WI: Hitler killed by mountain goat at Berghof

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Stolengood

Stolengood

Banned
Well... what if? :D

Let's place this anywhere between 1928 and... 1942, maybe. Hitler is alone in the hills, puttering off... and a little mountain goat comes up to him.

"Ba-a-ah," it says.

"Oh, eine Bergziege!" Hitler exclaims. "Hallo, meine kleine Bergziege Freund!"

He goes to pet it. "Ich hoffe sie sind ein Arier--"

The little goat butts him in the chest with his horns, breaking several ribs and spearing him right in the heart. "AUTSCH!" Hitler screams. "Oh, von den Göttern..."

He collapses right there on the mountainside. The little goat, its work done, goes to wander off, but is shot and killed by one of Hitler's numerous bodyguards, alerted by der Fuhrer's cries.

Hitler dies that evening, partly from blood loss and partly from embarrassment. :D

What happens next?
 

CthulhuFhtagn

Banned
This is awesome.

Let's say this is in early 1933. Himmler takes over. As the Nazi economy gets worse, he suffers a psychotic breakdown. He becomes convinced that the goats are to blame for Germany's problems, not the Jews.

As part of the "final solution to the goat problem", the Nazis invade Eastern Europe. They successfully use anti-Soviet collaborators to their advantage, and promise independence to the Slavs as long as they promise to turn their goats over to the Nazis.With most of the USSR rebelling against the Soviet government, the war is over in about a year. Generalplan Ost is never implemented. Josef Stalin is put on trial for his crimes, and for sending the goat assassin that killed the Führer. Goats are murdered by the thousands as part of the "Hircuscaust".

In 1950, when the Nazi regime finally collapses, the European goat has been driven to extinction. As penance, the German Republic continues to make yearly payments to the International Goat Association to this day.

Edited: for historical accuracy
 
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Kome

Kome

CthulhuFhtagn said:
This is awesome.

Let's say this is in early 1933. Himmler takes over. As the war turns steadily worse for the Axis, he suffers a psychotic breakdown. He becomes convinced that the goats are to blame for Germany's problems, not the Jews.

As part of the "final solution to the goat problem", the Nazis invade Eastern Europe. They successfully use anti-Soviet collaborators to their advantage, and promise independence to the Slavs as long as they promise to turn their goats over to the Nazis.With most of the USSR rebelling against the Soviet government, the war is over in about a year. Generalplan Ost is never implemented. Josef Stalin is put on trial for his crimes, and for sending the goat assassin that killed the Führer. Goats are murdered by the thousands as part of the "Hircuscaust".

In 1950, when the Nazi regime finally collapses, the European goat has been driven to extinction. As penance, the German Republic continues to make yearly payments to the International Goat Association to this day.
Click to expand...
Himmler is the least likely person to take over in 1933. Besides his personal initiatives with his position, literally his only responsibility in 1933 would be protecting Hitler. And the Fuhrer just got assassinated by a goat.

SIE HATTE EINEN JOB! EIN JOB!
 

Tredecimus

That goat should be awarded with 1 Medal of Honor, 1 Victoria Cross, 1 Legion d'Honneur and 1 Hero of the Soviet Union each.
 

CthulhuFhtagn

Banned
Kome said:
Himmler is the least likely person to take over in 1933. Besides his personal initiatives with his position, literally his only responsibility in 1933 would be protecting Hitler. And the Fuhrer just got assassinated by a goat.

SIE HATTE EINEN JOB! EIN JOB!
Click to expand...

"SIE HATTE EINEN JOB! EIN JOB!"

Heinrich Himmler was stunned that his glasses were still intact, given the volume with which Hermann Göring was shouting at him.

"Sir, I-"

"Your job was to protect the Führer! And you let him get killed by a goat? A goat?!

"It came out of nowh-"

"I don't want to hear another word! You're a loose cannon, Himmler! First the talk about exterminating Jewish people, and now this! Borman is riding my ass on this one! Turn in your gun and badge!"

Dazed by the prospects of his life's ambitions falling apart before his eyes, Himmler handed his service pistol and his badge to Göring, before turning and walking out of the room. As he stepped into the hallway, he came face to face with a smug-looking Albert Speer.

"Looks like you really got his goat, Heinrich," Speer said, before bursting into laughter.
 

Ivir Baggins

Kome said:
Himmler is the least likely person to take over in 1933. Besides his personal initiatives with his position, literally his only responsibility in 1933 would be protecting Hitler. And the Fuhrer just got assassinated by a goat.

SIE HATTE EINEN JOB! EIN JOB!
Click to expand...

It's Sie Hätten [/nitpick].

Still, if we have Stalin die whilst mountaineering as well then that's fun.
 
Talwar

Talwar

They watched grimly as Beria scribbled his signature across the bottom of the page. When he was done, he tossed the pen aside and held up the paper for an aide to snatch away. "Effective immediately, mountains are the enemy of the state, and are to be purged without fail. Potential sympathizers, such as climbers and downhill skiers are to be sent to work camps on the steppes of Kazakhstan."
 

Locke01

Admiral Awesome said:
That goat should be awarded with 1 Medal of Honor, 1 Victoria Cross, 1 Legion d'Honneur and 1 Hero of the Soviet Union each.
Click to expand...

All Allied countries erect a Tomb of the Unknown Goat in their national capitals to celebrate the achievement of this saintly beast.
 
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chopperdave

Kome said:
Besides his personal initiatives with his position, literally his only responsibility in 1933 would be protecting Hitler. And the Fuhrer just got assassinated by a goat.

SIE HATTE EINEN JOB! EIN JOB!
Click to expand...

Hey but that was one mean goat. How could a platoon of elite bodyguards hope to stand against it?

On the sidenote I adore the above quote far far too much
 
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