I rather like the irony that the AFC church is basically begun in 1777 (777 being the lucky number/number of completion). This was totally unintentional on my part, but I would say it plays in well with whatever q-anon-level mystic magic sacred geometry nonsense that the "Council of Jehovah" studies. In other news, this might be the craziest thing I've ever written, and was also extremely fun. I think the fact I was truly enjoying creating this lunacy truly shines through in all the details. Also, play the Messiah video below while you read the first bit for added character.
THE LIFE OF AARON BURR II
FOUNDER OF THE AMERICAN FUNDAMENTALIST CHURCH
(Verse 1)
And lo, the Angel of Destiny showed himself through the din and smoke of battle that day, and he did reveal to me Jehovah's plan. For God Our Lord has lifted us above all other nations. A shining city upon a hill, we shall worship Jehovah and build for him an altar in the evening dews and damps.
( Verse 2)
Yea, whoever shall stand against us shall be struck down with thunderous fury, for the Angel of Destiny has told us to march on. We shall build a watchfire, and prepare the New Jerusalem to receive our Savior and his cohort of past patriot-saints upon his Second Coming. Amen.
-
Book of Manifestum, Verses 1 and 2.
(Verse 1)
And in the midst of our trials and tribulations, we know these are the End of Days. The Scions of Satan who descended from the snowy hills of the Canadian wilderness, like so many barbaric hordes of demons from the pit of hell, wreaked havoc and brought shame and dishonor upon our Christian Land. The Angel of Destiny revealed himself to me once more, bringing visions of what had been and what will be. I saw again the Martyrs, the Patriot-Saints Benedict Arnold and Daniel Shayes, in their last death gurgles. I saw the bloody snow of Valley Forge, and the bloody footprints of the Canadian horde as they marched upon our fair land in 1812.
(Verse 2)
So it was that these things were revealed unto me. And the Angel of Destiny said to me, a sword in his hand that shone like a mirror but that dripped with blood. "Fear not, faithful Aaron. For just as God has lifted thy nation above all others, so too shall Manifest Destiny be laid forth for thee. And thou shalt follow the word of Jehovah our God and bring joy and riches upon this thy nation." I was then shown visions of the future, where no more blood ran through our streets, where America stretched from sea to shining sea, through amber waves grain to purple mountains of majesty. And one flag, the Stars and Stripes, did wave over this land of free men. And everyone therein followed the Word of God.
(Verse 3)
And so it shall be that Manifest Destiny shall heal our wounds and sorrow. Fear not, faithful children, for the Angel of Destiny marches with us through the sands of time, both before and after and forever more, and shall bring us to fulfill these Prophecies and Visions. Stand strong, and fear not, for the Lord of Hosts is with our nation. And we shall handle serpents and drink poisons and experience tumult, but nothing shall stop us from achieving our God-given duty of Manifest Destiny. And all who are against us shall be cleansed like unto glass with Holy Fire. Amen.
- Verses 1, 2, and 3 of the
Book of Fati
Benedict Arnold, the Hero of Saratoga, surprised everyone when he rejected Congress's reinstatement of his seniority in the Continental Army. Instead, he said he would go to aid General Washington at his encampment at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania. This was a supposedly a valiant show of support for Washington, but also represented his growing disdain for the Congressional government. Privately, he said to his wife, "If they don't want to recognize my ability, I won't seek their approval."
It was on the fateful day of December 24, 1777, that he and several officers were surveying the heavily-wooded countryside behind a rough-hewn wooden listening post. This area was called "The Gulf" and commanded the main approach to camp. The men were half-starved and many were feeling the first symptoms of frostbite set in on their fingers. Rumors had spread of a British patrol having ventured into the area and Arnold and the officers, including a young man named Aaron Burr, wanted to take a look. After all, tomorrow would be Christmas, and they hoped to get through it one piece. Instead, though, as Arnold looked through his spyglass, he noticed a dot of red through the treeline. Then another. And even more after that. Soon, all could see the red with their naked eyes. An
attack!
