alternatehistory.com
Chapter Two
Jeers and shouts immediately filled the hall as the black bull stared down on the bar from above. The Blackshirts in the back seemed to have doubled in size, though that may have been Arthur’s imagination. For a few seconds, his brain shut down, slowly coming to terms with just what the numbers on the screen said.
Anna was fighting back tears, a third of the way into a bottle of gin, whilst Mike had joined a group of rather angry students stepping up to the blackshirts. The bouncer and a couple of Connies stood in between the two groups, trying their best to keep the dispute verbal. Shouts of “Racist bastard!” and “Commie scum!” shot back and forth between the bunches of black and red. Peeling his eyes away from the drama, Artie turned back to the TV.
“...profusely sorry for my choice of words, I was simply caught off guard by these… extraordinary results. Huw?”
Over on the first green screen, Huw Edwards was -oddly enough- as professional as ever.
“Thank you Charles. Now if we look at this projected onto our map, it pans out like this.”
Beneath his feet, Europes segments lit up or darkened out, the west turning a deep shade of purple whilst slowly fading to black as it crept east. Britain, Scandinavia, Northern France, North Germany and the Beleneux were all thick with Coop Purple, with the odd smattering of navy, light blue and orange. Poland, Hungary and Italy meanwhile were jet black.
“We’re seeing huge gains for the VA across the central and eastern Europe as well as in the newer, Mediterranean members of the Federation. This would be - by a significant margin - their best result at the European Council election. What you can also see, interestingly, is colossal gains for the Cooperative Party in the west. Cooperative Candidates haven’t come first in Britain in over 30 years but as we can see they appear to have swept northern Europe as well as the major population centres of Berlin, Prague, Lisbon and Paris.” Edwards pointed from city to city where, within a checkerboard of blue and black, purple hot spots lit up.
“Perhaps the most shocking event, besides the Vigilant gains, however, is the complete collapse of the Christian People’s Party. It seems that, whilst Mrs Merkel’s party has taken a minor hit in the popular vote they’ve been crushed in eastern Europe by a VA surge and beaten out by more united left wing vote in the north and west.
I will remind viewers that this is just an exit poll and we won’t have the first results for another few minutes. Over to you Charlie.”
Brooker, who had composed himself somewhat, still couldn’t stop his voice from cracking halfway through the second sentence. “Yeah, thanks, Huw. I supp-OSE it's down to Louis, who has the PM and the other one in.”
Louis Theroux’s mouth was a straight line as he stared directly into the camera. “Riiiiiiiight, thanks, Charlie. I’m sitting here with the Prime Minister, whose party are associated with the Confederals and the Leader of the Opposition, who backs the Cooperatives.”
Turning to face his guests, Louis found himself sitting across from one skinny, smooth headed man in a red tie and another whose blond hair seemed somehow even crazier than ever.
“First, Prime Minister. What we’re seeing is minor setbacks for your party and a massive surge for your rivals in the Vigilant Alliance, do you think your Government is in any way responsible for this European decline of traditional Conservatism?”
“Frankly Louis,” the great blusterer began, “That's a load of hogwash. I think you have to remember this is only an exit poll, if you look at the exit poll in the last British election it had my own party down by 34 seats when in fact-”
“-you were down by 10.” the Leader of the Opposition chimed in.
“Quite. Whats important to note is that it's a very chaotic election, lots of new party leaders and factors we just haven’t seen before, the poll could be a million miles away from the final result.I think by the end of the night you’ll see a Tory-backed Confederal government in the Palace.”
Theroux nodded and seemed to consider that for a moment. “So will the Confederal Party be open to a coalition involving the Vanguard?”
“Well I… I…” the PM fiddled with his collar “Whilst I am certainly a leader within the movement, the Conservative Party are only one part of a larger group and-”
“So you don’t have any power over that decision?”
“No! Well, yes. No. Listen… Mr Fillon and the party leadership-”
“Oh come on Boris,” the Leader of the Opposition butted in, “Is the Prime Minister seriously saying he’d support a coalition with Italian Fascists and Spanish Francoists?”
