"What Madness Is This?" Volume I: The Union Forever

[Imperolo]

 

[Napoleon53]

Imperolo, that vulture poster is one of my favorites now!

One thing I want to bring up is that the term corporatism is often very misused, I think here too. Corporatism refers to several interested groups (like guilds, say the guild of teachers, guild of industrial workers etc, similar to trade unions) working with the government to establish common policy for the economy. Which is probably one of the furthest policies you can go from when it comes to 'rule by private-owned companies'. Corporatism is associated with Social democracy, Syndicalism and ironically enough, Italian fascism. I think the last of which is why corporatism as a term is often used (including by media, etc) to refer to rule by private companies, as fascists notoriously just ended up using free market lasissez-faire economics once in power. The corporatist policy is probably most well-used in an example in the Scandinavian countries, though once the 21st Century came, they largely phased it out in favor of the dominant laissez-faire policies in Europe.

The term you're probably looking for is Corporatocracism, which actually means rule by private corporations.

Corporatocracy it is! Thanks for the tips!

Don't think the camps are in Ohio this time around.

They are at the beginning, but they are all slowly getting funneled into Chersonesus (Michigan).

How can we forget the last version where real and deadly dogfights were broadcast live by Tricky Dick Nixon from his observation dirigible?

"ALL HAIL TO GLORY IN THE SKIES OF SPLENDOR! THIS IS DICK NIXON COMIN' AT YOU LIVE ON WBBH. DURING THE PAST COMMERCIAL BREAK, WE SADLY LOST THE ENTIRE SWEDISH TEAM AFTER THEIR PARACHUTES FAILED. I GUESS WE WON'T HAVE THE OLD SWEDISH TEAM TO KICK AROUND ANYMORE. AROOOOOOO! TODAY'S COMPETITION IS BROUGHT TO YOU LIVE BY HUNGRY-TIME DRINK-AND-DINE. HUNGRY-TIME DRINK-AND-DINE, OPEN 24/7 365. TRY THEIR NEW DICK NIXON SPECIAL, A BURGER WITH KETCHUP AND MOUTHWATERING HEAPS OF COTTAGE CHEESE!"

 

[Napoleon53]

CHAPTER 22
DEATH OF AN ERA

Only known photograph (taken by famed artist Louis Daguerre) ever found of Caesar Napoleon the Great, taken about six months before his 1835 death
​

"It is with great sadness today that this publication must report the death of the most monumental figure in modern European Civilization, perhaps of all time. Yesterday, at his home in Paris, Caesar Napoleon I passed into the arms of the Heavenly Father at the age of 65. Born on August 15th, 1769, to a Corsican family of minor nobility, Caesar, christened at birth as Napoleone di Buonaparte, attended the famed École Militaire in Paris. After serving a short time in the French Royal Navy, Napoleon became more interested in artillery, and from there out, his story is well known by all the world. The French nation mourns our beloved emperor. He may no longer physically be with us, but his spirit will reside in the French nation for ten thousand years. His son Napoleon II is now the only legitimate heir to the throne, and long may he reign! Vive Cesar!"

-Lyons Gazette, January 5th, 1835

"At his death, he was comforted by his wife, Her Imperial Highness, Caesarina Marie Louise, his son, Emperor Napoleon of Spain, his younger brother Jerome, several of his closest private friends, and his dear friend French Prime Minister Michel Ney. The cause of his death is not yet confirmed, but it is widely assumed that it was a combination of bronchitis, stomach ulcers, and a heart condition."

-Imperial Times (Paris), January 5th, 1835

"The French Ministry of Public Affairs states that due to his declining condition being well known as of late, other nations already had sent ambassadors to give their best to the Imperial Family during this time of sorrow before he had even fully passed. England's King Edward was, ironically, the first to send such an emissary. May Caesar rest in peace and finally be free of his ailments and pain. Gott erhalte Napoleon den Kaiser."

-Rheinbund Allgemeine Zeitung (Confederation of the Rhine General Newspaper), January 7th, 1835

"The French Embassy in Copenhagen claims Napoleon of Spain, "L'Aiglon," is to take the French Crown next month. There is much excitement amidst the sorrow as to how the 24 year-old Caesar Napoleon II will rule. Speculation is also rampant that the young monarch will form an official union between France and Spain, forging them into a single nation-state."