Quickly, the men readied their weapons as the British light infantry came scurrying through the brambles and snow mounds. A shot rang out, a puff of smoke rising above the underbrush. The soldier next to Arnold went down, blood gushing from his shoulder, his face contorted in a silent scream. The pointy faced man in an officer's uniform made an obvious target for a sharpshooter (a tactic the British had only recently adopted from their American counterparts), and so Arnold looked about for cover.
Blam! A cannonball came screaming overhead, fired from a light artillery piece hidden somewhere in the trees. It hit about 10 feet away from Arnold, the shock sending him careening backward, falling hard and losing his three-cornered hat and wig.
The shot had landed right next Aaron Burr, sending the young man to the ground as well. The roar of the guns and artillery was all the New Jersey native could hear for a moment, but then everything faded. He slowly picked himself up, still deaf, with everything seeming to move in slow motion. He saw flashes of light, he saw blood on the snow. He realized it was his own, coming from his ears. He stood there, motionless, trying as best as he could to move. But still he remained, an unbelievably open target.
Arnold had had enough of this skirmish! He picked himself up, grabbed his hat, and looked around for safety. "Burr, you fool! Snap out of it! We're going to withdraw to the main camp! We aren't going to last any longer out here!" he screamed hoarsely over the din of the battle. Burr remained still, and Arnold gave up. He rushed past him to retreat, but as he stepped directly in front of Burr a musket ball came smacking directly into his spine.
Suddenly, Burr snapped back to reality as the mortally wounded Arnold slumped into him. He immediately reached to support him. "No!" cried Burr, as he dragged Arnold to the ground to take from another sniper shot. The musket ball slapped into a tree just behind them. The morning sunlight seemed to shine down directly on Arnold's pale face as gazed up at Burr. "Come on, Arnold," said Burr, clutching the man's hand with his own like a vice, "Your country needs you! You can't die on us!"
Arnold, now with blood foaming out of his mouth, smiled weakly and said, "Tell them, tell them for me, Burr... I regret I have but one life to give for my country." The last thing Arnold ever saw was George Washington and the American army come crashing through the trees behind Burr. The day was saved. The British skirmishing party began to flee back to their own lines.
As Arnold's lifeless body was placed on a stretcher, Burr stood up and stared out through the carnage. British dead littered the field and the American troops were surging forward, officers screaming, "For the Hero of Saratoga and the God of the New England, forward!" Burr felt the blood trickle out his ears and the ringing continue. Suddenly, it grew louder once more and everything slowed again. The charging Americans seemed as if almost frozen in time. Burr dropped to his knees. Blood was pouring out of his nose. Before there had been many blinding lights, like seeing stars, but now there was one light and everything seemed to fade like a dream. He saw a man with huge wings, glistening like bronze, and armored in plate and chain, clutching a bloody sword. The figure seemed to talk to him from inside Burr's own head, never moving his mouth. He told him a dictionary's worth of things, and he seemed to whisk Burr away to many locales, again, only in his head.
George Washington sheathed his saber and galloped back to the listening post. There he saw Burr sitting on his knees, his eyes glazed over as if in another world. Blood was pouring from his nose and ears. Washington had seen what would later be known as shell-shock, but Burr would always vehemently deny it was something so ordinary. He would later claim it was a vision of an angel. Washington rode up and dismounted to check on Burr. He shook his shoulder violently and suddenly Burr snapped to and seemed to fly backwards. Washington helped him pick himself up and made sure he could hear and speak. "Burr," said the American commander, "We lost Arnold, but I'm glad we didn't lose you too, sir. You should have been killed as well, my men are all saying. That cannonball landed inches away. God has something special for you, I think, young man. This isn't the first time I've seen you cheat death in my army. Come, you can ride with me back to camp and we can get you patched up and a shot of whiskey." Burr accepted the offer and slowly mounted the horse to sit behind Washington. The world would never be the same. A case of shell-shock was about to create a religion...
***
"Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to see you burn." - Rev. Aaron Burr II
Aaron Burr II was born to the Reverend Aaron Burr I and his wife Esther Edwards in Newark, New Jersey, on February 6th, 1756. Reverend Burr I was a Presbyterian minister who helped found Princeton University. Esther was the daughter of famed Calvinist preacher and fiery orator Jonatha
n Edwards, who also helped to found Princeton University.
