AHC: Star Wars Episode I is Good

Taking inspiration from this thread (which in turn links to other answers) -- with a PoD no earlier than 1996 (the first draft was finished this year), and allowing for the film to premier the same day as OTL, how can Episode I of Star Wars be better?

Plinkett Points:
http://redlettermedia.com/plinkett/star-wars/star-wars-episode-1-the-phantom-menace/

• Coherent plot.
• Strong, memorable Characters.
• Revise out character flaws due to bad writing and plot holes. This is HUUUUUUUUGE.
• No ridiculousness. No Anakin as a 4 year old, or Jar Jar as Stephen Fetchet, or NASCAR podracer announcer guy or any of that. That podrace announcer's voice killed me, because it was so anti-Star Wars.
• People need to have criticized Lucas and thereafter revised the script. Nobody said anything, the script was like something someone would do as the first draft without revising, and it turned out like a train wreck. Lucas didn't have anyone as a second opinion.
• Lucas needs to respect his audience. He didn't. I frankly think his "It's for kids" think is a total dodge when people said his work was shit (he seems to dodge things a lot by doing that kind of thing), but besides that, he still did not and does not respect his audience. R-2 and C3PO were a comedy team a thousand times higher brow than Jar Jar McDumbdumb. Luke was a thousand times better when we first saw him than a 4 year old screaming yipee. It was like it was made for babies.

You know, the first draft was actually an improvement on a couple of these points...

Emperor Norton I said:

[*]Coherent plot.

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The original idea seems to have been to have Obi-one Kenobi as the clear lead; mind you, part of this was achieved by having Qui Gon show up more than halfway through the movie, which in turn makes his death even less of an emotional event... but even so, as long as Lucas remembers to still keep Obi-one in the lead, coherence is halfway there...

[*]No ridiculousness. No Anakin as a 4 year old, or Jar Jar as Stephen Fetchet, or NASCAR podracer announcer guy or any of that. That podrace announcer's voice killed me, because it was so anti-Star Wars.

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Don't know if Anakin's age changed in the drafts*, but Jar Jar was less of a stereotype (even handling a blaster at one point... sort of), and the pod race is introduced by Jabba himself. Actually, that brings me to a change that looks plausible...

[*]Strong, memorable Characters.

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Inspired by Hodgeman's dream version, I thought -- why not make Jar Jar more badass? Lucas initially thought of making the Gungas a sort of discriminated race on Naboo, so what if he had kept the tension, in turn leading to a more proud, force-to-be-reckoned-with Binks?

The problem with aging Anakin up, is that it arguably ruins one of the more interesting elements of the prequel series. The oedipal nature of his relationship with Padme. There's a lot in the prequels that actually looks good on paper. Anakin is forced to leave his mother, and his family, forever. He meets Padme when she is older than he is, and therefore he views her as a kind of surrogate mother figure. When he is unable to prevent his mother's death, he transfers his anxieties towards Padme, subconsciously viewing her as a kind of replica of his now deceased mother. Subsequently he becomes obsessed with preventing his second mother's death, and his obsession leads to a tragic fall, not only for Anakin himself, but the entire society in which he has lived his life. It may be a bit cliched, at this point, but on paper at least, that's a defensible story line. The problem is the execution. So the question is, how do you convey the Padme as surrogate mother and Anakin's general mommy issues without resorting to showing him as a child? Finding someone who looks more like Natalie Portman-or whoever you recast as Padme-to play Anakin's mother?

Of course, if you keep Anakin as a child, and you get rid of podracing, you have to figure out a way to account for the whole Anakin being a great pilot by the time Obi-Wan meets him.

Glass Onion said:

Of course, if you keep Anakin as a child, and you get rid of podracing, you have to figure out a way to account for the whole Anakin being a great pilot by the time Obi-Wan meets him.

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Speaking for myself, I didn't mind that Anakin was a kid when we first met him, and I actually liked the pod race first time I saw it -- that said, if both these elements survive to the final draft, it may make for a smoother transition to a change (suggested in the belatedmedia link) that would really help in terms of streamlining -- that is, Anakin is left on Corsucant and not present for the final battle on Naboo. If he's already shown off his skills at the pod race, you don't need him flying in the final battle, and that means the audience can focus on the man who's supposed to be the main character -- Obi-one Kenobi.

While I don't think The Phantom Menace is a bad movie, the biggest problem with it in my mind is that it tries to do too much all at once. So rather than concentrating on some things and doing them well, it spreads itself out and appears shallow.

