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Chapter 5: An unlikely king – Francisco I de Borbón. Also, other uninteresting subjects.
Thema, exsurge!
I finished making the new chapter. This one was a pain in the arse to finish, to be honest, as I ran into multiple writer's blocks to write even a single paragraph. And that is bad. But at least, I might be able to get the next chapter sooner, if that serves as a consolation.
Besides, not too many threads want to touch the subject of a successful Mexico due to this not being an English-speaking country and because Mexico cannot into anything according to these people because Español. So I, as always, aim to misbehave (and to make people laugh at how zany this creation is getting).
After King Fernando VII reclaimed his throne and ended the liberal government of the Cortes in 1823 with French assistance, the liberal constitution that Spain once had was suspended indefinitely. This was partially caused by the ideological mismatch between the King and the Cortes, which the former supported absolutism, and the latter were of more liberal leanings due to the influence of Napoleon (which in spite of the invasion and overall French brutality, at least had good ideas about statehood).
Pictured: Fernando VII. Not very popular, and his smug appearance almost wants me to punch him in the face.
However, good times for Absolutism in Spain were not to last, as the country was still torn between the revolutionary fervour brought in with the Cortes Liberales, and an unpopular king that was given absolute power in a repeat of the French invasion (with support from Russia and Austria) in 1823. This invasion put an end to any prospect of having a constitutional monarchy.
And it started in January 23, 1825, when HRH Fernando VII, exiting from going to church in the Cathedral of Madrid with his cadre, was struck by a revolutionary’s bullet in the chest. His last words were: “Get him!”, before he collapsed into the ground and bled himself to death in a matter of minutes, as the bullet hit his aorta. The only thing that the Royal Guards had to get was a scoop; this “hero” was shot and bayoneted so many times that his limbs fell off and the only remainder that he had a head was the stump left by the neck.
Due to the brutality of the aforementioned scene, I’ll leave you with a picture of this cat drinking tequila.
As he died without issue (Don't ask why; feelings will be broken and friendships will be shattered if you do so), he was succeeded with his brother, Carlos María Isidro de Borbón, who styled himself as Carlos V. He was an absolutist, who openly belittled these revolutionaries. And as such, he began hunting them down with extreme prejudice. No one was safe from the subsequent purges. The revolutionaries went down in less than a year, not helped at all with the fact that they had to resort to a low class tactic such as regicide. Eventually he decided to convene his own court, which by this point were only both ultraconservatives and yes-men of questionable intelligence.
Pictured, Carlos V. And no, the chocolate was not named after him.
The liberals within the army revolted against the crown, again, requesting that Carlos V swears to respect the constitution. The conservatives and the landholders sided with the King of Spain, and were backed by the reactionary monarchies of Europe. The end consequence for this is a low-intensity civil war, which the Liberal officers took notes from the Latin American wars and resorted to guerrilla tactics to bring down the Royalists.
But also Carlos V was killed by another revolutionary. This time in March 22, 1826, and without even bothering on setting up a successor. Not that it mattered, as Carlos and his entire issue were killed by pure and simple idiocy: they chose to do a meeting in a place that had been serving as the gunpowder storage along with the then-Archbishop of Spain and two of his most loyal generals. Add a spark (It is widely inferred that this was an out-and-out assassination), and the end result was Miguel De la Bahía’s [2] average film. Their supporters did give him and his sons a state funeral, though it was, most likely, kibbles and bits that they had to gather with a spoon, and it was to be done on a closed casket funeral.
By this point, the monarchists did not know who to put on the throne and which would not be killed the next week, and started to throw around the succession to the throne like a game of hot potato.
At the end, it was Infante Francisco de Paula, the fourteenth child of Fernando VII, who was thrown into the throne (kicking and screaming) in March 30th of that same year, without him actually wanting anything to do with this zany scheme. Definitively, he was not considered to have king-like material, due to his passion for artistic and musical pursuits. But now, that he was on a position of great power, and had more conciliatory leanings, decided to try a different approach to avoid death by angry followers.
