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  #1  
Old July 15th, 2005, 01:43 PM
Macsporan Macsporan is offline
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What if Lee had won the Battle of Gettysburg?

July 2nd 1863: Confederates capture Little Round Top enfilading the Union position.

July 3rd 1863: Supported by artillery form Little Round Top Pickett's charge succeeds. Union army routed.

August 1863: After a brief siege Washington capitulates. Lincoln captured trying to flee dressed as a woman of unfortunate repute. Lee accepts an Armistice.

December 1863: Treaty of Gettysburg recognises the independence of the CSA. The Confederate Congress passes the 1st Amendment enshrining "Slavery as the distinctive and perculiar institution of the Southern Republic in perpetuity."

1863-73: The Golden Age of the South. Cotton production quadruples. Gold discovered at Chancellorsville Virginia. Southern prosperity becomes the envy of the world.

1875: Abraham Lincoln, reading a pro-slavery polemic, "Why Blacks like Flogging" mutters, "What have I done?" and orders his black servant, Rastas, to blow his brains out.

1878: Slaves freed by the northern armies and their descendents become envious of the standard of living in the South. They march across the Mason/Dixon line in chains demanding to be re-enslaved. After much deliberation their pleas are accepted by the Southern President Stonewall Lee II amidst wild rejoicing.

1880: West African tribal chieftains, envious of the South's prosperity, being agitating for the reopening of the transatlantic slave trade.

1882: Under pressure of loss of cotton and gold supplies the British Parliament agrees to this demand. Tens of thousands of Africans cluster on the coast of Africa forging their own chains and calling for slave ships to take them across the Atlantic. Confederate slavers arrive to scenes of unparallelled elation. Thousands willingly chain themselves into the ships and roll around in their own excrement in gratitude to their new masters.

1885: "The Psuedo-Negro Revolt" in the North sees thousands of white northerners emigrate south, paint themselves black, put on chains and demand to taken into service. They are put to work in the cotton fields. Overseers are told not to spare the lash.

1890: The Northern States formally apologise for the Civil War and petition for admittance to the CSA.

1891: The Act of Reunion is passed and the Civil War era slides into history. "Way Down Upon the Swanee River" becomes the new national anthem.

Last edited by Macsporan; July 15th, 2005 at 02:00 PM..
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  #2  
Old July 15th, 2005, 01:57 PM
Melvin Loh Melvin Loh is offline
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I remember reading in an ACW mag yrs back with 1 article on Chamberlain and how his exploits have been rather overemphasised, which stated that even had Oates' Alabama and Texas bde broken thru the 20th Maine at Little Round Top, their advance would probably have faltered anyways due to the sheer exhaustion of the attacking soldiers, and the close proximty of large nos. of Union reinforcements closer to the rear.
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Old July 15th, 2005, 01:59 PM
Max Sinister Max Sinister is offline
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Man... that was an evil satiric story...
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Old July 15th, 2005, 03:08 PM
Macsporan Macsporan is offline
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I thought I'd put together something for the consevative white Southerners who like to post here.

It has the ring of truth.

Would anyone like to continue it into the 20th century?
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  #5  
Old July 15th, 2005, 03:50 PM
NapoleonXIV NapoleonXIV is offline
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1900 the Southron slave owners are unable to resist, dye themselves and join their happy subjects in the fields. Within months, the economy of the area begins to decline as everyone spends 12 hours or more a day evading work and whipping themselves for doing so.

1910 The Mississippi State legislature, followed by several others, outlaws slavery and passes laws guaranteeing minimal civil rights. While the majority of Southrons see the necessity to end the peculiar institution there is widespread opposition to the CR laws. Violence breaks out, with masked night riders burning down their own houses, beating and hanging themselves.

1915. A compromise is reached. The Southrons demand laws and customs which disenfranchise them and severely limit their social and economic opportunity. Robert E Lees grandson is a contented tenant farmer in Alabama, Woodrow Wilson becomes famous as the founder of the Blues.