So, here's my main directives:

-- Combine the characters of Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi. More specifically, take Obi-Wan Kenobi, make him a full Jedi and give him Qui-Gon's personality & role in the story. Obi-Wan is pretty much useless in the movie anyway: all he does is complain and act like an uptight prig.
-- Combine the characters of Jar Jar Binks and Anakin Skywalker. That is, give Jar Jar's role in the story (as the "normal" character who tags along with the superpowered hero/es and ends up being crucial to the victory at the end) to Anakin. This means that Anakin is not a slave on Tatooine or a virgin birth (not necessary) and in fact the whole Tatooine subplot can be cut out (which can almost be done without affecting the rest of the movie at all) -- just go straight from Naboo to Coruscant. It also gives Anakin a better motivation for going back to Naboo at the end, if it's his home planet. Anakin should also be aged up to around Luke's age in A New Hope.
-- Begin the movie with the actual invasion and with Obi-Wan arriving on the surface of Naboo, rather than dicking around on the Droid Control Ship for twenty minutes.
-- Spend more time on Federation-occupied Naboo at the beginning with helping the Queen to escape.
-- Rather than have four simultaneous action sequences at the end (Jedi, Queen, Gungans and space), combine the first three into one big action sequence in the streets of Theed. Meanwhile, in the space action sequence, make Anakin destroy the Droid Control Ship on purpose.

ColeMercury said:

-- Combine the characters of Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi. More specifically, take Obi-Wan Kenobi, make him a full Jedi and give him Qui-Gon's personality & role in the story. Obi-Wan is pretty much useless in the movie anyway: all he does is complain and act like an uptight prig.
-- Combine the characters of Jar Jar Binks and Anakin Skywalker. That is, give Jar Jar's role in the story (as the "normal" character who tags along with the superpowered hero/es and ends up being crucial to the victory at the end) to Anakin. This means that Anakin is not a slave on Tatooine or a virgin birth (not necessary) and in fact the whole Tatooine subplot can be cut out (which can almost be done without affecting the rest of the movie at all) -- just go straight from Naboo to Coruscant. It also gives Anakin a better motivation for going back to Naboo at the end, if it's his home planet. Anakin should also be aged up to around Luke's age in A New Hope.

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So you would have Anakin as a native of Naboo, which would in turn allow him to become the film's protagonist? That... actually works (narrative wise anyway -- Lucas might object that it mucks up his universe, if he always thought of Anakin as a native of Tatooine). Of course, no Qui Gon means Obi-One gets even less hope for a narrative arc (especially w him taking his qualities at that)

<snip, the rest>

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Pretty much all agrreable.

Anakin as a teenager I think would have been far better for the movie.

But on a more important level, I think the sequence of events on Tattooine is just completely out of order.

The heroes just happen to wander across Anakin and get taken to his home because of a storm? He just happens to be the slave of a junk dealer whose part they need? Qui-Gon decides to stake everything on some absurdly ridiculous bet on the Podrace? Does this make any sense? I get that they're trying to show that it's fate that brought them all together, but surely there is a less ridiculous way to convey it?

How about...they go to the Podrace to look for the scummy junk dealer, they see that a goddamn teenager is in the lead, they sense that he's tapping into the Force subconsciously, and after he wins it, Qui-Gon (or Obi-Wan, who really should be there at the first meeting) is like, "I have GOT to go talk to this kid." And then Anakin can take them back to his house because of a sandstorm.

Comment

No Jar-Jar Binks... that really made the movie suck eggs, in my opinion
Just like Star Wars VI, instead of Ewoks, have the Wookies fighting..have a more realistic species other than the Gungans...

Qui-Gonn was relevant I thought, though the dialogue and back-story needed to be developed quite a bit more. If you read the books, there is a lot more to Qui-Gonn than meets the eye..his realtionship to Dooku, how he apprenticed Obi-Wan..they should have started it on Coruscant, with them being dispatched by the jedi council

I also agree Anakin should have been a bit older, and much more gritter and full of anger. He was raised a slave after all, sold by the Hutts..they were not very nice.

An older, full Jedi Obi-wan is sent to Naboo to resolve the dispute with the Trade Federation.

When he shuttles over to speak with Nute Gunray, his shuttle pilot is a recent academy grad named Anakin Skywalker.

When Darth Sidious orders Gunray to kill Obi-wan, Anakin some how clues in that something isn't right and sneaks off the parked shuttle. He then saves Obi-wan and helps get them off the Trade Federation vessel and down to Naboo amongst the invasion force.

An older, 30-ish Queen Amidala is captured by the Trade Federation Army. Obi-wan and Anakin down on Naboo are able to hook up with some of the seedier, but loyal elements of Naboo. [Can include a Jar Jar Binks character of a different nature here if you must]. They begin plotting how to free the queen from the castle while dodging Trade Federation droids and other troops.

