alternatehistory.com

Interlude 1.4: Trolling
(With apologies to Yugoslavia: And Nothing of Value Was Lost and various pages on Unencyclopedia)

Ferdin_da_man is now dead.

Mini-Max is now KING OF HUNGARY and KING OF CROATIA and ARCHDUKE OF AUSTRIA

The_Pope: The Vatican gives our most sincere condolences to the Hapsburgs on the loss of a most noble man.

FRANCIS: HAH HAH YOUR BROTHER IS DEAD AND I HAVE MILAN

FRANCIS: BET YOU WISH YOU HAD SOME INFIDEL ALLIES NOW

FRANCIS: TOO SCARED TO REPLY CHARLIE BOY

FRANCIS: COWARD

NavarreDon'tCare: He has you blocked Francis.

FRANCIS: JUST LIKE I BLOCKED HIM FROM ITALY

Charles of Most of Europe is now: Thinking

JFElector: I don't like this.

Phil the Hessian: I don't like it either

realPhilip: I like this.

Charles of Most of Europe: So Bohemia, Mini-Max is very young perhaps you'd like a more stable hand at the tiller.

Estates_of_Bohemia: Say what.

Charles of Most of Europe: Maybe you'd like someone a bit older as King. Like me. Or maybe Philip.

Phil the Hessian: You rang?

Charles of Most of Europe: No not you.

realPhilip: <3 <3 best dad ever

Estates_of_Bohemia: Ferdinand just spent years cajoling us to move to simple succession and now you want us to mess with that?

JFElector: This is clearly a trap to get Philip as Emperor.

Phil the Hessian: :-(

JFElector: Not you.

Mini-Max is now a ward of Charles of Most of Europe

JFElector: The man is old enough to rule alone. Clearly more insidious Hapsburg plots to secure power.

FredrickCountPalatine: Please stop this Charles.

Charles of Most of Europe is now REGENT OF HUNGARY and REGENT OF CROATIA

Charles of Most of Europe: So, about the throne of Bohemia…

Estates_of_Bohemia has issued THE DECLARATION OF PRAGUE

Mini-Max is now KING OF BOHEMIA


ImperialOfficial237: Wait what?

Estates_of_Bohemia: Nice view today.

ImperialOffical237 is now offline

rogueBohemianEstates: Long live the Pope. Long live King Charles.

JFElector: Bravo Bohemia! Long live Protestantism!

Charles of Most of Europe: Mini-Max is Catholic. Like, that's not just me. He's Catholic. No matter what you say.

JFElector: Speaking of "what I say", I say it's time we had an election for King of the Romans.

Charles of Most of Europe: Bohemia is currently in open rebellion no time.

JFElector: Maximilian is the rightful King of Bohemia. Anything less would be a declaration of war on the rights of the constituent parts of the Holy Roman Empire.

Charles of Most of Europe: They threw people out of windows. This is highly irregular.

The Schmalkaldic League has mobilized.

HAPPY 1546!

Swabia is now occupied by JFElector

VoteSaxon has mobilized


JFElector: Good to see you cuz.

VoteSaxon is now invading Saxony

JFElector: Oh come on!

Swabia is no longer occupied

JFElector is now invading Saxony

Estates_of_Bohemia is now invading Saxony

VoteSaxon: No fair!

JFElector has now invaded Other Saxony

Estates_of_Bohemia has now invaded Other Saxony.


Charles of Most of Europe is now invading Swabia

FredrickCountPalatine: A little help please.

Phil the Hessian is now invading Swabia.

FredrickCountPalatine: Thanks.

Phil the Hessian: FOR LUTHER AND FOR BIGAMY!

Charles of Most of Europe: eww

JFElector: eww

FredrickCountPalatine: eww

Henry VIII: Intriguing idea…

Phil the Hessian has started BATTLE OF HEIDELBERG

Charles of Most of Europe has joined BATTLE OF HEIDELBERG

FredrickCountPalatine has joined BATTLE OF HEIDELBERG

Charles of Most of Europe has won BATTLE OF HEIDELBERG

Charles of Most of Europe has started BATTLE OF KARLSRUHE

Phil the Hessian has joined BATTLE OF KARLSRUHE


FredrickCountPalatine: I'm running low on…well…everything…a little help?

