alternatehistory.com
Chapter Four
Finland hadn’t been good either, not a Poland or a Hungary but still not good. Fishing his PDA out of his breast pocket, he stumbled slightly in the kebab queue. Jim and Si having an intense argument about the merits of various factions of the Cooperative Party and Arthur tapped on the EBC News icon, the runtime (or “runt”) booted up and, as if reading his mind, a rolling total popped up in front of him, graphics and all. With four countries down there were 115 seats declared: 70 were in stark, Vigilant black. If that continued it wouldn’t just be a Vigilant majority, it’d be a bloody landslide. Of the remaining 45 seats, the largest contingent was Cooperative, so that at least they had going for them.
The queue had died down and Artie shuffled to the front. The kebab van had a banner on the side, as many did these days, of a Turkish flag with a large black cross through it next to an Oceanian Flag and what Arthur thought was one from Ceylon. Underneath them were the words "I AM NOT TURKISH, I AM CEYLONESE, I AM OCEANIAN." The refugees had come to Britain before the European intervention and their numbers had doubled after, only now they were victim to all the hate and rage of a people at war. Some people just couldn't see the difference between the Turks Europe were fighting and the Turks Europe were trying to save. Anyone that even looked like the enemy wasn't safe from acid attacks, bricks or worse. Arthur winced at the thought, hoping the violence wasn't an omen of the night to come.
“I’ll haaaaave cheesy chip! Chips! And some Curry Keba-“
In front of him, the PDA jingled and a new result buzzed up. Eyes going wide, he clicked it and-“
“BOYS!” he shouted, spinning on a heel and very nearly face planting in the process.
“WE MISSED CH-ZENCOZLAKANIA!”
“What?”
“Czemclosovakia.” He repeated confidently and, jabbing awkwardly at the runt on his phone, loaded up the new results.
Filling up with charming little Logos with convenient numbering, 21 purple wolves popped up, 12 bulls, 9 bears, 5 lions and one each of the adorable little bees and doves. The CPP's Eagles were notably absent but the EBC runt helpfully informed him that in some countries, Czechoslovakia included, the CPP and Confederals didn't run against each other and instead just one party would carry the torch.
“We won!” Arthur cheered, grabbing a paper bag of takeaway he hoped was his and slamming a €5 note onto the table.
“Wheeeeeeeey!”
“But the Fascists did good.”
Jim scowled. “Boooo!”
“But the Commies did good too.
Simon looked puzzled. “Which Commies? Hippie Commies or Angry Commies?”
“Angry Commies.”
His face scrunched up. “Also booo!”
The trio found a relatively comfortable portion of pavement to sit on and crowded around Arthur’s PDA, staring intently at the tiny screen and shoving fistfuls of chips into their mouths.
“But surely,” Charlie Brooker was saying, “Someone must have seen this coming. How did the polls get this one so wrong?”
“Well Charlie,” the civil-servant interviewee - who seemed oddly calm - replied, “A lot of the mainstream parties supported the intervention in Turkey and we all know how that’s turning out.”
The deathcount had hit 3,000 in May with no progress to show.
“What we’re seeing is that the parties that are making gains all voted against the war. If you look at the votes in Hungary and Finland in particular, there are massive swings towards the three socialist parties and of course the Vigilant, all of whom opposed the intervention.”
“Alright,” Brooker allowed, “But why are the VA receiving such a big portion of this anti-war swing vote.”
“Well, in my mind it comes down to three factors. First, the VA have a leader and an anti-immigration, anti-refugee message that has been picking up steam for some time now. Second, most defecting voters were right wing and so will vote Vigilant even before the comparatively more moderate Cooperatives. Finally, it's worth taking the results we’ve seen so far in context. Eastern and Southern Europe are where the Vigilant do best and the centre do worst, as we start seeing northern and western European results come in I’d imagine things will change, Czechoslovakia is a good example of this already.”
Brooker seemed genuinely relieved. “Well if things keep on the way they are and the exit poll is right, what happens next?”
“What we’d expect to see next is the process of coalition forming which can take anywhere from two days to two months, the current Minister-President has the right to seek a coalition first but frankly, given these results, I just can’t imagine Mrs Merkel being a part of any incoming government, except perhaps in a junior role. Ordinarily, we wouldn’t expect anyone to hop into bed with the Vigilant but based on what the British Prime Minister said just a few hours ago and on what we’re hearing from the Confederal head office, it looks like we might see a VA-Con coalition.”
“Bastards,” Jim muttered, “Utter bastards. I hate Fillon and the rest of those traitors”.
Brooker, who increasingly looked like a child being told a scary story before bed, leaned in further. “And what could we expect.”
“We’d likely see a few Vigilant policies enforced straight away. Larger military budget, immediate withdrawal from Turkey, the expulsion of migrants and asylum seekers and probably a roll back of Gay marriage.”
“Oh OK. It’s a literal nightmare then.” Brooker commented, his impartiality slipping more than a little.
“Perhaps, on the international scene we’d see an end to the détente with the USSR, an end to the Alliance with Oceania and almost certainly closer relations with Washington and President Foster.”
“What about the suggestions of compulsory national service?”
“Well, there would certainly be some resistence to that from members of the Confederal Party but I can see many voting for it, in fact-“
Arthur switched it off. “I can’t handle it, lads, I need a break.”
Jim’s head rested limply in his hands. “We’re actually going to die. We’re going to be killed by some poor bastard farmer because we’ll be fighting an American war in Rhodesia or Colombia or something.”
Arthur patted him lightly on the back. “There there mate, night’s not over yet and hey, we can always defect. Right Si?”