Louis nodded slowly, “Is that what you’re saying Prime Minister?”
“No! Well, there are no options off the table-”
“Not even for fascists?” Theroux probed.
“Well you see, I- I- I couldn't possibly say at this time. I wouldn’t call the Vigilant fascist per-se, they’re more a coalition of the more…” he searched for the right words, “Overly enthusiastic members of the right. Whatever the case. We must see how the night evolves.”
“And with the collapse of the CPP, do you think it was the correct decision for the Conservative Party to break away and form the Confederals as an entirely separate party? It’s no secret that the Conservative Party wanted more freedom and authority but given the turn of the Confederal Party to the right and the decline in the CPP today, do you think that decision remains the correct one?”
“Well Louis that was a move made not by me but by my predecessor and it had been nearly eleven years now since the split and what we’ve seen is more and more European parties signing up to be a part of our Confederals. Whilst we have a lot in common with the CPP, you’ve got to remember that we have utterly different views on the future of Europe. You will know that I am a committed and proud European but we in the Conservative Party and on a federal level the Confederal party think that the Federation should be loose and open, rather than the ever tightening bond the CPP support. I think it's been a success for us.”
“Thank you, Prime Minister.” Theroux turned to the leader of the opposition. “Now, Mr Lewis your Party’s allies have done extremely well tonight, can we expect similar results at the Westminister Elections next May?”
“Well I hope so!” came Clive Lewis’ enthusiastic reply, “Tonight is an excellent night for th Cooperative Party and here in the UK its good night for the Labour Party too. Obviously, I’m concerned at the rise in far right gains but I don’t think we’ll see them pan out, at least not to the degree that the exit poll implies.”
“Couldn’t you say,” Theroux inquired, “That its just that sort of complacency that’s allowing such dramatic gains for the Vigilant?”
The Leader of the Opposition paused for a moment and seemed to genuinely consider the point.
“Maybe,” he allowed, nodding and looking considerably less enthusiastic than before, “But nevertheless the night is young and we should be cautious about trusting the exit poll too much, it is only a guess after all. I do think, however, that at the end of the night the most likely outcome is our man in the Elysian Palace.”
“And he really is your man isn’t he.” Louis said, “In fact whilst there has been one Cooperative Minister-President before, there’s never been one from the Labour party or a British MP at all.”
“Well Louis,” the Leader of the opposition was now looking straight down the camera. “It looks like a night for firsts.”
“I would like to point out,” the Boris Johnson piped up, clearly frustrated to have been excluded from the discussion for so long, “That this exit poll does put the Confederal Party at its second best result, ever.”
“After last year.” Louis butted in.
“Yes, I think it's quite possible that, whoever the Minister-President ends up being, they just might be helped along by the Confederals.”
Theroux paused for a second and then, “Could you see your two parties entering into a coalition?”
In sync, both men barked a short laugh.
“No.” one said.
“No.” the other agreed.
“Right then, I know you’re both extremely busy gentlemen and Mr Lewis I imagine you’ll be wanting to head to your party HQ and be with your federal leader for the count so one final question. There’s been a lot of talk of expanding the Federation, both of your parties have committed to negotiations on this expansion but what are your personal takes?”
The Prime Minister started off with a grin. “Well absolutely yes, I think there are many countries that, whilst not European per se, are in fact very much European in character. As you gentlemen will know there are none more committed to the European project than I and indeed I think the injection of some Commonwealth states would be good both for the Federation and for Britain within it.”
Nodding, Lewis said “Stop the presses because me and the PM actually agree on something here. Although I would like to point out that Israel-Palestine is also up for inclusion and, as a close ally of the Federation and a free, multi-cultural democracy, we should absolutely be moving to integration.”
“Thank you both, now it's off to one of our plucky field reporters for their on the ground view.”
As some poor bastard in Norway shouted into a microphone with wind, rain and storm, Arthur was doing his damnedest to ignore the fighting behind him. The Confederals, who had seemingly abandoned their CPP friends, were now wriggling their way into the Blackshirt group, mingling and shouting alongside their newfound friends. It’s incredible just how fast the tides turned.
