Fasten Your Seatbelts
- Thread starter desmirelle
- Start date
March
Final Charity Event
(Liverpool) At the open of a group home for teens, Diana, Princess of Wales, gave what may be her last speech for a while. She told the group of teens present that they should take care of themselves physically so that they can handle the problems in health; take care of themselves emotionally and mentally so they don’t impulsively do things harmful to them; finish at least their basic education so they “especially you girls, don’t marry the first man who comes along” or “take on a job that involves criminal activity” simply because they feel they have no other choices.
Clooney Purchases Heinz Villa
(Laglio) George Clooney has made it official; he’s buying the Villa Orleandra from the Heinz family. Wonder if he’s furnishing a nursery wing for a ‘friend’?
April
Buckingham Palace In Diana’s Corner?
(London) Buckingham Palace issued a statement today that the impending birth of the child of the Princess of Wales is a private issue and not one of national concern. While the Princess of Wales is the mother of the future King and his brother, she is also entitled to her privacy since this child will not be royal.
May
Press Statement from the Office of the Princess of Wales
2 May 2001: Diana, Princess of Wales announces the birth of a daughter, Victoria Rose Yasmin Diana Spencer, at 7 p.m., 1 May 2001, weighing 7 lbs, 5 oz. Mother and daughter are both well and healthy following the cesaerian section delivery. The Princess of Wales will be remaining in hospital for three days following the surgery.
And the Father Is?
(London) James Whitaker has seen the birth certificate. He saw the document filled out by Diana and noted that she printed “unnamed” on the section marked FATHER. He also the final document which was filled out the same and had the same name, time, date, and weight as the Princess of Wales’ spokesperson released.
First Fotos of Vicki!
(News of the World) Our sources have brought us a gift! See below and to the left for the first ‘unofficial’ photographs of Miss Victoria Spencer.
Photographer Arrested
(London) French photographer Christophe Martin, a paparazzo noted for going undercover was arrested after impersonating an orderly to get photographs of the Princess of Wales’ newborn daughter. He was charged with impersonating medical personnel, criminal trespass, violations of privacy on both the Princess and her daughter and child endangerment.
When asked why reporter James Whitaker wasn’t arrested for leaking the photo and information on the child’s birth certificate, PC Wilson replied that at the time Whitaker took the photo of the birth certificate, the Princess had not had the birth certificate sealed and since birth certificates are technically public record, he violated no law that they know.
Congratulations!
(London) A joint statement issued by Diana, Princess of Wales and George Clooney is that they have amended the birth certificate of their daughter to reflect George’s paternity and changed her name to Victoria Rose Yasmin Diana Clooney.
Nick and Nina Clooney, accompanied by their daughter Ada, arrived yesterday to visit with the newest member of the family. They were offered accommodations at Kensington Palace, but opted to remain with George in his suite of rooms (and almost the entire floor) at the Ritz.
Where’s Grandma?
(London) Among the visitors to Kensington Palace to see young Victoria Clooney, you don’t need either hand to count the number of times France Shand Kydd has come. She has not been seen with her daughter since before the pregnancy was announced. But a spokesman for Diana claims that the lack of visitation isn’t a family feud, rather it’s Mrs. Shand Kydd’s ill health. She was, a friend reports, recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. Kensington Palace reports that Diana plans on taking Victoria to visit Mrs. Shand Kydd next month, and hopes that George will join them for the visit.
Godparents a Varied Lot
(London) Kensington Palace has released the names of the godparents for the daughter of Diana, Princess of Wales. Singer Sir Elton John and actor Miguel Ferrer (George Clooney’s cousin) and Prince Harry (her half-brother) are to be Vicki’s godfathers, while George’s sister Adelia Zeidler, actress Julia Roberts and designer Catherine Walker are to be the girl’s godmothers. The christening will occur in June, on the only day all six godparents can be present.
We get Miguel Ferrer and Adelia Zeidler immediately, they’re family. But Prince Harry? His brother, Prince William revealed why his younger brother and not he is getting the honor: Harry won the coin toss.
“We argued about it forever, since before she was born,” he told a friend. “And finally, Dad tells us to toss a coin. So we did. Harry won.”
