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August 11, 1985
The Ligier come out of the curve way, way too fast and what usually happens, happened. It skidded and got of the track ass-first, right into the wet grass soaked by rain, at 150 mph. Except the grass was not flat, so at some point the car, travelling backwards, hit a bank which violently changed its erratic motion into a terrific series of cartweels, one... two... three... and when the sidewards cartwheels stopped, it was the
nose that planted in the soil, so the car dived into the ground and made an entire
looping like an aerobatic aircraft - before flipping a last time and coming to a stop at least !
The pilot quickly escaped what little was left of his car, he was completely unhurt but a little shaken.
He went on foot to the pit lane, not in a particular hurry to meat his team manager, the ebulient Guy Ligier. The frenchmen had been a butcher,a rugbyman, and a soldier before marrying motorpsort twenty years before. He wasn't particularly refined nor delicate, to say the least.
Andrea de Cesaris entered the Ligier stand. Guy Ligier awaited him, aparently blissfully unaware of De Cesaris monumental crash some minutes before.
"Putain, Andrea, encore un abandon ?" (Andrea for fuck sake, another do-not-finish)
De Cesaris answered in an hesitant, heavily italian accented French
"Ma, Guy, ça n'est lien... j'ai fait un petit
tétakou dans l'herbe mouillée"
Tétakou = Tête-a-queue = literally, head-to-tail, in english: a spin.
Guy Ligier went mad and erupted in anger. He pointed a menacing finger that shook with anger to a point on the rear, above De Cesaris head. Still wearing his helmet, the italian pilot turned, only to see a giant screen showing his mind-boggling crash, in a loop.
Porca miseria, merda...
Ligier shouted "UN PETIT TETAKOU, CA ? MAIS TU TE FOUT DE MA GUEULE ? JE VAIS T'EN FOUTRE, MOI DES PETITS TETAKOU" (a small spin, THAT ? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ??!!! - the following I can't translate, but you get the point) "YOU'RE FIRED, ANDREA ! FIRED !" said Ligier, on the brink of blowing an aneurysm.
...enough was enough, indeed. It wasn't for nothing that De Cesaris had been rebranded De Crasheris. Andrea wasn'ta bad pilot, he was fast but gaffe-prone. He also boasted big sponsors, making him attractive for teams that lacked money, like Ligier. Unfortunately hiring De Cesaris was usually a double-edged sword, because most of the money he brought with his sponsors, ended in car wrecks, inumerable spins, cartwheels, crashes. At least he was lucky enough never having hurt himself.
And once again, luck (and sponsors) saved Andrea de Cesaris career, once again, and it would last 8 more years, ending with 208 races and 1 lone victory, Monaco 1982, the poorest ratio on F1 history.
A week before, poor Marc Surer had died in Mosport, leaving the second Brabham seat unoccupied. And Bernie Ecclestone did
it: Brabham had a special connection with italian pilots,the Teo Fabi, Patrese... and De Cesaris, of all pilots, got the drive. Bernie Ecclestone needed the sponsors money; little him and Nelson Piquet knew the shitstorm that was going to blow on the team.
Andrea de Cesaris (died in a motorcycle accident early October 2014, the very same day as Jules Bianchi accident: how we miss personalities like you in today's F1).
September 11, 1985
Bernie Ecclestone never-ending misfortunes
Formula 1 kingmaker Ecclestone is in the eye of a growing storm. He had barely reached an agreement with François Hesnault family that his successor at Brabham Marc Surer died. Meanwhile Nelson Piquet is leaving the Brabham ship for Williams. As for Andrea de Cesaris... better not to discuss the matter !
Undaunted, Ecclestone hunted for a new star, and settled on no-one else than... Niki Lauda. Wait but WTF, didn't Lauda retired from F1 ?
Not for Ecclestone, it seems. Since the Austrian announced his retirement, Bernie proposed no less than a 6 million dollar contract to get him. Lauda briefly hesitated, shrugged, and said no. The next race, Ecclestone offers had balloned to 7 million, three times the highest salaries in F1, Rosberg, Prost, and Piquet himself. Lauda hesitated again, but stuck with a No, because of his wife, and because he is not a greedy turncoat. F1 is definitively over to him, even for a billion dollars.