At age two, young Aaron suffered the death of his father and mother (in that order) in the space of a year. His maternal grandfather Jonathan Edwards took him in and raised him to be a radical Calvinist and anti-British. He was taught by the hellfire preacher that Britain was the modern Sodom, full of drinking and lust. Burr was immensely traumatized when Edwards was killed in a carriage accident in 1765--Burr was just 9, and Edwards was 62. Burr was then sent to live with Philip Jonas of Boston, a close friend of the late Edwards and a radical American Patriot. At age 19 in 1775, Aaron Burr II joined the Continental Army as a junior-grade minister and infantryman. He served as a colonel under George Washington during the brutal winter at Valley Forge and was the officer in charge of "the Gulf," an isolated pass commanding approach to the camp. After a series of harrowing attacks by British scouts and sharpshooters which involved Burr nearly getting killed every time, his men started to say he was "blessed by the Lord." Washington himself gave him a personal thanks and multiple awards and medals, and upon Benedict Arnold's arrival at Valley Forge, he was made Arnold's aide-de-camp.
When the troops began demoralizing as the cold blew in that winter and supplies ran short, Burr took out his Bible (the copy his grandfather had used during his famous
Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God sermon) and proceeded to "deliver such a fiery oratory that we felt thawed from the frostbite," wrote Benedict Arnold, who later took a bullet for Burr in the spine and died. Some argued he simply ran in front of Burr at the right time an was actually running away from the fight, but Burr always stated Arnold had sacrificed himself and was a hero and martyr.
Burr supposedly was visited by "The Angel of Destiny" as he sat on the snow, blood fountaining out his nose and ears, mumbling to himself. As time went on, Burr began experiencing chronic migraines and spells. A doctor offered him treatment, but he refused, claiming God would heal him. Burr retired from the army and became an ordained minister and later was elected a Member of Congress for New York (1795), and was one of the Hawks who pushed for what became the Franco-American War (1799-1800) which resulted in the death of Washington and ushered in the Collapse of the Old United States. He pushed for the conflict because "America's sacred honor is on the line and Louisiana should be ours through Manifest Destiny.
But it was the period of 1798-1799 that were most important in Burr's life. His head injury is likely the cause of a series of long dreams he had where he once again saw "The Angel of Destiny and his grandfather Jonathan Edwards" in Heaven.
"And they and the voice of the Lord said unto me, 'And these signs shall follow them that believe: In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues. They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover. Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.'" Burr had written down his "experience" at Valley Forge, but had kept it private. Now, these new visions seemed to verify the first encounter. He claimed that what he had done at Valley Forge and what the men there had said about him was true, that he was specially chosen by God for a special purpose. Burr wrote in late 1798 to his close friend and Republican Union founder Willard Crawford,
"I have formulated plans for a new church. It shall be located in Philadelphia, as close to the Congress as I can, and perhaps near to Articles of Confederation Hall. This way, in betwixt doing the Lord's Work at the pulpit, I shall do the Lord's Work at the Congressional Chambers. Wish me well and please pray for my success."
Burr's Fundamentalist Church in Philadelphia
Burr's "new church" was actually a new denomination. Branded American Fundamentalism, the church was completed in mid-1799. His ferocious and red-faced rhetoric converted many immediately, and raised the ire of many others. Ignoring claims he was behaving like a cult leader, Burr continued to preach under the Freedom of Denomination Clause of the Articles of Confederation. He ended up converting several other Congressmen, drawing further attention. A newspaper pundit in Boston claimed that:
"The Madman Burr continues to propagate his blasphemy throughout the fair city of Philadelphia. He pretends to be his grandfather, like a boy playing soldier, but his sheer lunacy is nothing like the great minister of old, and his falsehoods are not nearly as innocent as a lad playing at muskets. Believe this publication when we say this 'church' is merely a flash in the pan, and his so-called followers are simply there for the entertainment of the spectacle and lunacy medicine show that is Colonel Burr."