1954. Rosa Parks is arrested for refusing to sit up front in the bus. Soon patrons of color are being arrested for excluding themselves from bars and stores and schoolchildren are being driven to superior schools for the wealthy with attack dogs and fire hoses

Anybody else?
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  #6  
Old July 15th, 2005, 04:12 PM
Dave Howery Dave Howery is offline
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July 2, 1863. Intelligent hamsters from another dimension see this world and use their sliding technology to go back in time and affect Lee with their Pscho-scrambling device so that he loses the battle of Gettysburg, and this whole silly timeline vanishes, never happened, not here, nope nope nope...
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  #7  
Old July 15th, 2005, 04:21 PM
David S Poepoe David S Poepoe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NapoleonXIV
1910 The Mississippi State legislature, followed by several others, outlaws slavery and passes laws guaranteeing minimal civil rights. While the majority of Southrons see the necessity to end the peculiar institution there is widespread opposition to the CR laws. Violence breaks out, with masked night riders burning down their own houses, beating and hanging themselves.Anybody else?
This can't possibly happen! How many groups of 'masked night riders' are there going to be - how will they get members - if they go about 'burning down their own houses, beating and hanging themselves.' I mean this really sounds like Spring Break. Unless its some crack suicide group like the People's Front of Judea - or the Judean People's Front.
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Old July 15th, 2005, 04:36 PM
Dave Howery Dave Howery is offline
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Spring Break? Nah, this is just typical Macsporan, 'teaching us a lesson', apparently about how it's wrong to be a Conservative or white or southern or all three, I dunno...
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  #9  
Old July 15th, 2005, 05:02 PM
David S Poepoe David S Poepoe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave Howery
Spring Break? Nah, this is just typical Macsporan, 'teaching us a lesson', apparently about how it's wrong to be a Conservative or white or southern or all three, I dunno...
Too true. I am surprised to see him back.
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  #10  
Old July 15th, 2005, 05:47 PM
Hierophant Hierophant is offline
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I dont think it's wrong to have one of those qualities, but it's unwise to have all three. Like having AIDS, Diabetes, and Cancer.
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  #11  
Old July 15th, 2005, 05:53 PM
Derek Jackson Derek Jackson is offline
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I do not see in any clear way whilst a Lee victory at Gettysberg would give the South an overall victory.

What next?

Yes it is possible that Washington DC would fall, but that might actually radicalize the North.
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  #12  
Old July 15th, 2005, 06:06 PM
merde merde is offline
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November 34, 2109, Trisystem Standard Calender -- The first black freedman is elected president of the Confederate States amid white uproar. The live head of Nelson Mandela preserved in a special jar is elected Vice President. Among the administration's first acts is to press for the passing of anti-space slave trade legislation in the Confederate Congress as well as law banning slavery, both human and non-human in the territories of the CSA on Chiron in the Alpha Centauri system. Immediate protests occur by the territorial governors of New Montgomery, Nueva Sonora, Leeland, and West Jacksonton.
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  #13  
Old July 15th, 2005, 09:56 PM
Macsporan Macsporan is offline
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Thanks Napoleon for that conclusion. I may be a sick little puppy but that was one of the funniest things I ever read. RAFLMAO!!

Well done!

Hi to all. Nice to be back.
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  #14  
Old July 16th, 2005, 01:43 AM
MerryPrankster MerryPrankster is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Macsporan
Thanks Napoleon for that conclusion. I may be a sick little puppy but that was one of the funniest things I ever read. RAFLMAO!!

Well done!

Hi to all. Nice to be back.
Macsporan! You're alive!

I made you and Melvin characters in my episode of AH.Com: The Series...do y'all mind?
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  #15  
Old July 16th, 2005, 05:11 AM
Macsporan Macsporan is offline
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Providing it does not offend my paranoia and narciscissm.

Tell me where this might be found that I my judge its worthiness.
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  #16  
Old July 16th, 2005, 11:04 AM
Kurt_Steiner Kurt_Steiner is offline
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IIRC, this topic has been raised before...
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  #17  
Old July 16th, 2005, 01:55 PM
MerryPrankster MerryPrankster is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Macsporan
Providing it does not offend my paranoia and narciscissm.

Tell me where this might be found that I my judge its worthiness.
It will be posted at some point this Sunday. You and Melvin_Loh have a cameo on a desert world ruled by Hank_Fletcher. Very brief.

I'll PM you with the gist of the scene.
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