Hearing that the Jedi wasn't killed and escaped to Naboo, Darth Sidious sends Darth Maul to Naboo to finish the job. Sidious expressly tells Maul to make sure the Queen is not harmed, as he has plans for her.

Obi-wan, Anakin, and their gang of lovable rogues attempt their prison break. Upon releasing the Queen, a few senior advisors, a few senior military officers, her ladies in waiting, and an R2 unit, they all make for the palace shuttle port to escape. They are of course discovered, and a running battle takes place. Obi-wan stays near the queen. Anakin winds up staying near one of ladies in waiting.

Then Darth Maul attacks. Obi-wan is overmatched. Obi-wan is first saved by a distraction from Anakin. Obi-wan is next saved by the R2 unit electro-shocking Maul. Obi-wan is saved lastly by Maul being distracted by the Queen, which results in Maul killing the Queen. The distracted Maul realizing he's scewed the pooch with Sidious's orders is then killed by Anakin. Maul's last words are "only one with the force could kill me."

The party of escapees makes it to the Shuttle port. The lady in waiting whom Anakin was protecting reveals herself to be the actual Queen. The R2 unit breaks the computerized locks on the Comm Center in the Shuttle port and the Queen announces to the planet that she is free. A mini uprising by the population and some of the planetary defense force erupts spontaneously. The Shuttle port is quickly put under seige by Trade Federation Forces. Anakin causes a distraction by solo taking the Queen's space yacht out of the port first. He evades direct fire with the most amazing display of piloting skills Obi-wan has ever seen. He is then chased by the entire contingent of nearby fighter craft.

Obi-wan, the queen, and the rest of their party then sneak out of port in another space capable craft.

Anakin leads his pursuers back to the Trade Federation Armada Flag Ship where he intentionally causes it to be destroyed. The ship's destruction causes Anakin to smile evilly. The ship's destruction also temporarily brings down the Armada's centralized defense capability. Naboo planetary defense forces note the loss of defensive capabilities and launch attacks that damage enough of the Armada that it needs to withdrawal.

Anakin later rendezvous with Obi-wan and the Queen. The Queen gives Anakin a big kiss. During their journey back to Coruscant, the Queen and Anakin are seen together frequently. Obi-wan performs some (non-mito whatever based) tests on Anakin and discovers he is exceptionally strong (though unfocused) in the Force.

On Corruscant they are feted by the press for the daring rescue. The Queen and her party are given into the caretaking of Naboo's Senator on Coruscant, Palpatine. He assigns them a C3PO protocol droid to assist them. Obi-wan presents Anakin to the Jedi Council and asks that Anakin be accepted as an apprentice. The Council, and especially Yoda, harshly rejects this by listing all the problems with Anakin's age and temperment. Anakin pretends he couldn't care less. He is promoted in the military and assigned as the Queen's personal pilot.

The last scene of the movie is Obi-wan giving a clandestine training session in the Force to Anakin.

Have the first movie serve as a sort of space buddy cop film with Anakin and Obi-wan kicking ass in the middle of the Clone Wars.

The distracted Maul realizing he's scewed the pooch with Sidious's orders is then killed by Anakin. Maul's last words are "only one with the force could kill me."

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This is so awful George could have written it.

You had a couple other ideas that sounded good though, not trying to be too harsh.

thekingsguard said:

Have the first movie serve as a sort of space buddy cop film with Anakin and Obi-wan kicking ass in the middle of the Clone Wars.

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And this is straight from Cracked.

But with apologies to DOB, I don't think this would really make a great movie. It'd be decent. But it's just not too inspiring.

Flayer said:

And this is straight from Cracked.

But with apologies to DOB, I don't think this would really make a great movie. It'd be decent. But it's just not too inspiring.

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That man needs a time machine

For those criticizing the Tattoine subplot -- while I hear your concerns, I think that by the completion of the first draft, that much was fate accompli (since Lucas, at the least, has already convinced himself that this is where Anakin is from... plus, a slave backstory just has too much potential to pass up in later drafts). The real big problems with how it turned out OTL, from what I see and am gathering here, are: (1) there doesn't seem to be a reason for them to go to Tattoine and run into Anakin, other than pure luck (or fate playing out as indistinguishable); and really more importantly (2) since Obi-one stays behind at the ship, it does more than anything else in the film to rob him of his position as lead, thus making the plot all the more incoherent.

