Diary of the Doofus King II (1850 - )

USA in 1857

Doofus King - USA - 1857.png
 
Nice to see that Pax Americanna is thriving in the 19th century. Also nice to see that the Seward Gold Rush will happen twenty years earlier than OTL. Very interesting to see the west become diverse instead of staying as one huge white man's land this time around. Jewish Utah, who would've thought? One question though, why the hell is Maine cut in half? America won the War of 1812 TTL so they should get some chuncks of Canada, not the other way around.

On another note I am so hyped for the upcoming Spanish rebellions. Hopefully unlike Mexico these will actually turn out successful since they are so far out in the world and there is an actual organized resistance with no corrupt leaders or anarchic coups. Since it looks like Ferdinand's empire is going to fall, then Lincoln should send out an order for partial mobilization and send plans to his generals for an invasion of Florida and possibly an liberation of Mexico. I think realistically he'd have to wait a few years for the economy to get back in order and the navy to continue its buildup, but if Ferdinand fails to quell the insurrections then it is the perfect time to launch a Third Spanish-American War and control North America. I'm sure all of the black troops would love to go into Florida so that they can rescue their brethren from slavery, even a possible manumission of the American slaves who were sold to Cuba could be done. #FuckFerdinand #ScrewSpain #FreePeru #FreePhillipines

On another note RIP China

America and Spanish America
talk-about-freedom-army-meme-718x800.jpg
 
Nice to see that Pax Americanna is thriving in the 19th century. Also nice to see that the Seward Gold Rush will happen twenty years earlier than OTL. Very interesting to see the west become diverse instead of staying as one huge white man's land this time around. Jewish Utah, who would've thought? One question though, why the hell is Maine cut in half? America won the War of 1812 TTL so they should get some chuncks of Canada, not the other way around.

On another note I am so hyped for the upcoming Spanish rebellions. Hopefully unlike Mexico these will actually turn out successful since they are so far out in the world and there is an actual organized resistance with no corrupt leaders or anarchic coups. Since it looks like Ferdinand's empire is going to fall, then Lincoln should send out an order for partial mobilization and send plans to his generals for an invasion of Florida and possibly an liberation of Mexico. I think realistically he'd have to wait a few years for the economy to get back in order and the navy to continue its buildup, but if Ferdinand fails to quell the insurrections then it is the perfect time to launch a Third Spanish-American War and control North America. I'm sure all of the black troops would love to go into Florida so that they can rescue their brethren from slavery, even a possible manumission of the American slaves who were sold to Cuba could be done. #FuckFerdinand #ScrewSpain #FreePeru #FreePhillipines

On another note RIP China

America and Spanish America
talk-about-freedom-army-meme-718x800.jpg

Note that the Maine/New Brunswick border had been redrawn after the War of 1812 when the US got the majority of western Canada (west of the Republic of Quebec). It was lightly populated and an easy concession to make the peace. In the long run, the US won 100X that amount of territory.

Also, most of the British Maritimes had not actually been conquered at this point of the War of 1812 when the firing ceased. The US could not simply order it handed over, especially with the Royal Navy marauding the seas along the Atlantic seaboard.

I'm still not sure how any occupation of China would go. I don't see how it could be done by only one power. I'd be interested in feedback from anyone as to how it could better be accomplished. Unlike India, China had a long history of being united, had a functioning Bureaucracy and was much more ethnically homogenous. It may be impossible for anyone in that age of limited transportation to seize a territory so vast as China. My TL brings up the huge internal rebellions without which the Chinese could not be conquered by even a coalition of European nations.

Recall Lincoln's opposition to the OTL Mexican War. I don't think he would start a war of aggression even if the locals were being persecuted. Few nations were democracies anyway, even Britain only allowed a small fraction of men to vote. That Spain oppresses their colony isn't that much different than Austria, Russia or China oppressing theirs. As long as Spain doesn't try to attack again, I doubt Lincoln would do anything. I think it would be another President that would fight that war, perhaps over Cuba's inevitable rebellion, with at least the nominal excuse of supporting rebels rather than acquiring territory. Florida still wasn't that important and certainly not a threat to the United States but southern military personnel may have attempted to seek refuge there.

