Coluche goes for the Presidency

It's been a while since I've had time to write a TL, but here is a new one...and it's based on a real POD. The French comedian Coluche announced he was going to run for the presidency, but didnt after his friend, director Rene Gorlin, was murdered. But what if Gorlin had not died?

The 26th April 1981 went down as one of the most unusual and shocking days in French political history.

The buildup had started on the 30th October 1980. At a press conference, Michel Colucci (aka Coluche) announced his intention to run for the Presidency of the Republic. Mainstream politicians initially saw him as a joke, but polls soon emerged crediting him with 16% of the vote- Mitterrand was credited with just 18% himself.

There then began some shady deals and threats to politically eliminate Coluche. These came to a head with the attempted murder of his director, Rene Gorlin. Gorlin confirmed that he had been attacked by someone he had never seen before, and it was widely suspected that there was a political motive behind this. Coluche's campaign suddenly caught fire after the public indignation at the attempt on Gorlin's life.

As the official start to the campaign got underway, it was clear that Giscard d'Estaing and Mitterrand were both struggling, whilst Chirac and Marchais were not capitalising. It was Coluche who was colecting the protest votes, according to the polls. The Gaullist Marie-France Garaud dropped out and rallied to Chirac, but Michel Debre refused to bow out. More intriguingly, Huguette Bouchardeau dropped out and gave her support to Coluche, realising that her campaign was going nowhere. Various people rallied to Coluche, notably the politically-engaged singer Daniel Balavoine, who had confronted Mitterrand on television in the past and disliked Giscard enormously as well.

The 26th April was going to be a seriously shocking night...

The results were in. Across France, voters watched TF1 waiting to see what would happen. In the Elysee palace, Valery Giscard d'Estaing watched nervously; at 10 Rue de Solferino, Mitterrand and his supporters did likewise. The results brought gasps across the Hexagon:

Giscard d'Estaing, Valery, UDF: 23%
Mitterrand, Francois, PS: 18%
Colucci, Michel dit Coluche, independent: 19%
Marchais, Georges, Parti communiste francais: 15.15%
Chirac, Jacques, RPR: 16%
Lalonde, Brice, Parti ecologiste: 3.5%
Laguiller, Arlette, Lutte Ouvriere: 2%
Crepeau, Michel: 1%
Debre, Michel: 2%

Mitterrand had been knocked out. VGE's vote had taken a battering too. Chirac had not capitalised, nor had Marchais. The next round was going to be VGE versus Coluche. This result was truly shocking and reverberated around France and the world beyond.

Well seems interesting but i don't really understand the French politics, why does Mitterrand get knocked out? despite having 3rd highest vote?

Jammy said:

Well seems interesting but i don't really understand the French politics, why does Mitterrand get knocked out? despite having 3rd highest vote?

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Thanks for the interest!

In the Fifth Republic, presidential elections have two rounds. Only the two highest go through- thus it'll be Valery Giscard d'Estaing and Coluche, and the others are all nowhere and will give their backing to whoever they want to, normally loudly and in the hope of a reciprocal favour later.

SteveW said:

Thanks for the interest!

In the Fifth Republic, presidential elections have two rounds. Only the two highest go through- thus it'll be Valery Giscard d'Estaing and Coluche, and the others are all nowhere and will give their backing to whoever they want to, normally loudly and in the hope of a reciprocal favour later.

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Arh right i understand now, thanks for clearing that up

Coluche in the run-off? I would have dismissed that as implausible before 2002, but that election showed that the system can have fateful quirks indeed.

The thing is, speculating of what Coluche's politics would have been is problematic. His platform was conspicuously non-serious, though its good-natured populist overtones did catch people's attention.

I call upon the lazy bums, the ne'er-do-wells, the junkies, the alcoholics, the fags, the women, the parasites, the young, the old, the artists, the jail inmates, the dykes, the interns, the blacks, the pedestrians, the Arabs, the French, the long-haired ones, the insane, the transvestites, the former Communists, the determined non-voters, all those who don't matter to the politicians, to vote for me, to register in town halls and to spread the news.

All together we'll kick their asses with Coluche, the one candidate who has no reason to lie to you!

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In any case, isn't it extremely probable that (in such a scenario) Giscard would be re-elected? I can see something happening akin to the 2002 elections - people voting for the other guy instead of the one most people wouldn't like to see in the Elysée? Coluche might get more votes than Le Pen in the second round (after all, a clown is less disgusting than a "facho"), but I'm sure reason would ultimately prevail.

Or perhaps I'm biased against Coluche. He made way to many "Belgian jokes".

Erwin said:

Or perhaps I'm biased against Coluche. He made way to many "Belgian jokes".

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Et puis par exemple t'as les histoires c'est plus rigolo quand c'est un Belge. Si, si on est Suisse. Et puis le contraire, si c'est un Suisse quand on est Belge. Parce que les Belges et les Suisses c'est les deux seuls qui se rendent pas compte qu'en fait c'est pareil. Mais c'est normal hein, c'est à cause de la distance qui les sépare, alors ils se disent "tu parles, c'est sûrement pas pareil" les mecs ils se disent ça, t'sais les mecs, mais ils se gourrent heu... Non, admettons par exemple on rencontre un... vrai con en Suisse... c'est un belge. Mais dans l'ensemble ça valait pas l'coup de faire deux pays rien que pour ça hein. Ils auraient pu se démerder hein. Enfin moi je dis ça je m'en fous hein, je suis ni Belge, ni Suisse, ni juif alors... je suis normal.