Now (2) can actually be solved easily enough -- just have Qui Gon stay behind to defend the queen, while Kenobi is sent out to gather the needed ship parts. In fact, since the first draft has Amidale as somewhat of a racist (against Gungas), it wouldn't be much of a stretch to have her snobbishly insist that only the best Jedi stay to defend her. Just throw in a Kenobi eager to prove himself, throw in Padme being sent out to accompany, and (if he's in this version) Jar Jar going along (if he's a more badass version, it would be to get his chance at saving Obi-one's life) -- an voila, a three man band with narrative arc and potential for chemistry. (Oh, and when Maul attacks toward the departure, he attacks Obi-one first, who fares somewhat poorly until Qui gon jumps out of the ship and rescues him with kickass lightsaber fight.)

The reason for ending up on Tatooine in the first place, I'll admit, is trickier, but I don't think it can be avoided given the PoD. Hodgeman's idea of having Gungam's as sort of bloodhounds who can sense the force may solve this, but I think it would just create bigger problems of "Then why aren't all Gungam's essentially Jedi?" Maybe if one of their energy orbs somehow steered the ship toward Anakin -- really, I'm spitballing at this point...

ColeMercury said:

While I don't think The Phantom Menace is a bad movie, the biggest problem with it in my mind is that it tries to do too much all at once. So rather than concentrating on some things and doing them well, it spreads itself out and appears shallow.

So, here's my main directives:

-- Combine the characters of Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi. More specifically, take Obi-Wan Kenobi, make him a full Jedi and give him Qui-Gon's personality & role in the story. Obi-Wan is pretty much useless in the movie anyway: all he does is complain and act like an uptight prig.
-- Combine the characters of Jar Jar Binks and Anakin Skywalker. That is, give Jar Jar's role in the story (as the "normal" character who tags along with the superpowered hero/es and ends up being crucial to the victory at the end) to Anakin. This means that Anakin is not a slave on Tatooine or a virgin birth (not necessary) and in fact the whole Tatooine subplot can be cut out (which can almost be done without affecting the rest of the movie at all) -- just go straight from Naboo to Coruscant. It also gives Anakin a better motivation for going back to Naboo at the end, if it's his home planet. Anakin should also be aged up to around Luke's age in A New Hope.
-- Begin the movie with the actual invasion and with Obi-Wan arriving on the surface of Naboo, rather than dicking around on the Droid Control Ship for twenty minutes.
-- Spend more time on Federation-occupied Naboo at the beginning with helping the Queen to escape.
-- Rather than have four simultaneous action sequences at the end (Jedi, Queen, Gungans and space), combine the first three into one big action sequence in the streets of Theed. Meanwhile, in the space action sequence, make Anakin destroy the Droid Control Ship on purpose.

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Point 1: Alright, but there's a slight problem with this. If there's just one Jedi early in the film, who if anyone does Obi-Wan talk to in those early scenes?
Point 2: I agree that you do not need the Virgin Birth, I disagree with the rest of the sentiments espoused here. You have to rewrite the movie with the rest of the trilogy in mind. Unless you want to give Anakin an entirely different motivation for his fall, and take out the oedipus complex implication entirely, you can't really change the location of his origin. It's pretty important that he lose easy access to his mother upon joining the Jedi order, and that he come from a place that's dangerous enough for his mother to be killed in the sequel. Also, you have to explain why his half brother lives on a completely different planet than the one the Skywalkers originated from. I don't like getting rid of the slavery angle, because that circumstance explains so much of what later happens. Slavery, or at least whatever passes for it in the film, explains Anakins dependence upon his mother and his later desire for power, having grown up in a position of absolute powerlessness and vulnerability. You could perhaps change this by giving Anakin a father, and making that father as abusive as you can get away with considering the kind of film Star Wars is, and having that bleed into his attitude towards Obi-Wan later on. Like I said before, Anakin absolutely cannot be the same age as Luke, unless you want to ditch the Oedipus complex stuff entirely, in which case, you have to entirely alter the outline of why Anakin falls later on. Though perhaps you have an idea how we can maintain that with your changes?

I don't really have any problems with the rest, except to say there is an argument to be made that Anakin shouldn't be involved with the final fight at all, of course here he's older so that's less of an issue.

1) Change Jar-Jar into a more villainous character and to a more brutal species, like a Barabel or a Devaronian. Jar-Jars story arc will be that of redemption, banished from his community for something nasty and not of clumsiness.

2) Skip the 'planet core' travel crap.

3) Age up Anakin to a 12-13 year old. Not older.

4) Skip midichlorians and the conception of Anakin by them

5) The pod race can stay, but less Nascar and shorter time spent on it in the film.