-Berlingske Tidende (Berling's Times) (Copenhagen), January 11th, 1835

"Rumors swirl of assassination by poison being the cause of Caesar Napoleon I's death. While these have not been at all substantiated, this version of events allegedly originated with a story from a servant at the Imperial Palace."

-London Times, January 13th, 1835

"Accusations of the Corsican being poisoned has interrupted the planned coronation festivities (scheduled for February 18th), and Napoleon II is apparently taking these theories seriously enough to be fearing for his own life. Security for the coronation has been tripled."

-Berlin Zeitung, January 20th, 1835

As seen in the newspaper excerpts above, there was a witch-hunt going on in Paris in mid-January to stamp out an alleged conspiracy to take the lives of the Imperial Family. The coroners were reporting that Napoleon I had showed symptoms of daily arsenic poisoning. Questions immediately arose as to who would do such a thing, with many suspecting a member of his inner circle, perhaps a general or marshal wanting to attempt a coup. Servants at the Imperial Palace were thoroughly interrogated, and a few were held as suspects. Chief among them was 31 year-old former Grand Army drummer Wilhelm Lukas Hofmeister, one of Caesar's chief butlers and servants.

Wilhelm Lukas Hofmeister, anarchist assassin of Caesar Napoleon I (Paris Police Sketch, 1835)​

On January 21st, Hofmeister, an ethnic Hessian, was arrested by Paris Police. They gutted his small house on the Imperial Palace grounds for evidence and found nothing too incriminating. Just as it looked like he would walk free, a sharp-eyed constable spotted a shovel next to the house that had fresh dirt on it and footprints around it. The curious officer grabbed the shovel, followed the prints, and discovered recently disturbed earth. He started digging and quickly came up with three bottles of arsenic, several medical books on poison, and a large tome entitled "The Anarchist Way," by Meinrad Beutel, a prominent riot-inciter in the Confederation of the Rhine. By the next day, all known anarchists in Paris had been imprisoned. Ethnic Hessians were also put under surveillance by the Imperial secret police. Several dozen suspected anarchists were lynched and murdered across Europe as the news spread. Even in countries rival to France, the murder of a monarch was unsettling, just as it had been when Louis had lost his head.

Hofmeister refused to confess, discuss possible members of a cell, or even really talk to authorities, knowing he would be executed anyway. The police swiftly turned to torture, but still they could not get any information. Jourdain Roux, lead investigator into the plot, wrote in his diary on January 24th, "The Hessian cretin refuses to break. He withstands every measure we use against him. He must break. I must break his spirit if it means breaking every bone in his body. The Empire is not safe until he talks." The next day, following brutal torture, Hofmeister died in custody. But while he was dying, he screamed something deliriously about "rooftops."

Jourdain Roux
Immediately, the Paris Police and the French Army started a massive sweep of all the rooftops in the city.

THE CORONATION OF NAPOLEON II

Caesar Napoleon II in his Study
(by Thomas Sylvestre Lestrange, 1835)​

On February 18th, 1835, Napoleon II (Napoleon I of Spain), at age 24, became the youngest most powerful man since Alexander the Great. Despite the assassination plot, he was determined to press onward with the huge planned festivities surrounding his coronation. While the fears of everyone involved would call for a shorter, quicker event, the coronation would be very public. The new Caesar claimed that any show of intimidation would only encourage France's enemies. Napoleon II, dashingly handsome in his blue uniform, made the carriage ride from the Imperial Palace of Fontainebleau to Notre Dame Cathedral amidst a a sea of admirers. Upon the young leader getting out in front of the same church his father was crowned at decades before, many held their breath, as if at any time a crazed anarchist might leap out and knife him through the heart. Fortunately, he made it inside without problem. As he received blessings from Pope Gregory XVI at the altar upon which sat his multiple crowns, a man named Tristan Langlais was taking a position in across the street. A private in the army, the assassin hardly looked like an anarchist, and everyone was fully aware he was "standing guard" there, along with several dozen other perfectly loyal soldiers.

