2012: the Mayan Trumpocalypse

fashbasher

Banned
Introduction

November 2011 - The rose garden of the White House. President Obama, looking far older than he had even 2 months earlier, walks to the podium. Speculation about his health had become the unofficial national pastime, as he had turned from a smiling, handsome black man to a bald and pale shell of himself who could barely make it through a medium-length speech. And today, it was time to answer those rumors.

"My fellow Americans, I have been very honored and pleased to serve you as your President. Unfortunately, as a result of my long battle with cigarette smoking, I have been diagnosed with an aggressive and terminal form of lung cancer. In order to spend as much time possible with my wife and family, I am resigning from the presidency. I love you all and thank you very much, and I am pleased to introduce our 45th President, Joseph Robinette Biden."

October 2012 - The first two debates of the election between Biden/Clinton and Trump/Christie had been a somber affair, thanks to former president Obama's death on the eve of the first debate and his ensuing state funeral. Even the eccentric Republican nominee, Donald Trump, was restrained, saying that "while I disagree very much with Obama's presidency, he died much too soon." Even the vice-presidential debate had been a solemn and muted discussion, focused as much on Obama's legacy as on the future of the nation. By the third debate, though, America was ready for a return to the good ole days of raucous debate and discussion. The unexpected additional topic, of course, was the Billy Bush tapes as well as a parade of sexual assault allegations that had emerged against Trump. The following exchange would be regarded as one of the greatest and most memorable moments in the history of debating:

BIDEN: I do not understand why this guy is still even running when he's battling with so many women accusing him of violent sex offenses.

TRUMP: Joe, there are two men on stage tonight, and only one of them was captured by the press groping a woman. On September 8, 2012. Just over a month ago.

Trump proceeds to pull out a picture from the Associated Press showing Biden being cozy with a biker woman

BIDEN: She was completely fine with it!

TRUMP: Wrong. You might have missed it, but she was at my rally in Ohio last weekend and she's coming out with a tell-all any day now.

BIDEN (by now visibly upset): That's a load of malarkey, malarkey, utter bull, and manure.

The effects were swift and immediate. Twitter was, ahem, atwitter with graphics saying "Biden.exe has stopped working", and when the woman appeared in a Trump commercial discussing how Biden had "traumatized me for life" it was clear that Biden faced an uphill battle for election in his own right.

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The kicker was a Halloween night special on Glenn Beck that described Biden as "the scariest thing in America" and that openly speculated whether Biden's 2010 meeting with the son of disgraced Penn State football coach Joe Paterno had any "sinister" implications. The existence of a president who had groped women and had allegedly been involved in the sickening Penn State child abuse scandal was shocking, and to many swing voters it was described as "worse than Watergate".

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-Per the rules, no debate please!-
 
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fashbasher

Banned
Baktun 1 - November 2012 - January 2013

November 2012

It was the "twist" ending nearly everyone had seen coming since Trump's Perry Mason moment at the debate. Trump defeated Biden, netting 286 electoral votes, and a narrow (+/-1 million) popular vote victory. Most shockingly, Minnesota went red for the first time in decades, and Florida only narrowly avoided doing so. The biggest swing was in Pennsylvania, where the Biden-Paterno rumors stung deeply among all but the most devout Penn State fans. Down-ticket, Republicans cleaned up in both popular and seat counts in the House, Senate, state houses, and even municipalities, and in the words of commentators "Biden's indiscretions, as well as the misfortune to have a couple caught on camera and to have visited Penn State during the Sandusky investigation, gave Republicans their largest mandate since before the Great Depression and a license to pass a hard-right platform, including harsh measures on immigration, killing Obamacare, and on almost everything else."
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December 2012