There have been a number of suggestions that the United States conquer it. I agree this would not be militarily difficult. However, countries do not simply invade each other if for no other reason than international standing abroad. The US would gain nothing immediately by occupying Florida but would certainly be called to task by their main trading partners and potentially even militarily. I suspect an offer to buy would come first, though Spain would only do so under duress. So basically, the next time the two nations exchange shots (again, probably over Cuba or Mexico), then Florida would almost inevitably fall to the United States.

The odds are against Spain holding Florida this long but would not be a priority anywhere in American policy. It would be akin to declaring war on Russia to conquer Alaska.
 
Note: I'm wrapping this up pretty soon.

Here is a list of current states:

34 Current represented states: Acadia (western Nova Scotia), Maine, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Jersey, New York, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Erie (Ontario), Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Pawnee, Missouri, Arkansaw, Indiana, Kentucky, Shenandoah (West Virginia), Appalachia (Eastern Tennessee, Western North Carolina, Northwestern South Carolina), Nebraska, Wichataw (Oklahoma), Colorado (northern Texas), Texas (southern Texas), Coahuila, Leon, Tamaulipas, Cascadia (BC and Northern Washington), Oregon (most of Oregon and Southern Washington), Nevada (Northern California, most of Nevada), California (Southern California and Baja California)

9 Constitutionally Lapsed States under occupation: Maryland, Virginia (reduced), North Carolina (reduced), South Carolina (reduced), Georgia, Alabama (plus Florida Panhandle), Mississippi, Tennessee (reduced), Louisiana

Other territories: Part of Bahamas/Turk/Caicos, Hawaii, Loyalty Islands (New Caledonia and Fiji), Samoa, Tahiti, New Zealand, Eastern Coast of Australia, "Great Plains" territories, Northern Territories and Southeastern Territories (Durango, Sinaloa, Sonora and Vizcaya)
 
Note: I'm wrapping this up pretty soon.

Here is a list of current states:

34 Current represented states: Acadia (western Nova Scotia), Maine, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Jersey, New York, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Erie (Ontario), Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Pawnee, Missouri, Arkansaw, Indiana, Kentucky, Shenandoah (West Virginia), Appalachia (Eastern Tennessee, Western North Carolina, Northwestern South Carolina), Nebraska, Wichataw (Oklahoma), Colorado (northern Texas), Texas (southern Texas), Coahuila, Leon, Tamaulipas, Cascadia (BC and Northern Washington), Oregon (most of Oregon and Southern Washington), Nevada (Northern California, most of Nevada), California (Southern California and Baja California)

9 Constitutionally Lapsed States under occupation: Maryland, Virginia (reduced), North Carolina (reduced), South Carolina (reduced), Georgia, Alabama (plus Florida Panhandle), Mississippi, Tennessee (reduced), Louisiana

Other territories: Part of Bahamas/Turk/Caicos, Hawaii, Loyalty Islands (New Caledonia and Fiji), Samoa, Tahiti, New Zealand, Eastern Coast of Australia, "Great Plains" territories, Northern Territories and Southeastern Territories (Durango, Sinaloa, Sonora and Vizcaya)

It's ending so soon? How sad.

But either way, this have been a most fun timeline.
 
So what's the next TL are you planning for the future?

I may go back to Quasi-War 6 (or 7, I can't remember). I was up to WWI but ran out of steam. Started out in 1796 and got through about 1930ish.

Also, I've been writing a series of amateur novels I'd like to get into print someday. I have been putting off finishing them for years now and promised myself I would get them done in 2016. Now 2017 is the best I can do now.
 
I may go back to Quasi-War 6 (or 7, I can't remember). I was up to WWI but ran out of steam. Started out in 1796 and got through about 1930ish.

Also, I've been writing a series of amateur novels I'd like to get into print someday. I have been putting off finishing them for years now and promised myself I would get them done in 2016. Now 2017 is the best I can do now.