Pope Gregory XVI
​

During the next fifty minutes, Napoleon II was crowned with the old crowns of France, Andorra, Italy, as well as the new one of the United Empire of Brazil and Rio de la Plata. He was then proclaimed to legally and rightfully be: "His Imperial and Royal Majesty Napoleon II, By the Grace of God and the Constitutions of the Republic, Caesar of the French and Spanish, Emperor of Brazil and Rio de la Plata, King of Italy, King of Andorra, Lord of Mann and the Channel Isles, Mediator of the Helvetic Confederation, Protector of the Confederation of the Rhine, Protector of the Free City of Lisbon, and Duke of Reichstadt." The title of "Prince of Bombay" had been earlier proclaimed to be a dauphin-like position for the heirs to the French throne, and as such, would be temporarily unused until a son or daughter had been born.​

When the ceremony was over, Caesar Napoleon II walked out the doors of Notre Dame under heavy guard, with tens of thousands screaming his name and singing the national anthems of the various empires and kingdoms involved. Flags fluttered in the winter wind, hands clapped, fists went up and down, trumpets blared, and shouts of "Long Live Caesar!" were chanted in a dozen languages. As he was about ten paces from his carriage, Private Langlais, hiding his doings from the other guards by standing behind crates on the flat roof of the building across the street, raised his rifle to his shoulder, took aim, and squeezed the trigger.

This was a now-or-never moment for European History. Bear in mind that at this point Napoleon II was merely a womanizer, and as of then had yet to acquire a bride or heir. If the bullet missed or merely wounded Napoleon II, the new Caesar would likely make it his personal vendetta to destroy anarchism and non-conformism in all its shapes and sizes. If it killed him, Europe would indeed likely be engulfed in anarchy, civil war, and warring states trying to grab up whatever they could from the decapitated corpse of the mighty French Empire. Truly, the fate of mankind might well have been said to be riding on that Single Bullet.

Smack.

Absolute pandemonium gripped the throngs of admirers as the bullet struck the newly-crowned monarch. The bullet had lodged itself in the right leg of Napoleon II, sending him flying down the cathedral steps in all his regalia, his crown, scepter, and orb rattling and dinging their way to the ground level Guards panicked everywhere, but one lucky officer had seen the puff and flash of gun smoke from across the street. It was Detective Jourdain Roux, the man who had broken Hofmeister. Roux dispatched soldiers to barricade the building across the street, and as Langlais attempted to escape by leaping across to a neighboring rooftop, the Imperial Guardsmen opened fire and riddled him with bullets. The anarchist's corpse came crashing to the cobbled ground three stories below. A note in his pocket revealed he had expected death, and the paper simply said, "I die for Freedom."

Back at the church steps, Napoleon II was alive and well (and cursing loudly and profanely) as his assistants and officers heaved him into his carriage and took off for the Palace. Weeping and screaming citizens were barely able to get out of the way as the Imperial Family's carriage caravan sped at break-neck pace to safety. At this point, security officers and police worried about a widespread "killbox," with gunmen and perhaps even grenadiers waiting to murder everyone in the government as they were held up by the mobs of people. As soon as the Imperial Palace's gates closed behind them and Caesar was rushed to his personal doctors, the whole city was put on lockdown.

Napoleon II makes his escape (1835 London Times illustration)
​

No one went in or out of Paris for days without written approval by the government. The Imperial Guard and Paris Police did massive sweeps, going house to house, making mass arrests, seizing property, and practicing brutality on those who did not cooperate. Patriotic fervor hadn't been as high since the last coronation or the Defeat of Great Britain, and many militias roamed the streets, looking for anyone affiliated with opposition to the Empire or its leaders. The days after the Coronation Plot, as it came to be called, are widely considered to be the foundation upon which later European totalitarianism would be built...

 

[eldandythedoubter]

Should have had a better scope on the rifle, Langlais.

 

[TheMoonUnderWater]

Sadly, it appears that anarchism will be stamped out ITTL, alas nothing different from OTL lol

 

[John Spangler]

Caesar is deas, long live Caesar!

 

[AeroTheZealousOne]

Should have had a better scope on the rifle, Langlais.