Unfortunately for Bernie, by the point every other superstar pilot was already gone.
Senna is stuck at Lotus until 1988. Prost is all too happy at McLaren, where Rosberg will replace Lauda, continuing Ron Dennis wet dream of a « super team » of world champions. Williams got their hands on Piquet and Mansell. Ferrari will keep the valiant Alboreto and is already on... track to get Stefan Bellof. The German prodige has a date with Enzo Ferrari last week
This left the very own Elio de Angelis, the much beloved italian gentleman driver and aristocrat and piano player. For all his talent De Angelis, like many others, has been blown away by Ayrton Senna goodness, which is more and more reminiscent of Gilles Villeneuve.
De Angelis has been with Lotus since 1980 and, as long as his team mate was Nigel Mansell, he was the natural leader - although the two went along very well considering their... markedly opposite backgrounds, characters, and way of being. Things changed for the worse when Mansell left for Williams and Senna replaced him. Within the span of some weeks Senna put Lotus at his feet, despite a valiant resistance by De Angelis. Now the Roman wants to leave, and this did not escaped Ecclestone, who offered him a Brabham drive. So De Angelis will be Brabham number 1 pilot... yet so far he has no team mate.
And this bring us to the fate of italian pilots in Formula 1. There are four of them currently ranking high: De Angelis, Michele Alboreto, Riccardo Patrese and Andrea de Cesaris. Alboreto challenge to Prost was remarquable, but also highlighted some weaknesses of the man. Patrese is different, he was hardened by the insanely unfair treatment he endured after Ronnie Peterson death a decade ago. So far Patrese once promising career has been stuck at Alfa Romeo, wasting his talent on unworth cars.
And finally there is the case of Andrea de Cesaris, cruelly known as De Crasheris because he destroyed so many cars. It was hoped that De Cesaris (bizarre if not absurd) victory in Monaco, 1982, would help him to mature a little, to be more secure (1). This did not happened and that victory looks more and more like a twist of fate.
Lately De Cesaris went to work for frenchman Guy Ligier, the former butcher / military / rugbyman turned F1 manager. With such background you guess that patience and finesse are not Ligier foremost qualities, and with Andrea being De Cesaris, what could possibly go wrong ? De Cesaris... crashed lots and lots of Ligiers until Austria, where he went a step too far, demolishing his car in a spectacular cartwheel. Ligier had more than enough and sacked him. De Cesaris, undaunted, went to Ecclestone and told him his powerful sponsors were very much like Brabham's. He claimed Surer's seat ! Ecclestone sighed: his prefered drivers Patrese and Warwick were stuck, so De Cesaris it was... until Adelaide, that is. De Cesaris «performance» in Australia was the last straw, and so Patrese it will be, in the Brabham and beside De Angelis.
Alain Prost, Niki Lauda, Ayrton Senna.
To spoof Napoleon quote on the Egyptian pyramids
"Du haut de ce podium, 10 titres de champion du monde de F1 vous contemplent"
...and Jean Marie Balestre is looking at you, too (the ugly guy in the middle, that is not a pilot and wear sunglasses).
No, really, what could possibly go wrong, once Lauda gone and replaced by Senna at McLaren ?
HESNAULT AND SURER MISFORTUNES RIPPLES ON BRABHAM – AND BEYOND.
BMW was deeply shocked by Surer death, as they raced together in F2 in the early 80's. It was BMW that got Surer at Brabham in place of Hesnault. When (even before he died) Ecclestone make clear to Surer he would not stay with the team in 1986, BMW told Surer he would stay in F1 via Arrows, the small british team that also used BMW engines. A settlement between BMW, Surer and Arrows was imminent when Surer death wrecked it all. The german carmaker is deeply in shock.
Meanwhile the rising Austrian star Gerhard Berger, another BMW protégé, will bring the all powerful BMW flat four (1400 hp !) to the Toleman team... except that the Benetton brothers send a mercenary of them, Flavio Briatore on a crusade to Toleman, and together the three men took control of the team. Previously Benetton green livery has been seen on Tyrrells and Alfa Romeos, and the results were not exactly... positives. Hopefully Toleman will be a better investment for them !
