The Stars at Night: A Texas Timeline

[Darth_Kiryan]

So....Seward is dead. That was a rather gruesome death, yet like in OTL, he seems to have had a fondness of being stabbed or slashed with knives.

Also, A. S. Johnstone is President of Texas??? Wow. Don't think i would ever have seen that coming. And incoming Confederates to bolster the ranks, year, not really unsurprising.

[Space Oddity]

Yeah. Yeah. Is it just me, or has the Texan Republic just royally set itself up to be screwed?

[Plumber]

Originally Posted by Space Oddity

Yeah. Yeah. Is it just me, or has the Texan Republic just royally set itself up to be screwed?

This is going to be great
So, no French intervention in Mexico?

[Space Oddity]

You know, I just have to ask--where's John Brown?

[Sicarius]

Originally Posted by Adûnakhôr

So....Seward is dead. That was a rather gruesome death, yet like in OTL, he seems to have had a fondness of being stabbed or slashed with knives.

I'm no historical determinist - obviously, posting on AH.com - but some things are multiversal

As to Johnston, he considered Texas his home, and fought in the Texas Revolution and Mexican War as per OTL (altho for Texas in the latter, not the US). Already with a great reputation from his service in war and government (he was Lamar's Secretary of War pre-POD), the Texian Cincinnatus was a natural choice to step up during the uncertain time of the Southron Rebellion. Of course, by the time he gets into office the Rebellion's a done deal (which means the inevitable fact of its fall, in Texas, gets blamed on Reagan). Between his service in both of Texas's early wars, impeccable government record, insistence on returning to his farm after each war and his presidency, and the fact that his administration falls in a sweet spot of comparatively peaceful Texian history, Johnston has a very good reputation in Texas history. He's basically a Washington-level figure in Texas, and is going to be near the top of any Greatest Texians list - even Houston and Lamar had a vocal contingent of people who hated them (respectively, Lamar and Houston), but everyone loves Johnston. One day the Texian Capitol will greet visitors with this sight:


Unfortunately, epaulettes do not lend themselves well to statuary.

Originally Posted by Space Oddity

Yeah. Yeah. Is it just me, or has the Texan Republic just royally set itself up to be screwed?

Originally Posted by Plumber

So, no French intervention in Mexico?

France wants a North American foothold so bad. They see their friendship with Texas (well, they see it more as pre-Dominance) as step one, and Mexico as step two. Unfortunately for them thus far, the incident that predicated their OTL invasion hasn't happened yet, and therefore won't be during a war that's distracting the US.

Originally Posted by Space Oddity

You know, I just have to ask--where's John Brown?

A-mouldering in the grave. Surely. Right? I mean... he'd have to be? 99% certain. It's not like - well. No one ever saw his body. But that doesn't ever mean anything, right? Okay, 90% certain. There were a lot of bodies about then, it would have been hard to tell. He must be dead.

Surely.












Maybe.

[Mirza Khan]

Somehow, I am beginning to percieve that this TL might not be the Texas-wank its been advertised as...

Either way, the writing is still hilarious-congrats to the author!

[Errnge]

great update again, sic.

so, i was wondering how all of this has affected mexican politics?

also, perhaps the region where the freed slaves are sent to will have some kind of a name (probably derogatory) like crow county, or black territory. iunno.

keep it up

[Strategos' Risk]

What is the Texian sense of nationality derived from? Aren't they just dusty Southerners?

[Venusian Si]

Originally Posted by Strategos' Risk

What is the Texian sense of nationality derived from? Aren't they just dusty Southerners?

What is the American sense of nationality derived from? Aren't they just cranky Brits?

[Strategos' Risk]

They're just rowdy Canadians.

[Swan Station]

Originally Posted by Sicarius

Later identified as Marcellus Jerome Clarke

Note, of course, that the assassin has three names.

[AuroraBorealis]

Originally Posted by Venusian Si

What is the American sense of nationality derived from? Aren't they just cranky Brits?

ROTFLOL furiously sidesplitting to boot.

[Expat]

Always enjoy this TL. Question on a small issue: did the retrocession of the Virginian part of the District of Columbia occur ITTL or is DC still diamond-shaped?

[Sicarius]

Originally Posted by Errnge

so, i was wondering how all of this has affected mexican politics?

I'll try and get to Mexican politics pretty soon! I'm going to be jumping around in the chronology a bit to address certain groups in the next few bits, I think.

Originally Posted by Errnge

also, perhaps the region where the freed slaves are sent to will have some kind of a name (probably derogatory) like crow county, or black territory. iunno

The Black Crowes perhaps, haha

Originally Posted by Strategos' Risk

What is the Texian sense of nationality derived from? Aren't they just dusty Southerners?