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I see your point

Hendryk said:

Coluche in the run-off? I would have dismissed that as implausible before 2002, but that election showed that the system can have fateful quirks indeed.

The thing is, speculating of what Coluche's politics would have been is problematic. His platform was conspicuously non-serious, though its good-natured populist overtones did catch people's attention.

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That's the problem, I'm thinking that I could roughly extrapolate Renaud Sechan's politics and apply them to Coluche...

I'll write up the next installment later. Coluche will indeed NOT beat VGE, but what he has done to Mitterrand and Chirac will have serious ripples across the French political world. Watch this space, mes amis, and thanks for the interest you've all taken!

The second round of the election was not as much of a surprise as the first. Giscard d'Estaing won with an incredible 74% of the vote. Coluche had been a good protest vote in the first round, but even those who were not too keen on VGE didn't want to risk Coluche as president. But still, he had done well.

The day after the second round, as the UDF celebrated, serious soul-searching began elsewhere.

At their office on rue de Solferino, the PS were in deep depression. Mitterrand was clearly a vote-loser who had no chance of being president or leading the party to victory. Then, two days after the return of Giscard, the death blow was brought down on Mitterrand. An anonymous briefing informed a Le Monde journalist that Mitterrand was suffering from prostate cancer, news which was enough to force the Socialist leader to admit that he was not a well man, and he thus resigned.

A fight broke out almost immediately. On one side were the heirs of Mitterrand, the young Turks Lionel Jospin and Laurent Fabius. On the other were the right-wing of the party, Michel Rocard, Pierre Mauroy, and Jacques Delors.

And it was no better over at the RPR. Chirac's woeful fourth place was embarassing, even if the right had been split. He was safe for now, but a poor showing in the June legislative elections would leave RPR members baying for his blood. Some already saw the RPR as a vehicle for Chirac's ego which was doomed to fail- Michel Poniatowski loudly and clearly joined the growing Front National.

The legislative elections, however, promised chaos. Total, utter chaos. Polls indicated that the PS might actually do well, if not win. Giscard could be entering his second septennat with a weak Right...

SteveW said:

A fight broke out almost immediately. On one side were the heirs of Mitterrand, the young Turks Lionel Jospin and Laurent Fabius. On the other were the right-wing of the party, Michel Rocard, Pierre Mauroy, and Jacques Delors.

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I'm torn--on the one hand I think Delors would make a superb presidential hopeful, on the other his becoming party leader would preclude his becoming president of the European Commission in 1985 (which, ironically, he became with the support of Margaret Thatcher, who found the initial choice, Claude Cheysson, too much of an old-school Socialist).

SteveW said:

Michel Poniatowski loudly and clearly joined the growing Front National.

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I'm confused... I have to admit I don't know that much about Poniatowski, but I believe he was (at least then) still a member of Giscard's UDF. Wouldn't it be more to his advantage if he stayed a member of this party, with the possibility of obtaining some position (in government, as minister, advisor,...)?

The day after the second round, as the UDF celebrated, serious soul-searching began elsewhere.

At their office on rue de Solferino, the PS were in deep depression

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And it was no better over at the RPR. Chirac's woeful fourth place was embarassing, even if the right had been split

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Can't tell the players without the score card.

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?Could you please spell out who these initials are, and what the parties are suppose to stand for?.

Erwin said:

I'm confused... I have to admit I don't know that much about Poniatowski, but I believe he was (at least then) still a member of Giscard's UDF. Wouldn't it be more to his advantage if he stayed a member of this party, with the possibility of obtaining some position (in government, as minister, advisor,...)?

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Poniatowski was actually out of the National Assembly at this point and in the European Parliament (as of 1979). In OTL he was thrown out of the UDF for being too close to the National Front. In this TL, with Giscard's unconvincing re-election (beating some comedian is hardly a mark of great statesmanship), he's jumped ship.

DuQuense said:

?Could you please spell out who these initials are, and what the parties are suppose to stand for?.

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Sorry.

PS= Parti socialiste (Socialist Party)
UDF= Union pour une democratie francaise (Union for French Democracy, liberal right-of-centre)
RPR (Rassemblement pour la republique, Rally for the Republic, Gaullist vehicle for Chirac)

Hope that clears things up.

There will be an update in a few days- annoyingly my finals have just begun....

As the legislative elections of the 14th and 21st June 1981 approached, there had by now been a certain realignment in French politics.

The Socialists had picked Pierre Mauroy as their new leader, but this was no without some fractious behaviour to his left. The PS went into the elections with a deal of internal strife.

The UDF, flush from its victory, once again presented Raymond Barre as its new prime ministerial candidate.

The results were intriguing. Including allies, the Communists reached 49, the Socialists 224, independents 14, the RPR 109, and the UDF 95. Giscard was heading for co-habitation and there was nothing he could do about it. He was forced to pick Mauroy as his prime minister. For the first time in decades, Communists would hold some power.