John Edwards- great hair, empty skull, and a missing spine.
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Reporting for Duty: The Presidency of John Kerry and Beyond
- Thread starter Nazi Space Spy
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Nazi Space Spy
Banned
The best assessment of him I've heard yet. Absolutely. A total scumbag. I remember my grandmother being so horrified by the scandal that she was hoping it'd be untrue, not because she was an Edwards supporter (quite the contrary - she wanted Newt and later Fred Thompson in '08), but because it was simply unfathomable to her that someone, even a politician, could be that big of a douche.
Edit: Sorry if this is current politics - I am going to end this timeline's phase after the 2008 election and move everything that follows it to a second thread in Chat. If I could just be indulged for, like, a handful more updates, I'd really appreciate it. We're close to Bush III/Kerry's second term/the inevitable Jesse Ventura Greenslide,
I will indulge you a few more posts since I’m enjoying this.
Curious what grandma Space Spy’s take on Newt’s colored history with sick wives and adultery was, then, if she (very understandably) reacted as such to Edwards’ douchebaggery
Nazi Space Spy
Banned
My Grandma was a trip. She would like someone (politically - personally she was not two faced at all) and turn on them on a dime if they did something that let down the broader conservative movement. For example, she had every book Ann Coulter ever published in her apartment, but when Ann Coulter turned on Trump, my grandma literally said, without a hint of irony, that "she never liked her anyway."
I was a big Ron Paul guy in 2012, so I was always trying to get her on board. She liked Paul, but was still convinced that the Bush era GOP foreign policy was not totally, 100% discredited - not yet, at least - so she was more inclined to a hawkish candidate. Her sister up in Pennsylvania didn't like Santorum, Paul was too pro-marijuana/anti-war, Mitt was a moderate, and so that left her with Newt. I can't really recall what she thought about the 2008 candidates (I was 10/11/12 years old during that cycle) as much, other than that she wanted Newt to run at the time. She was a daily Fox News viewer from the day the network went on the air to the day she died, which had a yuge role in her political outlook.
She was actually a big Rick Perry supporter initially. She literally used to refer to him as "her boyfriend." But Perry was out of the race by the Florida primary, and thus Newt was the last man standing. She was an enthusiastic Trump supporter from the day he came down the elevator, which was funny, because she had previously planned to support Perry again even after the "oops" fiasco. Kinda ironic that Trump won her support by launching his campaign with an opening salvo against Perry, claiming that the Texas Governor "sweated like a dog" during his announcement speech and later cracked that "Perry only wears glasses to make people think he's smart." IIRC, Perry was the first guy out in 2015.
God do I miss her.
Perry’s oops fiasco only happened because he was high out of his mind on painkillers after the back surgery that delayed his entry in 2011; I always thought he’d have been a pretty formidable candidate in his own right, and Team Obama agreed - he was the ‘12 candidate they thought they had the biggest risk of losing to.
Not that I’d have voted for him, but still. That’d be an interesting butterfly though too close to Current Politics
With regards to Edwards, it's one thing to cheat on your wife--hell, many politicians and famous people (and ordinary people) in many countries have done it. It's another to have a child with your lover--many politicians (look at French president Francois Mitterrand, for instance) and others have done so.
To do both, while your wife (and the mother of your children) is dying of cancer is a whole new level of asshole (and, to make it worse, have your chief aide claim that he's the father of the child--if I had been that aide, I would have told him to shove it, and then my next call would have been to the Washington Post or New York Times)...
To do both, while your wife (and the mother of your children) is dying of cancer is a whole new level of asshole (and, to make it worse, have your chief aide claim that he's the father of the child--if I had been that aide, I would have told him to shove it, and then my next call would have been to the Washington Post or New York Times)...
Oh, that's the icing on the cake, isn't it?
The only thing worse would be if he'd tried to hire a hitman to take out his wife or mistress or killed either one himself; that's already happened in Canada, when a Canadian politician, Colin Thatcher, was convicted of murdering his ex-wife, JoAnn, after a bitter divorce and custody fight...
Chapter XXXXIV: June 2008.
Nazi Space Spy
Banned
Chapter Forty Four:
On June 2nd, an immigrant from Sudan inspired by the invective of Islamist militant Anwar al-Awlaki, entered a synagogue in suburban Detroit and opened fire, injuring eight people before his pistol jammed. He then fled on foot, with survivors of the shooting chasing after him, and he was quickly spotted, tackled, and detained by the same people he attempted to slaughter until he was eventually arrested by first responders. While on the surface, the attack seems minor - after all, there were no fatalities and only twelve shots were fired total - the incident remains a cause for great concern, particularly in Washington at the Department of Homeland Security. The gunman, who is later tried and convicted in 2009 for the shooting and sentenced to life in prison, was not on the radar of authorities in the leadup to the shooting, and the "lone wolf" style attack is an indication that the influence of Al-Awlaki is growing globally in the internet age. Jane Harman, the Secretary of Homeland of Security, confirmed that the suspect did not have any ties or communication with any known members of Al Qaeda or other international or domestic terrorist groups.