As mentioned in a previous part, Texas is still very culturally similar to the South. But they've got ~25 years of independence at this point, two wars, a different mixture of immigrants, and a political culture adapted to their specific issues. So there are some differences, and certainly there's a lot of Texas pride, regardless of how unique it really is.

Originally Posted by Expat

Always enjoy this TL. Question on a small issue: did the retrocession of the Virginian part of the District of Columbia occur ITTL or is DC still diamond-shaped?

I'd imagine it would go much as it did OTL. That was a move that had been brewing for some time, and I don't think anything that had happened by then ITTL would change it.

Part 18
Knights in White Satin

The Texian Party was founded in 1854 by a recent American immigrant named George Washington Lafayette Bickley. Bickley, a supporter of the anti-medical, native american influenced pseudoscience known as “eclectic medicine”, had hoped to teach at the Eclectic Medical Institute of Cincinatti, Ohio, but had been rejected after it was found he falsified his records of attendance at the University of London. Dispirited, Bickley turned to his second love: Slavery! Bickley was convinced that slavery had to expand to survive, and thought Mexico to be the ideal location. After limited success in the Union, Bickley decided to kick it up a notch with the black-tar heroin of slavery - Texas. In 1852 he stumbled across the border and into history.


"The hair says I want to be formal, but the beard says I'm here to party."

Bickley’s Order of the White Knights achieved much more popularity in Texas than it had in America, for he had arrived at a fortuitous movement. Anti-Mexican sentiment was even higher than usual, and Bickley’s calls for an invasion of Texas’s southern neighbor, either by the Republic or by an independent group, gained many supporters. Of course, Bickley’s strongest backer was the owner and editor of the Houston Star, William Walker. Walker’s paper frequently endorsed the need for the conquest of Mexico and Central America, and for the institution of slavery in those lands. Though he himself was unable to pursue any such adventures (Walker could - ironically, given his name - only walk with great difficulty, having been seriously injured in a 1849 duel), the publicity Walker gave Bickley was priceless, and no doubt gained the Knights much more attention than they would have had otherwise. Which is saying a lot when you tended to have torch-wielding marches in the middle of town in home-made costumes.


Imagine wearing this in 100 degree heat. No wonder they were so pissed all the time.

When the 1852 Mexican War broke out, Bickley was over the moon. He quickly volunteered, and organized his own unit of Knight members. Though totally lacking military experience, Bickley was made the unit’s officer. During the war he acquitted himself decently, if not extraordinarily, usually managing to inflict more deaths than his unit suffered. From the reports of the Star, though, one would think Bickley was a military genius, second only to Mirabeau Lamar (whose performance was, like Bickley, workmanlike at best, but who was also, like Bickley, an ally of Walker). Walker himself even observed several battles during the war, at times from a sedan chair carried by his slaves.


"I call it the 'Slave Utility Vehicle.'"

If anything, the war only confirmed to Bickley his view of the world. The Mexicans were weak and disorganized, and could easily be crushed to make way for slave power. Texas, in his mind, was now the true bearer of the white race’s flag, and must be allowed to expand. So imagine his dismay at the treaty of 1853, which handed the disputed western lands over to the United States, along with California, admitted to the Union as a free state. Bickley was furious, and blamed the government for weakness and the betrayal of Texas’s martyrs (of course, Bickley and then-President Burnet were later to become close allies). In 1854, Bickley decided to expand the Knights from a social club / paramilitary organization / costume party into a legitimate(-ish) political force, and founded what he called the Texian Party.

The Texian Party was by and large a vehicle for Bickley’s own views. However, under the advice of William Walker, Bickley moderated some of his impulses towards what, in the Union, was called Young Americanism - internationalism, free trade, anti-aristocratic politics. Walker counseled Bickley that, in order to be successful, the Texian Party had to play off the anger of the poor working Texian and the veteran, as well as the monetary goals of the wealthier classes. Texas expansionism, radical support for slavery, and anti-immigrant sentiments became the main features of the group.


The Union claimed to be more tolerant than Texas, but look at its treatment of snake-men immigrants. Shameful.

The Texian Party first ran candidates in 1856, scoring some small victories, mostly in the counties that bordered French and German settlements, among veterans of the war, and with the whites that were attempting to settle and exploit deep south Texas. Bickley himself ran against Reagan for the Presidency, but though Reagan was something of a distant technocrat, he nevertheless crushed the competition. By 1860, though, Reagan was widely criticized for not giving more support to the Confederate rebels, and much of the populist anger was channeled into support for the Texian Party. (Reagan was, and is, not given much credit for starting the Confederate immigration program. People don’t like to give credit for things they like to people they don’t, and so President Johnston gets most of the praise for that.) So for the election of that year, the Texians were already well poised, even before they secured a surprising candidate - former President David Burnet.

