#41
View attachment 446448
Late Fall, 1984
Foreign Policy Debate.
“It’s scandalous! The president is letting communists run rampant across the globe. No meaningful response from this administration- or the last- on the invasion of Afghanistan. Communist aggression un-checked as Soviet allies in Syria invade their neighbors. Nothing but talk as Angola seeks to wrest Southwest Africa from the hands of our allies. And nothing short of collusion in Latin America. Argentina now fallen to a leftist revolution. All of Central America ceded to Cuban influence, you know it is really more than scandalous, it is borderline treasonous.”
“Mr. President, you may respond.”
“First of all, the good senator isn’t fooling anyone by calling the end of the Argentine junta a leftist revolution. President Alfonsin was democratically elected more than two years ago, I’ve met with him several times, and I’m proud to call him a friend of the United States and a partner in making Latin America a more prosperous and democratic region.
“Second, dismissing the improved situation with the Cubans is what I would call scandalous. We tried the blockade for a generation and it got us exactly nowhere. There’s a word for repeating the same strategy over and over and expecting different results: insanity. The efforts of my administration have de-escalated tensions in a dozen countries, from El Salvador to Angola, and I am proud of the results.
“Then we get into this statement that South Africa is our ally. Mr. Buckley would certainly like to make the Apartheid regime our ally, but speaking it- thankfully- does not make it so.”
“As for the Middle East, I’m perplexed as to what the senator believes we should be doing there. Have we interests in Beirut? Have we interests in Tehran? This Soviet-backed aggression is deplorable, and we’re working within the framework of the international community to stop the violence and bring refugees safely to our shores-”
“Mr. President your time is-”
“-But I will not unilaterally commit our boys to a ground war in the service of no particular end.”
“And Governor Lamm, one minute to respond.””
“Look, I applaud the president’s desire to ease tensions with the Soviet Union, and I applauded him when he promised us a new arms reduction treaty back in 1980. But where is it? He just hasn’t delivered.
“Instead he’s engaged in a round of nation-building and nation-destroying all across the globe that has destabilized large swaths of the planet, leading to a refugee crisis on our borders. Under President Carter the US let in about 92,000 refugees a year. Under President Ford it was even lower. Last year America took in over 150,000 refugees from Latin America alone and almost 400,000 total. This is just not sustainable.
“And it comes at the cost of not delivering on real, concrete steps on arms reduction, on missile reduction, on improving the fighting qualities of the armed forces rather than just putting a new coat of paint on the barracks and making a few edits to the training manual, and I want to stress that these-”
“And I’m afraid your time is up, Governor. We’ll now move on to closing remarks.”
----
Later that night.
“What the hell was he doing out there?”
“It’s bad, I know. It’s just the time pressure, he does better when he’s in full control of the clock.”
“He sounds like George Wallace or something. ‘Watch out for the immigrants! They’re after your daughters!’”
“You’re not wrong. That’s why I’m here.”
“It’s a little late in the day to come to us now.”
“I just hope it’s not too late. So Miss Huerta, I’m going to put the pen in your hand. What can we do to fix our image problem?”
“First, it’s Mrs. Huerta, I remarried last year. Second, I don’t need your pen. We’ve been shopping policy for years in my circles. Here’s what you’re going to do…”
----
7th and Euclid
“EXTRY! Read all about it! Lamm lays out vision for labor and agriculture policy! Cesar Chavez endorses! Read all about it!”
“I can’t believe you’re talking about agricultural policy when the Conservatives just basically admitted they want to bring down the government.”
“All news is important, Hashim.”
“They’re trying to bring down the government!”
“That’s a little harsh.”
“Not from where I’m standing. They’re telling these nativist racists out there that if they can win just enough leverage over the government they can make sure it doesn’t work for anybody. They’re poisoning the well. You should tell people.”
“Really? You mean you actually want me to…”
“This time, yes. Shout it from the rooftops, my friend! Everyone needs to know what they’re up to!”
“Wow. Okay. Big day. I wasn’t prepared for this, but here it is.”
“Sure, do your thing.”
“I knew I’d win you over.”
“Right. Whatever. Just this time.”
Al beams, but slowly his face turns serious. Then a little nervous.
“EXTRY! Uh, New York City breaks ground on fabled Second Avenue Subway line, first proposed in in 1920! YYYYYEXTRY!”
“...Al.”
“I was working up to it. There’s a rhythm to this business, Hashim. You can’t just do all the hits at once. You know, you can’t be performing up here all the time-”
Al waves his hand above his head.
“-You gotta build. From down here-”
Al waves his hand below his knees.
“-And then you gotta modulate.”
Woh-woh-woh goes the hand through the air.
“Is that so?”
“Yeah, it’s like a symphony. Or a really good burp.”
“You are a maestro in so many ways.”
Both are quiet for a minute. Al starts to work himself up to another round of hawking, catches Hashim’s eye, hesitates, then tries again.
“EXTRY!....Um....Wedding bells for Brooke Shields and JFK Jr! Read all about it!”
“Now you’re doing it on purpose.”
“Well you’re making me self-conscious.”