And pictured here, Francisco I. He did survive, and had more issue than the Rabbit King. [3]
Instead of actually backing the conservatives or the liberals for any reason, he sat down in front of his desk, and he began to write a lot of letters. Not to fans, but to the leaders of the conservative movements in Spain, and to the liberal leaders too. Getting all sides to come together and resolve their differences like civilised peoples, an achievement in and by itself in these times, to tell the truth.
His efforts were successful. He ended up acting as an intermediary between the conservatives, the Church, the nascent industrial class, the wealthy landowners and the liberals, giving, taking, and doing a balancing act between the needs of all of these social classes, in order to avoid them from going at each other’s throats all over again.
As a final result of his work, Spain finally became a constitutional monarchy without firing a single shot. With King Francisco I at the helm and with the backing of the Cortes, and with little to no opposition, he got Spain away from the track of becoming a country in free-fall to disaster, and was able to bounce it back onto becoming a world power within the next few years. This careful approach at dealing with everyone also did wonders to avoid another invasion that would bring more disorder into the country.
It was in 1828 when Spain recognized the independence of the South American nations and of Mexico. This could not come at a much better time, as with the official end of hostilities, the newly independent nations would go onto pouring their efforts onto rebuilding themselves. The latter came to be after the Crown Prince of the Empire and his retinue paid a goodwill visit to him in 1827, of which we will speak about at a later time.
Perú finally got some breathing space and while there were still a few Bolivarian rebel holdouts that often crossed the borders from Colombia onto Peru and made life miserable for those who were the closest to the border. With peace, progress and trade came to be. Though, the need to settle down the borders with La Plata, Chile, Colombia and Brazil would reduce its territory over time, but the money earned from these territorial sales would help on repairing the country's devastated infrastructure.
Colombia, under the auspices of Francisco de Paula Santander, drafted a constitution in 1829, and was able to bring a degree of peace within the country. Santander got re-elected in the first general elections in 1830, and kept the country from tearing apart by turning the country into a federal republic.
However, the Bolivarian factions, hard-core followers of Simón Bolívar, wanted to go back to war against the Spaniards as soon as possible and finish the job started by his so-called messiah. These groups operated mainly from the province of Pasto and from the Quito district, wreaking havoc and staging raids against Spanish Perú. Some even had the gall of claiming that Simón Bolívar talked to them from the grave, stating that they needed to liberate Perú (an hilarious concept, as Bolívar was given a burial at sea by Viceroy de la Serna, specifically to avoid this kind of folly), and even inserting their own racist mythos into the mix. These imbeciles would continue to wreak havoc into South America and instill terrorism until they were done for good and their ideology destroyed after the Great War. [4]
But this was not to be the end of all troubles, as the United States began to eye greedily onto Cuba to expand their territory, and this would become another flashpoint as the U.S. sought to buy the island off from Spain. When they were kindly told to piss off, they unleashed their greed on their indigenous population, seizing their lands, and when that was not enough, they began eyeing their southern neighbour, in the hopes of taking land away from them. But that’s a story for another day.
Next chapter: The adventures of Agustín Jerónimo de Iturbide, Crown Prince of the Mexican Empire, and the stabilization of the country.
====================================
[1] ITTL this is an hilarious tragicomedy about a group of partisans that fought for King Carlos V against the Liberals.
[2] Yep, TTL’s Michael Bay. His movies feature explosions and awesome special effects, but almost no plot.
[3] A popular tale (at least here in Mexico and most of Latin America in this TL) about a rabbit that inherited the Animal Kingdom.
[4] Some spoilers for when we get to the second half of the 20th century. Let's just say it's a conflict of unparalleled brutality, which will make OTL WWII look like a hooligan riot.
I finished making the new chapter. This one was a pain in the arse to finish, to be honest, as I ran into multiple writer's blocks to write even a single paragraph. And that is bad. But at least, I might be able to get the next chapter sooner, if that serves as a consolation.