That's cool.

Will they be a epilogue for this? If so, how far does it go?
 
Note that the Maine/New Brunswick border had been redrawn after the War of 1812 when the US got the majority of western Canada (west of the Republic of Quebec). It was lightly populated and an easy concession to make the peace. In the long run, the US won 100X that amount of territory.

Also, most of the British Maritimes had not actually been conquered at this point of the War of 1812 when the firing ceased. The US could not simply order it handed over, especially with the Royal Navy marauding the seas along the Atlantic seaboard.

I'm still not sure how any occupation of China would go. I don't see how it could be done by only one power. I'd be interested in feedback from anyone as to how it could better be accomplished. Unlike India, China had a long history of being united, had a functioning Bureaucracy and was much more ethnically homogenous. It may be impossible for anyone in that age of limited transportation to seize a territory so vast as China. My TL brings up the huge internal rebellions without which the Chinese could not be conquered by even a coalition of European nations.

Recall Lincoln's opposition to the OTL Mexican War. I don't think he would start a war of aggression even if the locals were being persecuted. Few nations were democracies anyway, even Britain only allowed a small fraction of men to vote. That Spain oppresses their colony isn't that much different than Austria, Russia or China oppressing theirs. As long as Spain doesn't try to attack again, I doubt Lincoln would do anything. I think it would be another President that would fight that war, perhaps over Cuba's inevitable rebellion, with at least the nominal excuse of supporting rebels rather than acquiring territory. Florida still wasn't that important and certainly not a threat to the United States but southern military personnel may have attempted to seek refuge there.

There have been a number of suggestions that the United States conquer it. I agree this would not be militarily difficult. However, countries do not simply invade each other if for no other reason than international standing abroad. The US would gain nothing immediately by occupying Florida but would certainly be called to task by their main trading partners and potentially even militarily. I suspect an offer to buy would come first, though Spain would only do so under duress. So basically, the next time the two nations exchange shots (again, probably over Cuba or Mexico), then Florida would almost inevitably fall to the United States.

The odds are against Spain holding Florida this long but would not be a priority anywhere in American policy. It would be akin to declaring war on Russia to conquer Alaska.

In terms of the occupation of China I would suggest that the Europeans create direct colonies on the coast where they can easily send in men and where the highest population is. That way you have millions of productive workers and a huge market for your industrial goods. As you go further inland then you will need to create puppet states in order to decentralize and make it look like the Chinese still have some power, while creating regional rivalries so that the Europeans client states can focus on killing each other instead of uniting against the white man. There are several possibilities for this such as a Manchu Kingdom, Yunnan Clique, Taiping Protectorate, Mongol Kingdom, etc. This type of balkanization is possible as that was what China was in the process of in the 1920's, were it not for Mao and Japan, then China today would be a cultural region with multiple states like Germany in the 1800's.

The reason that Lincoln was opposed to the Mexican-American War was that it was a completely unjust war of aggression for the sake of grabbing territories from Mexico, Polk also started the whole affair when he ordered U.S troops into the Mexican side, clearly enticing them to fight. Here the situation is vastly different. While there are few states that are truly "evil" in history, Spain definitely fits the bill of an antagonistic villain for the United States. Spain still allows slavery, they treat any non-Spaniards like crap in their colonies, Spain committed multiple atrocities in Mexico during the war, they helped supply the FSA against the Union, and they burned Washington and New York. With all of these factors combined, Lincoln would have no love for Spain and would easily support a war against America's number one enemy. While it is true that Lincoln would show restraint, that doesn't mean that he won't do anything while this is going on. Lincoln could attempt to aid Peru and the Phillipines in their various wars of independnece through volunteers, third party funding for mercenaries, weapon shipments to each nation (using Netherlands as a proxy for Phillipenes) and having an embargo on all Spanish goods. Lincoln would also have his generals at the very least plan for war with Spain again so that they can strike if the perfect opportunity or casus belli presents itself.

