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Even ignoring the RAF/RN, the invasion will stall under its own logistical weight. Add to that the increasing resistance on the ground as British formations move to the beachhead, and the Germans aren't going to get much further past their initial lodgements.

Ok, so lets suppose that somehow, the assault wave is across with minimal losses. How are we going to supply them? Even without RAF/RN interference, port capacity and shipping capacity is going to be stretched to the limit to supply even a small invasion force. Given that you also need to bring...

Right, so why are we trying to land on the German coast?

Because from a naval aspect, the objective is to hold the blockade against Germany. That is the RN's major contribution to the war, and battle with the HSF isn't a necessity. Mounting such a major operation, and such a risky one, is unneeded.

Why bother? The Royal Navy had nothing to lose by not fighting the Germans, they had the blockade in place, Germany was slowly starving, victory was a matter of time. Smashing the German fleet would add nothing and remove potential prizes.

Subs are ambush predators, with a limited number of shots they can take at any one time. Once those shots are taken, they don't stick around to try and reload, they dive for the bottom and get out of there. Because a submarine that gets into a fight with a surface vessel is a dead submarine...

That's not how subs work.

Nope, just drew the thing for fun whilst bored.

Butterflies.

Exactly, it's a waste of good explosive.

Super-special Pure Aryan National Socialist Blowjobs?

McClellan destroys Lee's army at Antietam and marches on Richmond. Not hard, just needs a lack of total incompetence on McClellan's part. Oh. Wait.

Have some random nutjob adventurer from the Southern States lead a party in an attempt to annex Haiti and stop the slaves freeing themselves. At some point, the chap and his followers get gunned down by the French. Possibly there's some form atrocity involved (have them shot after being captured...

Everyone looks at him and wonders why he had a sudden personality flip. They look on in more shock as he dons a dress and starts calling himself 'Marie', whilst throwing cake everywhere and dancing like a Leprechaun.

Right, but if Mussolini thinks he can get away with it, he might still go for Greece. No? Assuming that garrisons, extra troops for France, and border guards are magically accounted for, you're still 7 divisions down.

So you're planning to mount a serious Second World War operation, by air. Over a logistic train that is already stretched. Over land which the enemy will have air superiority. If Crete was a nightmare, what's this going to be? At best you'll delay the Allies somewhat. At the cost of whatever...

So we're gonna cruise past Cyprus and Alexandria, and just hope that the British are cool with that?

No. It's not guaranteed that Italy wont go for Greece. Even if they don't, that doesn't stop the invasion of Yugoslavia. No, but the idea that Germany somehow has more troops once you remove 3 (later 10) Italian frontline divisions, along with garrisons, and put a border guard in place, is...

What? Two or three divisions from North Africa. Great, you barely made up the shortfall of the initial Italian commitment to Barbarossa.

This is a common one. The answer as always: "The Middle East strategy works about as well as trying to hammer a double-ended nail into a brick wall, using your face." Logistically, it's a nightmare. Even if you somehow get the supplies sorted, you have to beat the Commonwealth. Once you do...