Besides, not too many threads want to touch the subject of a successful Mexico due to this not being an English-speaking country and because Mexico cannot into anything according to these people because Español. So I, as always, aim to misbehave (and to make people laugh at how zany this creation is getting).
====================================
Chapter 5: An unlikely king – Francisco I de Borbón. Also, other uninteresting subjects.
Chapter 5: An unlikely king – Francisco I de Borbón. Also, other uninteresting subjects.
The most dangerous profession, my dear Emilio, in this lovely Spain, is not being a miner or a Soldier in service of the King, but being the King of Spain.
Quoted from the musical “El Requeté” [1] by Francisco Nepomuceno Mendoza (1906 Ceuta, Spain – 1977 Chuquisaca, Perú), Spanish-born Peruvian playwright.
Quoted from the musical “El Requeté” [1] by Francisco Nepomuceno Mendoza (1906 Ceuta, Spain – 1977 Chuquisaca, Perú), Spanish-born Peruvian playwright.
After King Fernando VII reclaimed his throne and ended the liberal government of the Cortes in 1823 with French assistance, the liberal constitution that Spain once had was suspended indefinitely. This was partially caused by the ideological mismatch between the King and the Cortes, which the former supported absolutism, and the latter were of more liberal leanings due to the influence of Napoleon (which in spite of the invasion and overall French brutality, at least had good ideas about statehood).
Pictured: Fernando VII. Not very popular, and his smug appearance almost wants me to punch him in the face.
However, good times for Absolutism in Spain were not to last, as the country was still torn between the revolutionary fervour brought in with the Cortes Liberales, and an unpopular king that was given absolute power in a repeat of the French invasion (with support from Russia and Austria) in 1823. This invasion put an end to any prospect of having a constitutional monarchy.
And it started in January 23, 1825, when HRH Fernando VII, exiting from going to church in the Cathedral of Madrid with his cadre, was struck by a revolutionary’s bullet in the chest. His last words were: “Get him!”, before he collapsed into the ground and bled himself to death in a matter of minutes, as the bullet hit his aorta. The only thing that the Royal Guards had to get was a scoop; this “hero” was shot and bayoneted so many times that his limbs fell off and the only remainder that he had a head was the stump left by the neck.
Due to the brutality of the aforementioned scene, I’ll leave you with a picture of this cat drinking tequila.
As he died without issue (Don't ask why; feelings will be broken and friendships will be shattered if you do so), he was succeeded with his brother, Carlos María Isidro de Borbón, who styled himself as Carlos V. He was an absolutist, who openly belittled these revolutionaries. And as such, he began hunting them down with extreme prejudice. No one was safe from the subsequent purges. The revolutionaries went down in less than a year, not helped at all with the fact that they had to resort to a low class tactic such as regicide. Eventually he decided to convene his own court, which by this point were only both ultraconservatives and yes-men of questionable intelligence.
Pictured, Carlos V. And no, the chocolate was not named after him.
The liberals within the army revolted against the crown, again, requesting that Carlos V swears to respect the constitution. The conservatives and the landholders sided with the King of Spain, and were backed by the reactionary monarchies of Europe. The end consequence for this is a low-intensity civil war, which the Liberal officers took notes from the Latin American wars and resorted to guerrilla tactics to bring down the Royalists.
But also Carlos V was killed by another revolutionary. This time in March 22, 1826, and without even bothering on setting up a successor. Not that it mattered, as Carlos and his entire issue were killed by pure and simple idiocy: they chose to do a meeting in a place that had been serving as the gunpowder storage along with the then-Archbishop of Spain and two of his most loyal generals. Add a spark (It is widely inferred that this was an out-and-out assassination), and the end result was Miguel De la Bahía’s [2] average film. Their supporters did give him and his sons a state funeral, though it was, most likely, kibbles and bits that they had to gather with a spoon, and it was to be done on a closed casket funeral.
By this point, the monarchists did not know who to put on the throne and which would not be killed the next week, and started to throw around the succession to the throne like a game of hot potato.