Burr continued on, and by the time of the creation of the Republican Union, he had actually a sizable amount of followers in his pews. His ultra-patriotism and his friendship with Crawford kept opponents from going after him, and he became the Union's Second Chief Consul and Crawford the First, two men becoming the new leaders of the new nation. As Chief Consuls for the next seven years (re-elected every year), Crawford and Burr helped shape the entire history of the Union. They are considered the only truly strong Consuls of the 19th Century, as the rest just muddled along and wielded almost no power of any sort and went through the political revolving door.
By the time of his retirement from politics, the membership of Burr's church was a whopping amount, with at least 2,000 followers in the Philadelphia area alone. Up in his adopted home state of New York, he had built another church, called the Second Fundamentalist Christian (with the Philadelphia branch being named simply Fundamentalist Christian), and it grew to a huge (for the time) 8,000 members statewide. In 1820, all of the churches were re-branded as "American Fundamentalist Christian," each with its own number. It then began leaking over into his original home state of New Jersey, where several of his young deacons began orating at Princeton University, greatly upsetting the Calvinist professors there, to the point that they banned preaching by the "Burr Sect" on campus.
An AFC evangelist leads a revival in New Hampshire (1815)
Many in places that had not experienced a sermon by Burr had no idea what on earth could make it so appealing, but when a series of traveling revivals swept the nation, they found out sure enough. Burr and his deacons started off simple, appealing to the crowds in a friendly, folksy way. Then, they would start haranguing them, spewing hatred about Catholics, Deists, and immigrants. Then would come the appeal to their patriotism, hitting them with the impoverished state of the Union and with the "former glorious United States of America, an Christian Empire that was destroyed by the Papist-sympathizing and traitorous slave-whipping Southrons." By the end of the sermons, people sitting in the pews began weeping, screaming, and flying out of their pews in a seizure-like craze.
Unbelievably, in 1813 when Burr published the
Book of Manifestum and the
Book of Fati, two strange, lucid fever dreams masquerading as a religious text, instead of facing public mockery and being laughed out of his position, many people embraced them as "Holy Prophecies." The Two Books of Manifest Destiny were revanchist, violent, terrifying texts discussing how the Angel of Destiny revealed itself to Burr and how God was in control of the Union. According to the Two Books, Burr was promised that if America worshiped Jehovah, he would make them invincible in war and would reunite the former United States into a glorious New Jerusalem stretching over the Hemisphere. Those that did not come to Jehovah and the ways of America would be "turned into glass and sand" like the modern Sodom and Gomorrah, struck down by an American God's righteous fury. Now, there was a vast majority that did indeed mock Burr and treat his "prophecies" as nonsense, but the fact that so many accepted it really went to prove how desperate the Union was for any scrap of hope or promise in the aftermath of 1812. America seemed to be drawing the short straw every year since the Revolution ended, but the AFC promised a brighter tomorrow, where all wrongs would be righted and "Manifest Destiny would heal the wounds and dry the tears" of an oppressed people. Americans began seeing themselves as the modern tribes of Israel, wandering through the desert waiting for God to show them the way to salvation.
Burr's own wife Theodosia Prevost, with whom had a son named Theodor, in 1783, supposedly was terrified for her husband's mental health after he had come home from the war. She thought he was mad for over 20 years but refused to not support him. She loved him dearly and when the "Third Great Awakening" took the country by storm beginning in 1813, she finally was baptized "in the sweet waters of Manifest Destiny, in the name of Jehovah."
The audiences in the churches and revivals of this Third Great Awakening would become so enthralled that, as one witness wrote in a diary, "One middle-aged gentlemen in thick spectacles had been screaming out and crying like a man-possessed in the fifth aisle down. This man had been going blind. Reverend-Colonel Burr simply raised his hand at him, said a few words in a strange tongue, and the man flew out into the aisle like the Lord had grabbed him by his cravat. The Reverend-Colonel struck his palm on the man's head once, and the man again went flying erratically down the aisle like his spirit had been smote from his body. It was amazing. This blind man rose and could see again." Later claims that the man was an actor were denied by the Fundamentalists.