Sad to see this timeline go. It's become one of my favorites and we haven't seen much radical changes like the original. Good luck on the novels and hopefully we can see Doofus Kings III soon.
 
In terms of the occupation of China I would suggest that the Europeans create direct colonies on the coast where they can easily send in men and where the highest population is. That way you have millions of productive workers and a huge market for your industrial goods. As you go further inland then you will need to create puppet states in order to decentralize and make it look like the Chinese still have some power, while creating regional rivalries so that the Europeans client states can focus on killing each other instead of uniting against the white man. There are several possibilities for this such as a Manchu Kingdom, Yunnan Clique, Taiping Protectorate, Mongol Kingdom, etc. This type of balkanization is possible as that was what China was in the process of in the 1920's, were it not for Mao and Japan, then China today would be a cultural region with multiple states like Germany in the 1800's.

The reason that Lincoln was opposed to the Mexican-American War was that it was a completely unjust war of aggression for the sake of grabbing territories from Mexico, Polk also started the whole affair when he ordered U.S troops into the Mexican side, clearly enticing them to fight. Here the situation is vastly different. While there are few states that are truly "evil" in history, Spain definitely fits the bill of an antagonistic villain for the United States. Spain still allows slavery, they treat any non-Spaniards like crap in their colonies, Spain committed multiple atrocities in Mexico during the war, they helped supply the FSA against the Union, and they burned Washington and New York. With all of these factors combined, Lincoln would have no love for Spain and would easily support a war against America's number one enemy. While it is true that Lincoln would show restraint, that doesn't mean that he won't do anything while this is going on. Lincoln could attempt to aid Peru and the Phillipines in their various wars of independnece through volunteers, third party funding for mercenaries, weapon shipments to each nation (using Netherlands as a proxy for Phillipenes) and having an embargo on all Spanish goods. Lincoln would also have his generals at the very least plan for war with Spain again so that they can strike if the perfect opportunity or casus belli presents itself.

Sad to see this timeline go. It's become one of my favorites and we haven't seen much radical changes like the original. Good luck on the novels and hopefully we can see Doofus Kings III soon.

Thanks, appreciate it.
 
I'm a bit surprised Ferdinand VII of Spain has lived as long as he did ITTL. IOTL, he died in 1833. By 1857, he'd be 73 years old.

Yeah, I guess that is true. Wikipedia didn't explicitly say what he died from so maybe he could have lived a while longer. I had him marrying a Bonaparte in this TL so I could have invented a new king but Ferdinand VII was such a despicable character that I thought he'd make a good and incompetent antagonist.
 
December, 1860

Philadelphia, provisional Capital

President Abraham Lincoln knew the election could not possibly be in doubt but seeing the returns of the Presidential and Congressional races brought a smile to his heart. Some had predicted the election to bring in a wave of Democrat or third party opponents to Congress. Well, the Senate returning the same number of Whigs and Lincoln's party only lose a grand total of one seat in the house. Given the 2.5 to 1 ratio which the Whigs currently enjoyed, having another two years of such advantage would be delightful. Of course, it would be four years for the Presidency.

Lincoln was no longer the "Fake President" or "His Accidency". He had been returned by a sizable majority (almost 1.8 to 1) of the popular vote. Derided by both Democrat and Radical Whig for four years after taking over Seward's Presidency, no one could claim that he did not merit the office. Both wings of the Whigs had sought to unseat him at the Party Convention but he nevertheless won the necessary votes on the first ballot.

It helped that he had won over an adequate number of Radicals by support the Freedman's Bureau and most of Seward's agenda over the years and held steady on keeping the southern states accountable for their actions BEFORE returning their people to Congress. The waves of terror over the years against the Negro peoples ensured that Lincoln, whom did not seek revenge but order, could not abide by any gifts to the formerly rebellious brethren.