(yes, this is Flavio freakkin' Briatore... a long time ago

)
LAUDA, DE ANGELIS, PIQUET IN A DEADLOCK AT BRABHAM.
«Considering the sum they paid Piquet, and what Bernie is willing to spend to get Lauda, I told myself – Elio, how much do you want ? [Laughing nervously]. Admittedly, I haven't two or three championships under my belt like these two. Still I'm no rookie anymore – third in 84' and even leading at some point in 85', despite Senna arrival.
So I decided to put some pressure on Bernie. I told him that, even with Senna making my life miserable, I may consider staying at Lotus – you never know. Because, you see, my departure is both a relief and a pain for Ayrton. Bluntly, he fears another me at his side. That is, a pilot good enough to be given equal treatment, and an equal car. Not an also-ran. Look at his pathetic efforts to block Warwick arrival. He fears Derek ! He went as far as pushing his fellow Brazilian roomate, Mauricio Gugelmin, as his future team mate. I know it because I saw Gugelmin testing the Lotus recently, with Senna help.
Somewhat surprisingly Bernie has been a little more receptive than I hoped – or feared. Fact is that all the tragedies that marred Brabham this year put his roster of pilots in shambles. Hesnault first, then poor Marc Surer. And now – on a lighter tone, I'd say he is trapped with Andrea de Cesaris, and somewhat already fed up with the man, as was Guy Ligier in July [laugh again, frankly]. Of course there is Patrese, but this is only one pilot, if Bernie wants to get ride of De Cesaris, then he will need a second one. And I'm not really sure Brabham is attractive enough, except for somebody desperate by Senna, as I am. But I'm not that desperate – I would rather endure Ayrton another year rather than running for Brabham, I mean, on too low a salary. In the end I have not much to lose: I piss-off both Senna and Ecclestone to get a better salary. Maybe I should speak to Warwick to encourage him in pressuring, either Brabham or Lotus. I recently realized that Warwick is a very nice fellow; we discovered we have a lot in common. For a start, we are both suffering from the comparison with Mansell [laugh].
Elio de Angelis. He was on par with Rosberg and Mansell, but a man from Sao Paulo with the name of Ayrton Senna decided otherwise... and then he died.
NOTE
(1) Monaco 1982, you said
what ?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1982_Monaco_Grand_Prix
Geez, Monaco has a knack for crazy races. I knew about the legendary 1984, Prost and Bellof and Senna; and 1996, Panis and only three survivors, I was 14.
But 1982 ? I was a (voracious) newborn toddler in my craddle, only one week old. Can't remember it, nor Gilles Villeneuve, who died a week before I was born.
Well, screw OTL.
Riccardo Patrese got plenty of F1 victories OTL, and Didier Pironi was definitively doomed that year 1982.
By contrast that poor De Cesaris, such an attaching fellow, OTL still held the record for most F1 races without a win, at 208 races. I come to appreciate goofy De Cesaris and decided that little POD, giving him a lone F1 victory, wouldn't change the grand history of things.
You might be interested by the fact that the next two most unfortunate pilots are Derek Warwick and Martin Brundle, nearly 160 races each and zero victories (hint: OTL, of course. ITTL ? we shall see !)
Well, and Nick Heidfeld, too. Nearly 180, and counting. But I don't plan to change F1 up to his days, and he still can win a race, common Nick, you CAN do it !
(2) (What happened to Pironi, by the way, after 1982 ? Everybody's remember Villeneuve, of course, but he has been forgotten, with Prost having eclisped him to get that pilot title for France, in 1985... Well, ITTL, Pironi fate will be different. Watch for him )
Didier Pironi and Gilles Villeneuve on what looks definitively like a bad day, probably in 1981, Ferrari shit-of-a-year bar Villeneuve crazy victories in Monaco and Spain - victories only a superhuman being like him could achieve.
If you think Prost and Senna rivalry was BAD, the story of these two is tragic and heart-breaking altogether. Sorry for Gilles fans, I just can't write on Villeneuve, his story is too tragic, final accident horror included. Maybe someday... he was headed to McLaren in 1983, in a pair with Lauda, Ron Dennis wet dream of pairing champions that OTL resulted in Prost-vs-Senna. Oh Ron Dennis, you evil megalomaniac... Lauda and Villeneuve ? are you NUTS ?