As much as I refrain from wishing death upon anyone, I must agree that a better scope would have made life, needless to say, much more interesting (in the Chinese sense). But perhaps we could have avoided what is to come, which has been labeled

European totalitarianism

Sadly, it appears that anarchism will be stamped out ITTL, alas nothing different from OTL lol

Sadly so. But perhaps a Beutelist territory somewhere during the 20th century could be a brighter spot in this world going madder by the day. Watch as Napo gets this twisted a bit like Japan in the original, however.

Caesar is dead, long live Caesar!

"...now is the time of monsters."
-Antonio Gramsci

 

[TheImperialTheorist]

“Damn anarchistic cretins! Savages like them must be killed! Burned! Tortured! Viva la France! Viva la Caesar!”

In all seriousness, I don’t think the revolutions of ‘48 will be happening anytime soon...

 

[Tal Shiar]

European totalitarianism

Now things have gone even more interesting. I wonder how it would implode in the future.

 

[Wolttaire]

So I just had an idea just struck my head so what if all these all the writings of one person or group of people who live in the last vestige of freedom that exist in the world or live in secret group it all so one day someone will know this world story that would be pretty cool

 

[Historyman 14]

In all seriousness, I don’t think the revolutions of ‘48 will be happening anytime soon...

That's a understatement.

 

[245]

So whats your plans to make japan and china mad? I was thinking for Japan that it would be imperial japan turn up to 11, so when the nu invade, it will be every Japanese fighting to last breathe. It will most likely get worse when the black jew comes along.

 

[Worffan101]

One thing I find really weird is how the totalitarian RU is making such technological advancements already. Surely the inefficiencies of the fascist and corporatist systems discovered OTL would inhibit innovation?

 

[wilji1090]

One thing I find really weird is how the totalitarian RU is making such technological advancements already. Surely the inefficiencies of the fascist and corporatist systems discovered OTL would inhibit innovation?

That sounds like the thinking of a papist infiltrator!

But honestly? I'd be inclined to agree

 

[SuperZtar64]

One thing I find really weird is how the totalitarian RU is making such technological advancements already. Surely the inefficiencies of the fascist and corporatist systems discovered OTL would inhibit innovation?

That sounds like the thinking of a papist infiltrator!

But honestly? I'd be inclined to agree

I think you guys are not accounting for the wonders a lack of moral barriers can do for innovation.

Oh, also the RU is hardly totalitarian yet. The technological capabilities for totalitarianism hardly exist (cameras, computers, fast-traveling vehicles ie cars).

 

[traveller76]

Remember the RU is open country economically. There are no major companies like East India, no nobility with privileges to restrict industrialization and lots of raw materials to work with. The Union government is probably throwing money at companies that improve the military like arms and transportation.

 

[Imperolo]

His Imperial and Royal Majesty Napoleon II, By the Grace of God and the Constitutions of the Republic, Caesar of the French and Spanish, Emperor of Brazil and Rio de la Plata, King of Italy, King of Andorra, Lord of Mann and the Channel Isles, Mediator of the Helvetic Confederation, Protector of the Confederation of the Rhine, Protector of the Free City of Lisbon, and Duke of Reichstadt.
All credit to Gouachevalier​

 

[Murica1776]

One thing I find really weird is how the totalitarian RU is making such technological advancements already. Surely the inefficiencies of the fascist and corporatist systems discovered OTL would inhibit innovation?

Here's my theory, and it could either be totally stupid or right on the money:

I feel like that as the RU modernizes and develops a public education system, they'll probably introduce aptitude tests to try and figure out which young students are "scientifically inclined." Students that do well enough are allowed to go to top research facilities, and are granted an unparalleled level of creative and intellectual freedom as long as they A). Produce results and B). Don't openly rock the boat in terms of their ideology. If any of their findings prove problematic for the government, they disappear, along with their research. Combined with a lack of any moral compass, and the RU could have a semi-effective R&D machine for a very long time.

 

[wilji1090]

Well that, and I'm sure the RU has no problem producing scientists that would make even Mengele squeamish.

 

[timmy_khagann]

Well that, and I'm sure the RU has no problem producing scientists that would make even Mengele squeamish.

Do remember that Classic had the Black Jew of Camp 222.

Trust me, at some point in time the RU will be mass-producing the most batshit insane scientists ever to grace academia, courtesy of the Charles Goodyear Bright Young Patriot Scholarship Program*.

*okay, so this part i made up out of silver silk. the rest is essentially true, tho