For the most part, the past four years went well. The nation's economy recovered. Trade resumed in earnest, a new cotton crop endured the pests (more on that later) providing foreign exchange and providing a new industry in the north and south in textiles, several remarkable gold and silver mines flooded the nation (including one as far off in Australia, surely America got the best of that continent) with capital, northern manufactures grew, wool from Australia helped that land, the railroads stretched ever further, the ports were updated for the huge new ships, the navy flourished (though still smaller than Britain's but Lincoln was not intent on forging the most powerful military on earth), the new states carved from the northern Latin areas of the former New Spain (now Tierra Fernanda in the Spanish south) were coming along well.

But problems abounded as well:

Occasional uprisings occurred in the southeast as Latin majorities became minorities in some areas, rebels claiming American imperialism emerged. Fortunately, these were mainly small bands, rather than full-blown riots. Most locals recall the days of warlords and anarchy and were happy with all the American investment in mines, roads, railroads, ports, cities, eth, not to mention America's army bringing the worst of the Indian nations to heel. The new political class in Vizcaya, Durango, etc, etc, by definition supported the new order and soon were as adept as any in Congress in turning Union funds (no one used "federal" anymore) towards their states and enjoyed their own power to distribute patronage in jobs and military commissions (Westpoint, etc) to their local allies.

The bigger issue was the south, not a terrible surprise. Even those states carved out of the "Unionist" areas, Appalachia and Shenandoah, were not exactly pleased with the Whig agenda. On more than one occasion, Lincoln nearly endorsed removing those two new states from their Congressional privileges.

The rest of the south remained a cauldron of unrest. Formation of the Secret Police, formed of the Pinkerton Detective Agency after the war, had been one key point of disagreement between Lincoln and Seward. Upon Seward's assassination, Lincoln had intended to quietly reform the branch of service to remove the more odious and illegal methods. However, constant southern insurrections in the form of "Raider" terrorists stayed Lincoln's hand almost against his will. Murder remained common between black and white. Oddly, even with Lincoln's support, the Negroes appeared to be losing ground in much of the south by the simple reason that they were all leaving for other locales.

Lincoln had initially supported shipping the Negroes back to Africa but found little to no support among the Negroes or among the nation as a whole. His alternatives of Cuba or Brazil seemed equally unacceptable. Why would they want to move to areas where (in Cuba's case) there was still slavery? Finally Lincoln realized he would not win this one and supported the Negroes on their own terms, with the Freedman's Bureau and other means like land distribution, with land being long held as the true source of power. Indeed, Lincoln was criticized often by his allies for failing to turn over more southern land, the large plantations, to the slaves but Lincoln did not believe that seizing dirt would make the situation better. He preferred to offer land in the west, which needed taming anyway and the President desired an English-speaking population in the old Latin states.

To an extent, this worked. Negro land ownership reached almost white levels. However, the unanticipated side-effect was that the white population in the south, already outnumbering the southern blacks by three to one at the time of the war, soon witnessed an advantage of six to one as so many southern blacks departed for the north or west or southwest where they could have land and not be bothered by those whom had kept themselves and their ancestors in bondage. With the changing demographics (formerly 4 million to 1.5 million, now 4 million to 700,000), the "Federal" supporters gained ever greater advantage. The slowly reducing army and Freedman's Bureau found it tougher and tougher to keep control. The north, especially the Democrats, were tired of the "occupation" and wanted to get back to business. However, Lincoln doubted that reinstating the rebels to the Union would allow the southern blacks remaining in the south would be treated well when the southern Democrats take over.

It seemed an occupation without end.

Fortunately, the Negroes remained loyal Whigs no matter where they went and the continued hordes of Irish and German and Jewish and Polish and Russian or Fernandan immigrants were actively courted by the Whigs. Lincoln did not want his party to be viewed as anti-immigrant in a nation which was 1/4 immigrant.

Now, in his second term and first in which he was actually elected, Lincoln had another monumental task. The long-delayed departure of the Capital to St. Louis was due. The primary government buildings (a new Presidential mansion, Capital building, dozens of departmental office buildings, new homes for the American aristocrats, etc) had been built and only awaited occupants. The entire situation would be a pain in the ass for years as the move was made from the Provisional Capital of Philadelphia to St. Louis. But Lincoln gave up that fight a long time ago and was ready to get it over with, if only for his successor's sake. Lincoln bit the bullet and announced that he would take the oath of office in St. Louis. His Whig Congressional "allies" similarly agreed that their next session would be in the new American Capital.
 