FredrickCountPalatine: Anyone?

FredrickCountPalatine: Anyone?

FredrickCountPalatine is: sad

FredrickCountPalatine has joined BATTLE OF KARLSRUHE

Charles of Most of Europe has won BATTLE OF KARLSRUHE

Charles of Most of Europe is now invading Bohemia

rogueBohemianEstates is: in love


Estates_of_Bohemia: Bring it.

JFElector is now invading Bohemia

Estates_of_Bohemia: WHAT

Charles of Most of Europe: WHAT

JFElector: oops, wrong button

JFElector is now assisting Estates_of_Bohemia

Estates_of_Bohemia: Thank you.

BohemianPeasent1367: This looks the same

Estates_of_Bohemia: Shut up.

WINTER HAS COME -1 bazillion attack effectiveness.

BohemianPeasent1367 is now dead

HAPPY 1547


FredrickCountPalatine: I'm sorry guys, but I can't go on.

FredrickCountPalatine has submitted to Charles of Most of Europe

Charles of Most of Europe: That's right! Bow to the Emperor! Lutherans can get out!

Phil the Hessian: I will fight on, for my religion and my wives!

Charles of Most of Europe: eww

FredrickCountPalatine: eww

JFElector: eww

Henry VIII: intriguing

Henry VIII is now dead

EdofWales is now EdVIard

EdVIard is now KING OF ENGLAND and KING OF IRELAND


EdVIard: And KING OF FRANCE

FRANCIS: Fuck you.

EdVIard: What does "fuck" mean?

FRANCIS: What.

EdSeymour is now REGENT OF ENGLAND and REGENT OF IRELAND

EdSeymour has activated PARENTAL BLOCKS for EdVIard.


EdSeymour: Pardon his majesty's youth.

Charles of Most of Europe: Actually Edward is a bastard, the rightful queen of England is Mary Tudor. Henry VIII's divorce of my aunt was illegal.

EdSeymour: False.

The_Pope: England remains excommunicated. Unless of course you want to negotiate. New king and all.

England is no longer CATHOLIC BUT FUCK THE POPE

The_Pope: Good start…

England is now PROTESTANT BUT NOT LUTHERAN OR CALVINIST

The_Pope: Wrong choice.

Charles of Most of Europe: back to normal I guess.

WINTER HAS ENDED

NotHorseFacedWeSwear has mobilized

Charles of Most of Europe: Oh for the love of... Philip go organize some defenses in the Netherlands.

Charles of Most of Europe: My son, not the Bigamist.

realPhilip: OK dad.

Phil the Hessian: :-(

NotHorseFacedWeSwear has invaded the Netherlands

realPhilip has invaded Jülich-Cleves-Berg

The Low Countries are now in a COSTLY STALEMATE


realPhilip: :-(

Charles of Most of Europe: Don't worry, the mines of Mexico can out spend them!

FRANCIS is now subsidizing NotHorseFacedWeSwear

realPhilip: Dad what do I do now?

Charles of Most of Europe: I just told you, just throw silver at the issue and it goes away.

NavarreDon'tCare: Francis is funding them.

Charles of Most of Europe: Tell him to go fuck himself.

NavarreDon'tCare: he knows that.

Charles of Most of Europe: Philip, just keep fighting.

Phil the Hessian is retreating

Charles of Most of Europe begins CROSSING OF THE NECKAR

Phil the Hessian joins CROSSING OF THE NECKAR

Phil the Hessian has ended CROSSING OF THE NECKAR


Charles of Most of Europe: Whelp. Time to claim another throne

Charles of Most of Europe has resumed campaigning in Bohemia.

rogueBohemianEstates is now rebelling

rogueBohemianEstates has seized České Budějovice


Charles of Most of Europe: Excellent!

Estates_of_Bohemia: Treasonous dogs…

Estates_of_Bohemia: Time to go in the offensive. You ready John Fredrick?

JFElector: I'm ready!

Estates_of_Bohemia has started BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Charles of Most of Europe has joined BATTLE OF PÍSEK

rougeBohemianEstates has joined BATTLE OF PÍSEK


Estates_of_Bohemia: Uhh John Fredrick?

JFElector: Uh oh, bad weather.