The people attending became so convinced of his power that when he started the terrifying practice of holding snakes in church as a following of what "God" had told him in his dream years before, attendance dropped (as those not fully converted and those just there to watch became frightened), but then attendance actually
sky-rocketed. Crying out that, "They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover," Burr's overpowering showmanship kept his services standing room only. People came from all over, even Europe, to hear him speak.
An AFC service in Philadelphia in 1830 (the crowds became so enormous a massive awning had to be created as the church couldn't hold all the followers any more)
The many people who rejected Burr said the reason for the seemingly "divine" power was nothing but a crowd effect, where those who believed Burr held the power to "Slay them in the Spirit" were just simply
wanting Burr to have that power. They
wanted to escape the drab hopelessness of the struggling Union and were glad to have someone to "show them the way." John Jay wrote of Burr's Fundamentalists: "This is nothing but boulderdash and mind-trickery. I have attended these services and
not once did I come to the belief that Aaron Burr, of all people, was casting the Lucifer out of anyone. I noticed he never attempted to 'slay' any of my family's spirits or my own, likely because he knows we aren't a pack of uneducated ignorant fools of the type who are amazed when a trickster pulls a silver eagle out of someone's ear. This madman would never have been Second Chief if it wasn't for Crawford being his personal friend. I dread to see where this sect goes. I swear, if the people of this nation are so willing to believe this low-brow, silver-tongued demagogue and follow him in the handling of venomous snakes and the other assorted insane practices, then I fear for the Union's future. The mentality of a mob bowing down to their leader is the mentality of men who will do anything for that leader. And that is how tyranny come to power. We have tasted tyranny once before and it wore a Federalist cockade in its hat. If it comes to visit again upon this nation it shall be draped in the flag and carrying a cross."
In 1825, Burr released the
Book of Patriots. This
Third Book of Manifest Destiny explained how those who were giants of "American freedom and unity" and who died "heroes of the Republic" were to become "Patriot-Saints" in the AFC religion. The first to officially be inducted, of course, was Benedict Arnold, and a massive stained glass memorial was created at inside the Philadelphia church. The choir stage was located directly in front of it. Right before Burr's death, the actual remains of Arnold and his wife were reburied in a tomb located directly under the stage. The tomb was lavish and ornate, and portraits of Arnold adorned the walls. Roman-style fasces, a symbol prominent with the AF Church, covered the inside of the tomb. Willard Crawford, George Washington, Daniel Shays, and Charles Lee, the slain Hero of Monmouth, were next to be re-interred in the Philadelphia catacombs under much pomp and circumstance. George Washington received a ceiling mural depicting him as a god among the clouds. When the Prophet Reverend-Colonel Burr died in 1839, an impressive memorial was created, and his body placed inside a tomb with iron walls and draped in flags and Roman imagery. The floor was the finest red silk and golden eagles dotted the room, telling allegories of America's past and proposed future. Above it, in the church proper, a giant mural depicting the Angel of Destiny was erected over the tomb entrance. The "beeswax cylinder," mankind's earliest known voice-recording instrument, was used with Burr just before his death. Every December 24, known officially as Benedict Arnold Day by a future regime, was considered the birthday of the AFC, and the cylinder was played, reciting a single verse fragment: "Manifest Destiny shall heal our wounds and sorrow. And God our Lord has placed us above all other nations."
The Benedict Arnold Memorial
Upper Mural of the Philadelphia AFC Church
In 1819, a 25 year-old deacon took charge of a growing Fundamentalist church in Boston, and became by far the most important of Burr's successors, his influence equaled only somewhat by Burr's son Theodore. His name was Edward Everett, and he was considered the finest orator in Boston. In 1820, several "Irish-Catholics" attacked during a sermon, killing five and burning down 30% of the church. Everett and Burr claimed it proof of the inferiority and murderous tendency of the Irish and Papists, and went about building the chapel larger and grander than ever before. It was a
huge building, and when Aaron Burr died in 1839, an obelisk was constructed outside called the Burr Monument. Measuring in at 555 feet, it was the tallest stone structure in the entire world. Inside the monument, huge rows of stained glass depicted scenes from the lives of Jesus, Jonathan Edwards and Aaron Burr, especially those of Burr heroically standing upright in a hail of British fire at Valley Forge. One depicted the Apotheosis of Benedict Arnold.