Sir Elton is a long-time friend and fellow AIDS activist with the Princess of Wales, while designer Catherine Walker is also a friend of long-standing; actress Julia Roberts recently finished filming the remake of Ocean’s Eleven with Clooney.
Final Charity Event
(Liverpool) At the open of a group home for teens, Diana, Princess of Wales, gave what may be her last speech for a while. She told the group of teens present that they should take care of themselves physically so that they can handle the problems in health; take care of themselves emotionally and mentally so they don’t impulsively do things harmful to them; finish at least their basic education so they “especially you girls, don’t marry the first man who comes along” or “take on a job that involves criminal activity” simply because they feel they have no other choices.
Clooney Purchases Heinz Villa
(Laglio) George Clooney has made it official; he’s buying the Villa Orleandra from the Heinz family. Wonder if he’s furnishing a nursery wing for a ‘friend’?
April
Buckingham Palace In Diana’s Corner?
(London) Buckingham Palace issued a statement today that the impending birth of the child of the Princess of Wales is a private issue and not one of national concern. While the Princess of Wales is the mother of the future King and his brother, she is also entitled to her privacy since this child will not be royal.
May
Press Statement from the Office of the Princess of Wales
2 May 2001: Diana, Princess of Wales announces the birth of a daughter, Victoria Rose Yasmin Diana Spencer, at 7 p.m., 1 May 2001, weighing 7 lbs, 5 oz. Mother and daughter are both well and healthy following the cesaerian section delivery. The Princess of Wales will be remaining in hospital for three days following the surgery.
And the Father Is?
(London) James Whitaker has seen the birth certificate. He saw the document filled out by Diana and noted that she printed “unnamed” on the section marked FATHER. He also the final document which was filled out the same and had the same name, time, date, and weight as the Princess of Wales’ spokesperson released.
First Fotos of Vicki!
(News of the World) Our sources have brought us a gift! See below and to the left for the first ‘unofficial’ photographs of Miss Victoria Spencer.
Photographer Arrested
(London) French photographer Christophe Martin, a paparazzo noted for going undercover was arrested after impersonating an orderly to get photographs of the Princess of Wales’ newborn daughter. He was charged with impersonating medical personnel, criminal trespass, violations of privacy on both the Princess and her daughter and child endangerment.
When asked why reporter James Whitaker wasn’t arrested for leaking the photo and information on the child’s birth certificate, PC Wilson replied that at the time Whitaker took the photo of the birth certificate, the Princess had not had the birth certificate sealed and since birth certificates are technically public record, he violated no law that they know.
Congratulations!
(London) A joint statement issued by Diana, Princess of Wales and George Clooney is that they have amended the birth certificate of their daughter to reflect George’s paternity and changed her name to Victoria Rose Yasmin Diana Clooney.
Nick and Nina Clooney, accompanied by their daughter Ada, arrived yesterday to visit with the newest member of the family. They were offered accommodations at Kensington Palace, but opted to remain with George in his suite of rooms (and almost the entire floor) at the Ritz.
Where’s Grandma?
(London) Among the visitors to Kensington Palace to see young Victoria Clooney, you don’t need either hand to count the number of times France Shand Kydd has come. She has not been seen with her daughter since before the pregnancy was announced. But a spokesman for Diana claims that the lack of visitation isn’t a family feud, rather it’s Mrs. Shand Kydd’s ill health. She was, a friend reports, recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. Kensington Palace reports that Diana plans on taking Victoria to visit Mrs. Shand Kydd next month, and hopes that George will join them for the visit.
Godparents a Varied Lot
(London) Kensington Palace has released the names of the godparents for the daughter of Diana, Princess of Wales. Singer Sir Elton John and actor Miguel Ferrer (George Clooney’s cousin) and Prince Harry (her half-brother) are to be Vicki’s godfathers, while George’s sister Adelia Zeidler, actress Julia Roberts and designer Catherine Walker are to be the girl’s godmothers. The christening will occur in June, on the only day all six godparents can be present.
We get Miguel Ferrer and Adelia Zeidler immediately, they’re family. But Prince Harry? His brother, Prince William revealed why his younger brother and not he is getting the honor: Harry won the coin toss.
“We argued about it forever, since before she was born,” he told a friend. “And finally, Dad tells us to toss a coin. So we did. Harry won.”
