#31
View attachment 435132
1983
Katharine’s a senior Democratic aid on the Hill. She’s been waiting for an underling to come back with news on a fact-finding mission of sorts. His results are...surprising.
“How many?”
“Four.”
“Four?”
“Four.”
“FOUR!?”
“Four. Plus some other riders. The usual stuff: a little education spending, a little infrastructure. Hog farming showed up. Why does hog farming always seem to show up in these things?”
“Bobby.”
“You don’t have to say it.”
“Bobby!”
“You don’t have to-”
“This was supposed to be a gimme. This was supposed to be a slam dunk.”
“It is what it is.”
“That’s what you have for me? ‘It-is-what-it-fucking-is’?”
“You told me to see what it would take to get the bill passed, this is what it would take.”
“It’s Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday! How did this balloon so much!”
“It’s more controversial than you’d think. Plus you know how it is these days. We’ve basically been governing by coalition for a few years now. People are used to having their vote courted. It’s all quid pro quo to get office supplies these days, much less a yay vote.”
“God dammit. I can’t go to the leadership with four new federal holidays. What even are they asking for?”
“MLK Day, Flag Day, Women’s Suffrage Day, and Election Day.”
“God dammit. I don’t even know what to say.”
“It’s not necessarily a bad situation. We can spin this. These are all reasonable. This passes with a veto-proof majority. Anderson will decry the move as costing too much but he’ll have to sign it anyway. He loses a news cycle, we look good to women, blacks, flag-wavers, everyone.”
“Just...give me a minute to reconcile myself to this. The calculus I can see, that’s not the problem. But we can’t keep governing like this, Bobby.”
“I hear ya.”
“We ask for a scoop of ice cream and they want us to buy a goddamn Baskin Robbins franchise! Every time! Every piece of pissant legislation!”
“It’s a mess. It’s unworkable.”
“We need to stop pretending one of us is ever going to get- let alone keep- a majority with the fucking Conservatives around.”
“Amen.”
“Listen. I’m going to synthesize this and get it to Byrd. We'll get the brass involved on both sides and bring these idiots back down to Earth. But here’s what I need from you. Get Johansson and Bianchi and that new guy, the numbers guy with the sideburns-”
“Franklin.”
“Franklin. And get, um, what’s her name, Albright from Nitze. And I’ll give you more names tomorrow. Talk to Brookings. Arrange a consultation team from them. Find some office space off the Hill- I mean
way off the Hill. I’ll clear it with Leadership, but I want a new project set up. We’re looking at reform. We’re looking hard and we’re looking serious.”
“You’re the boss. But shouldn't you clear this with the DNC first?”
"It's better to ask forgiveness than permission, Bobby, never forget that in this business. I'm done with this shit."
----
WTVD Eyewitness News, Raleigh
“Congress today announced the establishment of three new federal holidays. As expected, Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday will now be observed on the third Monday in January. It will be joined by Flag Day, to be observed on the second Monday in June, as well as finally making Election Day a holiday, which of course will only be observed every other year on the first Tuesday in November.
“The move is expected to prompt the few states who hold elections outside of the standard federal cycle to align their electoral calendars with the federal calendar. Other holidays that were considered but were ultimately voted down included Women’s Suffrage Day and Moon Landing Day.”
----
7th and Euclid
“EXTRY! EXTRY! ACP protests new federal holidays! Thousands march on Washington against MLK Day! Conservative state legislatures vow to fight! EXTRY! Read all about it!"
“Idiots.”
“What’s that, Hashim?”
“They’re idiots, that’s all.”
“I didn’t know you were political.”
“I’m not, but who makes friends by protesting a holiday? Everybody loves time off. They are idiots.”
“I wish we got holidays.”
“We’re independent businessmen, we can take a holiday any time we want.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course! You think you have to be here? You can leave now if you want to.”
“And you’ll man my stall?”
“What? No, I’m not gonna man your stall. You just close the stall.”
“Close the stall? I don’t understand. So who’s selling the papers?”
“...Al, when is the last time you took a day off?”
“Look, every morning I show up and every morning there’s papers. When the news stops, I’ll stop.”
“This is so unhealthy. You need a vacation.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Immediately.”
“Wow. Great! Where we going?”
“Al, I’m not going on vacation with you.”
“Camaaaaaaahn!”
“No.”
“Camaaaaahn!”
“No!”
“Hey, I know where we can go: Michael Caine’s house.”
“N-what? Michael Caine?”
“My brother’s his chauffeur out there in Hollywood. Lives in the carriage house.”
“Are you serious!? Do you know how many times I’ve seen
Sleuth!?”
“We doing this? Sounds like we’re doing this! EXTRY! Al and Hashim are goin' to Hollywood!”
“
Michael Caine…”