Charles of Most of Europe has won BATTLE OF PÍSEK

rogueBohemianEstates has won BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Estates_of_Bohemia is: scared

JFElector is: sorry, so very, very sorry


Charles of Most of Europe: Yesssss. Yessssss. Yesss. Saxony here I come.

Charles of Most of Europe has started MARCH ON PRAUGE

ERROR: NO FUNDS

Charles of Most of Europe has started MARCH ON PRAUGE

ERROR: NO FUNDS


Charles of Most of Europe: hmmm

Charles of Most of Europe has invaded Other Saxony

VoteSaxon: Yay! Long live the Emperor

ERROR: NO FUNDS

VoteSaxon: aww

JFElector has started SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Estates_of_Bohemia has joined SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Charles of Most of Europe has joined SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

rogueBohemianEstates has joined SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

JFElector has won SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Estates_of_Bohemia has won SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Charles of Most of Europe is retreating from Bohemia.

Charles of Most of Europe is: open to negotiation

JFElector is: open to negotiation

Estates_of_Bohemia is: open to negotiation

rogueBohemianEstates is: not open to negotiation


Estates_of_Bohemia: No one cares what you think.

TREATY OF AUGSBURG

-Mini-Max is KING OF BOHEMIA
-Charles of Most of Europe is no longer REGENT OF CROATIA, HUNGARY, OR AUSTRIA
-Lutheran Rulers are allowed to run Lutheran Domains
-FredrickCountPalatine is restored as ELECTOR PALATINE in full
-Bohemian Succession is solely under the control of Estates_of_Bohemia
-The Schmalkaldic League is recognized as a group inside the Holy Roman Empire but is prohibited from forming foreign alliances
-The Kingdom of Bohemia will not join the Schmalkaldic League
-Peace


Charles of Most of Europe: Yay. Peace. Because I ran out of money.

realPhilip: My empire :-(

Mini-Max: Thanks coz. Really feeling the love.

JFElector: Don't worry Maximilian, the Schmalkaldic League will keep Philip from usurping you.

JFElector: Either one. Last thing we need is a bigamist King.

Phil the Hessian: :-(

JFElector: Speaking of Kings, are you going to hold up the…unofficial deal Charles?

Charles of Most of Europe: *sigh* Yes.

Charles of Most of Europe: I implore the Electors of the empire to vote for Mini-Max to succeed his father.

An election for KING OF THE ROMANS is here!

KING OF BOHEMIA Mini-Max has voted for Mini-Max

ELECTOR OF SAXONY JFElector has voted for Mini-Max

ELECTOR PALATINE FredrickCountPalatine has voted for Mini-Max

ELECTOR OF COLOGNE Her-mann has voted for Mini-Max


JFElector: And that's a majority!

The_Pope: Archbishop Hermann is excommunicated for not really being Catholic anymore. Charles, the fact that the majority of your Electors are Protestant is…deeply disturbing.

ELECTOR OF BRANDENBURG JoachimTwo has voted for Mini-Max

JoachimTwo: For the Record, I would have voted for Philip if Charles had asked. #NotAllLutherans

ELECTOR OF TRIER ArchbishopTrier has voted for Mini-Max

ELECTOR OF MAINZ Archbishop Sebastian has voted for Mini-Max.

Mini-Max is now KING OF THE ROMANS


Mini-Max: Thank you all! Even the ones who tried to violently stop this from happening

Her-Mann: I like this kid.

Mini-Max: How are you even still a Bishop?

Her-Mann: I like this kid slightly less now.

Charles of Most of Europe: Ease up kid. You're not Emperor yet.

Mini-Max: >:-(

Charles of Most of Europe: Teenagers…

realPhilip: Sooooooo…who gets the Netherlands?

Charles of Most of Europe: ugh

FRANCIS: HAH HAH STUPID CHARLIE BOY

FRANCIS: GUESS WHO'S GONNA MAKE A PERSONAL UNION WITH SCOTLAND

FRANCIS: THIS GUY

NavarreDon'tCare: Actually it's his son. The Dauphin and Mary of Scotland are now betrothed.

FRANCIS: AULD ALLIANCE BEST ALLIANCE

NavarreDon'tCare: And Francis is dead BTW. Henry is now King, he just can't be bothered to change the account settings.

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