Sir Elton is a long-time friend and fellow AIDS activist with the Princess of Wales, while designer Catherine Walker is also a friend of long-standing; actress Julia Roberts recently finished filming the remake of Ocean’s Eleven with Clooney.
June
Spencer Family Reunion
(Northampshire) For the first time in many years, all three Spencer children and their mother, Mrs. Frances Shand Kydd are together at Althorp. Charles Spencer, the 9th Earl, is hosting his mother and sisters, along with their families (including Robert Fellowes, secretary to the Queen) to celebrate the birth of Victoria Clooney, Diana’s daughter with actor George Clooney. While the joyous occasion will include the christening of little Victoria (as Diana wishes her known), the family time together will be short, as the McCorquodales are booked for Mustique the last two weeks of June. The week-end of the 8th – 11th will be especially crowded, as Victoria will be christened on the 9th and all the godparents and several other guests (Prince William included) will be staying at the manor.
July
Paternity Leave Over for George
(London) Followed to the gate by paparazzi, George Clooney left for America, where he’s speaking at the United Nations over Sierra Leone and the ‘blood diamonds’ being used to fund it.
August
Royal Vacations
(London) Camilla Parker Bowles will be among the guests at Sandringham this year, according to a statement released by Buckingham Palace. Kensington Palace has issued a statement on behalf of the Princess of Wales that she will be spending the holidays with George Clooney and their daughter in Italy. Rumors persist that both Prince Charles and his ex-wife are both thinking of remarrying their current significant others, but spokespersons for both deny any marital plans for either.
September
Terror Attacks Unite Royals
(London) Amid more security than we’re used to seeing – and a cordon that forced photographers to use telephoto lenses – Prince Charles and ex-wife Diana were seen entering (separately) Westminster for the church service for those lost in the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City on the 11th. Prince Charles sat in the section reserved for members of the immediate royal family. Diana sat between her sons in the same section, while the father of her daughter Victoria (who did not attend), American actor George Clooney, sat in the section immediately behind them.
October
Just Like Her (Half) Brothers
(London) Sources report that Victoria Clooney will be a traveler. The custody arrangement between her father, American actor George Clooney and mother, Diana, Princess of Wales, was finalized and the details sealed by the presiding judge. Until she reaches 4 years of age, she will split her time evenly between her famous parents. At four, however, school begins and it’s unknown how the arrangement will proceed. Clooney, who has a nanny already employed, is scheduled to take his first dip into the fatherhood pool in January.
November
Family members talk:
On the sixth:
“All I want is for you to deny the rumor that you named her after my ex-wife! Is that so bloody much to ask?”
“All you want is for me to do what YOU want. Besides, I like Victoria.”
“Damnit, it looks bad on me!”
“And you’re all that matters, you’re the precious son. So I should be a good sister and bow to your wishes?”
“It would put an end to all those rumors that we fight all the time.”
Laughter.
“Stop laughing, this isn’t funny!”
“Of course it is, we’re fighting about whether or not the rumors we fight are true.”
On the eighth:
“Just do it, Duch, tell the media you just like the name Victoria.”
“No. I’m not going to bow to his pronouncements like he’s Daddy. He’s just my little brother and he needs to realize I don’t have to do what he wants.”
“Do it for me, please. I know he’s being a complete ass, but –“
“I’m getting really tired of him thinking he can give ME orders. If I make a statement, it’ll be that I named her after his first wife because he was such a prick to her. Tell him that and then ask him if he wants me to get involved in all these ‘rumors’ he’s so worried about.”
Diana and Victoria Spend Thanksgiving In Kentucky
(London) In a surprising move, the Princess of Wales has rescheduled five charity events because she wishes “to experience the American Thanksgiving and cannot think of better way to spend her daughter’s first Thanksgiving than with her.” Nick Clooney confirmed that he urged his son to invite her so that she can understand her daughter’s American heritage.
December
Christmas at Kensington for Clooney
(London) A spokesman for the Princess of Wales has confirmed the rumor that the actor will be staying at Kensington Palace for Christmas to share their daughter’s first Christmas. This statement contradicts the statement made by Earl Spencer that his sister and niece would be staying at Althorp without Mr. Clooney made late last month.