Simon’s response, which was muffled by kebab, sounded something like “YUMPF!” which Artie took to be agreement.
Clicking the PDA on again he stared at the seat count:
Vigilant: 81
Coop: 38
Confederal: 24
Marxist-Solidarity: 10
Dem: 4
CPP: 4
Left-Ecologist: 4
“Nights not over yet…”
The queue had died down and Artie shuffled to the front. The kebab van had a banner on the side, as many did these days, of a Turkish flag with a large black cross through it next to an Oceanian Flag and what Arthur thought was one from Ceylon. Underneath them were the words "I AM NOT TURKISH, I AM CEYLONESE, I AM OCEANIAN." The refugees had come to Britain before the European intervention and their numbers had doubled after, only now they were victim to all the hate and rage of a people at war. Some people just couldn't see the difference between the Turks Europe were fighting and the Turks Europe were trying to save. Anyone that even looked like the enemy wasn't safe from acid attacks, bricks or worse. Arthur winced at the thought, hoping the violence wasn't an omen of the night to come.
“I’ll haaaaave cheesy chip! Chips! And some Curry Keba-“
In front of him, the PDA jingled and a new result buzzed up. Eyes going wide, he clicked it and-“
“BOYS!” he shouted, spinning on a heel and very nearly face planting in the process.
“WE MISSED CH-ZENCOZLAKANIA!”
“What?”
“Czemclosovakia.” He repeated confidently and, jabbing awkwardly at the runt on his phone, loaded up the new results.
Filling up with charming little Logos with convenient numbering, 21 purple wolves popped up, 12 bulls, 9 bears, 5 lions and one each of the adorable little bees and doves. The CPP's Eagles were notably absent but the EBC runt helpfully informed him that in some countries, Czechoslovakia included, the CPP and Confederals didn't run against each other and instead just one party would carry the torch.
“We won!” Arthur cheered, grabbing a paper bag of takeaway he hoped was his and slamming a €5 note onto the table.
“Wheeeeeeeey!”
“But the Fascists did good.”
Jim scowled. “Boooo!”
“But the Commies did good too.
Simon looked puzzled. “Which Commies? Hippie Commies or Angry Commies?”
“Angry Commies.”
His face scrunched up. “Also booo!”
The trio found a relatively comfortable portion of pavement to sit on and crowded around Arthur’s PDA, staring intently at the tiny screen and shoving fistfuls of chips into their mouths.
“But surely,” Charlie Brooker was saying, “Someone must have seen this coming. How did the polls get this one so wrong?”
“Well Charlie,” the civil-servant interviewee - who seemed oddly calm - replied, “A lot of the mainstream parties supported the intervention in Turkey and we all know how that’s turning out.”
The deathcount had hit 3,000 in May with no progress to show.
“What we’re seeing is that the parties that are making gains all voted against the war. If you look at the votes in Hungary and Finland in particular, there are massive swings towards the three socialist parties and of course the Vigilant, all of whom opposed the intervention.”
“Alright,” Brooker allowed, “But why are the VA receiving such a big portion of this anti-war swing vote.”
“Well, in my mind it comes down to three factors. First, the VA have a leader and an anti-immigration, anti-refugee message that has been picking up steam for some time now. Second, most defecting voters were right wing and so will vote Vigilant even before the comparatively more moderate Cooperatives. Finally, it's worth taking the results we’ve seen so far in context. Eastern and Southern Europe are where the Vigilant do best and the centre do worst, as we start seeing northern and western European results come in I’d imagine things will change, Czechoslovakia is a good example of this already.”
Brooker seemed genuinely relieved. “Well if things keep on the way they are and the exit poll is right, what happens next?”
“What we’d expect to see next is the process of coalition forming which can take anywhere from two days to two months, the current Minister-President has the right to seek a coalition first but frankly, given these results, I just can’t imagine Mrs Merkel being a part of any incoming government, except perhaps in a junior role. Ordinarily, we wouldn’t expect anyone to hop into bed with the Vigilant but based on what the British Prime Minister said just a few hours ago and on what we’re hearing from the Confederal head office, it looks like we might see a VA-Con coalition.”
“Bastards,” Jim muttered, “Utter bastards. I hate Fillon and the rest of those traitors”.
Brooker, who increasingly looked like a child being told a scary story before bed, leaned in further. “And what could we expect.”
“We’d likely see a few Vigilant policies enforced straight away. Larger military budget, immediate withdrawal from Turkey, the expulsion of migrants and asylum seekers and probably a roll back of Gay marriage.”
“Oh OK. It’s a literal nightmare then.” Brooker commented, his impartiality slipping more than a little.
“Perhaps, on the international scene we’d see an end to the détente with the USSR, an end to the Alliance with Oceania and almost certainly closer relations with Washington and President Foster.”
“What about the suggestions of compulsory national service?”
“Well, there would certainly be some resistence to that from members of the Confederal Party but I can see many voting for it, in fact-“
Arthur switched it off. “I can’t handle it, lads, I need a break.”
Jim’s head rested limply in his hands. “We’re actually going to die. We’re going to be killed by some poor bastard farmer because we’ll be fighting an American war in Rhodesia or Colombia or something.”
Arthur patted him lightly on the back. “There there mate, night’s not over yet and hey, we can always defect. Right Si?”
Simon’s response, which was muffled by kebab, sounded something like “YUMPF!” which Artie took to be agreement.
Clicking the PDA on again he stared at the seat count:
Vigilant: 81
Coop: 38
Confederal: 24
Marxist-Solidarity: 10
Dem: 4
CPP: 4
Left-Ecologist: 4
“Nights not over yet…”
- Major Crimson
- Word Count: 1.1k