Although initially Trump had received a lukewarm welcome at home and overseas because of his eccentric behavior, abrasive campaign style, and extremely right-wing platform, the events of December 21, 2012 stunned the nation and world. In mid-November, an obscure splinter of Mexico's EZLN had issued a video message in Spanish (with subtitles in bad English) condemning Trump and calling for all Americans to leave Mayan lands by December 21, 2012 or else face expulsion. The message was taken no more seriously than any of the other events tied to the 2012 apocalypse theory at first. However, just one week after the Sandy Hook shooting, the US found itself in mourning once again. Throughout Guatemala, Belize, and southeastern Mexico, dozens of attacks and mob riots were directed at American expatriates and American-owned businesses and hotels, culminating in the firebombing of a resort in Cancún that killed 45 foreign tourists, including over 20 Americans as well as German, British, Canadian, and Jamaican nationals, as well as gunbattles in the tourist core of Antigua Guatemala and pogroms in Panajachel, Cozumel, Isla Mujeres, Belize City, and San Cristobal de las Casas. In response to these acts, both Biden and Trump stridently condemned the massacre, with the president-elect declaring Mexico, Guatemala, and Belize to be "failed states" and vowing that "those governments that do not protect American lives on their soil will be taken behind the woodshed."

January 2013

Trump's inauguration was a very tense affair, after the events of 12/21 and Trump's often antagonistic rhetoric towards blacks, Muslims, and the left. However, it went off with no meaningful violence. It was Trump's first interview after the inauguration, however, that raised eyebrows. In a CNBC segment, President Trump told viewers to short European stocks and sovereign debt. His quote was as follows: "Short Europe. Europe's going to fall down for the same reason Obamacare will. Too much spending, too many entitlements, and I have very good intelligence that there's a yuge housing bubble in Sweden and London. They're going right back into the crisis, and we aren't going to go in after them. We can't help you, Europe." The statement caught his interviewer off guard, and its immediate effects were even more shocking. After Trump tweeted an article about the European crisis, stocks dropped unexpectedly; over 200 points on the Dow and approximately 2.5% in most European markets. The slump increased even further when Moody's downgraded every remaining AAA-rated country except for the US, with analysts implying that investors were taking Trump's words to heart or even worse that Trump or his cronies were interfering with Moody's' handling of the debt crisis. By February 1, 2013, there was not a single country in the world that was AAA-rated by Moody's, Fitch, and S&P.
 
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fashbasher

Banned
Baktun 2 - February 2013

There were three major events that characterized February 2013, and none of them occurred within the US' borders even though they all had geopolitical ramifications. First, on February 1-3rd, the Trump administration conducted a series of raids and airstrikes on the areas affected by the 12/21 attacks. Before Congress, he announced that "our Navy SEALs have recovered documents from an EZLN camp in Chiapas that confirm Chinese involvement in a variety of radical ideologies - communism, Islamism, the so-called New Age, and the climate-change hoax - in an attempt to make the US less competitive in the world. We will not stand for that, and we call on the Chinese government to arrest and extradite those responsible for plotting and funding the tragedy of 12/21." In response, Mexico calls the raids an act of war and orders the US-Mexico border sealed as well as the detention and deportation of all US citizens who are not also Mexican citizens, and the Chinese government similarly declares the documents that Trump mentioned to be hoaxes, daring him to "release the Mandarin originals or else!" After two weeks of skirmishes are ended with negotiations in Jamaica orchestrated jointly with the Catholic Church, Trump agrees to refrain from further strikes on Mexico or Central America without Congressional approval. The death toll from the so-called Lightning War: 4 US troops, 19 Mexican troops and police, 11 US civilians, 25 Mexican civilians, and 1 Guatemalan civilian.

Secondly, a tweet went out from an account close to Marine Le Pen saying that "We will not stand for attacks, be they Islamist or financial, on French soil. #FN #FranceLibre" followed by a second calling for a general strike on February 8 - one week after the "downgrades heard round the world" - that would culminate in a march on the US embassy to France. Le Pen, in a video statement, invited nationalists from around Europe to hold protests in their own countries and demand that their leadership disown "financial-neoliberal Yankee jihad" and "defend Europeans' health and welfare." On #8Fevrier, over 500,000 Front National supporters, many wearing black hoodies inscribed with nationalist slogans, marched past the US embassy. Several of these protesters committed acts of hooliganism, including smashing the windows of a McDonald's location in Central Paris.

The third and final defining geopolitical moment of 2/2013 saw the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI. In a statement taking responsibility for "Church failures to properly handle the sex abuse scandal", Benedict also said that the Church needs a new, younger pope to navigate the difficulties of the past few months. Although he dares not mention the Lightning War or the rise of far-right activity in Europe, much less mention President Trump by name, Benedict expresses concern about "the potential for persecution in an age of resurgent ultranationalism." The conclave is scheduled for the first week of March.
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