Spencer Family Reunion
(Northampshire) For the first time in many years, all three Spencer children and their mother, Mrs. Frances Shand Kydd are together at Althorp. Charles Spencer, the 9th Earl, is hosting his mother and sisters, along with their families (including Robert Fellowes, secretary to the Queen) to celebrate the birth of Victoria Clooney, Diana’s daughter with actor George Clooney. While the joyous occasion will include the christening of little Victoria (as Diana wishes her known), the family time together will be short, as the McCorquodales are booked for Mustique the last two weeks of June. The week-end of the 8th – 11th will be especially crowded, as Victoria will be christened on the 9th and all the godparents and several other guests (Prince William included) will be staying at the manor.
July
Paternity Leave Over for George
(London) Followed to the gate by paparazzi, George Clooney left for America, where he’s speaking at the United Nations over Sierra Leone and the ‘blood diamonds’ being used to fund it.
August
Royal Vacations
(London) Camilla Parker Bowles will be among the guests at Sandringham this year, according to a statement released by Buckingham Palace. Kensington Palace has issued a statement on behalf of the Princess of Wales that she will be spending the holidays with George Clooney and their daughter in Italy. Rumors persist that both Prince Charles and his ex-wife are both thinking of remarrying their current significant others, but spokespersons for both deny any marital plans for either.
September
Terror Attacks Unite Royals
(London) Amid more security than we’re used to seeing – and a cordon that forced photographers to use telephoto lenses – Prince Charles and ex-wife Diana were seen entering (separately) Westminster for the church service for those lost in the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City on the 11th. Prince Charles sat in the section reserved for members of the immediate royal family. Diana sat between her sons in the same section, while the father of her daughter Victoria (who did not attend), American actor George Clooney, sat in the section immediately behind them.
October
Just Like Her (Half) Brothers
(London) Sources report that Victoria Clooney will be a traveler. The custody arrangement between her father, American actor George Clooney and mother, Diana, Princess of Wales, was finalized and the details sealed by the presiding judge. Until she reaches 4 years of age, she will split her time evenly between her famous parents. At four, however, school begins and it’s unknown how the arrangement will proceed. Clooney, who has a nanny already employed, is scheduled to take his first dip into the fatherhood pool in January.
November
Family members talk:
On the sixth:
“All I want is for you to deny the rumor that you named her after my ex-wife! Is that so bloody much to ask?”
“All you want is for me to do what YOU want. Besides, I like Victoria.”
“Damnit, it looks bad on me!”
“And you’re all that matters, you’re the precious son. So I should be a good sister and bow to your wishes?”
“It would put an end to all those rumors that we fight all the time.”
Laughter.
“Stop laughing, this isn’t funny!”
“Of course it is, we’re fighting about whether or not the rumors we fight are true.”
On the eighth:
“Just do it, Duch, tell the media you just like the name Victoria.”
“No. I’m not going to bow to his pronouncements like he’s Daddy. He’s just my little brother and he needs to realize I don’t have to do what he wants.”
“Do it for me, please. I know he’s being a complete ass, but –“
“I’m getting really tired of him thinking he can give ME orders. If I make a statement, it’ll be that I named her after his first wife because he was such a prick to her. Tell him that and then ask him if he wants me to get involved in all these ‘rumors’ he’s so worried about.”
Diana and Victoria Spend Thanksgiving In Kentucky
(London) In a surprising move, the Princess of Wales has rescheduled five charity events because she wishes “to experience the American Thanksgiving and cannot think of better way to spend her daughter’s first Thanksgiving than with her.” Nick Clooney confirmed that he urged his son to invite her so that she can understand her daughter’s American heritage.
December
Christmas at Kensington for Clooney
(London) A spokesman for the Princess of Wales has confirmed the rumor that the actor will be staying at Kensington Palace for Christmas to share their daughter’s first Christmas. This statement contradicts the statement made by Earl Spencer that his sister and niece would be staying at Althorp without Mr. Clooney made late last month.
Nah, Victoria was a trendy name when Harry was born and I figured she'd hang onto it. More a case of arrested development than trying to piss off her brother or get a title. She wanted (in this TL) a daughter and to name that daughter Victoria Rose, so she did.