At the end, it was Infante Francisco de Paula, the fourteenth child of Fernando VII, who was thrown into the throne (kicking and screaming) in March 30th of that same year, without him actually wanting anything to do with this zany scheme. Definitively, he was not considered to have king-like material, due to his passion for artistic and musical pursuits. But now, that he was on a position of great power, and had more conciliatory leanings, decided to try a different approach to avoid death by angry followers.
And pictured here, Francisco I. He did survive, and had more issue than the Rabbit King. [3]
Instead of actually backing the conservatives or the liberals for any reason, he sat down in front of his desk, and he began to write a lot of letters. Not to fans, but to the leaders of the conservative movements in Spain, and to the liberal leaders too. Getting all sides to come together and resolve their differences like civilised peoples, an achievement in and by itself in these times, to tell the truth.
His efforts were successful. He ended up acting as an intermediary between the conservatives, the Church, the nascent industrial class, the wealthy landowners and the liberals, giving, taking, and doing a balancing act between the needs of all of these social classes, in order to avoid them from going at each other’s throats all over again.
As a final result of his work, Spain finally became a constitutional monarchy without firing a single shot. With King Francisco I at the helm and with the backing of the Cortes, and with little to no opposition, he got Spain away from the track of becoming a country in free-fall to disaster, and was able to bounce it back onto becoming a world power within the next few years. This careful approach at dealing with everyone also did wonders to avoid another invasion that would bring more disorder into the country.
It was in 1828 when Spain recognized the independence of the South American nations and of Mexico. This could not come at a much better time, as with the official end of hostilities, the newly independent nations would go onto pouring their efforts onto rebuilding themselves. The latter came to be after the Crown Prince of the Empire and his retinue paid a goodwill visit to him in 1827, of which we will speak about at a later time.
Perú finally got some breathing space and while there were still a few Bolivarian rebel holdouts that often crossed the borders from Colombia onto Peru and made life miserable for those who were the closest to the border. With peace, progress and trade came to be. Though, the need to settle down the borders with La Plata, Chile, Colombia and Brazil would reduce its territory over time, but the money earned from these territorial sales would help on repairing the country's devastated infrastructure.
Colombia, under the auspices of Francisco de Paula Santander, drafted a constitution in 1829, and was able to bring a degree of peace within the country. Santander got re-elected in the first general elections in 1830, and kept the country from tearing apart by turning the country into a federal republic.
However, the Bolivarian factions, hard-core followers of Simón Bolívar, wanted to go back to war against the Spaniards as soon as possible and finish the job started by his so-called messiah. These groups operated mainly from the province of Pasto and from the Quito district, wreaking havoc and staging raids against Spanish Perú. Some even had the gall of claiming that Simón Bolívar talked to them from the grave, stating that they needed to liberate Perú (an hilarious concept, as Bolívar was given a burial at sea by Viceroy de la Serna, specifically to avoid this kind of folly), and even inserting their own racist mythos into the mix. These imbeciles would continue to wreak havoc into South America and instill terrorism until they were done for good and their ideology destroyed after the Great War. [4]
But this was not to be the end of all troubles, as the United States began to eye greedily onto Cuba to expand their territory, and this would become another flashpoint as the U.S. sought to buy the island off from Spain. When they were kindly told to piss off, they unleashed their greed on their indigenous population, seizing their lands, and when that was not enough, they began eyeing their southern neighbour, in the hopes of taking land away from them. But that’s a story for another day.
Next chapter: The adventures of Agustín Jerónimo de Iturbide, Crown Prince of the Mexican Empire, and the stabilization of the country.
====================================
[1] ITTL this is an hilarious tragicomedy about a group of partisans that fought for King Carlos V against the Liberals.
[2] Yep, TTL’s Michael Bay. His movies feature explosions and awesome special effects, but almost no plot.
[3] A popular tale (at least here in Mexico and most of Latin America in this TL) about a rabbit that inherited the Animal Kingdom.
[4] Some spoilers for when we get to the second half of the 20th century. Let's just say it's a conflict of unparalleled brutality, which will make OTL WWII look like a hooligan riot.
- Vault boy
- Word Count: 1.7k