Last edited:
1870

Kitay, Russian China, 45% of the old Chinese Empire

The Russians took a full decade but, with Mongolian help, China north of the Yellow River fell as did Manchuria and the Joseon Peninsula. Renamed "Kitay" for the Russian term for Cathay, the new provinces exceeded all the rest of the Russian Empire's population. With access to numerous ports, Czar Alexander II would continue to challenge the British and French for domination of Asia. The Mongolians were effectively bought by granting them free reign and support in Dzungaria, northeastern China that had been taken from them by Kazaks over a century prior. The Muslim peoples would be pushed ever south from Dzungaria as well as the Asian steppes. With control also of Hokkaido and Sakhalin, Russia remained a power in Asia.

Zhong guo, French China, 25% of the old Chinese Empire

The French, having conquered the predominantly Mandarin-speaking, ethnic Han, central lands between the Yellow and Yangtze Rivers, would logically choose the name Zhong guo, the most common name for China by the Han themselves. As it was the middle of the three "Spheres of Influence", the French thought that Zhong guo or "Central Country" would be a logical name.

Manzi, British China, 30% of the old Chinese Empire

As the British conquered the lands south of the Yangtze River, they noticed that Mandarin was not the standard tongue nor the people ethnically uniform in these areas. They determined that this was a good thing as it gave a palpable separation from the northern Chinese. The old term of "Manzi" or Southern Barbarians was dug up from antiquity. Britain had become good in playing one ethnic group against the other over the years in India and using language and religion to separate. In Manzi, the British realized that they could break the land up into provinces by language group and ethnic identity. Over a dozen provinces were set up. If one rebelled, they could call upon troops from the other. Oddly, unlike India, it was the western Muslims which were the trouble-makers and Buddhist and Christian sepoys of the east that would help the British put them down.

Elsewhere

Tibet -


The British would soon assume control over Tibet despite the fierce objections of the Russians and French. However, the security of India made the conquest mandatory in the British mind and neither Russia nor France decided to seek martial conflict. By the end of 1880, virtually every scrap of Asia had been divided between the three powers.

The Philippines, Iberian Joint Monarchy of Spain and Portugal

Oddly, it was the Philippines that proved troublesome. As much of the Spanish Empire would convulse in rebellion or revolution for various reasons, the Philippines declared independence. No longer allied closely with France (though King Ferdinand VIII was a distant cousin of the French Emperor), the Spanish could not send significant forces to a colony no longer useful for much of anything. The Governor of the Philippines, Timor and other local colonies was evicted from Manila and "General" Andreas Novales would take command. The half-hearted attempts to reconquer Manila would be beaten back with contemptible ease by the local rebels on Luzon.

Having assumed that the Spanish would eventually reconquer the colony, it soon became apparent that the Spanish could not control the Philippines any more than Peru or Chile or Nueva Granada. Even Cuba and Tierra Fernanda proved restless. The King of Spain also faced local rebellions demanding more Cortes power and an end of the near absolute monarchy. Regions like Portugal and the Basque country demanded autonomy or independence.

Facing too many problems, the Philippines were virtually ignored. This brought the once-forgotten colony to the forefront of the three powers...plus America.

Russia wanted a southern port to link with Basra. France demanded that the Philippines join their Indochinese colony. Britain thought the Philippines more proximate to their colony of Nippon. China was broken up over the course of a single conference by borders of a pair of great Rivers. Largely, the three powers abided by this and only conflicted when the map proved vague. The Philippines would prove contentious, not least because no government was truly established by the rebels.

Though America's imperialism was less established than the other three, the American government did not want the European powers any nearer to their Australian and south Pacific Empire and demanded that no further action be taken by ANYONE. For the late 1870's, this proved a highly contentious topic.
 
Top