunese constitution does not have a provision for appointing a vice president besides elections, with the President of the Senate becoming first in the line of succession for the presidency should a vacancy occur. Currently, that office is held by Benjamin Nwulu, a staunch ally of the president. With Nzele pledging not to run for re-election in 2020 and Nwulu's advanced age, it is expected that Nzele will look elsewhere for his anointed successor. ------------------------------------------------- Friday, October 25th 2019 World Series returns to Canada for first time in 26 years as Astros top Expos 4-1 in Game 3 Montreal — The World Series left American soil for the first time since 1993 today when Game 3 of the World Series kicked off at Olympic Stadium tonight. A sold-out crowd of Canadian fans were disappointed when the hometown Montreal Expos fell to the Houston Astros 4-1 in their first loss of the series. After Marie Niveau, Canada's former prime minister and a Quebec native, threw out the first pitch, the Expos struggled after Houston leaped to a 2-0 lead at the end of the third inning before the Expos responded with Ryan Zimmerman being driven in on a triple in the fourth. An inning later, the Astros responded with a two-run home run off Aníbal Sánchez to increase the lead to three runs. Astros closer Roberto Osuna got the save after pitching a ninth inning that gave up only one single and no runs. This series marks the first time the Expos have made the World Series since the franchise was created in 1969. The only other Canadian team in Major League Baseball, the Toronto Blue Jays, appeared in and won the 1992 and 1993 World Series. Game 6 of the 1993 series, the last World Series game played in Canada prior to tonight, is especially memorable for Joe Carter's game- and series-winning home run at the bottom of the ninth inning. The series will return to Montreal tomorrow for Game 4 and Sunday for Game 5 before returning to Houston if Games 6 and/or 7 are necessary. Canadian Prime Minister Leslie Van Merhalls is expected to attend Monday's game. ------------------------------------------------- Nation Not Buying Seaborn's JFK Halloween Costume October 26, 2019 Despite what some observers say is a concerning level of commitment to the costume, the nation is not buying President Sam Seaborn's costume of former president John F. Kennedy. "I just don't see it," Nate Grunder, a welder from Pottsville, Pennsylvania. Grunder, noting that the attractive, young Democratic president with an elite educational background was nothing like Kennedy, said that the president's Halloween costume "really needed work." Management consultant Sharon Bronstein from Yonkers, New York, similarly expressed confusion at the president's choice of costume. "I mean, he expects us to believe that he's a young Democrat who narrowly won an election against a Republican who was publicly exposed for being extremely mean-spirited in private compared to his public persona? Really?" Bronstein then went on. "I bet he wants us to believe that he also took office on an optimistic note in some sort of contrast with an older, conservative Republican predecessor with a military record. Unbelievable." Local businessman Marshall Lafontaine from Los Angeles shook his head when learning of the news. "I voted for him, but man, does he need a reality check. We're supposed to believe that he's a president with a glamorous young wife, who was elected from the Senate, and whose first year in office had some controversial policies regarding Cuba? Come on." At press time, a skeptical nation looked on as First Lady Lauren Parker-Seaborn was seen trying out pillbox hats and Chanel suits.