2002:
January
Scotland Yard Not Required
(London) A spokesman for Diana, Princess of Wales, has confirmed reports that she has dispensed with the services of Scotland Yard unless she is with her sons with the Prince of Wales. She had previously declined the service – whose cost was born by the Prince of Wales on behalf of his sons – after her divorce from Prince Charles was finalized, fearing they were reporting on her actions as well as providing security. She announced that she and George Clooney will share the cost of her personal security. Mr. Clooney has not commented on the statement.
Vitoria Visits Italy
( Milan) Paparazzi and press had to use tele-photo lens to get a glimpse of Victoria Clooney in her father’s arms when their plane landed at the Milan airport. She will be staying with her father for a month and return to her mother the first week in February.
February
Two Arrested In Kidnapping Plot
(London) It was not a happy Valentine’s Day for the Princess of Wales. While out with her private security, daughter Victoria and Diana’s sister Sarah, their vehicle was cut off by two white vans which cut them off. Armed men emerged and approached the car. They shot the two security men and were in the process of pulling the women out, along with Victoria and the child’s nanny, when a public school van transporting its cricket team arrived on scene. The men fled in one van, but two of the five were caught later when the van’s licence number was reported by the soccer van’s driver. Sources say the intent was to kidnap the daughter of the Princess of Wales and hold her for ransom. No names for the pair have been released.
A Woman’s Perogative?
(London) A statement issued by Buckingham Palace should please those who have been appalled by the recent decision of Diana, Princess of Wales to dispense with the services of Scotland Yard with regard to her personal safety. The statement reads:
“After reconsideration, Diana, Princess of Wales, has agreed to remain under the protection of Scotland Yard. Her safety is paramount as the mother of the future King of England and for her sons’ peace of mind, she will not release this official protection; given that private protection was in force at the time of her 1997 accident in Paris.
Paris Accident Not the Fault of “Private Protection”
(London) Mohamed al-Fayed issued a response to the statement released by Buckingham Palace concerning Scotland Yard remaining as Diana, Princess of Wales’ security.
“My private protection did not fail my son nor did it fail Princess Diana. If Dodi had not been with that woman, he would not have died being chased like a mad dog through the streets of Paris. If Diana had been content to remain at the hotel, they would never have been moving from place to place to satisfy her whims. The men I hired were competent and, if not for Diana’s desire to be seen in public with my son and the relentless of pursuit of the paparazzi, my eldest would still be here.”
Clooney Weighs In
(Los Angeles) “Diana did what was best for our child, over what she wanted. That’s what good mothers do. Fayed’s as bad as the pararzzi, blaming everyone but himself for the death of his son. That SOB knows he hired the man who drive his son and Diana while drunk and on drugs. If he doesn’t like that fact, he can go back to Egypt where they might believe his cockamamie story. Everyone else knows the truth, whether he likes it or not.”
January
Scotland Yard Not Required
(London) A spokesman for Diana, Princess of Wales, has confirmed reports that she has dispensed with the services of Scotland Yard unless she is with her sons with the Prince of Wales. She had previously declined the service – whose cost was born by the Prince of Wales on behalf of his sons – after her divorce from Prince Charles was finalized, fearing they were reporting on her actions as well as providing security. She announced that she and George Clooney will share the cost of her personal security. Mr. Clooney has not commented on the statement.
Vitoria Visits Italy
( Milan) Paparazzi and press had to use tele-photo lens to get a glimpse of Victoria Clooney in her father’s arms when their plane landed at the Milan airport. She will be staying with her father for a month and return to her mother the first week in February.
February
Two Arrested In Kidnapping Plot
(London) It was not a happy Valentine’s Day for the Princess of Wales. While out with her private security, daughter Victoria and Diana’s sister Sarah, their vehicle was cut off by two white vans which cut them off. Armed men emerged and approached the car. They shot the two security men and were in the process of pulling the women out, along with Victoria and the child’s nanny, when a public school van transporting its cricket team arrived on scene. The men fled in one van, but two of the five were caught later when the van’s licence number was reported by the soccer van’s driver. Sources say the intent was to kidnap the daughter of the Princess of Wales and hold her for ransom. No names for the pair have been released.
A Woman’s Perogative?