Jeers and shouts immediately filled the hall as the black bull stared down on the bar from above. The Blackshirts in the back seemed to have doubled in size, though that may have been Arthur’s imagination. For a few seconds, his brain shut down, slowly coming to terms with just what the numbers on the screen said.
Anna was fighting back tears, a third of the way into a bottle of gin, whilst Mike had joined a group of rather angry students stepping up to the blackshirts. The bouncer and a couple of Connies stood in between the two groups, trying their best to keep the dispute verbal. Shouts of “Racist bastard!” and “Commie scum!” shot back and forth between the bunches of black and red. Peeling his eyes away from the drama, Artie turned back to the TV.
“...profusely sorry for my choice of words, I was simply caught off guard by these… extraordinary results. Huw?”
Over on the first green screen, Huw Edwards was -oddly enough- as professional as ever.
“Thank you Charles. Now if we look at this projected onto our map, it pans out like this.”
Beneath his feet, Europes segments lit up or darkened out, the west turning a deep shade of purple whilst slowly fading to black as it crept east. Britain, Scandinavia, Northern France, North Germany and the Beleneux were all thick with Coop Purple, with the odd smattering of navy, light blue and orange. Poland, Hungary and Italy meanwhile were jet black.
“We’re seeing huge gains for the VA across the central and eastern Europe as well as in the newer, Mediterranean members of the Federation. This would be - by a significant margin - their best result at the European Council election. What you can also see, interestingly, is colossal gains for the Cooperative Party in the west. Cooperative Candidates haven’t come first in Britain in over 30 years but as we can see they appear to have swept northern Europe as well as the major population centres of Berlin, Prague, Lisbon and Paris.” Edwards pointed from city to city where, within a checkerboard of blue and black, purple hot spots lit up.
“Perhaps the most shocking event, besides the Vigilant gains, however, is the complete collapse of the Christian People’s Party. It seems that, whilst Mrs Merkel’s party has taken a minor hit in the popular vote they’ve been crushed in eastern Europe by a VA surge and beaten out by more united left wing vote in the north and west.
I will remind viewers that this is just an exit poll and we won’t have the first results for another few minutes. Over to you Charlie.”
Brooker, who had composed himself somewhat, still couldn’t stop his voice from cracking halfway through the second sentence. “Yeah, thanks, Huw. I supp-OSE it's down to Louis, who has the PM and the other one in.”
Louis Theroux’s mouth was a straight line as he stared directly into the camera. “Riiiiiiiight, thanks, Charlie. I’m sitting here with the Prime Minister, whose party are associated with the Confederals and the Leader of the Opposition, who backs the Cooperatives.”
Turning to face his guests, Louis found himself sitting across from one skinny, smooth headed man in a red tie and another whose blond hair seemed somehow even crazier than ever.
“First, Prime Minister. What we’re seeing is minor setbacks for your party and a massive surge for your rivals in the Vigilant Alliance, do you think your Government is in any way responsible for this European decline of traditional Conservatism?”
“Frankly Louis,” the great blusterer began, “That's a load of hogwash. I think you have to remember this is only an exit poll, if you look at the exit poll in the last British election it had my own party down by 34 seats when in fact-”
“-you were down by 10.” the Leader of the Opposition chimed in.
“Quite. Whats important to note is that it's a very chaotic election, lots of new party leaders and factors we just haven’t seen before, the poll could be a million miles away from the final result.I think by the end of the night you’ll see a Tory-backed Confederal government in the Palace.”
Theroux nodded and seemed to consider that for a moment. “So will the Confederal Party be open to a coalition involving the Vanguard?”
“Well I… I…” the PM fiddled with his collar “Whilst I am certainly a leader within the movement, the Conservative Party are only one part of a larger group and-”
“So you don’t have any power over that decision?”
“No! Well, yes. No. Listen… Mr Fillon and the party leadership-”
“Oh come on Boris,” the Leader of the Opposition butted in, “Is the Prime Minister seriously saying he’d support a coalition with Italian Fascists and Spanish Francoists?”
Louis nodded slowly, “Is that what you’re saying Prime Minister?”