6) No Natalie Portman, while I think she is a terrific actor and love watching other movies she's in, her acting in all three movies were.... wooden, of course that might have been Mr Lucas fault for not giving enough direction.

7) No Roger-Roger droids, make them somewhat sinister and dangerous.

8) Skip the separating force fields, just have Darth Maul be so badass he can kill one Jedi while he is fighting two.

Flayer said:

This is so awful George could have written it.

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Thanks! [Admitting I have worse then Lucas level dialogue writing ability keeps me from trying to write a real time line on the board]


There has been commentary in other posts about the Oedipal story line.

I totally missed that till mentioned here. Now that its mentioned, I can see it. But still pretty murky.

When he first meets Amidala she was what, 15 to 20 years old. And he's 6 to 8, just don't see the age difference as enough for her to be a mother figure to him. Then when Episode 2 starts and 10 or more years have passed, she'd barely be 30. Not seeing it work.


I say forgo looking for some deeper reason that drives him psychologically. Just by his actions and thoughts indicate that he has issues. Peter O'Toole was fabulous showing the conflicted Lawrence of Arabia without much of a background story. To parallel that movie, simply have a scene where Anakin admits to Obi-wan that he has issues with killing ... he sort of enjoys it.

Rubicon said:

1) Change Jar-Jar into a more villainous character and to a more brutal species, like a Barabel or a Devaronian. Jar-Jars story arc will be that of redemption, banished from his community for something nasty and not of clumsiness...

3) Age up Anakin to a 12-13 year old. Not older.

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Anakin certainly shouldn't be aged older than 13, if at all -- as said before, I'm OK with him being the same age as OTL's version. As to Jar Jar, he can (and, for the larger story's sake, really should) still be a Gungam, and he doesn't exactly have to be "villainous" -- I prefer to envision of him as something of a blaster-toting violent malcontent. I like the redemption arc, though, and having him banished for "something nasty" (or at least anything more serious than being clumsy).

The rest of the post, I'd say I agree with.

High Plains Drifter said:

I say forgo looking for some deeper reason that drives him psychologically. Just by his actions and thoughts indicate that he has issues. Peter O'Toole was fabulous showing the conflicted Lawrence of Arabia without much of a background story. To parallel that movie, simply have a scene where Anakin admits to Obi-wan that he has issues with killing ... he sort of enjoys it.

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Kind of defeats the point of having the prequels though, doesn't it? I mean, if you're doing three films on how Anakin became Darth Vader, you're going to have to take up the issue at some point, no?

High Plains Drifter said:

When he first meets Amidala she was what, 15 to 20 years old. And he's 6 to 8, just don't see the age difference as enough for her to be a mother figure to him. Then when Episode 2 starts and 10 or more years have passed, she'd barely be 30. Not seeing it work.

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If he's 7 or so, and she's 16 or so, then she's old enough to take up being a big sister/mother figure position -- from there, there's no real reason he couldn't continue to see her that way. That said, if it were competently portrayed in the films, it would... well, let's just say Episode II in TTL could get really weird...

The single biggest flaw that Lucas made in this entire process was taking complete control of the prequels. He is a visionary and a businessman, but he needs to be second guessed by those around him. That simply didn't happen during the making of these movies. It's understandable. By the time Episode I was being written and filmed, Lucas was a legend. There was no way Rick McCallum or anyone else involved was going to step in and say "No George, let's try it this way."

But there is one man who is respected enough by Lucas to make a big difference in the production of the Star Wars prequels: Steven Spielberg. I read somewhere that he was interested in working on the prequels in the '90s, and that Lucas said no. If he changes his mind and allows Spielberg to direct and help write the films than you'll see big changes in the film. Maybe it's worlds better, maybe it's not. Personally, I think you would see a much better constructed prequel trilogy that identified clear protagonists and antagonists with better dialogue. I see the prequels as the story of Anakin's fall to the dark side. I believe that was Lucas's idea also, he just happened to execute it in a backwards and haphazard manner. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I think Steven Spielberg would have done it in a much better way.

hcallega said:

But there is one man who is respected enough by Lucas to make a big difference in the production of the Star Wars prequels: Steven Spielberg. I read somewhere that he was interested in working on the prequels in the '90s, and that Lucas said no.

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Lucas wanted Spielberg to direct Return of the Jedi, but due to Lucas conflict with the writers guild, Spielberg wasn't allowed to direct it. Because of this, I doubt Lucas didn't want Spielberg to direct The Phantom Menace if anyone but himself were to direct it. I think Lucas didn't want anyone else but himself to direct.