Presidents Uribe and Chavez.
Though America did not rely primarily on Venezuelan oil, a hypothetical embargo couldn’t have come at a worse time, which tied the administration’s hands. Turmoil in the Middle East and a slowing economy caused oil prices to spike to an all time high of $147 per barrel, which had a serious impact on the price of gasoline. The high prices made domestic travel within the United States considerably more expensive, resulting in the summer tourism season being less profitable as more and more Americans were prevented from vacationing due to financial constrains. The oil crisis compelled the Republican Congress to begin calling for President Kerry to end the ban on offshore drilling to alleviate the high gas prices, but Kerry makes it clear that he would veto any such bill. Chavez capitalized on the high fuel prices, traveling to Mexico City to meet with President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador as part of a scheme to enlist Mexico's support in a potential global oil embargo against the United States, but the Mexican President was not interested in the plan. In fact, only Iran and Libya voiced any support for Chavez, whose efforts to start an energy crisis earned him the ire of the American media.
On June 13th, Tim Russert collapsed and died while filming a pre-recorded interview for NBC’s Meet the Press. The iconic host of America’s flagship political program was lauded throughout Washington by a wide array of media and political figures, while Tom Brokaw took over as interim host of the most influential Sunday show. The death of Tim Russert was widely mourned across the country, with Republicans and Democrats alike praising his legacy of objectivity and sharp questioning of guests. At a widely attended memorial service held in Washington, President Kerry eulogized the media giant as “a journalistic giant" and "a titan of television."
With Bush now the presumptive GOP nominee, the former Florida Governor tasks former Vice President Cheney to lead the search for his running mate. The irony of Cheney reprising his role in a Bush campaign's VP vetting process was not lost on many Democrats, considering how Cheney had used the same process to maneuver himself onto the Republican ticket in 2000. The old cliches of the Bush family being dominated by Cheney emerged again, with the Democrats dusting off their playbook from the early days of the Iraq War to blast the Bush dynasty as being nothing more than puppets for powerful special interest groups. But Cheney, who had suffered countless heart attacks by this point in time, was no longer interested in pursuing elected office - this time around, Cheney was truly invested in finding a running mate for Governor Bush who could effectively balance the ticket and present the strongest challenge to President Kerry. Preliminary discussions between the presumptive nominee and the former Vice President raised a number of potential names; among those mentioned most often were Senators Allen, Brownback, DeMint, and Steele, as well as Governors Christie, Huntsman, Jindal, Kilgore, Pataki, Pawlenty, Palin, Sanford, and Vander Platts, though no official shortlist was released or leaked. Though Bush was more or less acceptable if also unexciting to the GOP base, many in the presumptive nominee’s inner circle encouraged Bush to select a conservative to balance the ticket and unite the party’s various ideological wings against President Kerry.
Cheney's role in the VP vetting process was a source of controversy for the Bush campaign.
In District of Columbia vs. Heller, the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 to uphold the District’s ban on handguns in a historic and earth shattering ruling. Writing the majority opinion in Justice John Paul Stevens, who argued that the second amendment applies only to those who are members of militias. The decision is decried by the National Rifle Association, while Congresswoman Carolyn McCarthy (D-NY) and Senator Diane Feinstein (D-CA) join forces in order to push through sweeping gun control legislation. Republican presumptive nominee Jeb Bush vowed to appoint pro-2nd amendment judges and vowed to work toward the overturning of the ruling.
The fight for the Farm Bill remained locked in a stalemate for most of the month as the Congress and President disputed whether or not the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program should be included as part of the package. Ultimately, the House voted on Speaker Dreier's bill by a margin of 222-213, which gutted farm subsidies and deregulated large agro-businesses in exchange for fully funding the food stamp program. But it met opposition within the Senate, where Democrats decried the compromise. Joined by Senator Chafee (I-RI), the Democratic minority in the Senate filibustered the bill, which they claimed would compromise America’s food supply.
(REP) Jeb Bush: 48%
(DEM) John Kerry: 45%
Undecided: 6%
Other: 1%
Presidential Approval Rating
Disapprove: 51%
Approve: 45%
Undecided: 4%
Note: This chapter was written over a year ago, and the incident described in Detroit was not in any way inspired by the ongoing hostage situation in Texas tonight. Thankfully, in the time since I started editing this update ahead of posting it, the situation has appeared to come to an end.