The Burr Monument in Spring by Andrew Gibbs (1869)
In addition to having a colossal Egypto-Roman monument dedicated in his name, Burr's self title of "Reverend-Colonel" was held by every following head of the American Fundamentalist Church. While still technically correct to refer to Burr as "Reverend-Colonel" after his death, most called him "The Prophet Burr." The title "Colonel" was later turned into an award similar to the European title of count, but granted by the Church rather than the government. Charles Goodyear would be the first man to become an American Colonel. He was a choir boy in the Boston church when he was 10, and had been personally baptized by Burr after a soul-seeking trek to Philadelphia at age 19.
Though glorified in death and enshrined as a prophet, Burr would be later almost deified by the Manifest Destiny Party of the latter half of the 19th century. Benedict Arnold would also receive a nationally funded memorial in the form of the Benedict Arnold National Memorial Museum, erected in 1880, which showcased many "holy relics" from Biblical times, such as Roman armor and relics supposedly from Solomon's Temple, to modern "End of Days" items, such as the uniform Arnold was wearing when he was shot and Burr's original manuscripts of the Three Books of Manifest Destiny. Paintings glorifying America and war covered the inside of the domed building. The Arnold Memorial Museum was located on Boston's waterfront. The biggest visitation increase occurred in 1901 when the "Spear of Destiny," the spear supposedly used on Jesus during the Crucifixion, was put on display, supposedly retrieved by the Benedict Arnold University's archaeological team in Palestine.
The Benedict Arnold Memorial Museum by Franz Kapp (1875)
Detail inside the Arnold Memorial Museum depicting the Angel of Destiny smiting the foreign hordes
Another policy instituted by Burr in old age was the 1829 creation of the Council of Jehovah. It was a secret society that set official church policy and would pick a new church head after his passing. They would become the "Anti-Cardinals," so to speak, and they would gather at their highly secretive "Hall of Destiny" in Philadelphia to pick a new Reverend-Colonel each time the last one passed. Members of the Council always wore masks in public, and were not allowed to reveal their identities, as that was believed to "make it about them instead of the Lord." Among their other duties and practices were attending and leading prayers at national events, presiding over mass military funerals in time of war, and studying the Bible and the Three Books of Manifest Destiny. They also practiced "rituals of sacred Christian geometry, handed down through the eons by the Builders of the Temple of Solomon." Through these rituals, which involved copious amounts of meditation, numerology, and a drug the Native Americans called "peyote," they believed they would grow closer to God. Meanwhile, they also pushed for world-wide abolition of slavery, which became illegal in the Union in 1820.
The Council of Jehovah inducts a new member in this crude interpretation of CoJ rituals
Earliest known photographic portrait of members of the Council of Jehovah (1850)
Theodore Burr (1783-1867), Aaron's only son, would go on to more politics than preaching but was, for a short time, considered a likely "Reverend Colonel Burr II," before the position passed ultimately to Everett in a surprise move. This angered Theodore, and a rift grew between the Church and the Burr family. Theodore's son Aaron Burr III (1819-1909) would never hold the title, and instead would become a high-ranking government official. Towards the middle of the 19th century, many citizens grew wary of American Fundamentalists overrunning the government offices, and their suspicions of the group's political plots were only strengthened when the Union Army adopted "Onward Christian Soldiers" as their official song. "Onward Christian Soldiers" was Aaron Burr's favorite hymn. John Jay's words seemed to be ringing true. But to most citizens, the AFC was seemingly unstoppable, and it became a religious and political machine, reaching every aspect of life in the Republican Union.
Everett brought back the practice of traveling revivals and went west himself to Ohio. It was there in Cincinnati that Everett would have the pleasure of converting a blond-haired young man by the name of
George Armstrong Custer. Once again, the path of Manifest Destiny was beginning to be laid out. The world was in for a wild ride.