(London) A statement issued by Buckingham Palace should please those who have been appalled by the recent decision of Diana, Princess of Wales to dispense with the services of Scotland Yard with regard to her personal safety. The statement reads:
“After reconsideration, Diana, Princess of Wales, has agreed to remain under the protection of Scotland Yard. Her safety is paramount as the mother of the future King of England and for her sons’ peace of mind, she will not release this official protection; given that private protection was in force at the time of her 1997 accident in Paris.
Paris Accident Not the Fault of “Private Protection”
(London) Mohamed al-Fayed issued a response to the statement released by Buckingham Palace concerning Scotland Yard remaining as Diana, Princess of Wales’ security.
“My private protection did not fail my son nor did it fail Princess Diana. If Dodi had not been with that woman, he would not have died being chased like a mad dog through the streets of Paris. If Diana had been content to remain at the hotel, they would never have been moving from place to place to satisfy her whims. The men I hired were competent and, if not for Diana’s desire to be seen in public with my son and the relentless of pursuit of the paparazzi, my eldest would still be here.”
Clooney Weighs In
(Los Angeles) “Diana did what was best for our child, over what she wanted. That’s what good mothers do. Fayed’s as bad as the pararzzi, blaming everyone but himself for the death of his son. That SOB knows he hired the man who drive his son and Diana while drunk and on drugs. If he doesn’t like that fact, he can go back to Egypt where they might believe his cockamamie story. Everyone else knows the truth, whether he likes it or not.”
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Well, I corrected the number of arrested to TWO, but there is more to come on this......
I haven't quite decided which of my three suspects is the culprits.
I'm just curious who the hell thinks literally trying to kidnap a Royal is a good idea.
Yes, I know she's divorced, but still.... That way lies MI5 taking a keen interest in you.
I know, but it's what happens when a ditz makes a decision (Diana decided AGAIN that Scotland Yard was spying on her).
March
Bodyguard Implicated in Plot
(London) Ivan “Lenny” Nevolenski, one of the injured private security guards in last month’s kidnapping attempt on Diana, Princess of Wales and her daughter, has been implicated by the captured co-conspirators. However, when Scotland Yard Detectives arrived at his flat, they found he had hung himself at least a day earlier.
Coroner Rules Death Homocide
(London) The coroner has ruled the death of Ivan Nevolenski as a homicide, citing the bruising on his arms and dislocated kneecap. Scotland Yard believes that his death was caused by the still at-large suspects. Nevolenski was the cousin of one of the arrested men. Viktor Nevolenski arrived from Russia with his cousin four years ago and the pair have no other known relatives in the UK. Scotland Yard has requested that anyone who knew the cousins contact them to aid in arresting the three remaining members of the kidnapping group. The second arrested man, whose name was initially reported as Clifford Davis-Smalls, is not who he claimed. Clifford Davis-Smalls’ body was found in the backyard of the house he owned in the Borough of Brent. The second man refuses to speak and his photo, published in papers for week running, has brought no forthcoming information.
Bodyguard Implicated in Plot
(London) Ivan “Lenny” Nevolenski, one of the injured private security guards in last month’s kidnapping attempt on Diana, Princess of Wales and her daughter, has been implicated by the captured co-conspirators. However, when Scotland Yard Detectives arrived at his flat, they found he had hung himself at least a day earlier.
Coroner Rules Death Homocide
(London) The coroner has ruled the death of Ivan Nevolenski as a homicide, citing the bruising on his arms and dislocated kneecap. Scotland Yard believes that his death was caused by the still at-large suspects. Nevolenski was the cousin of one of the arrested men. Viktor Nevolenski arrived from Russia with his cousin four years ago and the pair have no other known relatives in the UK. Scotland Yard has requested that anyone who knew the cousins contact them to aid in arresting the three remaining members of the kidnapping group. The second arrested man, whose name was initially reported as Clifford Davis-Smalls, is not who he claimed. Clifford Davis-Smalls’ body was found in the backyard of the house he owned in the Borough of Brent. The second man refuses to speak and his photo, published in papers for week running, has brought no forthcoming information.
there are many possibilities: Irish, Islamics, Fayed, disgruntled postal workers, crazy ex-girlfriends (don't forget who Victoria's father is), crazed fans (of either one), ex-employees, etc.