JLan1485
Banned
Holy shit. SCOTUS really did just say "2nd Amendment is meaningless" this is going to ensure a tidal wave of pro-gun support for whoever promises to overturn this.
Regardless of Jeb being as exciting as a tapioca pudding, unless he only expresses mild disdain or none at all for this result, he's going to win in 2008 on the back of these prevailing winds and despite his flaws.
Regardless of Jeb being as exciting as a tapioca pudding, unless he only expresses mild disdain or none at all for this result, he's going to win in 2008 on the back of these prevailing winds and despite his flaws.
Nope that just have to be truly a member of militia like war veterans or national guard, something should have been done OTL.
But of course gopers will use it as a rally point
I doubt lightning would strike twice, BUT, with Edwards still on the road to ruin (and a possibility of an earlier Metoo movement), I could see the Bush campaign start looking into a female running mate. 😉
Chapter XXXXV: July 2008.
Nazi Space Spy
Banned
Chapter Forty Five:
The Green Party convention is held in Chicago, Illinois, where former Governor Jesse Ventura is nominated for President on the first ballot. Ventura, though not a traditional Green Party candidate in terms of commitment to environmental or social justice, holds off a draft effort aimed at putting Ralph Nader on the ballot as well as a smattering of other candidates, including controversial professor Ward Churchill, activist Kent Mesplay, filmmaker Jesse Johnson, and perennial candidate Howie Hawkins with ease in part due to his national reputation as both a wrestler and politician. Ventura named former Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney of Georgia as his running mate, and like Ventura, she was nominated with ease over her sole opponent, Jill Stein of Massachusetts, who had entered the convention as Hawkin's running mate. McKinney, who was best known during her stint in Congress for being an outspoken opponent of the war in Iraq, had lost her 2006 primary to challenger David Scott in part due to her frequent criticism of the Kerry administration. The Ventura campaign was boosted by the endorsements of Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel, who throughout the campaign argued that Kerry had not lived up to the promises he had made to the party's liberal wing.
But there was worse news in store for the administration. On July 21st just after 3:00 AM, Vice President Edwards is spotted leaving a hotel room unaccompanied by Secret Service agents by a TMZ crew; the Vice President is chased down the hall by the crew, ultimately seeking refuge in a bathroom until additional Secret Service agents arrive to escort him way from the small crowd of onlookers and paparazzi. But it was too late; the TMZ footage of the Vice President leaving the hotel room of campaign videographer Rielle Hunter leaked within hours, followed by a grainy photo of Edwards holding a baby apparently taken through a window by a photographer. After radio silence from the Vice President during the three days that followed the incident, Edwards finally admitted in an exclusive Meet the Press interview that he had engaged in an extramarital affair. Though he denied fathering a child with her, the Vice President none the less sealed his own fate. After a tense meeting with President Kerry in the Oval Office, Vice President Edwards announced that he would not seek reelection with the President and would return to private life. Meanwhile, his cancer stricken wife Elizabeth Edwards filed for divorce. It was a devastating 72 hours for the Kerry campaign, and many pundits began to speculate that Kerry's reelection effort would likely be dead on arrival as rumors circulated throughout the beltway over who would replace the scandal plagued incumbent Vice President.
The Bush campaign’s search for a Vice Presidential nominee continued during this period, with the vetting committee cutting down the shortlist to ten names; the list named Senators George Allen (R-VA), Sam Brownback (R-KS), Jim DeMint (R-SC), and Michael Steele (R-MD) as well as Governors Chris Christie of New Jersey, Mitt Romney of Massachusetts, Sarah Palin of Alaska, Robert Riley of Alabama, and George Pataki of New York, as well as Congressman Paul Ryan (R-WI). Another wild card was General David Petraeus, whom Bush had wanted as his first choice. But Petraeus declined the offer, choosing to oversee the drawdown of American forces. The President faced a similar task within his own campaign. With a shortlist of four names, President Kerry found himself struggling to find a suitable replacement. Edwards, who had appeal in the south and with progressives, was hard to replace. The three obvious choices were Senators Biden (D-DE), Clinton (D-NY), Obama (D-IL), though the President viewed Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) as a possible wildcard pick. But all four contenders had their drawbacks; Clinton was a polarizing figure, Obama would no doubt be a lightning rod for racists, and Biden was old, white, and boring. Meanwhile Feingold and other liberals would simply not be able to balance the ticket. "I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place" he was reported to tell White House Chief of Staff Alexis Herman, who was preparing to leave the job at the end of the President's term regardless of the election's outcome.
(REP) Jeb Bush: 49%
(DEM) John Kerry: 44%
Undecided: 5%
(GRE) Jesse Ventura: 1%
(LBT) William Weld: 1%
Presidential Approval Rating
Disapprove: 55%
Approve: 42%
Undecided: 3%