Burnet had been the target of some of the Texian Party’s early ire, for supposedly selling out Texas’s gains in the Mexican War. Of course, no one was more pissed about the Yankee seizure of the west than Burnet himself. In 1858, Walker brought Burnet and Bickley together as part of a secret society called “The Circle of Brothers”, organized to aid the southern rebels. Though the society obviously failed in its goal, it did succeed in forging a strong alliance between Bickley and Burnet, who enthusiastically accepted the Texian nomination. Unfortunately for the Texians, Johnston stepped in for the Republicans - in part because many of the party elders feared having Burnet as President would lead to war between Texas and the Union, a war Texas could not win. Johnston drained a significant amount of the Texians’ support among veterans and cruised to an easy victory, despite a whirlwind speaking tour by Burnet, who really just enjoyed people paying attention to him.

Burnet enjoyed it so much, in fact, that some say his heart grew three sizes that day. Which, medically speaking, is not actually a great thing. David G. Burnet, Texian founding father, was found dead in his home shortly after the election. The strain of campaigning and the non-stop belligerence that fueled him finally put the nail in his coffin.


He’s stealing pigs in heaven now.

This wasn’t the blow to the Texians it might seem. Burnet was, frankly, too old and too weird to win anymore. The people didn’t necessarily trust him after how Mexico ended up, and the party bigwigs certainly didn’t want him within a mile of whatever the 19-century equivalent of The Big Red Button was. [1] His candidacy had served its purpose, in that it got them plenty of publicity. What did hurt the Texian Party was the almost universally admired Johnston, and his peaceful administration. Even the Indians weren’t making much noise at the time. But there was a ticking time bomb working in their favor.

In 1862 Johnston rode out of Austin back to the farm, and his (quickly reinforced) chair was soon filled by the bulk of none other than John Reagan. Reagan had patronage locked up in the Republican Party, and his nomination was a cinch. The pleasant past three years had raised public confidence in the Republicans, and despite the fact that Reagan wasn’t especially popular among the people, he wasn’t especially unpopular. The Texian Party on the other hand loathed him, but he again crushed the opposition, this time the much less high profile Oran M. Roberts, former Texian Supreme Court Justice and Burnet’s Vice-Presidential partner. [2]

What had somehow escaped much notice in Texas up until this time was a certain date: 1866. The year that the Franco-Texian Treaty expired...[3]

[1] The Large Red Telegraph Key
[2] Texas elected its Vice Presidents separately, though the tradition in the Texian Republic soon grew to be that the parties ran officially unofficial team tickets.
[3] Yeah yeah, I retconned it to be a 25-year rather than 20-year treaty.

[Cuāuhtemōc]

This is so hilarious. It's like reading a timeline from Cracked.

[Strategos' Risk]

Hell yes there should be a Kounterfactual Korner on Cracked. John Dies at the End technically features alternate history anyways.

Great stuff, but I still don't get why the U.S. doesn't just stomp over this bunch of Confederate-accepting whites who don't think their proper Americans. Is it because of international recognition from France and the British?

Also, did the Republic of the Rio Grande appear in this timeline? I'd think the Texians would either sponsor them or absorb them altogether- certainly the territories of Mexico would be changed due to Texian aggression. Oh wait nvm the Rio Grande guys were around in 1840, this is way after.

[Herr Frage]

Originally Posted by Strategos' Risk

Hell yes there should be a Kounterfactual Korner on Cracked. John Dies at the End technically features alternate history anyways.

Great stuff, but I still don't get why the U.S. doesn't just stomp over this bunch of Confederate-accepting whites who don't think their proper Americans. Is it because of international recognition from France and the British?

.

There is also the fct that Texas has never been part of the USA. Besides most Northerners likely say 'good riddance' to the Confederate diehards. Also I think an unprovoked invasion would be a hard sell post ACW. A crusade against slavery may sound good, but most northerners did not care enough OTL to fight the CSA on that ground alone. Preserving the union was the primary Union goal with abolitionism moving up as the war progressed.

The Texans have to start such a war, and the sane politicians know it is a bad idea. Besides even if the Union does beat Texas it may decide total annexation is too bothersome and just carve some borders up, maybe invite Mexico to the table for sadists sake.

[Errnge]

Amazing update as per usual. Keep it up!

[Strategos' Risk]

I just think the American psyche would be slightly different in this timeline. Whereas the attitude towards Canada was "servants of the British crown", in this timeline there's an actual colony of slaver filibusters just sitting over the border, proxies of Anglo-French interests. Would kinda confuse Manifest Destiny.

[Mr. Magi]

Probably one of my favorite TLs on this site. I really like the Cracked-like updates, and the shoe-eating lunacy that TTL's CSA was.