“No! Well, there are no options off the table-”
“Not even for fascists?” Theroux probed.
“Well you see, I- I- I couldn't possibly say at this time. I wouldn’t call the Vigilant fascist per-se, they’re more a coalition of the more…” he searched for the right words, “Overly enthusiastic members of the right. Whatever the case. We must see how the night evolves.”
“And with the collapse of the CPP, do you think it was the correct decision for the Conservative Party to break away and form the Confederals as an entirely separate party? It’s no secret that the Conservative Party wanted more freedom and authority but given the turn of the Confederal Party to the right and the decline in the CPP today, do you think that decision remains the correct one?”
“Well Louis that was a move made not by me but by my predecessor and it had been nearly eleven years now since the split and what we’ve seen is more and more European parties signing up to be a part of our Confederals. Whilst we have a lot in common with the CPP, you’ve got to remember that we have utterly different views on the future of Europe. You will know that I am a committed and proud European but we in the Conservative Party and on a federal level the Confederal party think that the Federation should be loose and open, rather than the ever tightening bond the CPP support. I think it's been a success for us.”
“Thank you, Prime Minister.” Theroux turned to the leader of the opposition. “Now, Mr Lewis your Party’s allies have done extremely well tonight, can we expect similar results at the Westminister Elections next May?”
“Well I hope so!” came Clive Lewis’ enthusiastic reply, “Tonight is an excellent night for th Cooperative Party and here in the UK its good night for the Labour Party too. Obviously, I’m concerned at the rise in far right gains but I don’t think we’ll see them pan out, at least not to the degree that the exit poll implies.”
“Couldn’t you say,” Theroux inquired, “That its just that sort of complacency that’s allowing such dramatic gains for the Vigilant?”
The Leader of the Opposition paused for a moment and seemed to genuinely consider the point.
“Maybe,” he allowed, nodding and looking considerably less enthusiastic than before, “But nevertheless the night is young and we should be cautious about trusting the exit poll too much, it is only a guess after all. I do think, however, that at the end of the night the most likely outcome is our man in the Elysian Palace.”
“And he really is your man isn’t he.” Louis said, “In fact whilst there has been one Cooperative Minister-President before, there’s never been one from the Labour party or a British MP at all.”
“Well Louis,” the Leader of the opposition was now looking straight down the camera. “It looks like a night for firsts.”
“I would like to point out,” the Boris Johnson piped up, clearly frustrated to have been excluded from the discussion for so long, “That this exit poll does put the Confederal Party at its second best result, ever.”
“After last year.” Louis butted in.
“Yes, I think it's quite possible that, whoever the Minister-President ends up being, they just might be helped along by the Confederals.”
Theroux paused for a second and then, “Could you see your two parties entering into a coalition?”
In sync, both men barked a short laugh.
“No.” one said.
“No.” the other agreed.
“Right then, I know you’re both extremely busy gentlemen and Mr Lewis I imagine you’ll be wanting to head to your party HQ and be with your federal leader for the count so one final question. There’s been a lot of talk of expanding the Federation, both of your parties have committed to negotiations on this expansion but what are your personal takes?”
The Prime Minister started off with a grin. “Well absolutely yes, I think there are many countries that, whilst not European per se, are in fact very much European in character. As you gentlemen will know there are none more committed to the European project than I and indeed I think the injection of some Commonwealth states would be good both for the Federation and for Britain within it.”
Nodding, Lewis said “Stop the presses because me and the PM actually agree on something here. Although I would like to point out that Israel-Palestine is also up for inclusion and, as a close ally of the Federation and a free, multi-cultural democracy, we should absolutely be moving to integration.”
“Thank you both, now it's off to one of our plucky field reporters for their on the ground view.”
As some poor bastard in Norway shouted into a microphone with wind, rain and storm, Arthur was doing his damnedest to ignore the fighting behind him. The Confederals, who had seemingly abandoned their CPP friends, were now wriggling their way into the Blackshirt group, mingling and shouting alongside their newfound friends. It’s incredible just how fast the tides turned.
- Major Crimson
- Word Count: 1.7k