In honor of the return of MST3K:
Excerpts from transcript of "Mystery Science Theater 3000", Episode 320 "Sinbad and the Roc", originally aired on PBS-5 on December 14th, 1991.
[The following short film is "The Good Pioneer", a film co-produced by the Young Communist League in 1947, to be shown at Pioneer meetings and school to teach skills needed while participating]
[CARD STATING "A SICKLE FILM"]
Tom: A fickle film?
Joel: No, no, sickle. Like Hammer-Sickle?
Tom: Oh, okay.
[CARD STATING " CO-PRODUCED BY YOUNG COMMUNIST LEAGUE OF AMERICA"]
Joel: So, we'll get a long boring lecture at the end of this, and we can't go catch fireflies?
[TITLE CARD "THE GOOD PIONEER")
Crow: You're not one. Sorry.
[OPEN TO SHOT OF YCL CAMP BEFORE SUNRISE, TENTS SCATTERED]
Narrator: This is the campsite...
Joel: My name's Friday. I carry a badge.
Narrator:.. The campers are still asleep at this time. However, in just about 5 minutes, the students will have to wake up, from their tents, and get ready for their activities.
Tom: A whole day trying to cram in enough activities in the morning, so you can claim you're tired at night.
[CUT TO SCENE OF CAMPER'S BED, THE CAMPER HERSELF ASLEEP AND ALARM CLOCK RINGING TO WAKE HER UP]
Narrator: A Good Pioneer always puts his or her alarm clock to 10 minutes before starting whistle. That way, they could properly prepare, before the morning bell gets them out.
Joel: Oh, don't worry. Nobody actually cares all that much about whether you're prepared or not.
Crow: You're just kind of scuttled from activity to activity.
[YOUNG MAN SOUNDS CORONET]
Tom: [
imitating Louis Armstrong] "Oh, when the saints..."
[CHILDREN EMERGE FROM THEIR CAMPSITES, AND HEAD TO THE MAIN CAMPSITE]
Crow: Hey, it's a representation of All-Union Congress.
Joel: It really teaches kids how the government works.
[CUT TO CHILDREN SITTING DOWN IN THE MAIN CAMP BUILDING]
Narrator: The children start their day at 9 AM, where they listen to the choir sing the Internationale..
All: [
Off-Key] Oh, sommmmething, something, something, sommmething
[YOUNG GIRL READS OFF PAPER]
Narrator: Then they hear a representative of the Camp Council give the invocation for the day.
Crow: Okay, let's see here, "Now is the Winter of our Discontent"
Narrator: A Good Pioneers always sits dutifully and listens.
Tom: A Good Pioneer is a stiff, boring person, apparently.
[KIDS RAN OUT OF MAIN COMPLEX]
Joel: We're free!
Narrator: After that, they are put on their way to enjoy the activities of the camp.
[...]
[SHOWS THE ARCHERY ACTIVITIES; MOSTLY GIRLS LINED UP TO SHOOT ARROWS. CUT TO TWO SPECIFIC GIRLS: TAMMY AND JOANNA]
Narrator: Joanna is having trouble with her practice. She can't seem to hit on target. Tammy, on the other hand, is doing fairly well.
Tom: Tammy is superior in every conceivable manner. Why does Tammy even bother?
Narrator: Tammy observes her difficulties. A good Young Pioneer always helps his or her companions. So, Tammy gives her advice on how to improve.
Crow: Now, try actually aiming it at something. Also, actually point the arrow straight.
[JOANNA SHOOTS ANOTHER ARROW, WHICH HITS A BULLSEYE]
Crow: Tammy ought to be an Olympic coach with that instant success.
[....]
[BOYS ON A BOAT IN THE LAKE, ROWING TO THE OTHER SIDE]
Tom: I have the feeling Champ is going to pop out at any minute. [A REFERENCE TO EPISODE 212, "LEGEND OF LAKE CHAMPLAIN"]
Narrator: Good Pioneers always work together. It is the basic character of socialism that people are unified to achieve their tasks.
Joel: (
sarcastically) Wow! I didn't know that was the basic character of socialism.
[SHOT OF ONE CHILD LOOKING PARTICULARLY PAINED WHILE ROWING]
Crow: [
Imitates Heavy Breathing] Oh, Charles Marx, this was a bad idea
Narrator: As you can see, these boys are working in sync in order to row from one side to the other.
Tom: Oh, I thought they were just rowing in one big circle this entire time.
[...]
[CHILDREN ARE BACK IN MAIN COMPLEX, WATCHING SOMETHING]
Narrator: After 4:30, the Evening events commence.
Joel: Sleeping?
Narrator: The event might be a lecture or perhaps a play.
Tom: Something by Tennessee Williams, maybe?
[MAN ON PODIUM, LECTURING]
Joel: And that's how you can hide thousands of dollars from the Pubs, and... wait, what was I supposed to talk about?
[CHILDREN AND CONSELOURS AT DINNER]
Narrator: Dinner happens at 8. As with lunch, a Good Pioneer always tries to only eat his/her share, and always cleans up.
Crow: There seems to be a lot of rules to being a good Pioneer.
Joel: You know, these are the future citizens of the UASR
Crow: I know, but isn't there an easier way to become a good citizen and all that without having to remember all this stuff.
[SHOWS CHILDREN PLAYING NEAR THE LAKE OR RELAXING]
Narrator: The period after dinner is a time for some brief relaxation. They do extracurricular activities, and enjoy the stars.
Tom: You know, given that we're in space, we ought to enjoy the stars as well.
Joel: Yeah, after this movie is over, let's do that.
[SHOWS CHILDREN GOING BACK TO TENT]
Crow: MUST GO BACK TO TENT, MUST GO BACK TO TENT
Narrator: While Pioneers can stay up until 11, a Good Pioneer goes to sleep at 9:30.
Tom: You just know that some of these "Good Pioneers" are just waiting for the counselors to go, so they could read their comic books.
Narrator: So, that is the day in the life of a Good Pioneer
Tom: "We are sorry, this sounded more interesting on paper."
Narrator: With these nuggets of advice, perhaps you can become a Good Pioneer!
Crow: You will be hated by your peers and considered too "straight" to party with.
[ENDING TITLE CARD: "THANK YOU FOR WATCHING"]
Tom: Makes me want to sign up for the YCL.
Joel: Really?
Tom: Not really.
[JOEL CARRIES TOM OUT OF THEATER SEATS. CROW FOLLOWS]
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I got my info on how YCL camps worked from this site:
https://www.marxists.org/history/usa/eam/other/ycl/ycleague.html