Qilai! Qilai!
The History of Modern China and the World
Event: The Top Gear War
June 11, 2015 - October 15, 2015
What began as a cultural goodwill campaign undertaken by the BBC Television Network and by and large, the Alliance, began when Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and Matt LeBlanc of Top Gear hosted one of their annual specials in Patagonia. The goal of the two-part season finale was that they would drive nearly 2,000 miles in high-powered V8 motor vehicles to Terra del Fuego. However, at the time, despite the best attempts by the British government, anti-British and anti-American sentiment was heavy and rife through out the country. The Argentine economy was even worse off than any other nation in the European Federation's alliance, and the ruling military junta frequently utilized their existing claims over the Falklands Islands and the anti-American sentiment to distract people from the economy.
After two-three days of filming in Patagonia, the Top Gear crew was attacked in the dead of night by populist militants. Clarkson, Hammond and LeBlanc were kidnapped, severely beaten, and their bloodied faces were broadcast on Argentine State TV with a message demanding that the British withdraw from the Falklands or the three would be executed. The militants claimed they were acting in the name of 'Greater Argentina' and the 'peoples of the Falklands living under the British yoke'. Whilst it had never come to a physical war between Britain and Argentina over the status of the islands, Britain was, understandably outraged. As was the United States. In a private summit, President Hill and Prime Minister Martin McGann (Conservative from North Tyneside) affirmed to each other the need to end this decisively.
The UK announced that she would not capitulate to such demands, and that if the three presenters were not handed over to British authority, or to a neighboring power's jurisdiction immediately, Britain would have no choice but to protect her, and her allies citizens from bodily harm. To capitalize on the situation, the Argentine government ordered the invasion of the Falklands. On June 11, 2015, Argentine bombers and ships pounded Port Stanley through the night, forcing the city to capitulate. The city fell, and the islands were quickly occupied by Argentina. However, American bombers soon began to launch raids on Buenos Aires from Brazilian territory, demanding that Argentina withdraw from the Falklands.
British dispatched a carrier from the homeland, and sailed south to liberate their territory from foreign occupation. On the Falklands, Argentine occupation was brutal. In the first ten days, over 3,600 Britons were executed by the ruling military governor, and Argentine squatters were brought onto the island to force the Britons off. A resistance organized, and 760 of the Argentine squatters were killed, and 346 Argentine soldiers were as well. The resistance continued to put up a heavy fight as the Alliance moved to strategically strangle Argentina and put her out of it for her crimes. At the same end, Chile, Brazil, Uruguay and Paraguay all launched their own invasions of Argentina, looking to get a chunk of territory from the South American dictatorship, which had cast it's lot in with Europe.
The European Federation was not dumb, however. They knew that if they entered the war, it would probably go nuclear, or at the very least, they would be fighting a conventional war to rival that of World War II. So, the war remained limited to Latin America. Buenos Aires was pounded day and night by American planes, whilst the British, entering into the scene, began to pound the Argentine navy into the dust. With ships bleeding heavily, the Argentines mobilized ships woefully out of date. the General Belgrano, a carrier from the 1980s, was fielded against the British, whom made quick work. 67 minutes after engaging a British ship, the Belgrano was sitting at the bottom of the South Atlantic.
Despite the aerial and naval supremacy of the Alliance, the war took sixteen weeks to wage, as the SpecOps of the US and UK were busy combing the Argentine country-side for the three Top Gear presenters, whilst awaiting that time to invade Buenos Aires and bring down the regime that was acting out of turn.
To make matters worse, on August 3, 2015, a nuclear explosion was detected in the rural areas of Patagonia. Argentina announced that 'through the victorious struggle of the revolutionary armed forces, we have achieved in harnessing the atomic bomb. American and British imperialists should cower before our might.' -- both James Hill and Martin McGann began to seriously consider the Kargil Option--the annihilation of Argentina as a nation, following what the Indians and Pakistanis had done to each other 16 years prior. However, Argentina's 'one-pump chump' was just that-- a ruse and a ploy to intimidate their enemies. Richard Hammond was the first presenter found. He was found, half-buried alive, with two bullet wounds in his chest, in the middle of nowhere. Matt LeBlanc was found in the basement of a hospital, with several large welts on his skin, and severe burns on his arms and legs. Jeremy Clarkson was not found until October 14th, when he was found in a Buenos Aires prison cell, having been tortured numerous times over.
Buenos Aires fell to the Alliance invasion force on October 15, 2015, and the government of Argentina was forced to surrender. Argentina temporarily lost her independence, as the US, UK and her allies set up an occupational regime in the country to weed out pro-junta forces. Whilst democracy was promised by mid-2016, Argentina had been an example of what would happen if one trifled with the Alliance. With the world armed to the hilt in the face of the Islamic Caliphate, it was not expected that any nation would roll over to the senseless violence of kidnapping innocent people, and their torture. Whilst nukes had not been used, the fact that they were entertained was a very sobering moment for the Americans, Soviets, Chinese, British and Europeans, whom reconsidered the trigger-happy mentality.
Top Gear went on hiatus for two-and-a-half years, and did not resume until January 2018, due to the psychological healing required for the three presenters.