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Asami - Saturday Night Live parodies of Presidents from Qilai, Qilai (thru 2029)
Saturday Night Live parodies of Presidents from Qilai, Qilai; 2029
1977 - 1985: Lorne Michaels (as Terry Sanford)
"I broke up AT&T, what makes you think I won't break your face?"
1985 - 1993: Dan Aykroid (as Alexander Haig)
"I'm not just the god-damn President of the United States; I'll drive a tank through your damn living-room wall, bud."
1993 - 1999: Barry Obama (as John Conyers) with Larry David (as Bernard Sanders)
"...aaaaaaaaand China just invaded Rwanda. F*ck this shit, I'm out, Bernie. Bye. [crawls under desk]"
1999 - 2003: Hiatus due to Kargil War and Black April
2003 - 2005: John Morgan (as Herbert Bush)
"I'm gonna use my nukes on Arabia. I'm really not, but I might. But uh, we have a saying back in Texas; what doesn't kill us, uh, kills our enemies."
2005 - 2013: Frank Caliendo (as Donald Trump) with Amy Poehler (as Hillary R. Williams)
"I'm going to use all the powers I can to end this war, I'm gonna use all my powers to fight Europe, and I'm gonna make a good deal with China. Trust me on that." (Trump)
"Who the f*ck do you think you are, Gandalf the White? Come on, people! Vote for me, I've been trying for nearly 15 years, please just give me a chance [fake cry] [pours a shot of whiskey]" (Williams)
2013 - 2017: Alec Baldwin (as James Hill)
"[laughing nervously] Everything's fine, guys. Everything's fine. I promise. Nothing wrong here. [is trying to cover up a screen showing NASDAQ in free-fall]"
2017 - 2020: Seth Meyers (as Lee Randall Hawking)
"Mister President, why won't we take in any more Indo-Pakistani refugees?"
"Those damn Hindus are keeping me up at night with their glowing. I can 'em all from the White House!"
[cuts to Aziz Ansari completely covered in UV paint]
"It isn't my fault my house is still irradiated, asshole."
2020 - 2025: Kenan Thompson (as Lavern Hartell)
[Aide is flipping through index cards]
"What about inciting racial tensions?"
"Nah."
"What about invading Mexico?"
"Naaaah."
"What about governing?"
[snaps fingers] "I like that idea."
2025 - present: Mariko Ono (as Asami Tachibana)
"I am the law, motherfuckers!" [dusts off shoulders]
1977 - 1985: Lorne Michaels (as Terry Sanford)
"I broke up AT&T, what makes you think I won't break your face?"
1985 - 1993: Dan Aykroid (as Alexander Haig)
"I'm not just the god-damn President of the United States; I'll drive a tank through your damn living-room wall, bud."
1993 - 1999: Barry Obama (as John Conyers) with Larry David (as Bernard Sanders)
"...aaaaaaaaand China just invaded Rwanda. F*ck this shit, I'm out, Bernie. Bye. [crawls under desk]"
1999 - 2003: Hiatus due to Kargil War and Black April
2003 - 2005: John Morgan (as Herbert Bush)
"I'm gonna use my nukes on Arabia. I'm really not, but I might. But uh, we have a saying back in Texas; what doesn't kill us, uh, kills our enemies."
2005 - 2013: Frank Caliendo (as Donald Trump) with Amy Poehler (as Hillary R. Williams)
"I'm going to use all the powers I can to end this war, I'm gonna use all my powers to fight Europe, and I'm gonna make a good deal with China. Trust me on that." (Trump)
"Who the f*ck do you think you are, Gandalf the White? Come on, people! Vote for me, I've been trying for nearly 15 years, please just give me a chance [fake cry] [pours a shot of whiskey]" (Williams)
2013 - 2017: Alec Baldwin (as James Hill)
"[laughing nervously] Everything's fine, guys. Everything's fine. I promise. Nothing wrong here. [is trying to cover up a screen showing NASDAQ in free-fall]"
2017 - 2020: Seth Meyers (as Lee Randall Hawking)
"Mister President, why won't we take in any more Indo-Pakistani refugees?"
"Those damn Hindus are keeping me up at night with their glowing. I can 'em all from the White House!"
[cuts to Aziz Ansari completely covered in UV paint]
"It isn't my fault my house is still irradiated, asshole."
2020 - 2025: Kenan Thompson (as Lavern Hartell)
[Aide is flipping through index cards]
"What about inciting racial tensions?"
"Nah."
"What about invading Mexico?"
"Naaaah."
"What about governing?"
[snaps fingers] "I like that idea."
2025 - present: Mariko Ono (as Asami Tachibana)
"I am the law, motherfuckers!" [dusts off shoulders]
- Asami
- Word Count: 360